


I may just take your breath away

by gravelyhumerus



Series: Sweater Weather AU [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: "And they were floor mates!" "Oh my god they were floormates!", Alt!Emily, Alternate Universe - College/University, College, F/F, Football | Soccer, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gratuitous French, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan, Mostly Fluff, Mutual Pining, Pining, Scrabble, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Sporty gay!JJ, Stress Baking, Underage Drinking, but only because it's set in america
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 88,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26922730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravelyhumerus/pseuds/gravelyhumerus
Summary: Emily Prentiss, college sophomore, absolutely does not have a crush on the girl across the hall.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: Sweater Weather AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022313
Comments: 158
Kudos: 441





	1. Beer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily are the team to beat in the glorious game of beer pong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Mentions of vague homophobia, lots of alcohol, mentions of weed and the unfortunate consequences of excessive drinking (this includes a brief mention of puking to be warned.) Basically your typical college party. 
> 
> Fic title from the bisexual anthem: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood.

“Come in, it’s open!” Emily Prentiss yelled out over her music blasting out of the laptop on her desk. She was listening to her pregame playlist, which was chock full of throwbacks, middle-school jams and of course, The Killers to keep things interesting.

Derek Morgan pushed open her dorm room door and waltzed in. He had a pair of light blue jeans on, held up by a brown belt, with a white t-shirt on top. He jumped on top of Emily’s slightly-too-high bed, and bounced as he grinned at her. Derek was many things, shy was definitely not one of them.

“You look hot,” Emily said, with as much sarcasm as she could manage, looking him up and down. She could tell he dressed up.

“You know it, princess.”

Rifling through his backpack, he grinned as he pulled out two blue college-branded metal water bottles, filled with what was probably not water at all.

“I made us sangria!”

Emily laughed, then spun back around in her desk chair. She still needed to finish her makeup. She had her foundation and eyebrows done, but she needed to focus as she applied her eyeliner.

“Did you just mix some juice into the wine?” She asked, taking the bottle from him, having a sip of the fruity liquid.

“Yup! There’s going to be a keg there, but I wanted to give us options.”

Emily laughed before focusing on her mascara wand gliding across her lower eyelashes, trying to finish up so they could start preing for the party. She wasn’t quite dressed yet either, still wearing her class jeans and not her going out jeans (there was an important distinction between these that mostly involved whether or not she could wear them with a belt.) Morgan was about five minutes earlier than she expected. Moreover, the boy had only sprung the invitation to the party during their lab that afternoon.

As much as she hated to admit it, Derek was basically 90% of Emily’s non-academic social life, the second year boy already very well connected due to his football scholarship, letting him in on all of the good parties. Unfortunately that also meant for Emily that he would spring themed parties like anything but clothes, or no cups allowed on her with absolutely no heads up most weekends.

Emily will not wear a tote bag as a skirt again if she can help it.

Despite the excessive drinking and mixed bag of party attendees, Emily genuinely enjoyed the boy’s company. Anyways, he was the best beer-pong partner that she’s ever had.

“Can I hop on aux?” He asked, leaning over her computer before she could even protest.

“Sure,” she replied, knowing he was already on his own Spotify account and putting on his playlist titled ‘FOR THE BOYS and emily’ that he found hilarious. She knew she could get him to sing along to the Mamma Mia! (2008) soundtrack once he was a few shots in, but for now she resigned herself to wordless EDM.

He sat on her desk, bobbing his head along to the beat.

Emily reached into the bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out a smallish bottle of vodka and two shot glasses, with their college’s crest etched into the glass. For a school that denounced drinking-culture, they had a shocking amount of merch for sale that encouraged it.

She filled each to the line, and slid one towards her friend.

“Bottoms up,” she said, as they cheersed the foul tasting liquid. Morgan grinned and winked at her before shooting it back with the confidence that only a nineteen year old could have.

Vodka still made her queasy, but being underage meant that the college students would take what they could get. Morgan’s senior friends would boot alcohol for them for an extra five bucks, but only every few weeks.

The one thing about the states that Emily still couldn’t wrap her head around was the backwards alcohol policy. Almost everywhere else on earth she would already be legally drinking. Hell, when she was fourteen she was passed out in a ditch in rural England, drunk off her ass on legally acquired beer. Even now, if they drove north of the border, Emily could be off to the bars, no questions asked. America was absurd.

“How was the rest of your day?” Emily asked him as she stood up, digging through her dirty laundry to find her other pair of jeans. She tossed aside her fuzzy pjs, a bra and an assortment of band tees but her jeans must’ve been at the bottom. She needed to do laundry but was ripe out of quarters.

“Eh,” he made a face, “I had to finish up that quiz for psych, but honestly I just needed to catch up on some readings. I had like fifty pages of a badly scanned book from like a hundred years ago to annotate.”

“Reading? In this economy?” Emily snarked at him, still rooting through the bin. She knew her blue jeans were here somewhere.

“Well I know you can’t read,” he replied in a haughty tone, “doesn’t mean the rest of us have to remain unenlightened!”

“Ha-ha.”

There they were, right at the bottom of the bin. She changed right then, with Morgan politely averting his eyes, despite the fact that both have seen just about everything in the year or so that they’ve been acquainted.

No, they didn’t hook up or anything, it wasn’t like that.

It was the strange phenomenon that only could happen in college where you get really close really fast. Emily’s RA had explained it to their first-year floor, likening it to soldiers in the war (Emily wasn’t sure if the metaphor was kosher, but it was apt.). Young adults first starting out in the world, free from their family supervision and previous lives, cling on to those around them for stability. The RA explained this as in a cautionary tale, explaining that this can lead to high emotions, to fights, and… a bit more.

This talk led into their floor-cest talk, which was apparently required in every co-ed dorm at their school. Emily was the first to point out the heteronormativity in that policy. Floor-cest, for the uninitiated, was the concept of hooking up with someone on your floor in the dorm. It was formally discouraged by residence life staff. It was easy to have meaningless sex, harder when you have sex with someone you live down the hall from. Things could get messy.

Emily and Derek got this talk on move in day, both sitting cross-legged on the floor of their common room as their RA, a bubbly girl named Carol, explained the fundamentals of dorm life. Emily had been dropped off by her mother’s driver, who helped her unload her things.

Emily was still reeling from being surrounded by happy families, of crying parents and bitter that her mother was too busy to even send her own daughter off to school. Not that Emily wanted her there or anything, but the gesture would have been nice.

She remembered the startling moment when Derek walked straight into her room and offered his hand, introducing himself to his new neighbour.

They shared a wall, the co-ed bathroom down the hall, and most of their free time for their first year at college.

He had assumed that the driver, Paul who was one of Emily’s favourites out of her mother’s staff, was Emily’s father, which started things off on an awkward note. Soon she was swept up in a whirlwind of his family: his mom and sisters who insisted that Emily pose for photos of Derek and ‘his new dorm friend.’

A year later, Emily and Morgan were basically siblings. Emily didn’t actually have any siblings, but after going to Chicago for thanksgiving with the Morgan family, she was pretty sure she had officially been adopted.

Last year, they had a much nicer dorm, one of the newer ones with big windows and nice common spaces. This year they were both living in the oldest residence, a beautiful red brick building, covered with ivy, but the inside was all painted this gross beige, and the paint would chip off whenever Emily tried to hang her posters. There was also no air conditioning, the showers didn’t get too hot and the kitchen smelt like eggs. It was definitely a downgrade, but at least Morgan was on the same floor as her again.

Morgan had lucked out and gotten a corner room with tons of windows, and Emily was right next to the bathroom and could hear when anyone flushed.

After donning the jeans and a black tank top, Emily grabbed her leather jacket and they were ready to go.

“Another shot?” Derek asked, grinning at her mischievously.

“Of course,” Emily said. “Where are we even going anyways?”

“Well, you remember David, the TA from our psych lab? His housemates are throwing a party in their backyard. I heard there was going to be a DJ!”

“David Rossi?” Emily said incredulously, “How did you swing an invite to that?”

“I can’t reveal all of my secrets, you know that pretty lady.”

Emily scoffed. It was probably through their mutual friend Aaron Hotchner, who despite not being much of a partier, was very in the loop about the happenings on campus.

“Did you invite you know who?” Derek asked, a bit too casually as Emily locked her door.

Emily refused to bite.

“She definitely has better things to do than hang out with the likes of us.”

\---

“I’m a criminology major,” Emily repeated, the exasperation in her voice palatable.

The boy, who was on the rugby team as she already learned, had asked her what her major was. He misheard her and began asking her how she likes studying biology.

The music was loud and the boy was clearly wasted off his ass. She was pretty sure she saw him do a keg stand in the kitchen earlier.

Emily took another sip of her drink, keeping it close to her chest. She looked around. They were only five minutes off campus at a decent-sized student house. The room was close to being at capacity, the old home creaking under the weight of dozens of students crammed into the living room. Music blared on a strangely impressive speaker system. The party was at its peak in the backyard, and was probably only an hour from being shut down by the cops if it got much louder.

Emily had carefully positioned herself next to the open window, enjoying the slight breeze as the body heat was making the old house steamy with humidity. This also happened to be the location of the bong, but she accepted the trade-off.

Derek was currently playing king’s cup, a game Emily refuses to play, since last time she got roped into it she lost miserably. She was forced to drink the king’s cup: a mixture of shitty beer, whiskey, cider wine and whole cream from the fridge, as she had been a bit too slow with bouncing the ball into the red solo cup. Derek held her hair back as she puked off the porch that night.

Never again.

Emily squinted as a few people she recognized walked into the room. It was only a month into classes, so she really hadn’t had the opportunity to get to know the new random assortment of people in her building, lectures and in her general orbit but she was pretty sure she was starting to recognize some faces.

Entering the party was the blonde from the double room across the hallway. ‘Penelope G.’ read her name written in their RA’s loopy handwriting on a piece of construction paper pinned on the door, above a similar one with 'Jennifer J.' written in blue. Penelope. always complimented Emily on her outfits when she passed and had the most colourfully decorated dorm in the entire building. At least her side of the room.

Next to her was a younger boy that she had seen in the cafeteria with Penelope before, and while Emily wasn’t that good at identifying ages, he definitely looked a bit too young to be at college. He was tall, skinny and had a mop of unruly brown hair. He was also wearing a sweater to a house party, which was a major beginners mistake. He looked around nervously.

A few seconds later, the door closed, only dumping an assortment of other boys into the already packed house.

Emily let out a breath she didn’t know she held, as she found herself hoping that Garcia’s other friend might have been joining her that night.

Derek had teased her already about the girl across the hall. Jennifer Jareau. “My friends call me JJ,” she had said. Second year varsity soccer player and communications major. The girl Derek was convinced that Emily had a crush on.

JJ was the kind of girl who propped her door open during orientation week and always waved at Emily when she walked down the hall.

She did not have a crush. She barely knew anything about her besides that she was blonde, athletic and was always smiling. Both had been so busy since school had started, and seemed to have completely opposite schedules that they hadn’t really gotten to really connect.

Whenever Emily was coming back to their floor, JJ always seemed to be leaving. And vice versa. Somehow they were on exact opposite schedules. Probably since JJ was a varsity soccer player with early morning practise, and Emily was a bit of a night owl (that was a polite way of saying insomniac procrastinator perfectionist.)

She seemed to get along well with her roommate, Emily having spotted the two getting coffee or studying in the library together occasionally, hence Emily’s hopes that Penelope may have JJ in tow that evening.

JJ was also definitely, one hundred percent, completely straight. Fairy lights and Polaroid pictures on her walls straight. She even had a high school sweetheart from back home. Emily didn’t know his name but JJ said the key word early on in the year: boyfriend.

Emily turned back to the boy in front of her, who was describing, in detail, how the stock market worked, without realizing that Emily was not paying attention at all.

He was quite conventionally attractive, with mussed curly hair and broad shoulders. He obviously was interested in her—or rather interested in talking at her and potentially sleeping with her—that despite herself, Emily decided to slot him into her roster for that evening.

Emily considered herself a reluctant bisexual. Women could make her heart skip a beat just by looking in her direction, and men could get it when the situation was right and she didn’t have any other options. The second half of this pleased her mother to no end, as when young fourteen year old Emily Prentiss had decided to come out to her mother—at one of their rare dinners together—she watched her mother grit her teeth and tell her to keep that to herself. Her mother had eventually accepted this part of her daughter’s life, but only under the assumption that Emily would eventually end up with a man, and keep the rest to herself.

Emily looked around the room and wondered if she was going to have any other options that evening besides the very talkative boy.

Excusing herself from the company of… John, she thinks was his name, she tries to find Derek, who had disappeared into the kitchen. Emily weaved through the crowd, steering past a couple making out in the corner.

She turned the corner and found Derek filling his cup with more beer from the keg. He grinned up at her and did the same for her.

“I hate beer,” Emily said to him, grimacing at the scratchy taste of the fermented barley in her red solo cup.

“Suck it up buttercup, you’re in college. You also complained about the juice from earlier.”

“Yeah well, watering down eleven percent wine is as bad as this five percent crap.”

“It did taste a lot better,” he agreed. “Who was that guy?”

Emily rolled her eyes.

“John attempted to explain macroeconomics to me.”

“Oh god, is that what men are like out there?” He asked. “Guess you’re stuck with me tonight.”

“Lucky me.”

“Pong?” He asked, gesturing towards the row of tables set up in the backyard, through the open door and passed the crowd milling about near the speakers. The game seemed to be wrapping up, as the two teams shook hands and reset the cups to their original positions.

“Always.”

They found their spot at one of the tables across from their new opponents: Penelope and her very young looking friend.

“Penelope Garcia?” Derek grinned, recognizing the girl from their floor and walking up to her for a hug. They had apparently gotten the chance to get to know each other.

She grinned and hugged him, clearly a lot more sober than him having only arrived minutes earlier. There seemed to be a lot of hugging at house parties, Emily discovered when she moved to America, acquaintances became close friends once alcohol was involved.

She had bright pink glasses and a matching dress, with bright artfully done make-up highlighting her large smile. Emily knew that she was a CompSci major and had loaded her side of her dorm room desk with monitors and the largest computer set-up that Emily had seen in her life.

“Derek, my love,” Penelope replied, gushing over Emily’s friend in an unexpected, but not unsurprising way. “Fancy meeting you here! And Emily! Have you two met my fine young friend here, Spencer?”

She gestured to the boy, who waved awkwardly.

“Hi, I’m Spencer Reid,” he said.

“He’s like a boy-genius or something. He already has a degree in mathematics and he’s currently working on his second degree in engineering. Isn’t that très cool? We met at the club fair last week.”

“I’m double majoring in philosophy,” he added.

“How old are you kid?” Morgan asked him, quick to the punch.

“Uh- sixteen?” Spencer seemed to ask, shrinking into himself a bit. “I skipped a couple of grades.”

He had a pair of glasses perched on his nose, a brown sweater with a white shirt collar poking through and had tucked his brown hair behind his ears. He was still taller than Penelope, but the smattering of acne and wide eyes made it clear that he was very much a kid.

“More than a couple!” Morgan exclaimed.

He shrugged.

“Are you in intro to logic with Williams?” Emily asked, realizing that she had recognized him from somewhere.

“Yes, I am. Though I find his repeated chess metaphors a touch reductive.”

“You’re right about that. Like, we get it Willy, you play chess. Big whoop,” Emily said, then introduced herself.

He smiled at her, slightly less awkwardly this time but with a touch more confusion.

“And this is Derek Morgan,” Penelope piped in, “the most gorgeous football player I know.”

“Do you know any other football players?” Spencer asked.

“Now you hush!” She admonished him. “We have a game to play.”

“Do you two have something to drink?” Derek asked them, moving back towards their side of the long fold-up table, which was crudely painted in their schools colours.

Emily took a sip of her beer, wondering if the boy should be drinking.

Penelope babbled about how it was Spencer’s first college party, and how she was so excited that it was this one because look at the pretty string lights decorating the backyard and the fact that there was a keg, like in the movies.

Smiling at her new neighbour, Emily thought that this might also be Penelope's first college party.

Derek returned with a cup of water for Spencer, and some beer for Penelope. Spencer seemed relieved at the gesture, smiling as he took a sip. Emily marvelled at her friend's kindness, despite what anyone said about drinking culture on campuses either way, it was tough to attend a party and not drink, putting his drink in a matching red cup gave him the appearance of participation.

“Do we all know the rules?” Derek asked.

“The question you should ask,” Emily said, “Is if they’re willing to play by your rules.”

Emily had discovered that this game, depending on the people you were playing with, had radically different rules. While the premise of the game remained the same: there were six cups on each side of the table, into which you threw ping pong balls and whenever you got a ball in a cup, that cup was then taken out of the picture until there were no cups left. Depending on who you were playing with, the cups were filled with water or beer (Emily hated when they had beer in them, it make things sticky and it was very unsanitary), there were specific rules to what defined an airball, when one could get balls back, when you could call island and what was a permissible trick shot.

“Ha ha Prentiss,” Derek said to her, rolling the ping pong ball in his hands. “I wanted to know if they had played before.”

“Oh I’ve played before,” Penelope said, “and I am unbeatable.”

She waggled her fingers in a gesture that implied magic was involved.

“It’s simple physics,” Spencer added, “I’ve memorized the rules and common approaches. We’ll be more than fine. ”

“Ok pretty boy, let’s see what you’ve got. Eye to eye?”

Looking into each other’s eyes, rather than at their targets, the two boys aimed at the cups, with only Reid’s making it in.

“What the fuck Morgan,” Emily exclaimed as Penelope and Spencer whooped, “what even was that throw?”

With the other team having won the privilege of starting first, Emily was forced to toss her ball towards Penelope, who took it with a grin.

She threw first, missing the table entirely.

“Air ball!” Derek announced, leaping forward and waving his hands in front of the cups on their side, the rules granting him the ability to defend their territory.

Spencer frowned, apparently perturbed by this turn of events. He stuck out his tongue, aimed, and launched the ball, hitting Morgan right in the chest. The ball bounced off of it and fell straight down into the cup.

Derek’s draw dropped. Spencer and Penelope whooped in excitement.

“Derek, how did you lose us that cup?” Emily whined, pulling one of their cups to the side. One point to Spencer.

Derek, who had something to prove, lined up his shot. He gazed at his targets with the focus of a sniper, dunked the ball into one of their cups, dousing it with water, and rolled it in his hands, giving it a bit more weight. He aimed and fired off a quick shot into the centre-left cup. It spun around in the cup, floating above the water, but fell in. If the other team were crafty, they would have blown into the cup and Derek would have lost the point, but Emily sighed in relief when she realized that despite their first point, they didn’t know the rules well enough to beat the current reigning beer champs.

It was Emily’s turn. She took a gulp of her beer—she would always swear she was better when she was drunk because she didn’t think too hard about it—and threw. It neatly fell into the back right cup, scoring them two points for that round.

“Balls back!” Derek roared in delight.

Penelope tossed them, and the game continued.

They sunk one more shot on their turn. 3-1.

Penelope got another cup, Spencer missed. 3-2.

Derek’s ball bounced out, Emily sank hers. 4-2.

Only minutes later, after playing at breakneck speed, there were three cups left on the table and Derek and Emily were quite drunk, with Penelope not far behind. Reid, still very sober, was matching the duo with intense concentration.

It was his throw, with two cups left until his victory. He shots carefully, sinking it without a splash.

Derek and Emily had one cup to go. He went first, sending one barreling towards the cup. It hit the rim and instead of going in, it bounced towards Emily, who leaped forward and grabbed it before it fell off the table.

“Trick shot!” She yelled. Derek could try again, but only if he does it in an inventive way. At the frat house they spent a lot of time in first year, the only acceptable trick shot (under this house’s rules) was bouncing the ball off a poster of Obama. This time, Derek took an empty cup, puts the ball in, and used the cup to aim.

Somehow, it went in.

They leaped into the air, yelling with delight. But they hadn’t won yet. The other team still had a redemption shot.

“How ya feeling kid?” Derek taunted, “Wanna give up now, save yourself the embarrassment?”

“Not a chance.”

He squinted at the table, lining up his shot with precision. With his left hand he licked his finger, sticking it up in the air like golfers do to measure the wind. Emily wasn't sure if this was a joke, something to psych Derek out, or something the boy was genuinely able to do. He frowned, seeming to ponder the information.

He aimed. He tossed it. He sunk the redemption shot.

They were in overtime.

“You can do it princess,” Derek told her, watching her with utmost intensity. Emily adjusted her stance, chugging back the last of that cup of beer, feeling the alcohol with greater focus than before.

She glanced around at the other team, but out of the corner of her eye she caught a familiar face looking at her: Jennifer Jareau from residence. Her _not-_ crush.

She was looking at her. Watching her play.

A swell of nervousness flooded up through her lungs, and she forced it out by huffing a breath.

She needed another drink. Moreover, she needed to focus.

Emily threw it. If it made it in, then they won. If she missed, Spencer and Garcia had another shot at redemption. They couldn’t lose this, not now, not in front of… uh, everyone. She was definitely not thinking about JJ in this situation. That would be something a frat boy thought about. She didn’t want to win beer pong to impress some girl, she wanted to win because she had pride.

The ball sailed through the air, Emily held her breath. It caught the lip of the cup, teetered. A splash announced that they had won.

Thank god.

With a whoop, realizing what they had done, Emily and Derek roared with joy, jumping into each other and hugging in their celebration. A few onlookers clapped, noticing how close the game had been.

They pulled apart and reached out their hands to their opponents.

“Great game,” Emily said, shaking Spencer's hand, “Really.”

He grinned despite his loss.

“Honestly I understand the principles, it’s simple parabolas and high-school level physics,” he frowned, “Unfortunately, I need to work on translating those parabolas into the real world.”

“We’ll work on it Spence,” Garcia grinned, shaking Emily’s hand while smiling at her younger friend.

Emily realized that in their celebration, Derek had spilled quite a bit of beer onto Emily’s arm and down the side of her shirt and it was currently dripping onto her boots. Emily sighed, handing her friend her cup.

“I’ve got beer all over me,” Emily sighed, “Get me a refill? I’m going to try to find a bathroom.”

Derek nodded and turned back to their new friends, chatting about how impressed he was with their game.

Emily felt a bit sticky, feeling the beer coat her bare arm. Walking back into the house, she glanced at the kitchen sink trying to see if there was any paper towel or something there, but no luck. The sink was full of dishes, the counters covered in assorted empties and cups, without a dishcloth in sight. Not wanting to rifle through their drawers, she made her way towards the staircase.

There was a couple making out on the staircase, which was not something Emily would do herself. It seemed a bit precarious since alcohol was involved, but, to each their own, she thought. Emily opened a couple of the doors upstairs before discovering one of the most disgusting washrooms she’d ever seen.

There was only one thing in the shower: dawn dish soap. The boys who lived here must use that for their bodies. Emily shuddered. On the sink were some toothbrushes, razors and some floss, but for some reason, no soap. Emily found a roll of toilet paper on the floor (ew), and wadded it up to try to reduce the wet spot on her side and hopefully from smelling like a brewery when she returned to residence.

For a moment, Emily found herself gazing at herself in the mirror, feeling hazy and a bit unsteady. She checked her make-up, noting that her dark red lipstick was holding up, but her mascara had smudged under her eyes giving her more of a goth vibe than the alt look she typically went for.

Emily sat down on the tub, patting the toilet paper against her wet clothing, feeling very drunk now that she was seated. Dammit Morgan, couldn’t he have spilled his beer on himself instead of her nice shirt?

The thud of the music was muffled, but there was a ringing in her ears that made everything feel very quiet. That was until there was a thundering of footsteps and the sound of a girl announcing: “I’m going to vom, right now.”

Emily sat, jaw dropped, as a red headed girl threw open the bathroom door, kneeled down on the floor next to the toilet, and relieved herself from the contents of her stomach without so much as a knock. The girl coughed into the bowl, yacking up what was probably way too much beer for the poor tiny girl.

“Oh my gosh,” said another voice, at the door, “I’m so sorry. We didn’t realize there was someone here! ”

Emily looked up, realizing the voice came from no other than Jennifer Jareau.

“JJ!” Emily said, not really knowing what else to do with the girl heaving at her feet.

“You ok?” JJ kneeled down next to her friend, carefully pulling her friend’s long hair back, tugging a hair tie off her own wrist and collecting it so that it didn’t get anything on it.

Emily felt stupid sitting on the tub, not helping anything. She tossed the rest of the toilet paper in the garbage, placing the half-empty roll on the edge of the tub.

“Can I get her some water?” Emily asked, “To rinse her mouth?”

JJ looked up at her and nodded. Emily felt herself blushing slightly as she turned away. Who let one girl’s eyes be so big, and so blue. It was rude.

She returned a minute later having had to rinse her own beer cup out in the gross kitchen sink to make sure that she wasn’t accidentally giving this girl some random person's sketchy cup.

Emily remembered that earlier Derek said that it was a varsity party, so it did make sense that JJ was also in attendance. The whole team probably was. The other girl also looked like a soccer player, she had that vibe.

Emily handed the cup to JJ, who gave her a grateful smile. Emily felt their fingers touch for a moment, before JJ turned to attend to her friend.

She tried to get her to take a sip, and Emily took the moment to look JJ up and down, taking in her light blue skinny jeans, black tank and high heeled boots. She was basically wearing the uniform of a straight white girl at a houseparty. Not to say Emily wasn’t also basically wearing the same outfit, pairing the jeans with combat boots and attempting to set herself apart with her black nail polish and eyeliner that her mother once called ‘a lot.’

In contrast to Emily’s fairly undefined thin body, she took note of the strong looking shoulders that flexed as JJ kneeled down on the floor. She was definitely an athlete. Emily looked away, checking her phone, feeling suddenly embarrassed for looking at the girl.

‘Where u go bbg????’ Read a new message from Derek.

‘Girl puknigh up hre’ Emily typed, ‘Got her waterr’

Emily blinked at her typos, pressing the red underlined words, hoping her phone would correct them for her. She wasn’t that drunk.

The two girls were talking quietly, and Emily decided to take her leave, but before she could the red-head beat her to the punch deciding that she wanted to puke in peace.

“Leave me aloooooonnne Jennifer,” she wined. “Get out, I don’t want any more fucking water.”

JJ pulled back, making a face and holding her hands up in the ‘I surrender’ motion. Emily hurried out into the hall with JJ on her heels. The girl kicked the door shut angrily, and the sound of her retching ensued.

“There was a funnel,” JJ offered as an explanation. She leaned against the door. “How has your night been?”

Emily blinked. JJ was making conversation. She didn’t want Emily to leave just yet.

“So far so good,” Emily replied. “Doing better than your friend, at least.”

“That’s not hard to do. So I guess you didn’t chug from a funnel yet?” JJ quipped, smiling and revealing a perfect smile.

“Oh I have that scheduled for one-thirty, actually,” Emily said, pretending to check her watch and grinning.

“Let me know before you do, I’d like to watch that,” JJ said casually.

A wave of heat rushed to Emily’s face as she realized that drinking from a funnel would entail Emily on her knees, with JJ watching her… a thought that she needed to push out of her brain immediately.

“I’ll have you know,” Emily said in retort, “I can chug amongst the best. I am no stranger to these sorts of parties.”

JJ grinned. “Oh yeah?”

“I’m a reigning beer pong champ, I’ll have you know.”

They laughed.

“I saw your last victory. Very impressive.”

JJ, in a controlled fall, slid down the door and sat down in the hall, resigning herself to waiting for her friend. Emily wondered if she should return to Morgan now, but unable to tear herself away from the opportunity for a conversation with JJ.

“I’m awful at pong,” the blonde admitted. “I miss every time.”

“You probably just need a good teacher.”

JJ raised her eyebrows, “oh yeah?”

“I mean,” Emily said, sitting down onto the top step of the staircase, facing her floormate, “it’s all about hand eye coordination. It’s basically a sport. You need a coach.”

They both laughed.

“Well if that’s the case, why don’t you teach me?”

Emily gulped.

The door opened, and JJ fell back slightly before catching herself.

“I’m going home,” JJ’s friend announced.

JJ looked up at her dishevelled friend and nodded, turning back to look at Emily apologetically.

“Another time?” Emily offered, smiling before walking down the stairs and rejoining the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got two more chapters written, so you guys shouldn't have too long to wait until the next chapter. I should update this once a week & it's looking like it's going to have around 10 chapters. I'm Canadian so this is based mostly of University up here, so please excuse any inaccuracies, I've tried to run it past some Americans so it should be fine.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments or shoot me a message @gravelyhumerus on tumblr. I'd love to hear any of your College AU headcanons. Thanks for reading!


	2. Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ has a fight with her boyfriend; Emily bakes cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones for the girls and the gays who love slowburn! 
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing response to my first chapter!! I am so thrilled to see that you all like this au as much as I do! I got a speedy update for you because I have this week off school. I think I'll try and update twice a week from now on. 
> 
> Please check out @gravelyhumerus on tumblr to see my fan art, rambling and to say hi! Also- pls let me know what you think in the comments I crave validation.
> 
> many thanks to my beta @beeche241 for editing this chapter!!! xoxo

Jennifer Jareau tossed her phone down onto her bed and grit her teeth.

“What do you mean I can’t come visit?” He had texted her, “I’m your boyfriend.”

JJ huffed. She couldn’t deal with this right now, it was too much. Classes were kicking her ass, and she barely had enough time to breathe let alone entertain her long-distance boyfriend.

She glanced at her whiteboard calendar, noting how the next week was absolutely covered in deadlines, tests and games all written in different colours in her small, neat handwriting. 

She had this essay to do tonight, a midterm to study for tomorrow, close to two-hundred pages of readings and a dozen other commitments. On top of that she had promised her friend that they would apply to work in student government next week and she had some applications to fill out for that. 

He didn’t seem to understand that she was balancing her increasingly challenging full course load, playing varsity soccer and trying to maintain her friendships with people who were actually still in the same city as her. 

Finding herself working up to a panic, JJ realized she needed to calm down or she was going to have a full-blown anxiety attack and that was the last thing she needed. 

She was alone in her dorm room, feeling particularly alone without Penelope Garcia’s cheery presence on the other side of the room to keep her company. Penelope was currently at the library, working on some sort of group coding project and JJ didn’t expect her home until much later.

She rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose, held it in, and then let it out through her mouth. 

She reached under her blankets and retrieved her stuffed animal, a bunny she had named Fluffy when she was little, and clutched it to her chest, falling back into her bed. While she debated bringing him to college, JJ hadn’t slept a single night without the toy by her side, and she wasn’t about to start any time soon. She still remembers the time Rosaline helped her sew a shirt for him to wear. After her sister died, JJ found herself clinging onto Fluffy as much as she did when she was a kid. 

She stared at her ceiling and her rows of fairy lights twinkled back to her. To her left, a photo of her and William LaMontagne Jr. smiled mockingly at her. He had his arm thrown casually across her shoulder, and she was leaning into his chest. It was from prom. Her hair was in long curls and a deep navy dress made her feel like a princess. Will's pocket square matched her dress. He was looking at her with utter adoration while she smiled into the camera.

Things were so much simpler in high school when she had one goal, one focus: getting out. Last year was a rush of excitement, with everything feeling new and exciting that she blamed all her relationship problems on being overwhelmed with the transition. She promised Will, back when she was home this past summer, that things would be different this year, that they would have more time for each other.

What she meant was that she would make more time for _him._

So far, she had not held up her side of the bargain. It was already October and she had not come home once, despite how she had promised to visit whenever she had a spare weekend. He was right to complain that he was always the one to call her, and not the other way around. 

Now Will was coming to visit her, and despite her placating words, she really wished he didn’t. She couldn’t handle it. 

She bit her lip. Why couldn’t she just be happy with her nice boyfriend who springs surprise visits on her? She understood why he was upset with her. He already bought his ticket and JJ _did_ say that she wanted him to visit.

But now that it was happening she felt overwhelmed with the prospect. 

She had noticed the weight lifting off her shoulders this fall, as she spent more and more time away from home. Away from him. 

Which was so, deeply, incredibly selfish of her. They were nearing two years. Two perfectly nice years together. He always dealt with all of her baggage with such grace, her family loved him, and they had all these mutual friends who were talking about how JJ and Will were _definitely_ going to get married. 

Here, at college, JJ was just JJ. She wasn’t JJ and Will or JJ with the dead sister. He tethered her back to her life, her town. What she was desperately trying to get away from.

A hot, angry tear fell out of her eye and dripped down her cheek. She sat up.

Pulling a zip up sweater over her current outfit of sweat pants and a sports bra, JJ decided that tea would make her feel better. She tugged her long, blonde hair up in a high ponytail, wiping the last of the wetness of her face with her sleeve. She put her lanyard with the key around her neck, not really caring how she looked. 

She needed to get back to her essay as soon as possible. She had wasted too much time on her fight already. Tea would help. Tea would get her brain working again and calm her down.

Whenever she couldn’t sleep, or she was up late studying for a test, her mom would always knock on her door, softly, and smile as she brought in a large cup. When she sent JJ off to college, it was with a bright pink tin full of assorted tea bags and a new mug with a rabbit on it. Holding onto it made JJ smile. 

Walking down the hall in her socked feet, with her tea, mug and packets of sugar in her arms, JJ made her way to the communal kitchen. JJ found that she was quite angry with herself for not listening to her mom and buying a kettle so she didn’t have to leave her room for hot water.

She made a mental note to order one online.

In the meantime, she passed through the common area and walked into the kitchen, which smelled _amazing._

The air was filled with the warm scent of freshly baked cookies. It surrounded her like a hug, reminding her of baking with her grandmother when she was little.

She looked around the kitchen, which was on the smaller side, populated with a round table, a couple of fridges, a microwave, the oven and stove top and the old kettle, which was the target of JJ’s visit.

JJ opened the oven and peered in, peeking at the beautiful cookies which looked about halfway done. Not quite golden brown yet, but definitely melting into shape. 

She wondered who would be baking cookies at—she checked her watch—eleven at night on a Tuesday, but I guess it was college and anything goes here. 

Seeming to answer JJ’s question, the kitchen door opened, revealing her neighbour Emily, who was wearing a baggy black shirt that was for a band that JJ had never heard before and colourful, cat patterned, PJ pants. She seemed startled to find JJ gazing down into the oven. 

“Admiring my handiwork?” Emily said, and JJ pulled back from looking longingly at the oven.

“It’s a bit late for baking, isn’t it?” JJ blurted out, then immediately kicking herself, worrying that she may come off as rude.

Emily took her comments in stride, laughing and sitting down at the table. JJ turned and began to fill the kettle with water from the sink, flustered at her own accidental hostility. 

She hadn’t seen Emily for a while, since that house party last weekend, despite their dorm room doors facing one another. 

The other girl was a bit of an enigma to JJ. They travelled in similar circles, at least the ones that didn’t revolve around soccer. But, by some twist of fate, they had only really talked beyond pleasantries for the first time outside of that bathroom.

“No,” Emily retorted, “Midnight is the perfect time. I usually have the kitchen to myself.”

“Oh sorry,” JJ said, feeling bad for interrupting and kicking herself for being so bold, “I just need the kettle, then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“I don’t mind a visitor,” Emily said, “I just meant that this floor is always so busy and loud during the day. It’s peaceful at night.”

Emily was right. Their floor, while not that bad of a party floor, had really thin walls and people were typically more than aware of each other’s business. JJ found that with some people, she either had overheard enough of their conversations or had been told most of their business by her very nosey roommate, Penelope. 

But Emily seemed to keep to herself, mostly. Her room was decorated with band posters, a few photographs that JJ had always been a bit too far away to examine in much detail, and a fun tapestry hung over the head of her bed. She knew she often heard loud music from her room, long past quiet hours, but never too loud that it was annoying. She mostly saw her hang out in Derek Morgan’s room, and wondered if the two were dating. Their relationship looked a lot healthier than JJ had with Will, at least, whatever they were. 

JJ clutched her tea cup as the kettle heated up, leaning against the counter. JJ bit at her lip as she realized she had left her phone upstairs, mid-fight with Will. The sinking feeling that was overwhelming her upstairs was beginning to settle back into her stomach after the momentary distraction.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked. 

JJ didn’t realize that her expressions were that easily legible. 

“I had a fight with my boyfriend,” JJ admits, surprising herself with sharing the information. 

Typically she likes to lean into the put together perception that people have of her. JJ liked to keep the messy details to herself.

But, even in the cold glow of the fluorescent flights, there was something warm and friendly about Emily, despite her edgy aesthetic, that drew JJ in. Maybe it was the smell of cookies surrounding them that made her relax. 

“Oh!” Emily says, “I’m sorry. What’d he do?”

“ _He_ didn’t do anything. He’s wonderful,” JJ explained, “Uh- He’s too wonderful. He booked a surprise visit for next weekend but I have a midterm that Monday.”

“Ah shit,” Emily commiserated. 

“There are a couple people who he knows in town so he wouldn’t be bored or anything, I just worry that I wouldn’t be able to focus on school if he was here.” 

Emily nodded. 

“I just wish he checked first.”

He did that a lot. He made decisions for her, all in the hopes of making her happy or making her life easier, and often at the expense of her plans or feelings. She just wished he had spoken to her beforehand this time. 

The kettle boiled. 

“Do you want any tea?” JJ asked Emily, secretly hoping she would be offered a cookie in exchange. “It’s uh-” she checked the label “-sleepy time.” 

Emily smiled and nodded. 

“I think there’s some spare mugs here,” JJ said, retrieving one from the drying rack. 

JJ filled the two mugs, letting the hot water mix with the fragrant tea, watching the water turn a warm and rich brown. The slightly minty blend of chamomile and various other fruity teas competed with the cookies for JJ’s senses. 

“That smells amazing,” Emily commented. “What kind of tea is it again?”

“You’ve never had sleepytime tea?” JJ giggled. “I feel like my mom made me and my sister drink it any time we had bad dreams or were up past our bedtimes.”

“I didn’t know you have a sister,” Emily said, trying a sip of her tea.

“Yeah,” JJ said, sipping her warm drink and bracing herself for the other girl’s reaction. “I did.” 

“Oh,” Emily said, stunned. “Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

Emily’s phone went off, her alarm for the cookies blaring through the tiny speakers, interrupting the pity before it started. Emily smiled at JJ softly before waking over to the tiny oven and lifted the baking sheet out, using a bunched up dishcloth as an impromptu oven mitt. 

“So why cookies?” JJ asked, changing the subject. “Is there a bake sale or something?” 

“No reason,” Emily replied, “They’re better than the cookies from the café. Sometimes you just gotta do things that make you happy.”

JJ nodded. 

“Anyways it lets me de-stress. An hour out of my room when all I have to do is make sure I don’t burn cookies.”

“That is important,” JJ said, “I would rather not have to stand out in the rain in the middle of the night because someone burnt some cookies down here.”

“I would never,” Emily said, “Scouts honour. If I set off the fire alarm, I’d do it with something better, something more interesting, like actual arson.”

JJ choked on her tea, giggling at the other girl. 

Emily was funny. And nice. She never got the chance to thank her for helping out at the party last week, getting her teammate Kennedy some water and keeping JJ company in the hallway. 

Emily grinned, scooping the cookies off the tray and onto a small plate. She returned to the table they were sitting at and placed it in the middle of the table, tilting it towards JJ, offering her one. 

“For me?” JJ asked. 

“It’s the barter system,” Emily said, “tea for cookies. We’re making our own economy here on floor two.”

“That makes sense,” JJ said through a mouthful of cookie. They were delicious, gooey and chocolatey and oh soo warm.

“Good?” Emily asked.

“Very good.”

“So,” Emily said, “What are you going to do about your boyfriend thing?”

“I have no idea,” JJ admitted, “I don’t think long distance is working.”

Emily nodded, and JJ could feel her eyes watching her, waiting for JJ to say something. 

“He was my high school sweetheart, you know? I didn’t want to do what all the other people going away to college and just break up because we were far away. I thought we could do it.”

She sighed. 

“Sometimes,” Emily said softly, “People just grow apart. There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

JJ looked into her cup of tea. Maybe she and Will were just growing apart. Maybe that’s what it was. He was at the police academy and seemed to have endless free time. He was always calling her, checking in, his focus was entirely on her and JJ felt so torn. She wasn’t just busy, she felt like she was missing out on her new life here every time she spent the evening on FaceTime with him.

She sighed, it was too late to be thinking about this too much, she still had work to do, she still had to get some semblance of a night’s sleep before her practise the next day. 

“What really matters,” Emily continued, “Is if you enjoy spending time with him.”

JJ looked away.

“I mean,” Emily said, “Isn’t that the point of dating someone?”

Her heart thudded with the feelings that tied themselves into knots in her stomach. _Did she even want him to come?_ Did she even miss him?

The answer was clear to her, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to admit it.

“Thank you for the cookies,” JJ said with a smile.

She stood up and collected her things.

“I should probably go back to my fight with him.”

Emily opened and then closed her mouth, visibly confused. 

“I am currently mid-fight,” JJ explained. “I left my phone in my room. I just needed a break.”

She paused and sighed. 

“I also have an essay due tomorrow morning that I have to finish.”

“That's a lot,” Emily said frowning in sympathy, “Another cookie for the road?”

JJ accepted the gift and left Emily with her cookies, hoping that she didn’t bother the girl too much with her relationship drama. Emily waved at her as she left.

She went back to her room and found her phone buzzing with missed calls from her boyfriend. Gone was the peace and calm that surrounded her in the kitchen as she ate cookies with her new friend Emily. JJ fell back into a pit of frustration as soon as she picked up her phone.

Her thumb hovered above the call button, as she instinctively went to call him back. She hesitated, and instead, she turned off her phone.

Placing it on her night stand, JJ opened up her laptop and began to edit her essay


	3. Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's midterm season and the girls run into each other at the library.

There were no seats left in this entire goddamned library. Not a single one. Emily was on her second lap on the third floor, desperate for somewhere to sit down and have some peace and quiet to study for her test. She should have assumed this would happen. It was midterm season and the libraries were packed with students around this time each year. 

She quietly made her way through the stacks and came upon a long, rectangular table near the back window. It overlooked a dark parking lot. The books were gigantic tombs of old academic journals that no one had probably even opened in decades. 

There were eight seats and seven people, with one selfish asshole storing their backpack on the empty seat. Well, could be saving it for their friend, but with it being midterm season, those rules really shouldn’t apply anymore. 

Emily braced herself and, with a smile, tapped the boy on the shoulder. 

He had a large pair of headphones on. He lifted one side off his ear in a gesture of: ‘what do  _ you _ want.’

“Is anyone sitting there?” She whispered, as quietly as she could, pointing to the seat next to him. 

“Oh sorry,” he said, somewhat reluctantly, moving the coat and bag, inviting her to join him. She smiled in thanks and sat down. 

Carefully unpacking her laptop and books, Emily tried to avoid disturbing the other folks at her table, the silence making each noise she made boom through the library. She settled down and pulled out her thermos, taking a sip of her coffee and bracing herself for a long night. 

Her core classes for psychology were brutal, filled with endless memorization of terminology, stacks of mandatory books to read and countless essays. 

At 8:30 the next morning it was her Introduction to Clinical Psychology midterm, worth a whopping thirty percent of her grade. She spent the entire day, between classes, at the Starbucks on campus, drinking her way through her student funds in coffee form and making endless flashcards. 

She already had a stack of almost one hundred cards and she still had a couple hours of work left. 

Just returning from dinner at the cafeteria, Emily had decided that she needed the relative quiet of the massive campus library to focus on the memorization period of her evening. 

She flipped to the right page of her textbook: page 315, with a large header reading “SEXUAL DISORDERS” in large caps. Emily sighed, it was a strange thing to spend her time learning but at least it never failed to be interesting. 

At least she wasn’t in Statistics this semester. 

Emily took another sip of coffee, then rummaged through her bag for her wireless headphones, connecting them to her phone in order to play her studying playlist, which was mostly movie soundtracks, interspersed with Emily’s favourite classical music and of course, some lo-fi hip hop beats. She could not listen to music with words when studying, she would get too distracted and get nothing done. 

Emily began gnawing at her thumbnail, focusing on writing down the definitions. 

After around two hours of writing, Emily finally finished her flashcards. She stretched her back, closed her textbook, and went on her phone for a short break. 

A Snapchat notification popped up on her screen. 

Cheetobreath98 added you as a friend.

Emily frowned.  _ Who on earth was that? _ Emily clicked on the profile, revealing the familiar face of Jennifer Jareau.

JJ had added her as a friend! On snapchat no less! That was at least three steps more intimate than Instagram.

_ Woah. Slow down there Em. _ She told herself.  _ Don’t make it something it’s not. _

They kept running into each other. JJ was probably just being friendly. She probably just wanted to say thank you for the cookies or send her funny snaps of the other students on their floor. 

_ She has a boyfriend, a boyfriend she is having trouble with, but a boyfriend nonetheless. You can’t go around thinking about intimacy and Jennifer Jareau in the same sentence. _

Emily accepted the friend request. Did that make them friends now? Emily hoped so. They could be friends. 

As Emily stared at their chat, a new snap from JJ came in. Emily couldn’t help herself, she opened it immediately and she was met with a photo… of herself.

Emily’s head shot up looking around. She looked back down and it was clearly a photo of Emily, hunched over the desk with her head resting on her chin, staring down at her phone, taken from somewhere to her left. 

JJ waved at her from between some books. Emily shot her a surprised smile in response. 

She closed her laptop, stood, and walked over to her. 

“Creeper,” Emily whispered with a giggle. 

JJ had a large textbook and some notebooks in her arms, and a backpack hanging off one shoulder, and leaned in towards Emily to speak quietly, which let Emily catch the light, fruity smell of her perfume, blending nicely with the earthy smell of the old books around them.

“Guilty as charged,” JJ smiled.

“What are you working on?” Emily asked, gesturing at her heavy load, she leaned and took a peek at the title of the textbook.

“French,” JJ said, “It’s hard to bullshit that when you don’t know it. I’ve got a midterm tomorrow.”

“Bien sûr,” Emily replied confidently in French. 

JJ blinked. 

“Tu parles Français?” JJ’s French was shaky and uncertain, with less of an accent than Emily would expect.

Emily coughed quietly and tried to clear her throat.

“I do,” she replied in French, “I’ve been told that when I was a toddler, I was speaking it more fluently than English.” 

JJ glanced down, seeming to be translating her words for a brief moment before replying, slowly, clearly excited to use Emily for practise. 

“Are you French?”

“No,” Emily said, “My mom wasn’t around much when we were living in France and the nanny didn’t speak English.”

“Ton nurse?” JJ asked, not knowing the definition of ‘nanny’ in French. 

“Oh uh,” Emily replied in English, “My nanny, the lady who watched me when my mom was working. She’s an ambassador.”

JJ nodded, then switched to English. She didn’t ask about Emily’s dad, which Emily was grateful for.

“My family is French, originally I guess,” JJ said, “Hence  _ Jareau _ , the French name. I remember my grandparents speaking it when I was growing up. I only learned a few words from them so I thought I’d take a course here. I need language courses for my communications degree anyways.”

“Your French is good!” Emily assured her. “Honestly mine is getting rusty, I have no one to practise on.”

“Well,” JJ said between coughs, “you could tutor me?”

Emily smiled. An opportunity to spend more time with her? She would take it. She nodded.

“Mais oui!” Emily replied in her most dramatic accent that she could manage, sending both girls into a fit of giggles.

“Shhhhh!” Someone at Emily’s table hissed. 

They made eye contact, then burst into another fit of giggles. 

“I have a study room booked for nine,” JJ said, “If you want to join me.”

“Absolutely,” Emily replied, “I have a midterm tomorrow as well, so I’ll be here for awhile.”

“Allons-y!” JJ whisper-yelled. 

Emily collected her things and followed JJ into a room down the hall, tucked behind the stacks. Inside, was a desk, a couple of white boards and a small window facing into the quad. It was small, with only two chairs. It was shocking that JJ even managed to snag that, the booking system filled up days in advance during midterm season. 

“I hate whispering,” Emily said at normal volume once the door was shut. 

“Libraries are supposed to be quiet,” JJ said.

“I’ve never been good at quiet.”

JJ laughed.

Emily sat down next to her, stealing a glance at JJ while she was distracted: she had a pair of track pants, with a loose fitted t-shirt on top, a pastel blue which complemented her skin tone well. On top, she had her varsity hoodie unzipped, with their school’s crest on display. She looked good, as always, despite being in basically athletic sweats looking ready to go to the gym at any moment. 

Emily placed her books down next to JJ at the table, stacking her flash cards neatly next to it. JJ’s eyes widened at the sight of the pile.

“You don’t have to help if you don’t have time,” JJ said, “Honestly I would just appreciate the company.”

“Nonsense,” Emily replied, “I’d be happy to help. I’ve been working on these flash cards all day, I need a break anyways. How ‘bout we work through your practise sheets, then you quiz me after? What’s your test on?”

“Conjugation,” JJ replied, flipping her notes open to a page full of irregular verbs and their conjugations. 

“Oh sweet,” Emily scanned the notes, “Present tense, I can do this.”

Emily leaned back in her chair, pulling her feet up to sit crossed-legged. 

“I was worried you were going to ask me the difference between plus-que-parfait and subjonctif or something.”

“I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Lucky,” Emily said. 

JJ then reached into her bag, pulling out a small case and revealing a pair of glasses—reading glasses—and put them onto her face. They were gold rimmed, round framed, and made her eyes slightly larger with the magnification.

“You-” Emily stuttered, her brain feeling like it was short circuiting at the sight of JJ, “Have glasses?”

“Yeah,” JJ muttered flipping through her notebook, “I don’t really need them but I’ve been staring at screens all day and my eyes are tired.”

“Nerd,” Emily fake-coughs. JJ’s draw drops and she hits Emily playfully with her notebook, whacking her on the arm lightly. 

“You promised to help me, not mock me for my bad eyes,” JJ huffs. 

“Ok fine let’s conjugate… hmmm… ‘voir’ to start,” Emily jokes, spinning her pen between her fingers. 

“I know you’re kidding but I actually don’t know that one.”

Emily grins and begins explaining to her how to conjugate ‘to see’ in French. 

“Now,” Emily said, “If you want to talk about how I can see, and you can’t—because you’re blind—you would write: Emily voit. Emily sees.”

“Elle voit? V-o-i-t?” 

“Oui, et, Jennifer ne voit pas!” Emily giggles, “Jennifer does not see!”

“Ha-ha,” JJ said, not laughing. 

“Sorry, I’ll stop now,” Emily said, picking up the worksheet and reading it over. 

“Basically,” JJ said, “I need to just memorize this list of common irregular verbs by tomorrow. I already have the regular er, ir and re verbs down.”

“Cocky girl,” Emily said. “I like it.”

“Ok what verb should we start with?” 

“Vouloir,” Emily said, “to want.”

The deeper meaning of this was not lost on her, even as she said it. Emily was far past the point of denying it to herself, or Morgan when he teased her, Emily  _ wanted _ JJ.

“Start with je,” Emily continued, unfazed by her own internal monologue. “What do you want?”

“Je veux… un biscuit,” JJ said, sticking her pen in her mouth. She was so cute when she focused, chewing distractedly on the cap, with her glasses falling down her nose.

“Now what would I want?” Emily prompted, trying to focus back on the worksheet and not JJ in profile, gazing at the gentle slope of her nose, her pink lips that would probably taste like chapstick.

“Tu veux du thé?” JJ grinned, evoking their previous late-night hang out. 

“Oui,” Emily smiled, “I could definitely use some of your tea right now. Stuck with coffee for now though. I need the caffeine.”

They continued through that verb, moving down her list and covering aller, mettre, venir, before cycling back to the most important ones to make sure JJ had them memorized. Covering lots of ground, the two girls spent almost two hours straight working through her midterm prep booklet. 

“Thanks so much for helping,” JJ said. “Maybe you could tutor me again sometime.” 

Emily grinned. Maybe it was just tutoring but that meant hours alone with her and her pretty face and her laugh and the way she smelled like warm vanilla. 

“Whenever you need me!”

“Je suis excité!” JJ said, in French, which was definitely not what she aimed to say. 

Emily began to laugh. Hard. It started as a giggle but the sheer ridiculousness of her situation made it so much funnier. Her crush just looked her in the eyes and told her she was _horny._

_ “What?!” _ JJ demanded, nervously laughing at Emily’s reaction.

“Oh gosh I’m sorry,” Emily tried to calm down, to hold in her laughs. “In French we never say exiter. It does  _ not  _ mean excited.”

“What does it mean?”

“JJ you just said that you were horny,” Emily made out between laughs. It must be the lack of sleep that made the simple mistake so much funnier. 

“Emily!” JJ laughed, “don’t laugh at me I didn’t know!” 

Emily’s laughter was infectious and before long the two girls were lost in a fit of giggles. 

“You should say: ‘J’ai hâte!’” Emily said eventually, “it means I can’t wait. Like: J’ai hâte d'étudier avec toi. Or Je suis ravi. Or impatiente. Just don’t go around telling people how  _ horny  _ you are.” 

“Fine,” JJ said, with a slight pout, “ _ J’ai hâte. _ ” 

Emily nodded. 

“I guess I can say I learned something today,” JJ murmured, “I guess it really is the language of love.” 

Emily didn’t say anything, taking a sip of her cold coffee to muffle the squeak threatening to come out of her throat 

“So,” JJ changed the subject, “gimme your flash cards. What are you learning?”

Before Emily could earn her, JJ flipped over the first card which read: ‘SEXUAL DISORDERS!’ in Emily’s messy script.

“On the same theme,” JJ murmured. 

And so for the next hour, JJ and Emily made their way through her psychology flash cards, slowly making sure that Emily had the endless serious mental health disorders, personality disorders and other terms memorized before her midterm. 

Luckily, in the process of writing them down, and due to her religious commitment to attending lectures, Emily had already retained most of them. Studying with JJ did help, because it forced her to explain some of the concepts in plain language, which, she found, furthered her understanding. 

Moreover, JJ had brought snacks. Which made studying every more doable when she could award herself with an m&m for each correct answer. 

The thing was, half way through Emily’s stack of cards, and as the night crept on, JJ’s energy crashed as the girl’s body decided that it was way past her bedtime and that she should be asleep. 

Unlike Emily, JJ was clearly not a night owl. 

Eventually, Emily finished up her studying alone, discovering that the blonde was just about useless, as she read out gibberish and expected Emily to understand her. JJ finally fell asleep sitting up at about one-thirty in the morning. Emily decided to leave her be as she still needed to jot a few things down.

“JJ?” Emily murmured after a few minutes, poking the other girl with her pen. “JJ? Wake up.”

“Mm?” JJ murmured, her eyes still closed shut, her head heavy resting on her hand. She was  _ adorable.  _

“I’m calling it,” Emily said, closing her textbook. “It’s almost two. We’ve studied enough.”

“Mmm… yeah I don’t know if I can fit any more French in my brain,” JJ rubbed her eyes. 

“I think you’ll do just fine!”

They packed up their things, bundling up against the cold fall air. JJ went through the motions with her eyes half shut, allowing Emily to guide her out of their study room, down the spiral staircase and into the lobby. 

Unfortunately, as they stood just inside the library door, the clouds broke, sending rain pouring down onto campus. Sighing at their poor timing, they pulled their hoods over their hair in an attempt to stay relatively dry.

They walked home, laughing as it rained down onto them.

JJ seemed to wake up and her prior drowsiness seemed to fade into the night sky. She giggled as she splashed in a puddle, and her yellow jacket lit up under a street lamp. 

Emily grinned, feeling elated in her exhaustion. How  _ lucky  _ she was! Splashing in the rain with JJ, which was a strange yet pleasant ending to what had promised to be a dredge of an evening. JJ waited for a moment, letting Emily catch up before grasping onto Emily’s hand and holding on, pulling her through the rain. 

They tore through the torrential downpour, their hands clasped together, unbothered by the cold as the firey feeling of JJ’s hand in her own had her full attention. A warm feeling filled her chest as she thought about how it was JJ who wanted to hold  _ Emily’s  _ hand. 

Not caring whether it was just a friendly hand hold, or if it meant more, Emily’s heart soared. 

JJ’s hand was smaller than hers, and their fingers fell together perfectly, comfortably linked like they were built to do so. 

They only let go once they reached the door to their building, as Emily fumbled with the wet metal key ring in her pocket, unlocking the front door and offering the two relief from the rain. 

They lingered in the hall, both damp, looking at each other as the tiredness returned and settled into their bones. Emily could see the bags under JJ’s eyes, the exhaustion clear on her face. Her cheeks were flushed from running through the rain and her blonde hair wet and tangled from the wind. 

A voice in Emily’s head demanded that she reach out her hands, firmly grab the sides of JJ’s perfect face and kiss her then and there. It would be so perfect, their lips would meet and JJ would rest her hands on Emily’s hips. She would pull her in close and their bodies would crash into each other, fitting together perfectly. Emily’s tongue would graze against JJ’s lips, and their kiss would deepen until finally they would pull apart and-

“Goodnight, Emily,” JJ said, smiling at her sweetly, “Get some sleep before your midterm.”

Emily was brought crashing back into reality. 

“Oh,” Emily said, “Yeah you too, you need it.”

“Thank you for helping me out,” JJ continued, “I was having a really bad day and you really made me feel a lot better.”

JJ looked down. 

“Yeah, uh, this morning I broke up with Will. Or maybe he broke up with me. I don’t know,” she admitted, “and with the midterm… then the home game tomorrow afternoon...“

She sighed. 

“It was a long day and I’m grateful for your company.”

_ Kiss her _ , the voice in her head screamed,  _ do it!  _

“I’m sorry about your break up, either way,” Emily said sincerely. “I feel the same way. I mean, I enjoyed your company. I think I’m going to do well on my midterm too.”

She smiled at JJ who returned it sleepily. Emily kicked herself for the awkward phrasing but blamed the fact that it was late at night and she was processing the fact that her crush was single. Single and had held her hand. 

“Bonne chance demain,” Emily said with a wave, wishing JJ luck. 

They looked at each other for another moment, before turning and unlocking their individual rooms. That night, Emily dreamt of Paris, cookies and the girl across the hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, please comment & leave your kudos if you like it! Message me on tumblr @gravelyhumerus if you want to chat about Jemily! I think from now on I'll try posting Thursday, Sunday and Tuesdays if all goes according to my schedule.


	4. Alarms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ discovers two things: Emily Prentiss has a nipple piercing and that JJ may like that she has one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was posted ages after I planned because I probably wrote and rewrote it over and over. JJ's perspective is hard. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta, @beeche241, for reading two different drafts of this, as well as my other pals who gave me ideas for gay denial and read it over for me. This one's dedicated to all your helpful comments and notes.

Jennifer Jareau awoke in her bed to the sound of her alarm. She groaned as her body refused to cooperate, with the fog of sleep clouding her brain and the desire to just roll over and sleep in sounding very appealing. 

It was _such_ a late night last night with Emily and JJ had already set her alarm to nine thirty, giving her less time in the morning to get to her eleven am class than she would normally like. JJ liked eating breakfast, and with being an athlete, her body needed as much fuel as she could get. 

She rolled over, slamming her hand onto her phone, attempting to turn off the beeping. It wasn’t working, forcing JJ to open her eyes against the sunlight. She grabbed her phone, unplugged it, and stared at the blank screen before realizing that it was only eight and her alarm wasn’t set for another hour. 

JJ frowned, realizing that what she was hearing wasn’t her alarm, nor was it Penelope Garcia’s—her roommate who had a cheery jingle as an alarm—either. It must be coming from another room. 

She looked over to the other side of the room where Penelope was sleeping peacefully, on her side with her chest slowing rising and falling. _Lucky,_ JJ thought. Penelope, unlike JJ, hadn’t been rudely awoken by someone else’s alarm.

JJ pulled her pillow over her head, rolled over, and tried to fall back asleep. She was desperate to catch that extra hour of sleep.

She sighed, tried to relax and fall back into her slumber, but the blaring sound continued, and continued, without fail. Whoever was responsible for that god-awful noise apparently was not waking up.

JJ sat up, tossing her pillow aside. Quietly, despite her frustration, she threw back her comforter and blanket, slipped into her fuzzy slippers and walked to their door, peering into the hall. 

She was wearing her pink pj bottoms and a grey cotton t-shirt from a soccer camp she went to in high school, and the cool air after the warmth of her bed made her shiver. Their dorm was either too hot, or too cold most days, never really reaching a comfortable living temperature. 

Looking left and right, JJ tried to narrow down the sound of the incessant alarm. She held her breath for a moment, listening hard. 

The beeping was coming from straight ahead. She looked at the door, staring it down, begging the other girl to simply wake up, turn off her alarm, and continue with her day. 

That did not happen. 

JJ slipped back into her room and grabbed her lanyard, to avoid getting locked out of her room with the annoying automatically locking doors. 

She closed her own door quietly, as much as she was mad at Garcia for managing to sleep through the noise, she didn’t really want to bother her. JJ started with knocking lightly on the other girls door, rapping on the wooden door right next to the construction paper sea turtle that their RA had written Emily’s name tag on. 

“Emily,” JJ said quietly, “Your alarm is going off.”

JJ checked her watch. Eight ten. Emily’s midterm for Clinical Psychology was at eight-thirty. She knocked louder.

No response. 

She must be a very heavy sleeper. 

JJ knocked louder, scared she would wake up the whole floor, but more worried about Emily’s education than disturbing them. Their walls were thin, but the fact that Emily could sleep through an alarm that could wake JJ up, across the hall, _and_ sleep through JJ’s knocks, was borderline concerning. 

After a few minutes of near-panicked knocking, she finally heard movement in the other room, with a muffled “Whaa-” coming from Emily.

She opened the door, rubbing her eyes and holding her phone.

“Your alarm was going off,” JJ said, sheepishly as she took in the taller girl staring at her in complete confusion. “And you have a midterm.”

Emily looked down to the phone in her hand, looking at the time and said, simply: “Shit,” before spinning back around.

“You have twenty minutes,” JJ pointed out, unhelpfully.

“Yes I very much do,” Emily replied, “And it’s in the psych building which is on the exact opposite side of campus. Dammit, the alarm must have been going off for a half hour. I have no idea how I slept through it.”

JJ, unsure at the protocol of what was happening, stood in the open doorway. She found herself somewhat overwhelmed at the sight of Emily. Instead of the t-shirt and pj pants that JJ had seen on her before, Emily was instead wearing a delicate, semi-transparent cotton camisole and silky looking shorts that were quite short and showed off most of Emily’s long legs. Her skin was pale, and even, without any freckles or scars marring the porcelain-like limbs. JJ, on the other hand, knew her tanned skin revealed the scars from the endless cuts and scrapes she’d acquired being a sporty child. 

What caught her eye most was something poking through the fabric of the thin camisole. JJ blushed as she realized that Emily _had her nipples pierced._

Emily’s ensemble showed off much more of Emily’s body than JJ had ever seen before, but it wasn’t the body that shocked her (Jennifer Jareau played sports her whole life, she wasn’t shy about nudity), what shocked her was the fact that she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away. 

JJ had planned to wake up whoever was disturbing her with their alarm, then immediately go back to bed, but now she felt as if her feet were glued to the floor. 

With her hands grasping her keys, clutching them tightly, JJ stared at her friend as Emily dug through her chest of drawers and stormed around the room in a frenzy. 

She was not simply staring, JJ realized to her own personal confusion, she was _ogling her._ Emily’s typically perfectly straight black hair was wavy and messy, mussed by sleep and her bare face had a classic beauty that made something tighten in JJ’s chest. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Emily muttered, throwing a pair of sweat pants over her shorts, not really having any time to get dressed. “Thank you for waking me JJ.”

This roused JJ from her thoughts, forcing her to come to terms that she was checking her friend out. She felt her face warm in a blush, and stared at the floor so she would no longer be looking at Emily like _that._

“We use the same alarm,” JJ said, dumbly. “I thought it was mine.”

She gulped, watching Emily yank a hoodie over her head, and smooth her hair down with her fingers. Emily yawned, letting out a cute noise that made JJ smile. 

“Well,” Emily replies, smiling at her sweetly, “I would have fully slept through this midterm if it wasn’t for you. You saved my life. _Merci._ ”

Emily grabbed her backpack which was hanging off the back of her chair, and slings it over her shoulder. From atop her dresser, Emily picked up a red apple, rubbing it off on her shirt in lieu of washing it.

“Thank you again,” Emily says, pulling her into a quick hug. JJ found herself engulfed in Emily’s warm arms, the smell of orchids and coffee, for a short, amazing moment, before Emily pulled back.

Emily shut her door, took a bite of her apple with a wink at JJ, then ran down the hall on her way to her class. 

JJ stepped back, left behind standing in the centre of the hall, alone with her thoughts. She remained there for a moment, processing the mixed bag of emotions. 

She turned back around, unlocked her door, then sat back onto her bed. It was still warm from her body, and beckoned for her to return to its warm embrace. JJ, on the other hand, was still reeling from another embrace, that of her friend and neighbour.

 _Her friend_ , she reminded herself. _They were friends._

JJ stared into the distance, breathing deeply and trying to process her racing thoughts. Her break up was fresh in her mind. She was still reeling from her break up, was overtired, and had just spent the entire evening with Emily listening to her speak to her in the literal language of love, no wonder why her brain was all mixed up. 

JJ shook her head and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. She put her hands behind her head and closed her eyes. 

Instead of her normal anxious thoughts about her midterms, her upcoming game and the end of her almost two year long relationship, her brain flashed to Emily. How patient she was last night explaining all the possible conjugations of the verbs, how she told her funny stories about her childhood in France, how she tried to catch the M&Ms in her mouth, and missed every time. 

Emily could speak French fluently, and it was probably one of the most _attractive_ things that JJ had ever experienced. She rolled her r’s so perfectly, and spoke with a clarity that she struggled to find in her professor’s strange accent. 

JJ rolled onto her side, tugging the blanket around her, lost in thought. Emily was so nice, JJ really liked her. She liked her as a friend, right? That’s what this was? 

She thought about Emily, who bakes cookies in the middle of the night, who gets _way_ too into beer pong and who smiles wide every time she saw JJ and held her hand tightly as they walked home last night.

Did JJ _like_ Emily? _Like-like_ her? She didn’t know. She doesn’t like girls. She hadn’t really liked that many people before. She dated Will for two years, two nice, normal, comfortable years where she didn’t have to think about these things, about crushes or feelings. 

She was always a very focused child, focused on school and on soccer and on getting to college. It was Will who pursued her, who was the first to text, who invited her places and encouraged her to be present. JJ was always _reacting_ to the boy's affection, every time.

Her mom had The Talk with her when she was thirteen, which was awkward and tense, but instead of the typical discussion about the birds and the bees, her mom talked about _love_ and _consent_ and JJ’s future _partner_. At the time, JJ thought her mom was being silly because JJ liked boys;, she had crushes on boys like all the other girls in her grade. She always would pick the nicest one, and select him as her crush when the other girls would ask. But now, looking back, maybe JJ’s mom saw something JJ hadn’t seen herself. 

No. That couldn’t be. 

_Jennifer,_ she scolded herself, _don’t go down the rabbit hole. You just went through a messy break up. You’re confused is all._

It was true, just yesterday JJ fought with Will and it ended in, well, an ending of their relationship. Over the _phone._ He told her that he needed more from her, from them, and JJ told him that she was giving all she had. That was not enough for him.

She hadn’t even had that much time to think about it, and him, let alone tell her friends and family that it had happened. 

She had hung up the phone and immediately had to go to a class. Before she knew it she was in a study room with Emily Prentiss forgetting all about her break up. 

Her mind flashed to the girl in her class who had come out in eighth grade, how after she had, the other girls had told JJ to make sure she had turned around so the girl wouldn’t look at her inappropriately. JJ had protested at the time, arguing that the girl probably didn’t even find _them_ attractive anyway, but that hadn’t convinced the others. They had shunned the girl for the rest of the semester. 

JJ remembered feeling a bit sick at the thought of being that other girl, who’s identity had been shamed by her peers. She went home that day and cried in sympathy. She didn’t know why she did. 

After that she, on a private browser, looked up the acronym: LGBT. She discovered the term ally, and decided that that was what she was. She had cried because she _supports_ people who are gay, or bi, or transgender, not because she likes girls. She was always told that she was a sensitive child, she cried because she was empathetic. 

She had been confused about her feelings before, and had sorted them out. She could do that again easily. She didn’t _like_ Emily that way. She was simply grateful for her company, for her friendship. She was a nice new friend, and JJ was just over excited as she got to know the girl across the hall. 

JJ sighed. That made sense to her. She was a tangled mess of feelings and she needed some time to untangle them. 

With that resolved, JJ tried to close her eyes and catch a few minutes of sleep but before she even closed her eyes, her alarm woke her up. Her real one. 

She groaned.

To her right, Penelope woke up to the sound, yawning and rolling over at the sound. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” Penelope murmured with a sleepy smile. “Late night last night?”

Penelope was probably her best friend at university, and her roommate. They were randomly placed together last year and had immediately become best friends. She was studying computer science, which was surprising because from what JJ could tell, Penelope could hack the FBI if she felt like it. She wasn't sure what else there was to study. Her side of the room was decorated in an explosion of colour, with endless trinkets on all of the available surfaces, and her walls covered in a rainbow of art, photos and miscellaneous ticket stubs and various moments of her life. 

“Yeah,” JJ replied, sitting up in her bed and resigning herself to being awake. “I have that French midterm today.”

“Then the game!” she interjected, “I know! Spence and I will be there waving the flag.”

JJ smiled, grateful for her roommates' endless support. 

“We should do trivia again this week,” Penelope says, “Reid is basically an encyclopedia and I think if we bring him we’ll win hands-down.”

JJ hummed in response, not really paying attention.

“I mean,” Penelope continued, “It’s _probably_ unfair to drag a boy with an eidetic memory to a trivia game but I think it’ll be worth it.”

JJ was focusing on getting dressed, but tried to give her roommate enough reassuring nods to make sure she was active listening. She had to dress for her exam, then for her game so she chose track pants and her school windbreaker.

“Jayje, where’s your head at?” Penelope said and JJ frowned, she could read her like a book and could tell something was wrong. “You’re never this quiet. Is it about Will? We never really got to talk about what happened.”

JJ didn’t have the time to explain her tangled web of emotions.

“I’m fine Pen,” JJ assured her, “Just tired and focused on this midterm.”

“Okay,” she said, still looking worried, “You know I’m here.”

“I know.”

“Go get ‘em tiger!” Penelope grinned at her, “Just remember: voulez-vous coucher avec moi? That’s all you’ll need to know!”

JJ cracked a smile and wished Penelope a good morning, grabbed her bag before leaving. She waved goodbye and headed out into the morning, trying to shake her thoughts of Emily Prentiss away. 

She had enough time to grab coffee and breakfast from the cafe before heading to her class a few minutes early so that she could look over her notes. 

Forgetting Emily was hard when she was taking her French midterm, as the conjunction was coming to her, pronounced in Emily’s voice and explained in her clear, knowledgeable voice. 

JJ sped through the midterm, a strange feeling tugging at her stomach as her focus was pulled two ways. One part of her, the one focused on the test, pictured Emily in front of her, her bangs getting in her face, her eyeliner drawn over her lid thickly coming to a sharp point on either side of her eyes, imagining her lips as she mouthed the words out to her. The other part of JJ, terrified of these thoughts and feelings, pushed her out of her mind, trying to compartmentalize the knowledge from the person. 

Then her brain was filled with Will: of his kind smile, of how he hugged her tight and kissed her softly. Her brain desperately wanted to hang onto some sort of normal feeling of loss at the end of her relationship, but the majority of her feelings were unsatisfying and confusing. 

The verb endings blurred together, and as she looked over her work before submitting, she found herself making stupid mistakes. JJ was in the middle of erasing an answer when her Professor called out to announce that time was up.

JJ walked out of the midterm frustrated. She was sure she did fine on it but was mad at herself for being distracted by her own personal issues. 

She cursed Will for breaking up with her in midterm season, because she couldn’t _focus_ on anything. She knew she was being distant, she knew it was her fault they were over, but the timing was overwhelming. Her status quo was crumbling and she was not quite sure how to keep the pieces together.

 _It’s over Jennifer,_ she said to herself, _you finished your midterm. Time to focus on soccer and you’ll feel better._

That afternoon, JJ played an aggressive game, forcing her feelings out in her gameplay, running faster, tackling harder and hogging the ball more than she typically would.

She fought hard for the ball, barrelling towards the net, and setting up a perfect goal for her teammate. Who missed. It took JJ everything to not yell at her teammate, because she did not want to be red carded at a home game _._

Next time she was on, instead of passing, she made sure she set herself up for a goal, charging past her opponents. She kicked. She scored. The roar of the crowd, the feeling of her team jumping upon her felt _great._

In the stands, Penelope Garcia and Spencer Reid jumped high, cheering for their friend. 

The adrenaline of the game wiped away the feelings of the day and JJ felt better. She felt normal. She could deal. 

JJ could be happily single. She didn’t need Will and she certainly didn’t need to be distracted by anything right now anyways. She still had three midterms to go, then an away game next weekend. 

After that, JJ could worry about her feelings. Until then, she had more important things to do.

In the locker room, JJ dried off, still buzzing with the win. 

“Hey Jennifer,” a voice asked, coming up behind her. It was Kennedy. “Are you ok?”

Kennedy was a nice girl, in third year, who played defence. She was probably JJ’s closest friend on the team but outside of games, practise, and the occasional mandatory team social, JJ and she didn’t really _talk._

“I’m fine,” JJ replied, stuffing her uniform into her locker. “Why do you ask?”

“You played a hard game,” Kennedy says, “I was impressed. You brought the heat.”

“So what’s the problem?” JJ says, hearing the terseness in her voice.

“Woah,” she says, stepping back and raising her hands in surrender, “Is something wrong? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I’m _fine,”_ JJ says, slamming her locker harder than she meant to. 

She walked out of the locker room, feeling slightly embarrassed at her outburst. It had started to rain again, the cold, sharp droplets hitting her face and soaking her hoodie. Making a mental note to apologize to Kennedy later, JJ walked straight home to her dorm with tears stinging at her eyes. 

As soon as her door closed, JJ jumped onto her bed, laying with her pillow on her head to block out the afternoon sun, as tears leaked out of the sides of her eyes. Letting go, JJ cried. She cried for the end of her relationship, for the fact that it was her fault for it ending, for the fact that she didn’t feel _sad_ about the end of her relationship and because she didn’t know what to think about Emily.

* * *

That week, everywhere she turned, Emily Prentiss was there. 

For a girl that she never seemed to run into at the beginning of the semester, Emily seemed to make up for that with this week.

First thing the next morning, JJ walked into the bathroom with bleary eyes. She hadn’t slept well and had trudged through her morning routine. As she put some toothpaste onto her toothbrush, the door swung open and Emily wandered in, with her own toiletries in hand, wearing only a robe. JJ found herself brushing her teeth harder, not making eye contact and focusing on her own reflection in the mirror. JJ stared herself down, not allowing her eyes to stray or herself to think about the naked Emily Prentiss behind the curtain. JJ didn’t _want_ to see her. JJ was straight, and that would be silly. She did not want to think about that girls _god damned_ nipple piercings, or the fact that they made her blush to think about.

On Tuesday night, JJ looked out of her window into the courtyard, only to see Emily Prentiss, smoking a cigarette near the streetlamp. JJ closed her curtains. She had to study for her midterms. 

Coming home from class on Wednesday, Emily had her door propped open as she read a book, with some music playing off her record player. JJ pretended she was in a rush to get somewhere, grabbing a random book out of her room before leaving for the library. She realized after that she needed a different book for her essay, but it was too late after she had rushed down the hall to go back. 

Leaving her Media Studies midterm on Thursday, she passed Emily in the hall on her way back from practise. Emily touched her arm as they crossed paths and asked her, in her sweet voice, if JJ needed any more help on her French homework. JJ hurriedly said that she didn’t, and that she would text her if she did. Pointing out that JJ didn’t have Emily’s number, she then insisted that JJ add her as a contact. She did not text Emily. 

That weekend, JJ relished how an away game took her off campus, and away from her issues. All JJ had to focus on was soccer. 

Except, news had finally gotten to her mother about Will. JJ spent most of the weekend fending off phone calls and from her concerned mother, who wanted to be there for her. JJ felt incredibly guilty avoiding her calls, because her mom had _loved_ Will.

As soon as JJ was back in her room, she was forced to finally return her mom's call, as she had run out of excuses. It was a long coversation. After hanging up, JJ laid on her bed, exhausted by her mother's distress. It felt like her mom was going to miss Will more than she would. JJ had assured her that she was _fine,_ that she would call again soon, and, yes, she would like a care package, because that would mean she’d get a box of snacks, including Cheetos, which she was desperately craving.

After a few minutes of laying on her bed, with her packed bags still on the floor next to her, and still wearing her school branded windbreaker, there was a knock on her door. 

She ignored it. She was sick of people being worried about her. Sick of everyone asking her if she was ok. 

The person knocked again, more insistently.

JJ rolled onto her side, looking at her wall. There was her ex-boyfriend, on the wall in her once treasured prom photo, looking at her. She tore the photo down. 

Her eyes wandered up to her other photos taped to the wall: her and her sister at Christmas when she was eight. JJ was holding up her new shadow box containing a blue butterfly (m _orpho menelaus)_ and standing next to her was her sister Rosaline, grinning wide and hugging her tight. 

She wanted to ask Ros what was going on with her. Why she felt so untethered. Why she felt relieved that her boyfriend broke up with her. Why she simultaneously wanted to run towards and away from Emily Prentiss. 

But, she could not ask her any of these questions. She tugged at her sister’s necklace, which was around her neck, resting over her heart, as always. Hoping for some kind of direction. 

There was another knock on her door.

JJ opened it, finding the meek face of Spencer Reid on the other side. He waved awkwardly, and did not seem to notice her disheveled state. 

“Garcia said that we could eat without her,” he said, “She’s in a lab this evening and is ordering pizza.”

Dinner. The trio always ate together when JJ was in town. 

“I’m starving,” JJ admitted, realizing that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast and her stomach flipped in protest. 

JJ opened the door for him and turned back to the mirror. Reid sat down on the edge of Penelope’s bed. Of all the people on the other side of the door, he was probably the only one who wouldn't force her to talk about her feelings if she didn't want to.

“How was your game?” he asked politely. 

JJ made a noncommittal noise. 

“You know,” he continued without a pause, “Around two hundred countries or territories in the world play soccer, depending on what you consider a country, as the UN only recognizes two hundred and fifty one countries and territories while the US recognizes less than two hundred. You could play this game with more people than you could speak to in English.”

JJ ran a brush through her hair, hoping to make herself look presentable for the cafeteria. Spencer continued, barely coming up for air let alone wait for her response. Normally, JJ would fight to get a word in edgewise, but today, Spencer’s monologue was soothing her. 

The rain had slowed to a slightly annoying drip, with dull clouds hanging low onto campus. 

Together, they walked down the street to the cafeteria, which was in a dull concrete building near most of the residences. Spencer transitioned from discussing the impact of sports on global diplomacy, to talking about his day and chatting about how he has started hanging out with Derek Morgan more often.

JJ blinked at that, trying not to let her thoughts wander from Derek to Emily and her current turmoil.

Her minor reaction unheeded, Spencer discussed how Derek discovered that he could lift him, and had bench pressed him. Spencer, despite admitting that he was nervous around football players like Derek, given his rough time in high school, smiled as he told her this. She forced herself to be present, to engage with her friend, which was a welcome distraction. 

Grabbing their trays, they both wandered around the buffet style cafeteria, peeking at the specials and deciding their preference. JJ steered past the vegetarian option, which was simply three pieces of tofu on some plain rice, and walked up to the burger bar. Comfort food was the plan. Reid, walking in her wake, joined her in her dinner choice. Soon, the two of them were eating burgers in companionable silence, both tackling mediocre, yet somewhat tasty meals. JJ sipped her water and felt Reid’s eyes on hers. 

“You seem distracted,” he comments.

JJ looks down into her water. 

“Penelope told me about Will,” he says, nervously, “I’m sorry?”

It comes out as a question. 

“Look. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m fine.”

 _I’m fine,_ she thought to herself, _I’ve said that a lot today._

JJ softens, reminding herself that the boy only wants to help. She reaches her hand out and grabs his. 

“Thank you for asking,” she smiles at him. 

He perks up. She looked at him and while he was only three or so years younger, he looked so _young._ He was taller than her but still likely to keep growing, his gangly limbs awkward still in his adolescence. Still, he dressed like a professor, his outfits filled with cardigans and tweed. 

They stood and made their way back to residence. JJ was starting to feel like herself again. 

But, about thirty feet ahead of her was Emily Prentiss, fumbling with her keys as she tried to unlock the door to their building. It was _really_ hard to push someone out of your mind when they lived across the hall. 

Spencer noticed her hesitation.

“Do you maybe want to go for a walk?” he asked. 

JJ nodded, relieved at the offer. They turned to the right, and walked down the steps that lead to the lower part of campus, towards the nice graduate residences and the park. JJ stuck her hands deep into her jacket pockets, the fresh air making her feel a bit better. 

“Will broke up with me,” she says to Spencer, not looking at him as she spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, following suit. 

“I’m…. not,” she admitted.

She found that in the cool, fall air, the words flowed out and after she started, it didn’t seem to stop. 

“I’m not and I should be. I should be crying about my breakup, eating chocolate and watching shitty romcoms with Penelope. I should be calling my mom and getting advice about my heartbreak. I should be getting drunk and trying to rebound. For some reason, I’m just… angry.”

She stood, raising her arms into the air. 

“I feel embarrassed that he was the one who broke up with _me_ when I didn’t even like him that much.”

She sighed. He looked at her with wide eyes, listening intently without any judgment, or reservations. He wasn’t pushing her to share, or judging her for her words. 

“And I think I like someone else.”

JJ did _not_ mean to say that. She looked back over at Spencer, who didn’t look particularly surprised.

“Emily?” he guessed. 

JJ fell silent. She did. She _liked_ Emily. She spent the week running from that, and it had been staring her in the face the whole time. She nodded. 

“That’s great!” he replied with a smile. “I think you would be really good together.”

JJ was struck with this. She wasn’t expecting the homophobia she remembered from high school, but she was _not_ expecting this.

“We would?” She found herself smiling as she said this. 

“Yeah, I think she likes you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Message me on tumblr @gravelyhumerus with your thoughts!!! Hope you enjoyed!!!


	5. Soccer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily surprises JJ at a game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is short but sweet!!! enjoy. longer chapter coming next i promise

Emily walked out of her Philosophy class, waving goodbye to Spencer Reid, who had back-to-back classes that afternoon. He walked away, dodging the crowds of students milling about on his way to his Physics class.

Things had calmed down in the weeks after midterm season, giving Emily a bit more free time to relax into a rhythm during her second year at college. 

In her bag was a small bag of cookies that she had baked last night, wrapped up in carefully and tucked away. She was making her way through the quad, setting her sights on the soccer field. Emily checked her phone for the time: it was 2:25 and JJ’s soccer game should be almost done. She knew she was going to miss most of the game, but if she hurried she would catch the tail end. 

That morning, Emily had looked up the games time on the varsity sports website, and triple checked that she’d be able to make it. 

Dodging an enthusiastic skateboarder who was using the ramp down to the field as his own personal skate park, Emily hurried towards the bleachers, climbing onto the second row near the away team’s goal. 

Emily squinted towards the field, setting down onto the ice cold metal bleacher seat and regretting her choice of a plaid skirt and fishnet stockings. A familiar blonde ponytail caught her eye and her heart jumped at the sight of her tackling another girl, freeing the ball and turning Emily’s way, barrelling down the field. 

She had the ball! JJ pulled ahead, dodging the advances of the other team before kicking it to her teammate, who confidently circled around past the defence. 

Emily’s heart was in her throat. She had never particularly  _ cared  _ about sports, but with her time in Italy, football (or soccer as she reminded herself to refer to it as) was something Emily could confidently say she understood enough to have a conversation about. She thanked her lucky stars that the first jock Emily had a crush on played a sport she at least knew the rules of. 

JJ ran into centre field, and her teammate passed the ball to her, JJ kicked it right into the net, sneaking right past the goalie’s outstretched fingertips.

Goal!

The crowd cheered, Emily joined in and clapped as JJ’s teammates swarmed her, jumping and hugging her in a mess of celebratory bodies. 

Emily looked around, while the crowd was spotty, there was still a fairly good turn out. Most of them seemed to be family members, though there were certainly groups of students, wearing their school colours and the logo emblazoned across their chests. 

Emily peered at the scoreboard, it was 4–2, as JJ just scored a tie breaking goal with ten minutes left in the second half. They reset, and JJ switched out with another, taller girl who high fived her as she walked onto the pitch. 

JJ sat on the bench with elbows on her knees and her feet planted firmly on the ground in her running shoes. She gulped some water as her eyes remained fixed on the action as the ref blew the whistle, and the game continued. 

Without JJ to watch, Emily’s eyes roamed across the field, taking in the action without that much interest. She hoped that their team won, obviously, because that would make JJ happy, but she had no personal investment into their college’s athletic standing.

Emily knew that while her class had cut into most of the game, she would be able to linger around and hopefully walk back to residence with JJ. She had cookies to give her. 

Now, the cookies were just an excuse to hang out with her. Or a bribe. Probably a bribe. Well, JJ  _ had  _ said, back when they studied together almost two weeks ago, that she wanted more cookies. As she had enough free time to walk to the nearby grocery store to pick up the dough, Emily was furiously trying to bake the best cookies she’d ever made. She had briefly considered making them from scratch, but the pressure of it all made her choose the prepackaged dough.

Emily actually didn’t spend more time eating the dough than baking, this time, because she wanted them to be perfect for JJ. 

She had been tempted to invite her to bake with her, but despite JJ’s initial request for Emily to tutor her, JJ had not really followed up. In fact, Emily hadn’t seen much of the girl at all. The anxious part of her brain told her that JJ was avoiding her, but Emily, for the life of her, could not figure out why. Every time that she ran into JJ, the blonde seemed anxious to leave. 

The clock counted down, five, four, three, two, one. The buzzer sounded. The other team hadn’t managed to score another goal, so their team had won! 

The crowd cheered in delight at the victory. JJ and her team jumped together, piling on top of one another in a group hug. 

While the other audience members packed up their bags and blankets, chatting as they filed out of the bleachers, Emily remained, waiting for JJ. 

She watched as JJ removed her cleats, shin pads and long socks, swapping them instead for a pair of boots. She zipped up her windbreaker on top of her shirt and followed her teammates as they grabbed their bags and made their move to go home. 

It was now or never. 

“JJ, hi!” Emily called out, waving at her from the side of the bleachers. 

JJ caught her eye, then said something to her teammates, who waited for her on the edge of the field. 

“Great game!” Emily said, “at least what I saw of it.”

“Emily!” JJ said, smiling at her.

“I, uh-” Emily rifled through her bag. “The cookies you liked. I made some last night and thought that you may want some.”

JJ’s eyes widened as she took them. 

“Thank you, Emily,” she stated, smiling quickly. “That’s very nice of you, I hope you didn’t go out of your way for me.”

“Oh it was no problem,” Emily said, trying to keep her voice calm, “Derek practically begs me to and well, you know, it’s nice to do something relaxing during midterms.”

JJ nodded, then turned to look at her teammates, who were beckoning for her.

“I haven’t seen you in awhile,” Emily said, “Did you need any more help with your French?”

Something strange passed across JJ’s face, first she looked happy, excited, but then nervous she looked away from Emily. 

JJ hadn’t texted her. Emily had given her number to her last Wednesday, and had received radio silence ever since. 

“Uh, maybe. I’ll text you if I need any help,” JJ said, “I’m actually having a bit of trouble writing a presentation.”

A spark of hope ignited in Emily’s chest. Just as she was going to reply, she heard someone approaching them from the bleachers, clamouring down the steps from behind. 

“JJ!” Penelope Garcia exclaimed, “And Emily! I didn’t know you were here! You could have sat with me!”

She was dressed in a long purple peacoat and had her bright blonde hair tied up in space buns. She had a small blanket folded up in her arms that she was likely using to sit on the cold bleachers. 

“I didn’t see you,” Emily says honestly. 

“Hey Pen,” JJ said, turning to her roommate, “No Spence today?”

“He has physics,” Penelope and Emily responded in unison, before laughing. 

“We just had Philosophy together,” Emily explained. “He had to run to his next class.”

“Wait that reminds me,” Penelope exclaims, “Emily you  _ must  _ come with us to trivia tonight! We need six people for our team and I don’t wanna get stuck with some randos like last time.”

Emily looked over at JJ quickly to gauge her reaction. Trivia sounded really fun, and the excuse for spending time with JJ sounded even better. 

“You could bring your friend Derek,” JJ replied, not balking at the idea of Emily’s presence. “Spence hasn’t  _ stopped  _ talking about him since the party.”

Emily felt herself breathe an internal sigh of relief. JJ wasn’t avoiding her after all. And maybe even wanted to spend time with her. 

“Oh he really is a beautiful sight, that Derek Morgan,” Penelope just about purrs in response. 

Emily can not help but laugh. 

“That makes, what, five?” Penelope counted on her fingers, “Jennifer, do we have another friend?”

JJ frowned, shook her head, which made Penelope laugh. 

Emily thought for a second, thinking about who in her circle would enjoy trivia. Aaron. Of course. 

“I think I could talk someone into it,” she said. 

“It’s a date!” Penelope exclaimed. “Now off to the locker room with you Jennifer! You stink!”

She gently pushed JJ towards her teammates and JJ laughed before waving goodbye and heading towards the gym. Penelope looped her arm through Emily’s and had already begun to explain the details of the trivia night. 

From what Emily gathered, it was at the bar right off campus, and luckily for them, allows underage students in on Monday nights to play trivia, and the bartenders didn’t really check IDs at the bar so they could usually get served if they didn’t get too wild. There were prizes and Penelope was convinced that with Reid, they had a good shot at winning, depending on the topics of course. 

Emily and Penelope walked back to their building, finally exchanging numbers and the promise to meet in the hall no later than seven that night. 

As soon as Emily was in her room she found herself grinning. She did a small dance in her room in excitement for the evening before pulling out her phone to tell Derek and Aaron that they had plans for the evening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like always, you can find me @gravelyhumerus on tumblr


	6. Trivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team takes on trivia. Emily strips in front of JJ. It's quite an evening for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trivia!!!!!!!!! This is my official introduction of Aaron Hotchner & some other background characters. Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter, it's almost 7k and has so many characters so I struggled. I'm also in midterms lol.

“Come on, Jayje,” Penelope whined. “It’ll be good for you to go out.” 

“I’m sick,” JJ said, fake coughing. “And I need to get a head start on my project for my new media course. It’s worth forty percent.”

“Bullshit.” Penelope said, “I know for a fact that that isn’t due for two weeks. Tonight is NOT the make or break point in that assignment for you.” 

JJ sighed. 

“You need to get out. See the world. Do more than just play soccer, work out and do homework. You’ve been hiding since your break up. It’s not healthy.”

She had told herself she would stop avoiding Emily after she had figured out what her feelings were. Despite JJ’s realization that it was a genuine crush, that JJ truly liked Emily, JJ needed to also be sure that she wasn’t simply rebounding onto someone nearby. 

Someone pretty and smart and kind and who lived _right across the hall._

“It’s trivia night JJ,” Penelope said, “and we have Spencer on our team it’ll be fun.” 

JJ sighed, looked up from where she lay on her bed. 

“Fine.”

“Make yourself pretty, you know who will be there,” Penelope replied, turning back to her make-up mirror to finish applying her purple lipstick. 

“Yeah thanks for that,” JJ said sarcastically, “I saw what you did there.”

“Who, me?” she feigned innocence. 

JJ changed from a plain t-shirt to a tighter, low cut long sleeved blue shirt. She then took her hair out of a ponytail, brushing it out before tucking it carefully behind her ears. On principle, she huffed the entire time, so that Penelope would know that she wasn’t happy about the situation, despite the butterflies in her stomach at the idea of seeing Emily again. 

She took care to apply some eyeshadow, some blush and a pink lip gloss that tastes like strawberries. There was something intimidating about Emily. She looked so… put together. With Will, he never really noticed, or cared, if she wore makeup, but Emily definitely would. 

God. This was stressful. Is this what liking girls was like? If it was, JJ was not sure she was cut out for it. 

At least she was going to be on home territory, as trivia was their thing, something that Penelope and JJ had been doing since their floor was forced into going back in first year. 

JJ was working hard at learning to relax a bit. Between maintaining her grades, soccer, and her new job editing press releases for the student government, she was already being pulled in multiple directions. A night out would be fun, she reminded herself. 

She tried to quell her nerves at going out with Emily. It wasn’t a date or anything. Just friends hanging out. JJ’s friends and Emily’s friends. Penelope’s meddling was further tying her to the girl across the hall by blending their friend groups. 

While half of her mind wanted this to happen, wanted to see Emily all the time and have an excuse to see her, smell her, hear her laugh…. JJ frowned as she realized that her crush complicated everything. Emily was already across the hall, and if she admitted her feelings, and they weren’t reciprocated, she would run into her all the time. Now, with Derek Morgan befriending Penelope and Spencer, and all of them going out together, JJ’s silly crush could send ripples across more than just her own life. 

JJ ran her hands through her hair, worrying about the possible ways she could fuck this up. She did not entertain the possibility that Emily could possibly like her back. First of all, she had no idea if she was straight or not. JJ didn’t even know how to tell. 

JJ glanced over to Penelope, who was finishing up her makeup sitting at her desk, looking into a small mirror on the desk. JJ knew Penelope was queer, as her roommate was not shy about it whatsoever. In her mug full of pens was a pride flag from last year’s pride parade. It was in June, so JJ had been back in Pennsylvania then, but she remembered seeing the joy on Penelope’s face in the photos she posted on Instagram. Penelope wasn’t the person she knew that identified as queer. In fact, Spence had recently told them that he was bi. It wasn’t like JJ was not _aware_ of the community, she thought she was just supporting LGBT+ issues on _principal,_ and for her friends. 

She hadn’t considered that when, in her politics class in high school, she was viciously debating on gay marriage for someone like _herself._ The topics always felt distant. Like something that affected someone else. She was so certain in her heterosexuality that she had _joked_ about it to Penelope earlier in their friendship. 

The token straight friend, she had said. So much for that. 

“Pen,” JJ said, trying to force a neutral tone to her voice, and failing. “How did you know you weren’t straight?”

Penelope turned and simply stared at her for a long moment before giggling and saying: “Are you finally realizing you have a crush on Emily Prentiss?” 

JJ sat up in her chair. 

“What?” 

“Aw darlin’,” Penelope said to her, tilting her head, ”You barely talked about your break up. You were too busy _literally_ running from your feelings for her ever since you ran into her at the library. I had to finally ask her out _for_ you.”

“I–” JJ stuttered. “I talked about my break up.”

“So to answer your question,” Penelope said, matter-of-factly, “I realized when I had my first crush on a girl, just like you’re doing now. Don’t worry about it too much, you’ll drive yourself crazy.”

JJ’s jaw had dropped. 

“Babe, you came home one night babbling about how she taught you French,” Penelope giggled, “You might as well have held up a sign.”

JJ buried her face in her hands. 

“Oh god,” JJ said. “Am I gay? What am I?”

Penelope walked over and tossed her arm around JJ’s shoulders, pulling her into a hug. 

“Aww baby’s first girl crush,” she cooed, “So happy to witness it first hand. You might be gay! Or bi, or something else. Don’t worry too much about the terminology right now.”

Unfortunately, JJ was worrying too much. About not just the terminology. 

Even if Emily was gay, or bi or whatever, she wouldn’t like someone like JJ. She was always a bit of a tomboy, barely knowing how to do make up and dressing like she was going to practise most days. JJ always felt a bit awkward when she dressed up, feeling most at home in joggers and a hoodie. 

Emily, on the other hand, was all elegant with her pretty black hair, her perfect eyeliner and the way she always looked out together when she went out. Moreover, Emily was _cool._ She listened to music on vinyl and her bookshelf was filled with classic novels and smoked cigarettes. She lived in multiple countries, spoke more languages than JJ hoped to ever learn.

Emily’s mom was an ambassador. She had a nanny growing up. She had a single room and was paying out-of-state tuition. Well, her mom was probably paying her tuition. 

JJ could only afford to be here because she was on a soccer scholarship, and barely had enough money to cover her caffeine addiction. The surprise small stipend from her new student government job was probably the thing keeping JJ from applying for a job off campus. 

Emily would never _like_ someone like JJ, she thought. 

After checking herself in the mirror one final time, she looked at the time. 6:54. Emily and her friends would be there soon, and if JJ knew Spencer well, he would be showing up in just under a minute. 

There was a knock at the door. She was right. 

“Hi guys!” He said, entering their dorm room and taking his customary seat on the very edge of JJ’s bed. “Am I dressed properly? I wasn’t sure what to wear to a bar.”

He was wearing a button up, with a beige sweater vest over top, with slacks and converse to complete the outfit. 

“Aw Spence,” JJ said. “You look great, I promise.”

“Remind me to take you to the mall to get some party clothes,” Penelope quipped. 

“Those were two contradicting statements,” he complained. 

Once Penelope had finished adding rhinestones to her makeup look, they opened the door to find Emily flanked by two boys, waiting in the hall. 

Derek Morgan, JJ recognized, but the other one JJ hadn’t met before. 

“Hello all!” Penelope called out from inside their room. 

“Hi Derek, Emily,” JJ said politely, “I’m not sure we’ve met–“

She reached her hand out to shake the new boy’s hand. He was tall, with a shock of black hair and a serious expression on his face. 

“I’m Jennifer, but my friends call me JJ.”

“Nice to meet you,” the boy said with a small—almost non-existent—smile, shaking her hand with a firm, confident grip. “I’m Aaron Hotchner.”

“ _His_ friends call him Hotch,” Derek piped up punching his shoulder in a friendly way. 

“He’s pre-law,” Emily informed her, “we have a bunch of classes together.”

“I do not have that much experience with trivia,” Aaron admits, rubbing his shoulder and feigning injury. 

“No need!” Penelope says, rounding up on the group, “Spencer here is basically a genius. You’re just a warm body.”

“I just have an eidetic memory!” He said, piping up from in the room. 

With introductions complete, they headed to the small pub just off campus. It was a squat brick building tucked between a restaurant and an old book store. It had a nice back patio in the warmer months, and each Monday was trivia night. 

Just inside, the bouncer drew big xs on their hands to indicate that they were underage, which were all promptly wiped off once they were inside and found a table. The atmosphere inside was relaxed, the staff not really caring if people were drinking underage on a Monday night if they didn’t cause trouble.

JJ loved this bar. It was old, with exposed brick walls and large wooden rafters over their heads. The ceilings were low and the bar was packed and loud, making the place feel cozy, yet not quite claustrophobic. On weekdays, it was mostly locals or upper year students, as their peers were more likely to try to drink underage on the weekends. The crowd was quite a few younger adults, with the occasional older couple or group of middle aged women having a girls night. 

They found a table big enough for their group by just to the right of the bar, tucked out of sight, far from the bouncers. The six of them squeezing tight onto the rustic booth and shrugging off their coats. 

Trivia started at 7:30 pm, so they still had time to get settled and acquire some drinks. JJ was squished between Penelope and Emily’s friend Aaron, who was explaining that he played forward on the men’s hockey team. JJ knew he seemed familiar, realizing that she and he had probably crossed paths at athletics functions. 

“Did you guys rub the marker off your hand?” Spencer asked, too loudly, receiving a chorus of shushing in response.

“Dude,” Derek laughed, “Not so loud you’re gonna get us kicked out!”

“What do you mean?” He asked, the classic Reid obliviousness shining through. 

Emily tossed a casual arm around his shoulders. 

“You see,” she said, “we would like to drink this thing called alcohol tonight. If we have an x on our hands, we don’t get served.”

She pointed to the x on his hand. 

“Speaking of which,” Aaron said, standing up, “I’m grabbing a beer, who’s with me?” 

“Me!” Emily jumped up, with Derek on her heels, “What are you guys drinking? This rounds on me!”

JJ balked, drinks here were expensive. Did Emily actually want to buy them drinks? Or was she simply being nice. JJ should say no. 

“Vodka cran, por favour!” Penelope responded before JJ could politely decline. “JJ drinks beer, and Reid will take a soda.”

“What kind of beer?”

“Whatever’s on tap,” JJ said sheepishly, feeling guilty about someone spending money on her. At the same time, with JJ’s baby face, there was little chance the bartender would buy that she was already 21.

“Root beer please!” Spencer called out after her, though Emily had already turned around, following the boys over to lean against the bar. 

The bartender, a gorgeous young woman with shoulder length brown hair was serving Emily, leaning over the bar. Her eyes were rapt with attention as Emily ordered, even giving her a once over before she left to make their drinks. 

Emily seemed to flirt back, but JJ could not hear what she said, the two women going back and forth for a few moments, their attention hardly broken by the other patrons. 

JJ felt jealousy flare in her stomach. 

As Emily’s fingers grasped the glass, the other girl’s hands lingered, and JJ watched the bartender wink at Emily before turning towards the other patrons. Emily had a cropped tank top, with a plaid shirt on top. Her tight jeans gripped her long legs, and her heeled boots gave an extra inch or so to her already impressive height. She looked _hot._ The bartender clearly saw it too.

She tried to push back that jealousy. She had no right to be possessive, Emily and she weren’t dating, or anything, they were friends. New friends. 

“Your girlfriend is so good to us!” Penelope cooed, breaking JJ out of her thoughts. 

JJ felt a blush spread across her face. 

“She’s _not_ my girlfriend,” she sputtered. 

“Have you told her you like her yet?” Spencer asked. 

“ _Guys,”_ JJ exclaimed, “this is not the time. She’s right there.”

“She has not,” Penelope replied. “Even though it’s so obvious that Emily likes her back.”

“Pen!” JJ said as she buried her face in her hands. 

“Spencer you wouldn’t believe it!” she continued, unheeded, “Emily brought her cookies to the game!”

“She was just being nice!” JJ said, peeking out from between her fingers. 

“She didn’t give _me_ any cookies,” Spencer pointed out. “And we spent almost three hours in class together.”

As he said that, Derek, Aaron and Emily returned with not only alcohol, but also nachos and fries for the table. JJ, too polite to protest when being offered food, and who had the appetite of an athlete, dug in. She took a guilty sip of her beer, and felt Emily’s eyes on her. 

Did Emily like her back? That couldn’t be true. JJ was just… Jennifer. JJ. No one special. Not like Emily. JJ decided not to linger on that thought, it wasn’t like JJ would risk their friendship by admitting she had feelings anyways. 

“You know,” Spencer said between mouthfuls, “I’ve never done trivia before, but I’ve been told I’d be good at it.

“No shit, kid,” Derek replied, talking through a mouthful of nachos, “You talk like a textbook.”

Spencer looked like he was unsure whether or not to take that as a compliment. 

“What are the topics?” Emily asked. 

“They don’t tell you until you get here,” Penelope replied, “Someone should be by with papers and pencils. 

As if summoned, a tall girl with short black hair came by, dropping off a pencil and a paper, split into four quadrants with ten blanks on each page. 

“Who wants to write?” JJ asked, looking around the table. 

Hotch was busy scanning the page for the topics: science, television, sports and music, and he didn’t realize the activity going on around him. Everyone, including Reid somehow, (Derek helped him) had stuck their finger to the tip of their nose, the official sign for ‘not it.’

He looked up, seeing the fingers and without comment he grabed the pencil.

“It’s for the best,” Emily said, “My handwriting is illegible.”

“Can vouch for that,” Derek laughed, “It’s like half cursive half something inhuman.”

Emily punched his shoulder and took another drink. 

“So how does this normally work?” Hotch asked, gesturing towards her paper with the pencil.

“Question, two minutes to write down your answer, no phones,” Penelope replied, “Then we swap with a nearby team to mark it! And so on for four rounds.”

“There’s prizes,” JJ added. “Whoever gets the most right in the end wins, we hand in the sheets to the MC to enter.”

“Sweet,” Derek said. 

“We need a name,” JJ said, looking up. 

“The twinkies,” Emily blurted. 

“The… twinkies?” Hotch repeated, incredulously. 

“I don’t know,” Emily muttered, “I panicked.”

The group burst into laughter, which Emily laughed along with. She was a good sport. 

“Let’s get Quizzical,” Penelope offered. 

“I don’t get it,” Spencer said. 

“Quiz me, daddy,” Penelope tried again, winking at Derek. 

“Settle down now, little lady,” Derek said, laughing. 

“We’re _not_ doing that,” JJ laughed. 

She wasn’t sure who looked more horrified at the idea, Spencer or Hotch. 

“Counter intelligence,” Derek proposed instead, it has a nice ring to it and works with the trivia premise. 

“That’s funny,” Penelope said. “And seems ok for the prudish ones amongst us.”

Hotch wrote that down on their page. 

“Hello everyone,” the MC said through a microphone as the music quieted, a hush fell over the bar, with everyone listening to the women speak. “My name is Tara and I’ll be your MC tonight.”

Tara was beautiful, with curled hair tucked behind her ears and a friendly smile, she was tall, wearing high heels making her stand tall over the seated audience. JJ thought she might be a student, as she looked a bit familiar. 

“Hi Tara!” Someone yelled out from the other side of the bar. 

Tara chucked, “Hello Dave. Welcome all to Trivia Night at O’Keefe’s, we have brand-new questions and prizes for you. Are you excited?”

The audience whooped, Hotch pulled the paper close to him and readied his writing hand, taking a quick swig of his beer to prepare himself. 

“We’re going to start off with some science questions,” the MC said.

The group looked expectantly at Spencer, who looked slightly nervous. 

“First question,” Tara announced, “We’ll start by looking outside of our planet, at the others in our solar system. Scientists have long been able to calculate the masses of most planets, including Earth. It has taken longer to measure the masses of Venus and Mercury, primarily because these two planets lack what?”

“Moons, obviously,” Spencer said, too loudly. Other groups clearly overheard, writing the answer down on their cards.

“Reid,” Penelope scolded, “You’re on _our_ team. _Whisper please._ ”

“Sorry,” he murmured, taking a sip of his soda through a small straw. 

“Question two: of what material is a rhinoceros horn made?”

“Bone?” Derek whispered to them, “They look boney.”

“That’s actually a common misconception,” Reid replied, “They’re actually composed of keratin, which is essentially hair.”

“Huh,” Derek tilted his beer in acknowledgement. Hotch wrote that down. 

“How many hearts do octopuses have?”

“Three!” Emily hisses, before Spencer has the chance.  
  


“Nice one,” Hotch murmured back to her.

“I like cephalopods,” Emily said, as explanation. 

JJ desperately wanted to comment on that, but the game moved too quickly. 

The next few questions were rapid fire, covering everything from the speed of a sneeze, to the surface area of the lungs, to the oxygen in the atmosphere, to which letters from the alphabet were missing from the periodic table (the answer was J and Q.)

JJ perked up when she heard the last question: “What are people who study or collect butterflies called?”

“Lepidopterists!” She said, triumphantly before the MC even listed the options.

Everyone looked at her, surprised about her beating even Reid to the punch.

“I- uh,” JJ stammered, “I collected butterflies as a kid.”

JJ caught Emily smiling at that. She looked away, embarrassed. 

Next was music, which, between Hotch and his impressive understanding of dad rock and Penelope’s encyclopedic knowledge of current pop music, and Derek’s well-rounded passion for all genres, they did fine. Reid pouted, as his eidetic memory doesn’t quite work for things he _hasn’t_ read. 

JJ, unfortunately, was not any help. JJ liked music, but she did not bother memorizing facts about writers or sampling or anything like that. She just liked listening to it. 

After that was sports, and that topic went by quickly with JJ, Derek and Hotch answering the questions with a high degree of confidence. 

Hotch, who was already writing aggressively and getting into it, wrote more and more excitedly, and on the second to last sports question—about the composition of a baseball—he snapped the lead off the pencil right off. 

This caused sheer chaos. 

With no writing utensil, one more answer to write down, they scrambled. JJ shrugged helplessly, typically known as the mom friend in her group, she felt bad that she had nothing to offer. After a moment, Penelope discovered a fluffy pink gel pen she found at the bottom of her purse. 

“Is the ink pink, too?” Hotch asked, raising an eyebrow. 

He tried writing. The ink was pink and sparkly. 

“Yes, sir,” Penelope replied. 

“Did you just call me ‘sir’?”

“I don’t know what came over me.”

During the brief intermission between Sports and Television, somehow the Salem witch trials came up in conversation. (It was actually because Penelope had mentioned the Blair Witch Project and Spencer misheard, but that’s neither here nor there). 

“She was four?” JJ demanded, “That doesn’t seem right.”

“Oh I read about this,” Penelope said, “Dorothy something, she was accused of witchcraft alongside her mother.”

“Dorothy Good, also referred to as Dorcas Good, was only four years old when she was arrested in 1692. According to her accusers, she had allegedly bitten them on their arms. She was actually placed in jail and interrogated by Salem officials where they took the fact that she had a pet snake as proof that she was a witch, as the snake would serve the role of her animal familiar.”

“She was a _child,”_ JJ said, horrified.

“Yup,” Spencer replied, unfazed. JJ frowned but continued writing. 

The last one was television, which was very clearly Penelope’s favourite. 

“Friends ended in May 2004 after how many seasons?”

“Oh I know that one,” Hotch said, “Seven.”

Hotch wrote that down in pink ink, the fuzzy pom-pom danced as he wrote. 

“Amy Poehler, Rob Lowe and Chris Pratt worked together on which US comedy series?”

“Parks and Rec,” Penelope said, “Parks and Recreation, God, I should rewatch that. Such amazing girl-power vibes in that one.”

“What were the names of the two government agents played by David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in the 1993-2002 series X-Files?”

“Special Agent Fox Mulder and Dr. Dana Scully,” Emily said with a smile. 

“Wait, you too Prentiss?” Derek said. “Nerding out with Reid tonight.”

“Guilty as charged,” Emily said, “What can I say, I’m a sucker for Gillian Anderson.”

JJ’s mind stuck on that comment. Was she simply a fan of the acting? Or was she implying some sort of attraction to the actress. JJ did not ask. Her mind was wandering for too long, all while looking at Emily, that she missed the next question. 

Whatever it was, Hotch was informing her that the answer was ‘72 survivors’. 

Questions about Saturday Night Live, The Office, Scooby-Doo and a few old-timey shows that they didn’t recognize followed. 

“The last question for the night!” Tara announced, “It’s been lovely being your MC for tonight. I hope you all had as much fun as I did. You ready?”

The crowd cheered.

“Ok this one’s for all the nerds out there: what sci-fi series premiered in 1966?”

“Star Trek: The Original Series,” Reid hissed, struggling to keep his voice down. “Which was the beginning of a franchise that has now lasted over fifty years, spanning nine television series, thirteen films and assorted shorts, video games and novels.”

“Ok Mr. Spock,” Emily laughed, “Thank you for your brain.”

“ _Spock’s Brain_ is actually one of the best episodes in the Original Series,” he replied, JJ couldn’t tell if he had made a joke or was simply spouting another fact. 

As trivia wrapped up, and the scores were being tallied, the bar roared back to life, with music booming and the attendees milling about near the bar, back at the darts and grouping around the tables.

She found herself chatting with Hotch and Penelope, about some question they were unsure about, but her eyes were fixed on Emily and Derek. Derek had a hand in the small of Emily’s back, guiding her past the crowd near the bar. 

JJ wondered if there was really something more there, despite Penelope’s encouragement of her crush on Emily. Maybe she was already into Derek? He was very affectionate with all of his friends, especially Penelope, so maybe it was nothing. But still, Emily seemed to be reciprocating. 

But the hand didn’t leave, it held her close, almost protectively, something a boyfriend would do. 

JJ turned away, pushing the thoughts away and slamming the last of her third beer, scanning for where Spencer had run off to after the game wrapped up. He was seated with two other people at a table near the back, talking excitedly at them while they looked at him with rapt attention. Out of curiosity, she wandered over.

Maybe she can hang out with Spence as she banished the strange feelings of jealousy burning in her chest. 

“Return to tomorrow?” the girl asked Spencer, leaning over the table in excitement. 

“Return to tomorrow, season two, production number fifty-one,” Reid replied, “An alien named Sargon takes over Kirk’s body while two others take over Spock and Dr. Mulhall.”

JJ frowned, she had no idea what he was talking about, but recognized that it seemed like the plot of an episode of Star Trek.

“Alien races appearing?”

“Trick question, a race is never identified. Sargon is a disembodied mind?”

“Dr. McCoy quote?”

He looked stumped for a moment. 

“Five, four, three, two-”

“I will not peddle flesh, I’m a physician!” He concludes enthusiastically. 

This all appeared to be an extension of his trivia game. JJ was happy that he was making friends, despite him worrying that he wouldn’t fit in at a bar, he seemed to have found his people. 

JJ gave him an affectionate pat on his shoulder before passing, on her way to the dart board. With Reid occupied, Derek and Emily _flirting_ at the bar and Hotch and Penelope hitting it off, JJ decided to show some random boys up.

It would make her feel better.

There was a pair already at the board, tossing the darts fairly inaccurately. JJ asked if she could join, batting her eyelashes in a way she knew would grab their attention quickly. 

They immediately welcomed her in, handing her some darts. She hit the nineteen, twenty and dead centre in quick succession. The rush of the game kept away her earlier feelings of jealousy, centering her in the moment and her goal.

The boys were floored. JJ was _good_ at darts. 

She played three rounds, slamming them each time easily. Amateurs. They were drunk, aggressive with their throwing, all force no finesse. Typical men.

After the third round, they left for the bar, offering to grab her a drink to celebrate her win, she followed close by, knowing better than to leave a drink unattended, but also not passing up the opportunity to drink for free when it was a silly boy paying. 

Maybe she _should_ rebound after her break up and sleep with a random man. She looked at the man in front of her, he was tall, with dark hair and hazel eyes, wearing a tight fitting white shirt. His companion had sandy brown hair and dark eyes, but neither of them were stirring anything in JJ’s heart. Both were objectively attractive, but neither were the beautiful brunette that lived across the hall. 

JJ accepted her drink graciously, knowing she had to fill another few minutes of small talk before it was appropriate for her to rejoin her friends. 

The one boy was telling her about darts, in detail, despite the fact that she had informed him that she did know how to play, and had just beat him at the game. 

“Can I steal JJ from you guys for a sec?” She felt a hand on her bicep and Emily’s sweet voice in her ear.

JJ turned and the taller girl was next to her, her hand resting lightly on her bare arm, feeling electricity where their skin touched. 

“Uh, yeah,” the brown haired boy said, JJ didn’t remember his name, “Of course.”

JJ smiled apologetically before allowing herself to be led away.

“Thought you could use an out,” Emily whispered in her ear, “You looked bored.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” JJ replied. “I was.”

They stopped further down the bar, standing close, with Emily looking down at her, their hips brushing each other. JJ could smell her perfume over the ambient smell of alcohol, bar food and the old building. 

“ _Men,_ ” Emily laughed, “Am I right?”

They laughed. JJ wasn’t sure exactly what she meant but she thought she got the gist. JJ gulped down a sip of her drink, a vodka soda that the boy had chosen for her. 

“Speaking of, are you and Derek, uh,” JJ asked, nervously, “A _thing?”_

Emily’s eyes widened, and her lips tugged into a smile, she began to laugh. 

“Derek Morgan?” She guffawed, “Absolutely not, that boy is like my _brother._ Oh my god, JJ you thought we were together?”

JJ felt herself sigh a breath of relief, hoping that it was not visible on her face.

“I just saw how he was at the bar,” JJ explained, “I just assumed.”

“Oh _that,”_ Emily smiled, “I asked him to basically pretend to be my boyfriend, _a beard_ if you will. Keeps guys hands from wandering.”

JJ frowned, that she could empathize with. 

“But no, we’re very much just friends.”

JJ looked over to their table: Derek, Hotch and Penelope were currently playing a game that seemed to consist of tossing coins into Reid’s empty soda can. 

There was a comfortable silence for a moment, both girls listened to the music, standing closely, closer than they needed to. 

Emily ordered them another round, and by that point JJ had given up protesting, realizing that this is just what Emily did. 

Grabbing their drinks, Emily handed JJ’s to her. They smiled and raised their glasses in cheers. 

“To new and old friends,” Emily said, “and to us winning at trivia!”

“I can drink to that!” 

Both accidentally raised their arms too enthusiastically, their glasses crashed together. Emily’s grip slipped and the glass went tumbling out of her hand, right onto JJ. She was suddenly damp and sticky, the liquid soaking through JJ’s thin shirt. 

“Oh my god,” Emily gasped, “I’m so sorry.” 

“Shit,” JJ gasped, putting her own drink down onto the bar and stepping back. “It’s ok, it was both of our faults.” 

“Let’s get you to the bathroom,” Emily said, with a hand pressed to the small of her back, leading her away from the bar. As an afterthought, Emily grabbed JJ’s drink and carried it with them.

A few people gave her concerned glances, one patron offering her a small napkin that did basically nothing. JJ wasn’t mad, it was fully an accident, but now she was just desperate to dry off. 

Now, JJ was acutely aware of Emily’s hand on her lower back. Warm and firm, it guided her into the bathroom. 

As soon as the door shut, the silence made JJ’s ears ring. Emily had turned to the paper towel dispenser, yanking probably four feet of it off and bunching it up before handing it to JJ.

It was a small bathroom basically just the room, one sink and no hand dryer, much to JJ’s sadness.

JJ hoisted herself up onto the counter, taking the paper towel from Emily, patting her shirt hopelessly. The alcohol soaking into the cotton and leaving the shirt a noticeably darker blue. JJ sighed. 

“I’m such a klutz,” Emily said apologetically. “My mom always was on my case for it.”

“It’s not your fault, Em,” JJ said, “it was an accident.”

Emily grabbed more paper towels, moving closer and helping her, patting on the shirt, over her stomach. 

JJ held her breath, realizing that Emily was so _close._ JJ could look up, see Emily’s face, looking concentrated, with her perfect red lips right there. Her strong hands were carefully dabbing at her shirt, fussing over JJ in a way that made her heart skip a beat. Emily’s collarbones led down to her chest, visible with her low cut chest. JJ felt herself blush, looking up to the ceiling, feeling embarrassed at these thoughts. 

JJ’s top hadn’t changed much, besides it feeling a bit less damp, it still showed the liquid clear as day. 

“This is doing just about nothing,” JJ sighed, clearing her throat. “Maybe I should just go home. It’s getting late anyways.”

“Nonsense,” Emily said. “You can wear this.”

JJ’s jaw dropped as Emily shrugged her plaid shirt off her shoulders, revealing her tank top underneath and handed it to her. JJ took it, dumbly, closing her mouth but saying nothing. 

Emily turned around, clicking the lock on the door, and leaning her shoulder against it, just in case. She took a sip out of JJ’s glass, casually, as if JJ was not about to take her shirt off behind her. 

Emily’s back was to her, but JJ sat, frozen, holding this new shirt in her hand. JJ pulled her wet shirt off, very aware of being naked in front of Emily. Well, shirtless, with her white bra visible, but still feeling incredibly naked. 

She quickly buttoned up the plaid shirt, it was oversized and a warm grey with hints of green and navy, feeling very incredibly soft. 

Warm and dry, JJ felt the shirt envelop her in what felt like a hug. A hug from Emily. 

JJ hopped off the counter and smoothed out her new shirt, Emily’s shirt. JJ folded up her wet shirt and held it in her left hand. The other girl turned and looked JJ up and down, with an unreadable expression on her face. 

“You look good,” Emily commented. 

“Thank you,” JJ managed. 

They stared at each other, for a moment, the room filling with a tension that made her shiver. The music thumped from the other room, but JJ’s heartbeat was deafening. She had accidentally stripped a layer off of Emily, and desperately wanted to take more off of her. Emily’s black tank was riding up, revealing a small strip of her stomach above her high waisted jeans. Emily’s face was flushed from the alcohol, her pale skin becoming pink on her cheeks and nose. JJ thought back to that morning when she had caught Emily in her PJs, of what she knew was under her shirt. This too hugged her curves, revealing hints about what lay beneath. 

“We better get back,” JJ found herself whispering. 

The bathroom was small, so the two of them were packed together in the tiny space. Emily suddenly leaned forward, closing the distance between them, reaching her hands out towards JJ. 

JJ’s heart raced, unsure what to expect. _Was Emily going to kiss her? No. Why would she? Oh my god what if she was?_

Emily’s hand carefully fixed her collar, tugging on it slightly. 

“There,” Emily whispered, “you’re perfect.” 

JJ closed her eyes at the feeling of Emily’s hands on her. Sighing slightly. 

She chastised herself for being silly. Emily was just fixing her collar. Being a good friend. 

“Let’s get back,” JJ said. 

“If we have to,” Emily replied. JJ tried not to read into that too much. 

They returned to their table, squeezing back in tightly with their overcrowded group of friends. They were in a heated debate about the Zodiac killer. Neither girl knew how the conversation got there, but Emily immediately joined the conversation. 

After a few minutes, and after quite a few sly looks from Penelope, the MC tapped on the mic, gaining the audience's attention. 

“We officially have a winner!” Tara announced, “With 36 points, it’s Counter Intelligence!”

Their table erupted in cheers. They had _won!_ There were a flurry of high fives, hugs and fist bumps in their celebration. 

Tara, the MC came over to their table to congratulate them. She told them that they had beat out the second place by one point. 

“Impressive work everyone,” Tara said, “that’s close to a high score, and these were hard questions.”

“We have a great team,” Penelope said with a grin. 

“I can tell,” Tara replied. “Are you all going to come back next week? It’s Halloween themed!”

They looked at each other, then nodded at her. It was a plan. 

“See you then!” Tara said. 

She gave them their prizes, which were mugs with the bars logo printed in white on the green mugs. She would treasure it. 

JJ finds herself yawning, catching the eye of Emily, who said: “we better get JJ to bed, looks like she’s fading.”

 _Please_ , JJ thought sleepily, resting her drunk head on her hand, _take me to bed_.

Sitting down, JJ’s five or so drinks had hit her hard, and she dreaded standing up and risking stumbling. She was drunk. JJ wasn’t a light weight, but over their time at the bar, she had gotten quite a bit of alcohol into her system. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” JJ could feel Penelope grab her arm and hoist her up. JJ leaned on her, feeling a warm affection for her friend in the moment. 

Together, they walked home in the cold night air. Laughing, chatting and walking together amicably, all holding their prizes in hand. JJ leaned into Penelope’s side, feeling warm despite the chill of the air. Something felt incredibly right about that moment, those people. 

She didn’t want it to end. 

They went their separate ways from Hotch once they got to campus, bidding him farewell, not before Penelope added him to a group chat titled “The Team 🕺” in reference to their trivia playing. Hotch promised he’d join them all again next week. 

Once they climbed the stairs to their floor, Reid continued up to his room and the four of them found themselves trying to quietly return to their rooms without getting caught by the RA. 

Despite being served for the entire night, if they got caught drinking underage they would get in a lot of shit, especially Derek and JJ on their athletic scholarships. 

Muffled whispers and giggling filled the air as they walked through the common room.

Derek hugged them all goodbye—he seemed to be a hugger JJ surmised—and went to his room down the hall. 

“Oh!” JJ said, spinning to face Emily in the hall. Penelope had already entered their dorm, with the door closing behind her. “I can give your shirt back tomorrow! I can… er… wash it for you. It probably smells like beer now.”

Emily gazed at her, from over her shoulder as she unlocked her door, looking JJ up and down.

“Keep it,” she said. “It looks good on you.”

JJ would swear she saw Emily wink at her, but couldn’t be sure. 

Emily disappeared into her dorm room, and JJ went into hers. 

She slept with the shirt folded neatly next to her pillow, the smell of Emily’s perfume filling her senses as she dreamt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say howdy on tumblr @gravelyhumerus! i make jemily content on there too. also happy halloween! next few chapters will be festive for the spooky szn


	7. Hallowe'en

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A severe storm warning ruins their Hallowe'en plans. Or does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick turn around on this one! I know you all were waiting awhile for the last one so I wanted to give you a festive present xo. also this chapter is so chaotic i'd like to apologize in advance lol

After trivia night, Emily Prentiss found her world had shifted slightly. 

For the first time in her life, she had a friend group: a consistent presence of not only just Derek and the occasional Hotch, but also Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia and most importantly, Jennifer Jareau. 

Emily noticed it most in the dining hall. Most mornings this semester, she would grab coffee and maybe an apple on her way to class. Now, she was invited to breakfast in the caf. And everyone was _also_ invited, so the six of them began eating not only breakfasts together when their schedules lined up, but soon that melded to include dinners and the odd lunch between classes. While Penelope initiated at the beginning, soon this became a routine. 

While they were all busy, and driven people, all with full course loads, extracurriculars and miscellaneous commitments, they managed to get the whole team together multiple times that week. 

A few times, extra faces joined them. Penelope’s friend from class, Kevin… something, joined for a lunch on Wednesday. He sat shyly as Derek stared him down the entire time. On Thursday, somehow Hotch convinced their Criminology TA, David Rossi, who was part time Masters Student and part time weed dealer, to have lunch with the bribe of them using their guest pass so he could get a free meal. He reluctantly acquiesced, but seemed to enjoy himself. On Friday, the day before Halloween, Emily brought Tara Lewis, the MC from the Trivia night that was two years ahead of her in criminology, they ran into each other in the quad, recognizing each other. This open door policy made these dinners fun, with new faces alongside their _team._

This was all new for Emily. Not having friends, that is, because Emily could always muddle along with some friends, and when she was younger she shaped herself easily into whatever the popular kids wanted her to be. No, it was new because it was so _easy._ The team, as they now called themselves as a shorthand, had fallen together so effortlessly. 

Today was Halloween and they had plans at Dave’s student house, the shabby place that she had ran into JJ, Penelope and Spencer all that time ago. Had it only been a month? She felt like she had known them all for lifetimes by now. 

It happened that way with Derek last year, the whole living together thing sped up that connection. Intimacy comes fast when you brush your teeth next to someone. 

Emily was sitting at her desk, finishing up her makeup. She was aiming for a vampire, which wasn’t hard given her previous fashion aesthetic. 

Yes, Emily did have a goth phase. She will admit it. Not to her new friends just yet, and Derek had been sworn to secrecy. She was now a much more toned down goth, more alt than goth, wearing mostly black but significantly less chains and make up. 

Tonight, she wore her fishnets, a short black dress and a cape that was already tied around her shoulders. She had put a slightly too pale foundation on her face, down her neck, and was currently working on her eye liner. She carefully created elegant swoops over her lashes, coming to sharp points. 

Next, she added a deep red lipstick. Blood red. It was all very spooky. 

Finally, she struggled to test out the fake teeth insert that she had ordered online, slipping it over her top teeth. It fit surprisingly well. 

“Happy Halloween,” she said to herself, testing out whether or not she had a lisp. She did. She didn’t care. It was perfect. 

Emily did a couple of spins in the mirror on the back of the door. Turning off the overhead light, she looked at herself in the glowing light of her string lights. 

She was satisfied. She looked like a hot vampire. 

She grabbed her tote bag, which was filled with six miscellaneous beers and coolers that she had leftover from the last few weeks, knowing that she hated the cheap hoppy beer that Rossi would have at his party. 

Emily was picky about her alcohol.

She glanced out the window, considering taking an extra layer. It was dreary outside, with the sky an eerie green and powerful gusts of wind rattling the window. Emily grabbed her leather jacket. 

Hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and draping her coat over her arm, Emily peeked out of her door, looking out into the hall. In both directions were students in costume; she spotted a Frankenstein, a couple of cats and even someone dressed up in an inflatable t-Rex suit. 

She made sure her door was locked and then walked down the hall to Derek’s room, who was at the very end of the hall, as he had lucked out and got a massive room with lots of windows, across from the showers. 

She opened the door, finding just about all of their friends already there, sneakily drinking out of mugs, cups and water bottles. 

Reid was a zombie, wearing tattered, bloody clothes and a full face of makeup that Emily assumed that Penelope did for him. Sitting next to his computer, queueing music for their pre, was Derek, dressed in a baseball jersey and hat, apparently as a baseball player. This was expected, he wasn’t big on Halloween. Hotch was… a devil? He wore all black and simply had devil horns on his head. Low commitment but the spirit was there. 

Emily hoisted herself onto Derek’s bed and greeted her friends. 

Spencer was sneaking up behind Derek, peeking his head over his shoulder. Derek, at that moment, seemed to be texting, squinting down at his phone. 

“I’m going to eat you!” Spencer yelled into Derek’s ear, causing the larger man to jump to his feet, swatting at the boy in his fright. 

Emily laughed at her friend’s distress. He _really_ didn’t like Halloween that much. 

“Are you ready for a spooktacular evening?” Spence asked, making his voice wobbly as he put on a dramatic effect. He shone an orange, pumpkin patterned flashlight under his chin.

“Of course,” Emily lisped, “In fact, I vant to drink your blood!”

She lunged forward, and Spencer hid from her behind Derek. It was silly but she could tell how much he liked Halloween, he had talked about it all week, and she couldn’t help but adopt a lispy vampire voice to go with her costume. Though the boy was only two year younger than them, his thin frame and wide eyed expression made him seem much younger. 

“Your teeth are excellent,” Spencer pointed out, “Very realistic.”

“I don’t get the hype about Halloween,” Derek said, “Disguises? Pass. Horror movies? No thank you.”

“Booooooo,” Emily protested, “Don’t be a buzzkill, Morgan. Let us have a little fun.”

The door opened again, and Penelope, followed by JJ, joined them. 

“Is my statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder being lame again?”

“He barely dressed up,” Emily complained.

“Neither did Hotch!” Derek said, gesturing to Hotch’s devil horns. 

“Hey, at least I bought these at the party store,” Hotch said, “I’m sure both of those are items from your own closet.”

Derek did not confirm or deny this. Emily knew he wore the same get up last year.

“So when should we be there?” JJ asked.

She was dressed as a witch, with an oversized pointy hat perched on top of her head, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders in perfect curls. She wore a purple dress and tall boots to go with her witch look. She and Penelope joined Spencer on the floor, sitting with their backs to Derek’s closet and cracking open a beer for JJ and a fruity cooler for Penelope. 

With large wings, glittery make up and an adorable skirt, Penelope was clearly dressed up as a fairy, which was entirely apropos to who she was as a person. In fact, it was not entirely dissimilar from her normal outfits. 

“Rossi said to come by eight,” Hotch said, “So in party talk he means nine-thirty earliest.”

“It’s, what?” Derek checked the time on his laptop, “Eight fifteen now, so we can pre here for an hour or so then start walking over.”

“Yeah,” Hotch said, “His house is just off campus.”

“The weather is crazy out,” Penelope said, looking out the window. The trees were swaying and the leaves were blowing everywhere.

“We could take a cab?” Emily offered, “I’d rather avoid getting leaves in my hair tonight.”

There were some nods, then they got back to preing, playing a few rounds of King’s Cup to ensure that all of them were sufficiently drunk before they left.

Morgan put on his new playlist, not “For The Boys (and emily)” this time, but one titled “Team Vibez” that Emily had seen him make during their lecture on Thursday. It had a lot of his normal songs, some top hits, but a few fun pop songs that Emily knew he added for Penelope, and even some classic rock for Hotch. 

At this point, Emily was feeling buzzed. She had two cans discarded in the bin, both hosting lipstick prints from her dark red vampire lips. 

JJ was currently chatting with Hotch about some student government scandal that was happening at the time. While politics gave Emily the heebie jeebies, she had reluctantly joined the Criminology Academic Society. It would give her a leg up on grad school applications, for one, and so far, even as a low-level member, she found she was actually making a difference for her classmates. This meant that Emily, despite her deepest urges to not touch political scandals with a ten foot pole, knew _exactly_ what they were talking about.

As the two discussed the student politicians—there were some minor accusations of nepotism, embezzlement and coverups by the undergraduate executive—Emily looked at JJ. Her brows were furrowed in concentration and she was gesturing wildly with her hands as she talked about how badly they were handling their crisis communications. 

Suddenly, interrupting this discussion, their phones blasted out a siren, followed by a chorus of the same robot voice announcing an emergency alert.

“National Weather Service: TORNADO WARNING in this area until 10:15PM EST,” the robot announced, “Take shelter now in a basement or an interior room on the lowest floor of a sturdy building.”

They looked at Derek’s three, large windows, and watched as large gusts of wind sent leaves barrelling down the street.

“If you are outdoors, in a mobile home, or in a vehicle, move to the closest substantial shelter and protect yourself from flying debris,” it continued. “Check media.”

Then, their phones went silent and Derek’s music continued unheeded. 

“A _tornado?!”_ Penelope said, “Here?”

The window rattled. Derek stood up and hesitantly moved away from it. 

Penelope grabbed Derek’s computer, her hands moving in a flurry.

“Ok so,” she began, “from what I can gather from the good old Internet, we’re in a region of extreme winds and the meteorologists are thinking that funnel clouds and tornados are possible this evening.”

“So much for Halloween,” Spencer whined. 

“Party is definitely off,” Hotch said. “We should probably take shelter. Is there a basement here?”

“There’s the laundry room?” Emily said. 

Adrenaline started pulsing through her veins. She’d been through some severe weather before in her life but never a tornado, nor did she expect one. They were in the north east, nowhere near tornado Alley. 

They all stood, making a move for the basement, when the lights flickered once, twice, then shut off entirely. Rain begin to fall down, hard onto the windows, and the boom of thunder filled their ears. 

“Shit,” Emily said. “Anyone have a candle?”

* * *

Ten minutes later, the six of them were seated in a circle, on the strange carpeted floor of the laundry room, with the severe weather making the wind howl outside. Between JJ’s two candles, which were very against the rules, and Derek’s laptop screen, they had enough ambient light to see, but it was all very spooky. 

The room smelled damp and earthy, with a strange combination of laundry soaps and dryer sheets. They had to move a spare sock to form a circle around the candle. It looked very much like a séance, so that did fit the Halloween spirit. 

“Well,” Hotch said, “At least this is festive.”

Derek was still queuing his music, filling the silence with his DJ skills. 

“Aren’t you worried about your battery life?” JJ asked, “What if the power doesn’t come on in the morning.”

“Then I have a great excuse not to finish my essay,” Derek said with a shrug.

“Fair point.”

“Anyways,” Derek continued, “No sense giving up on our party. We have drinks, we have music and thanks to JJ we have illegal candles.”

“They’re not illegal!” She protested, “Simply very against res rules! I like lighting a candle while I study.”

“It’s lucky that there was no one left in res because of Halloween,” Emily said. “Or we would've had a bunch of party crashers.”

“This is better,” Penelope, “Team bonding!”

“What should we play?” Hotch said, “we don’t really have much to work with.”

“This is all very high school,” Penelope said, “A couple of kids, in a basement, sitting in a circle on the floor…”

“With a tornado tearing through our city…” Emily quipped. 

“Statistically speaking for this region we are more likely to experience dangerous winds rather than an actual tornado. Worst case is that fallen tree branches hit power lines, or fall onto houses or cars.”

“So you’re saying that we’re in the worst case scenario right now?” Hotch said. 

“Yup.”

Hotch frowned. 

“How about we play truth or dare?” Penelope changed the subject.

“I’m down,” Emily said, surprising herself. “If everyone else is.”

“I’ve never played!” Spencer said.

“Never?” JJ asked. “Not at any sleepovers.”

“I didn’t get invited to many sleepovers.”

“Neither did I,” Emily admitted, “Some parties I went to played it too.”

JJ looked at her, there was a brief look of sympathy, and then understanding on her face. Emily made note of that. 

“I guess we’re playing,” Hotch murmured. 

“Derek,” Penelope purred, “Mon cher, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he said defiantly, bracing himself with a swig of whatever was in his water bottle.

“Who is the prettiest fairy in the basement?”

“You, of course,” he replied with a wink. 

“Gross!” Emily exclaimed, “Truth or dare is not for flirting. Hotch: truth or dare?”

“Dare,” he said with a quirk of his eyebrow. 

“Show us the… most embarrassing photo of you on your phone.” 

He frowned. 

“I don’t take many photos.”

“Try,” Emily urged with a laugh. 

He fumbled in his pockets, grabbing his phone and scrolling through his photo album for a few minutes. 

“It’s from high school,” Hotch said with a sigh. “I was in a play.”

He held up a photo of him in a pirates outfit, he looked smaller, younger than he did now. His hair was shaggy and his face rounder. He was pointing the sword at the camera. 

“Who’s the girl?” JJ asked. 

“My girlfriend Hayley,” Hotch said, “we’re long distance now. I joined the play to get close to her and it seems to have worked.”

“That’s not embarrassing,” Penelope said, “that’s adorable. Try again.”

“Oh I have one!” Emily said, pulling up her Snapchat memories. She had a photo of him conked out in a lecture last year. His mouth was open and his head conked back, fast asleep in a dimly lit lecture hall. Emily had taken a series of these photos before waking him up. 

“Now that’s what i'm talking about,” Derek said. 

“How can you _fall asleep_ during lecture?” Spencer asked in horror. 

Hotch shrugged. 

“I was tired, we had a game the night before,” Hotch said. “Morgan: Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I don’t know any dares,” Hotch looked around for help. 

“He could play the tinder game?” Emily said. 

“What tinder game?” 

“Oh that’s a good one,” JJ said, “Derek opens tinder and we randomly tell him which way to swipe and see who he matches with.”

Derek groaned. Opening the app and placing it down onto the carpet. 

“Right!” JJ said to start. 

A match. 

“Left?” Hotch said, it came out more like a question. 

“Right,” Emily said. Another match. 

Left, right, left, right. New message from a recent match, left, right, right, right, right. Derek looked on in horror. 

“Ok I think he’s had enough,” Emily said with a laugh. 

“Derek it’s your turn,” Penelope said. 

Derek sighs in relief. 

“Uhhh, Pretty Boy,” he turned to Reid. Thinking for a moment. “Have you ever smoked before?”

“Smoked what? Cannabis, tobacco? Something else. Be specific.”

Emily’s jaw dropped. 

“I dunno man,” Derek said, “I was talking about weed but go off.” 

“I have.”

“How?” JJ said, “You’re like sixteen! I haven’t even smoked weed.”

“Me neither,” Penelope said, sounding outright disappointed. 

“I believe it,” Hotch said. “He has a Juul.”

“Seventeen now,” Spencer said. “Kids in my first degree found it funny when I performed actions that they deemed mature for my young age. 

“What?” Penelope said. “But you were sixteen last week.”

“It was my birthday on Wednesday,” he said. 

“And we missed it?” JJ asked.

Emily decided not to inform them that her birthday had been a few weeks back as well. 

“It’s no big deal,” Spencer said, “I don’t really do birthdays.”

“Well I do birthdays!” Penelope said, “and you’re getting one.”

Emily could see the gears turning in Penelope’s head.

“Wait you haven’t smoked weed?” Emily said. She didn’t mean to sound so surprised, but hell, it was college. 

“I’ve never been offered,” Penelope said with a shrug.

“You have a Juul, Spence?” JJ said. 

He shrugged. 

“Anyways,” Derek said with a laugh. “Reid it’s your turn to ask.”

And the game continued roughly the same for a few more rounds, with some truths, some dares, a lot of drinking and a fair amount of laughter. 

Emily learned that JJ likes some angry rock music when she’s upset, that Penelope has committed several federal crimes, that Reid used to coach basketball in high school, that Derek has been posing nude for art classes on campus for extra cash, and that Hotch has never successfully completed a word search in his life. 

The dares were limited, because frankly they were basically hiding out in a basement during what might actually be a tornado. Emily was dared to do an impression of Hotch, which wasn’t good and involved a lot of eyebrows and frowning. After, JJ was forced to leave her snapchat at Garcia’s mercy for the entire night. Other dares involved dancing, attempting gymnastics, and seeing whether or not Reid fit into the dryer. He did. 

The game finally had played out when it was Hotch’s turn again to ask. 

“JJ, what’s your greatest fear?” Hotch asked.

“Mr. Serious over here,” Derek said with a whistle. 

“Probably the woods,” JJ replied. 

“Why?” Spencer asked, tilting his head. 

JJ grabbed a candle, holding it under her chin much like Reid did earlier. 

“I used to be a camp counselor, when I was a teenager. In the woods up in Vermont.”

She leaned forward. Emily didn’t know she worked at a camp. It made sense. She pictured her in a camp t-shirt making a bracelet. It suited her. 

“I had the night shift. I tucked the girls in, turned off the lights. The typical drill. Everything seemed fine; all the kids were asleep. You know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.”

Another dramatic pause, both Spencer and Derek had leaned in, invested in the story. 

“Until I noticed there was some blood, on the hallway floor. So, I followed the blood trail out to the camp director’s cabin, walked up to his bed and he was just lying there, underneath his covers. Dead!”

Penelope gasped. The room was silent.

“Someone stabbed him. I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall. I just remember it… being really dark. Once I got to the door, there was another counselor there. I guess she heard me scream.”

JJ set the candle down, looking at the flame flicker. This couldn’t be real, Emily thought, this had to be a joke. 

“They caught the caretaker on his way to town, I guess he still had the knife on him.” 

“Anyway, I guess that’s probably when I decided I didn’t like the woods.”

“You’re serious?!” Derek demanded. 

“No!” JJ said with a laugh. “You bought that! I’m kidding!”

“So _are_ you afraid of the woods?” Emily asked.

“Yeah,” JJ said, “They’re spooky I don’t know.”

They all laughed at that. 

Emily glanced at her phone; they had been down here for almost two hours. According to Penelope’s intermittent checks on the status of the extreme weather, most of the city was experiencing black outs, but there was no sign of an actual tornado. They were still supposed to take shelter for the next hour or so, just in case. 

In this time, Emily was close to five drinks in, with only one left in the basement. A growing pile of empties had built up around them, and Hotch had pulled out a small bottle of whiskey in addition to his beer, passing it around the circle. Having recently turned 17, the group had officially decided to give Spencer a beer, which he nursed slowly, wincing at the bitter taste. 

“Emily,” JJ turned to her and looked mischievous. “Truth or dare?”

She felt her heart flutter.

“Truth.”

“Hmmm…” JJ said, “Where was the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?”

Emily found herself blushing at the memory.

“Oh god,” Emily buried her face in her hands. “IHOP parking lot.”

“ _What?”_

Emily nodded, downing the last of her beer. 

“No further questions,” she proclaimed as she opened her next drink.

“I think that should conclude Truth or Dare,” Penelope said, “It’s time for another sleepover classic, since some of you are sleepover virgins.”

She grabbed Derek’s water bottle, plopping it down onto the carpet and spun it. 

“Spin the bottle!”

Emily went pale. What was Penelope _doing?_ She stared into her drunk, not daring to look at anyone else. 

“That doesn’t seem very sanitary,” Spencer said.

“Boo,” Penelope, “You’re no fun. It’s a classic! And we’re all friends, it’ll be fun. Hotch you spin first.”

He looked horrified, but took the bottle. There was no getting in the way of Penelope Garcia’s will.

“The rules are simply: kiss or you have to finish your drink?,” Penelope said, “Got it?

Hotch nodded, he spun the bottle. It went around the circle, once, twice, three times, then landed clearly on himself.

“How do I kiss myself?” he said, deadpan. 

“Drink!” Emily told him. He downed his last beer.

Derek spun next, rubbing his hands together nervously as it went around and around. It landed on Penelope.

“Come here, chocolate thunder!” 

Derek took his baseball cap off, turning it backwards. Penelope pulled his shirt towards her, tugging on him as their lips met. They both closed their eyes, she could hear JJ giggle at the sight.

“Was that the only reason we’re playing this?” Spencer asked, “So that you could kiss Morgan?”

“Maybe?” Penelope, “What’s it to you, boy-genius!” 

He put his hands up in surrender, it was his turn. 

He spun the bottle awkwardly, so that it rocked back and forth in addition to spinning. It went around once before landing on JJ.

Emily wasn’t sure what to think about that. On one hand, he was just a kid and the kiss wouldn't _be_ anything, but on the other hand, Emily was jealous that she didn’t get a kiss. 

“Come here, Spence!” JJ said, making a grabbing motion at the boy and laughing. 

He leaned in with his eyes closed, Emily wouldn’t be surprised if he told them he hadn’t done even this before. JJ put a hand on his face, turned it gently, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Derek clapped him on the back and made a comment about it being ‘pretty boy’s first kiss,’ and Reid simply sat and blushed as he busied himself with drinking some of his beer. 

Emily’s turn. She tried not to cross her fingers and pray for JJ, but it happened anyways. It landed on Derek. Emily sighed dramatically.

“Ewwww,” Emily mock protested.

“Come on, princess,” Derek jeered, “You know you want some of this!”

He lifted his t-shirt up and rubbed his hands down his abs.

“Put that _away_ sir!” she covered her eyes. 

“Oh come here,” she said, leaning in. They kissed on the lips with a loud ‘mwah!’ noise. 

“That was cute,” Hotch commented.

Emily fake gagged, while Morgan tried to wipe her red lipstick off him. 

Last was JJ in the circle. She spun it casually. Emily tried to read her facial expression, wondering if JJ, too, wanted it to land on Emily.

See, Emily was starting to believe that JJ liked her back. She was single, and for all Emily knew, she was straight, but the more Emily got to know her, she got queer vibes. She played soccer! Her nails were short and- 

Emily couldn’t think of any other things that moment, as she was currently freaking out about the spin the bottle situation that was presently unfolding. 

_The moment in the bathroom,_ Emily thought, _that was something!_ The way she looked at Emily… she was sure that she felt JJ’s eyes on her linger. 

The bottle landed on Emily. They had to kiss. It was part of the game.

_Holy shit._

Penelope squealed and Emily could feel the entire room's eyes on her, except JJ whose eyes were on the ground. 

Emily could hear her heartbeat. She desperately wanted to kiss JJ but did she want to under these circumstances? For a dare? 

JJ looked at her. Blue eyes staring into brown. She could hear her blood rushing in her ears. She found herself leaning forward, only slightly. JJ did the same. Her lips parted, her eyes hungry.

Emily shifted forward, she sat with her legs tucked under her, bracing herself with her arms. JJ was cross legged, her arms free to grab at her face. JJ’s hands tugged her forward.

Their lips met. 

It was uncertain, chaste, soft. Then, JJ’s hands pulled her closer. They were pressed together, heads tilting so that their noses didn’t bump.

Jennifer Jareau was kissing her. They were _kissing!_

Emily’s brain short circuited. JJ filled her senses; the blonde’s vanilla perfume and soft lips and the taste of alcohol on her tongue. 

_Oh god, her tongue._

Emily did not want it to end. Their mouths opened and their tongues slid against each other, feeling so perfect and sending Emily’s blood racing away from her face and noticeably south. 

JJ was incredibly hot and Emily desperately wanted to do more than kiss her. Or kiss her like this forever. Her ams were caressing her cheek and tangled in Emily’s hair, pulling her closer.

The lights flickered on; they had power, again. JJ pulled away from her, sharply. 

Emily sat back, sitting up straight. The room was luckily too distracted by the lights to notice how out of breath Emily was. Or that they probably shouldn’t have passionately made out on a dare. 

JJ wouldn’t meet her eye, but Emily could see her own lipstick on the other girl’s lips. Emily blinked at the bright light, started by the sudden return of the electricity after she had become accustomed to the dim light of the candle.

“What impressive timing,” Spencer murmured.

Taking the lights as a good sign, Penelope checked on the emergency alert. It was over and they were safe to go back upstairs. She found out that a few downed trees were the cause of the outage and there was never an actual tornado. No one was hurt but there was a bit of property damage throughout the city. 

Without the atmosphere of the candle light, and the likelihood of a RA doing a check of the building, they decided that that was the end of their party. They gathered up their empties, and blew out the candles.

As they finished up cleaning, all making sure not to leave any trace of their illicit affairs, Emily tried to quell her racing heart and blushing face, completely unable to look anyone in the eye. 

The door opened, their RA was there. Erin Strauss. She was a hardass.

“What are you all doing down here?” she demanded. 

They all stood, stock still, jaws dropped, smelling of alcohol and clutching clinking tote bags. 

“Erin,” Emily said, trying to sound as sober as possible despite the five plus drinks in her system, “We were simply following the directions on the emergency alert.”

“Yes! It said to seek shelter from the storm and the basement seemed the best for that,” Penelope said. 

“Uhuh,” Erin said, “What’s in the bag?”

The bag clinked. 

“Oh just some garbage,” Emily said, lying through her teeth. “We had some snacks.”

“Sure,” Erin said, not believing them. 

Emily tried not to sway, but did not feel steady on her feet. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or her recent kiss with JJ.

For a second, Emily was sure that their RA would bust their asses, but the girl simply sighed and told them to go to bed, muttering about how dealing with non-existent tornadoes wasn't part of her job. 

The six of them scurried upstairs, all freaked out about their near-miss with a write-up.

Reid disappeared up to his room, then JJ and Penelope walked down the hall to their’s. Emily slipped into Derek’s avoiding Erin Strauss’ watchful eye, helping Derek steady a very drunk Hotch.

Hotch, who had probably had a little too much of that whiskey, stumbled into Derek’s room and decided to sleep on the floor. Emily placed a water bottle next to him, and placed him in recovery position, glad for the distraction from the blush that refused to leave her face or the lingering taste of JJ on her lips. 

She walked slowly down the hall back to her own room, the events of that evening playing back in her mind. She threw herself onto her bed, dazed by her situation. 

Emily fell asleep with vampire make up still on her face that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and tell me what you think! im @gravelyhumerus on tumblr, come say hi! also- this tornado thing is something that happened to me in my first year of university. i had to hide out in a basement with my floor during my first week as a freshman it was nuts


	8. Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope hacks the college. JJ pets a cat. There are three blowjobs. Need I say more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well hello everyone! this past week has felt like an entire month lol! im posting this now hoping that it offers some distraction from current events. 
> 
> cw for: food, alcohol, and also descriptions of nail biting at the end for all the nail biters like me who struggle with that

JJ adjusted the textbook in her hands, rolling onto her side to get comfortable with it. Behind her, was the calming sounds of Penelope’s pop music and her dancing fingertips as she typed code into her computer. 

She had only a few pages left to read, but she was having a hard time focusing. JJ’s brain kept drifting to the events of that weekend. On Halloween, they played spin the bottle. JJ’s spin landed right on Emily, meaning that they had to kiss. 

But it was not chaste. As Penelope most eloquently put it: “you two were seconds from ripping each other’s clothes off in front of us.”

JJ couldn’t wrap her head around it. 

Emily had _really_ kissed her. There was tongue. It was not a peck to play the game; they had gone at it like teenagers in the backseat of a car at a lovers’ lane. 

It made reading her textbook difficult when she knew what Emily’s tongue felt like against hers. It made doing her essay challenging when she could remember the taste of her lips. It made doing just about anything next to impossible when JJ was desperate to kiss Emily again. 

“Did you know that it’s Hotch’s birthday tomorrow?” Penelope asked, spinning in her chair to look at JJ. 

“Wait, what?” JJ asked. She looked up from her textbook. 

“So... I’ve hacked into the college database,” Penelope said, turning back to her computer, her hands were once again typing a mile a minute. “Because of the whole thing with Reid not telling us about his birthday, the poor thing, and I didn’t want to miss anyone else’s.”

“Maybe we could do a co-birthday?” JJ mused, thinking about the logistics of that. 

“You read my mind, my beautiful sporty friend,” Penelope replied. “I’ve almost got everyone’s, just a minute.”

JJ stood up, walked over to Garcia’s side of the room. Somehow, her side of the room was cleaner than JJ’s, despite the sheer amount of things. Her desk was covered in trinkets, decorations and her wall covered in posters, art prints and photographs. JJ’s, on the other hand, had significantly less stuff, and way more _mess._ She was a busy girl and her desk was basically useless with all of her books and loose paper and miscellaneous things she needed to deal with ages ago. 

“Did you know that Morgan is a gemini?” Penelope asked. 

“Figures,” JJ replied, hoping that was the right response. 

Garcia had two monitors on her light, wooden desk, and a large desktop computer that she had built herself tucked underneath. On one monitor, was a file that she was slowly adding to, of birthdays written in white text on a grey background. Her own was there, alongside Spencer, Hotch, Derek….

JJ then watched as Garcia typed out Emily’s birthday: October 12. _They had missed it too!_

“Oh my god,” Penelope said, “why don’t they tell us these things?! How did we befriend such secretive people.”

“Wait, when was that?” JJ murmured, grabbing her wall calendar and flipping through the pages. “Oh my god I saw her that day. She was baking cookies, alone.”

“Alone?” Penelope whimpered. 

JJ thought back to that night. She had barged into the kitchen, talked all about her impending break up with Will, and ate Emily’s cookies. She felt _awful._ Obviously they didn’t know each other as well then, but why was she alone?

“She didn’t even tell Derek,” Penelope said, “oh that sweet summer child. Who _hurt_ her?”

JJ always celebrated her birthday. Be it a family dinner or a full on birthday party when she was a kid, JJ was used to a fuss made about her each year. It was harder after Ros, but her parents refused to let the day pass without at least a cake and a present. 

As she befriended Penelope last year, their birthdays were filled with presents and friendship and alcohol, both girls making sure to give the other a thoughtful gift and make a fuss for the day.

Her heart was breaking that three of her new friends were about to let theirs pass without anything to show for it. 

“We should have a party,” JJ blurted. 

“You read my mind.”

JJ frankly welcomed the distraction from her circular thoughts about her kiss with Emily.

* * *

JJ left another store empty handed. She had first placed an order at a store downtown for a birthday cake, with three names on it which confused the baker, then began to wander downtown searching for presents. 

She had another half hour before she was supposed to meet back up with Derek and Penelope, who were at the dollar store buying decorations, and she had hoped to find something for Emily by then. 

The three of them were quite efficient at party planning, and they had to be with such a quick turnaround time. JJ had been tasked with finding a present for Emily.

For Hotch, they wrangled a bottle of the nicer whiskey that he liked, because even at the age of 21, he was somehow already an old man in his tastes. Spencer was also easy, because Penelope was working on knitting him a scarf. Apparently it was from the show Dr. Who, but JJ didn’t really know much about that besides that it was British and both he and Penelope were big fans. 

Emily was a lot harder to shop for. 

What could JJ get for her with the thirty dollars that they all had pitched in to fund her present? Not much. Especially since JJ knows that Emily comes from money. If she wanted something, she could probably just buy it for herself, right? 

It was also difficult because it would be from her. It would be a token of her affections. What _were_ her affections? Did she want to simply sleep with her? Date with her? Be her best friend? JJ’s thoughts were a mess.

JJ had been in just about every store downtown, browsing clothes, gift stores, even a plant store in which she contemplated the meaning of getting Emily a cactus. Nothing was quite right.

She had almost given up when she wandered past a used book store. She had never been in before but always meant to. Out front was a stack of old milk crates filled with books, mostly romance novels and thrillers, and inside the window, beautifully bound antique books were resting in the display. 

A bell dinged as she walked in, and an elderly man waved at her from the counter before returning to his own book. 

Inside, the smell of old books filled her senses, mixed with the smell of apples and cinnamon and the earthy smell of all the old buildings in her college town. 

Stacked floor to ceiling were mountains of books, towering over her head. 

There were a few other patrons in the shop, some sitting and reading, others wandering the stacks, pulling out the occasional book. 

JJ slowly made her way through the maze. It was larger inside than she expected, with thousands of old books surrounding her, no matter where she looked. At times, she had to step over a pile of books in her path. 

The books were organized by topic, but within that, JJ couldn’t discern a clear system. 

She climbed the creaky staircase and pondered what kind of book Emily would like. Is buying her a romance novel too forward? JJ wondered. She probably wouldn’t be able to find one with two women anyways. 

Did Emily like fantasy? Sci-fi? Non Fiction? Should JJ get her something she’s read? JJ realized that she hadn’t read anything that wasn’t for school in ages. 

JJ felt overwhelmed. Was she thinking too hard? 

She did a double take at the window sill, realizing that the movement that caught her eye was a black cat basking in the sunlight. 

JJ reached out her hand tentatively to pet it. The cat nuzzled her hand, and began to purr. JJ smiled, spending a few minutes giving the cat much needed attention. 

The cat then stood, apparently growing bored, and ran off to investigate something or chase a mouse or whatever bookstore cats got up to. 

Where it lay was a small book. It was old, but not as old as some of the other leather bound texts in this store. Its white cover had a simple drawing of a boy, and written in a looping script: “Le Petit Prince.”

JJ smiled slightly, picking up the thin book. She leaned against the windowsill and carefully flipped through the pages, admiring the illustrations and trying to decipher the premise with her limited understanding of French. 

It seemed like it was for children, with whimsical art of a boy on a small planet, a king, a rose and a fox, among other things. She read the first few pages, about a boy falling in love with a flower, and decided it was perfect. 

_It was a sign,_ JJ thought, _the cat led her to this book._

The cat—which reminded JJ of Emily with its standoffish exterior but affectionate personality—had clearly shown her that this was the perfect present. 

There was no price on it, and JJ worried that it would be out of her budget. Holding it to her chest, she descended the steps and brought the book to the clerk. 

“Hello sir,” JJ greated him, setting the book down on the table, “How much is this book? ”

He was seated in a comfortable looking chair behind a counter with an old-fashioned cash register. The sign on it read, ‘cash only’ and there was a tip jar in the form of a cat mug. 

“Oh this is an excellent choice!” The man lifted the book up, examining the cover. “On ne voit qu’avec le cœur.”

That was French. JJ didn’t know what it meant, only catching the word “heart” at the end. She nodded nonetheless. 

“You speak French?” He asked her. 

She shrugged. “I’m learning.” 

“This book will teach you more than just French,” the man said. “Trust me.”

JJ didn’t know what he meant, but nodded. He still hadn’t told her how much it was. 

“It’s a gift,” JJ explained, “for a friend.”

He handed her back the book, smiling at her. He gave it to her for fifteen dollars, seeming to make up the price on the spot. The black cat waited for her near the door, letting her pet him on the ears before she left. 

JJ left the door, hugging the book to her chest. 

* * *

Wrangling three of their friends into attending a surprise party was harder than it looked.

With three student athletes, nights during which none of them had games, or practices were scarce, so it took them until the next Friday before they found a free evening. Then, they had to go through the ordeal of convincing them to show up at Derek’s room at the right time. 

JJ felt giddy with the secret, greatly enjoying the party planning and doing something special for her new friends. On her Wednesday afternoon study date with Emily, her excitement for the party almost overpowered her nervousness with the girl due to their recent kiss. JJ caught herself looking more at Emily than her notes, alternating between imagining them kissing and imagining the look on Emily’s face when she received her present. 

By seven that Friday night, they had fully decorated Derek’s tiny dorm with streamers, balloons, and just about anything Penelope could find at the dollar store. A happy birthday sign was strung over one of the windows, with the addition of their friends' names written in marker on poster boards taped underneath. 

Their presents were wrapped messily, as JJ wasn’t particularly good at using wrapping paper. The cake sat on Derek’s desk reading “Happy (belated) birthday Emily, Hotch and Spencer!” in red icing on white cake. 

The three of them were frantically blowing up balloons and checking their phones. JJ felt slightly light headed by the time they were done. 

Hotch and Emily were coming for a “study date” with Derek, and Spencer was expecting a Dr. Who marathon with Garcia. All were supposed to be there any minute.

There was a knock on the door. 

“Get ready!” Garcia squealed, “someone’s here!” 

She opened the door, and instead of the birthday kids, it was David Rossi, who JJ had met for the first time a few weeks prior. He was 22, only a few months older than Hotch, in his first year of his masters. He and Hotch were close, and Emily and Derek knew him well since he TA’d one of their classes. 

“Rossi?” Derek said, “you came!”

“I never turn down an invitation to a party,” he said. 

“I have to admit,” Derek said, “it’s not that much of a party.“

“It’s more of a magical birthday get together,” Penelope said as she ushered him in. 

“Good thing I brought enough alcohol to make it a party,” he said. 

He pulled a very expensive looking bottle of vodka out of his backpack, and more beers than should fit in a normal sized bag. 

“I take it back,” Derek said, “this is _definitely_ a party.”

There was another knock on the door.

“Come in!” Garcia said, picking up a balloon to throw. 

Spencer opened the door trailed by Hotch and Emily, all looking confused as they were bombarded by a dozen balloons cascading down from above and a series of hugs from the group. All were looking around with a mix of shock and happiness on their faces.

“It’s technically none of your birthdays today,” Penelope said, “Because you are all such awful private people, BUT I got the goods and figured it out. We thought we would celebrate all of you guys, and our amazing friend group, with this little shindig.”

“It’s wonderful Garcia,” Hotch said, almost smiling, “Thank you.”

“Don’t just thank me!” she said, “It was Miss Jennifer’s idea, and she got the cake. And my beautiful Derek helped me with the decorations and loaned his room, which might I say, is strangely large for a single room.”

Derek chucked, “It was my pleasure, happy birthday you three.”

He pulled Spencer in and ruffled his hair. 

“We’ve ordered pizza too!” JJ announced, “It should be here any minute now.”

“You’re too good to us,” Emily finally spoke up, after standing in the doorway with a dazed expression on her face. 

Penelope guided them in, and the group exchanged hugs and laughter, and Hotch got a very Italian kiss on the cheek from Rossi. Penelope put silly birthday hats on their heads, and took photos like a proud mother. 

After a few minutes of chatter—about the decorations, how they managed to keep it a secret, and most importantly, the illegality of Penelope hacking into their personal data on the university server— JJ’s phone pinged and she ran to the foyer to get the pizzas. 

Munching on greasy food, there was a companionable silence with the cheery sounds of the music in the background. 

As pizza wrapped up, their chatter resumed and the room filled with overlapping conversations. JJ noticed Rossi had snuck off to fish something out of Derek’s mini fridge, pouring something out into shot glasses. Then she heard the sound of whipped cream. 

At that sound, all heads turned towards him. He had three cups filled to the brim with whipped cream and he looked like he was about to burst into laughter at any point. 

“BIRTHDAY SHOTS!” Penelope squealed. 

“No way,” Hotch said, “I’m _not_ doing one of those.”

“One of what?” Spencer asked nervously. 

“It’s not a blowjob is it?” Emily asked with a laugh. 

“A _blowjob?”_ Spencer asked even more nervously. 

“It’s a shot, kid,” Derek assured him, “you just can’t use your hands and there’s the-“ 

He gestured at the whipped cream with a laugh.

“White stuff!” Emily said, tying up her hair into a ponytail in preparation. 

Rossi had to explain the premise several times, before it sunk in that they had to fish out the small shot and drink it all without using their hands. Reid looked at them suspiciously but he warmed up to the idea after Hotch offered to go first so he could see how it’s done. 

The older boy had definitely done a blowjob shot before, efficiently grabbing the plastic shot cup and downing it, his cheeks covered with whipped cream. 

Emily was enthusiastically buried in the whipped cream but struggled on the follow through, spilling most of the vodka into the larger cup before she drank it. 

Reid seemed nervous to get the whipped cream on his face, reeling back and wiping his cheeks then trying again. 

Eventually, Derek reached _his_ hand into the cup, retrieved the shot and held it up to Spencer’s mouth.

“Look ma, no hands!” Morgan quipped before rubbing some leftover whipped cream on the younger boy’s face as the group laughed. Reid was laughing happily, beaming as he wiped his face. 

With the celebratory shot in their system, it was time for cake. JJ carefully used Penelope’s bright pink lighter to ignite candles on each piece for her three friends as they sang Happy Birthday to them. 

“Happy birthday to you!” They sang, “happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Hotch, Spence and Emily! Happy birthday to you!”

They blew out their candles. All were instructed to make wishes. 

As the night progressed, JJ got more and more nervous about the present. What if Emily hated it? Would she ruin the whole night? Penelope and Derek had assured her that it was a good present but what if they were wrong too?

JJ busied herself with cutting the cake, distributing pieces and making sure everyone had forks and napkins. 

Rossi, who was their unofficial bartender, was stationed near the mini fridge and passed out fresh beers when called upon. 

“Gifts!” Penelope exclaimed once they had made good work of the cake, dragging the presents out from their hiding space under Derek’s desk.

She handed them over to Emily, Hotch and Reid. 

“We all pitched in,” Derek said. 

All three looked perturbed at the fuss, murmuring “you shouldn’t have” as they looked at the gift. Spencer opened his and laughed, wrapping the incredibly long striped scarf around his neck and thanking Penelope. Aaron actually did smile at his present and expressed his gratitude by pouring them all shots. 

Emily held hers for a moment, staring at the wrapped book with an unreadable expression on her face. JJ watched, holding her breath as she turned it over, then placed it back down. 

“Will you excuse me for a second?” Emily said, her voice tight and sounding very… formal. 

JJ gulped as Emily stood, and exited the dorm, shutting the door behind her. She immediately thought that she had done something wrong.

The group looked back and forth, not quite sure what to do, as the commotion happened mid way through Hotch doling out shots of whiskey and some were already half raised. 

A moment passed as JJ thought about whether it would be worse for her to follow or leave her be. Maybe she wanted to be left alone? Maybe JJ was the last person Emily wanted to see?

She knew there was a lot about Emily that she didn’t know. Like JJ, the other girl kept a lot close to her chest. Over time, JJ had learned some details of her childhood, but not all, and what she knew didn’t look good. Maybe all of this was a bad idea? Emily might have had a reason that she didn’t celebrate her birthday. This could have been an awful plan and it would have been all JJ’s fault. 

She stood and grabbed the book, deciding to follow Emily. She slipped out the door and walked slowly down the hall, unsure of what she would even say to Emily once she faced her. _Hey I just gave you a gift and you all but ran out of the room before you opened it, did I offend you somehow?_ Or _I’m sorry?_

JJ wasn’t sure what she was sorry for. She just knew something was upsetting Emily and the last thing JJ wanted to be was the cause of that. In fact, she wanted to make Emily happy and make sure nothing ever bothered her ever again. It would probably be weird for her to say that, _right?_

She assumed that Emily had gone to the communal bathroom, as she left her lanyard with her room keys behind her in Derek’s room. If she had left the floor she would have been locked out. 

JJ took a breath outside the door, then pushed it open. 

Emily was standing in the bathroom that all of the girls floor shared, with its small row of stalls, old fashioned sinks and blue tiled floor. A frosted window that looked out into the courtyard. Many mornings JJ found herself brushing her teeth next to the other girl. 

Emily had her arms braced on the sides of the sink, leaning forward and looking at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed and her breathing was coming in quick breaths. 

“Em?” JJ said softly. 

Startled by the noise, Emily looked away from her, quickly pulling up a corner of her shirt to wipe her eyes. 

“You ok?” JJ asked, tucking the present behind her back. 

“I’m fine,” Emily said, standing up straight and giving her a half smile. Her posture was stiff, her smile forced.

“You don’t look fine.” 

Emily stepped back, leaning against the window sill. She crossed her arms, still avoiding any eye contact. 

JJ walked forward, slowly closing the distance. 

She leaned on the wall beside Emily, trying not to stare at her and make her feel uncomfortable. 

“Did I do something wrong?” JJ asked. Her voice sounded small in her ears. She immediately kicked herself, upset at how this might sound like she was making it all about herself. 

“No!” Emily exclaimed, shaking her head. “No. It wasn’t you it’s…”

She trailed off. 

“I’ve never had all this before. The friends and the party and the gifts. All this attention… it’s a lot.” 

She slid to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. JJ did the same, turning to face the other girl. She didn’t want to push too hard lest Emily flee from her again.

“It’s all so nice,” Emily whispered. 

“Then what’s wrong?” JJ asked softly. 

Emily sighed and began to bite her nails. Her posture was hunched over, curled up on the cold tile floor. 

She began to speak, then stopped herself, gritting her teeth and blinking hard. She looked over at JJ reluctantly, seeming to think hard about how to answer that question. 

“I was always the new girl wherever I was,” she said. “I was never anywhere enough to make friends, real friends that is. Or have anything like all this. I would do _anything_ to fit in and it never seemed to work.”

JJ’s heart felt like it was breaking for her friend. She tried to imagine Emily trying to be anyone else other than the Emily she knew and couldn’t. Fitting in is hard, let alone fitting into new countries and learning new languages. JJ knew she wouldn’t have been able to keep it together.

Emily shook her head, picking at the skin around her nails anxiously, JJ could tell that sharing all of this was incredibly difficult. 

“I lived in a dozen different countries and was barely there long enough to make friends and when I did…” Emily sighed. “I fucked it up. I make things worse for people.” 

Emily buried her face in her hands, her breaths coming harder now. Her voice was shaky and quiet, almost whispering to JJ. 

“My mom was never around on my birthdays. She would leave me a present. Maybe. This year she didn’t even call.”

Emily paused. 

“And then you guys do all this.” 

Emily looked up, staring with unfocused eyes into the bathroom, JJ could tell she was thinking of someone else, some other day. She looked lost. 

JJ wanted to hold her hand, wanted to comfort her, keep her close. She was always called the mom friend, it was in her nature to try and make sure her friends were taken care of. Her feelings for Emily complicated things. If she was anyone else, she would grab her hand, no questions asked, but she felt herself second-guessing each move. 

Her actions suddenly felt like they had more weight to them. Knowing that she liked Emily made everything strange. If she held her hand, would it be weird? She didn’t know. Normally, she wouldn’t question holding a friend’s hand, _hell,_ she’d already held Emily’s hand. 

But that was before she was gay, or bi, or whatever. Before she knew she liked girls. Liked Emily. Now, touching her felt scary, like she was doing something wrong, even if she was simply trying to be nice. 

Fighting against her anxious thoughts, JJ reached out, tugging at Emily’s wrist until her hand clasped onto hers. JJ ran a reassuring thumb over her hand. She sighed a breath of relief when Emily leaned into the touch. 

“You’re our friend,” JJ said, simply. “And we care about you.” 

Emily nodded, still not looking at her. 

“When I held your present in my hands,” Emily said, “I just couldn't stop thinking of my friend Matthew. He surprised me on my sixteenth birthday, pulling me out of some stupid event my mother had dragged me to. That was the only time I got a real birthday present before now.”

JJ hadn’t heard about this friend. Emily didn’t really talk about her past, beyond the general facts. JJ had to stop herself from prying, fighting back her curiosity in favour of letting Emily talk. 

She squeezed Emily’s hand in a gesture she hoped would be encouraging. 

“Your gift just brought back a lot of memories,” Emily said with a whisper. “Matthew basically saved my life. He was the only friend I had before now I guess.” 

She looked over at JJ. 

“I’m sorry,” Emily said, wiping at her eyes. 

“Don’t be.”

JJ pulled Emily into her, wrapping her arms around her and holding her tight. Emily let out a muffled sob and fell into her, with her head tucked under JJ’s chin. They sat like that for a while, JJ listening to Emily’s ragged breathing and JJ running a calming hand over her back. Emily’s face was buried in her shoulder, her soft hair tickled JJ’s face as she held her tight. 

She focused on rubbing Emily’s back, making patterns with her hand on top of her soft sweater. Emily’s arms were wrapped around her waist. 

For a moment, tears pricked at JJ’s eyes. Watching Emily finally be vulnerable to her, for her to share something, even if she left out details, was _a lot._ She blinked them back and focused on steadying her breathing, being a calm presence for Emily. 

After a moment Emily pulled away, creating some distance between them, wiping her face with her sleeve and sniffling. 

“JJ I don’t want you to get hurt,” Emily said, her voice cracking, “I just bring people pain.”

“What happened, Em?” JJ asked. 

Emily looked at her with teary eyes and shook her head. 

“You don’t have to tell me, Emily. But I need you to know that whatever it is, I’ll still be here. I care so much about you and just… like being your friend. I don’t care what happened in your past or if you think you’re going to hurt me. All I care about is us.”

“I like being your friend,” Emily said with a teary laugh. 

JJ smiled at her, pulling her into another hug. Holding her tight feeling like the girl would break into pieces in front of her if she let go. 

“Do you want your present?” JJ asked carefully, still hugging Emily. She could feel the other girl nod. 

JJ pulled back, taking the wrapped book from the tile floor and placing it in Emily’s lap. Emily carefully began to unwrap it, as if she wasn’t allowed to rip the brightly patterned paper.

“You know you can rip it, right?” JJ said with a kind laugh. “Just tear it open, it’s part of the fun!”

Emily looked at her nervously, and half heartedly tugged at the wrapping paper. 

“Harder!” JJ said, demonstrating by pulling on it and making a satisfying tearing noise. JJ assumed that the girl didn’t have the opportunity to tear open presents as a kid, and JJ wanted to make sure she didn’t miss out on that joy anymore. 

Emily laughed and tore at it, ripping the paper off and revealing the small book underneath. _Le Petit Prince_ by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. 

“I read this as a kid,” Emily breathed, staring at the cover reverently. 

She opened the cover and looked through the first few pages. 

“ _L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux_ ,” Emily quoted the novel just as the book shop clerk had done.

“What is essential is invisible to the eyes,” JJ translated. “I don’t really get it. I tried to read it before I gave it to you, but didn’t make much headway.”

“It’s about love,” Emily said as she flipped through the pages.

Emily slowly turned the pages, smiling down at the whimsical illustrations and murmured about it in French that JJ couldn’t quite make out.

“I could translate it for you if you want?” Emily offered.

“Is it as good in English?”

“No,” Emily said with a laugh. 

JJ beamed, happy that her gift was no longer making Emily upset. She hoped that whatever bad memories she had about birthdays were being amended with some joy from today. 

“Well then I just have to get better at French so that I can understand it,” JJ said. “I’ll need a good tutor.”

“This is an amazing present. Thank you JJ.”

They smiled at each other.

“I’ll read it to you,” Emily said, “And you can stop me and I can explain anything you don’t understand.”

JJ’s heart fluttered at the thought of Emily reading a _love_ story out loud. Though, from what she saw it was about a boy being in love with a flower so it couldn’t be that romantic, could it? 

“Sounds like a plan,” JJ said. “Should we get back? I wouldn’t want to worry the others.”

Emily nodded, then the two of them stood up together. JJ’s legs had fallen asleep while sitting on the cold, tiled floor so she dramatically shook them out, making Emily laugh. 

God her laugh, she wanted to hear that forever. She’d do anything to keep Emily smiling and happy.

As they walked back to the party, it was Emily who took JJ’s hand. 

Maybe they could be friends. Maybe that would be enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i can only commit to updating this once a week from now on btw. ill aim for weekends as that seems to work with me! as always, say hi on tumblr @gravelyhumerus & check out my new sideblog @bad-cm-art where I draw cm fanart on the notes app, badly
> 
> have a nice week everyone! stay safe


	9. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and JJ sleep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday the 13th! This is the long-awaited sick fic. Enjoy :)
> 
> CW: detailed descriptions of sickness, including the flu (including non graphic mention of puking) & bronchitis. All based on my own personal experience and nothing in this should be considered medical advice, as it is fiction and I am not a doctor. There is no COVID in this AU. Also, Emily mentions her abortion but does not discuss it in detail.

Jennifer Jareau looked like a drowned rat.

A pretty, blonde, sniffly drowned rat that Emily Prentiss had a massive crush on. 

She was soaked head to toe, her running shoes muddy and her hair slicked to her skull. She was shivering and looking absolutely miserable. Over her shoulder was her blue duffel bag full of her soccer equipment. It was a Monday, so Emily knew JJ had a practice that afternoon. 

“Pen locked me out of our room,” JJ said without greeting as she walked into Emily’s room, “And I need a towel.”

“Hello to you too, Jayje,” Emily said sarcastically. 

She stepped back to let her friend enter, shivering at the thought of having to play soccer in the pouring rain, let alone a rainy November afternoon when the temperature was verging on freezing. Ever since the brutal storm on Halloween, the weather had been dreary and wet.

Emily could see the field from her window, it was across the street by the Arts building. While she, and the rest of their friends, made a point to go to all of JJ’s games together and cheer her on, Emily was thankful that the weather had been ok so far, she wasn’t sure how much hypothermia she could handle for one girl. 

She grabbed her bath towel and tossed it JJ’s way, and opened her closet to find a cozy sweater to offer. Well, Emily thought, she probably would take hypothermia to support JJ, she just wouldn’t be happy about it. 

JJ was simultaneously drying her hair and rifling through her bag. She was still shivering from the cold.

“I left my keys when I ran out of my room this morning,” JJ explained, “And Pen promised she’d be here when it was over.”

“I think she’s teaching Hotch how to knit at his dorm,” Emily said with a laugh, having seen her Insta story a few minutes prior of Hotch struggling with his hands tangled in yarn. 

“Just wish she would’ve left the door unlocked,” JJ muttered, “I think I have my spare keys in here somewhere.”

“Here, take this,” Emily said, handing her a grey hoodie with “Oxford” written on the chest, a souvenir from when she lived in England. 

Emily turned around so JJ could at least get out of her wet shirt and into the sweater. For a second, the devil on her shoulder told her to look into the mirror on her closet door, that if she did she’d catch a glimpse of JJ shirtless, but Emily shook her head slightly, squeezing her eyes shut. Guilt flared in her stomach at the thought.

She’s been thinking about JJ too much lately. 

Their kiss. Their magical life changing kiss. The kiss to end all kisses. _That_ was basically all Emily’s brain could focus on these days. 

Before that, her fantasies about Jennifer Jareau were simply fantasies, but _now!_ Now she had her memories. That kiss lingered on her lips and on her brain and in her dreams. Sometimes late at night Emily has found herself putting a thumb onto her cheek, closing her eyes and pretending it was JJ’s hands pulling her closer, just as she had done in the basement on Halloween. 

If she had to describe how she felt, the only thing that made sense was to say that Emily was absolutely smitten with JJ. 

But, and there was always a but, they hadn’t mentioned the kiss since. Not even a word of acknowledgement between the two. 

The day after, when she and Derek walked to class, he interrogated her about _what the hell happened_ , but Emily genuinely didn’t know. What she did know was that it wasn’t Emily who instigated, she thought, it was JJ who had pulled her tight and whose tongue swept across hers. 

That week, Emily had grown more and more concerned that she had crossed a line. JJ had started acting strangely, looking away anytime Emily looked at her and telling her that she was too busy to hang out. Then, that weekend JJ had surprised her with a _party._ A party to celebrate Emily, and Reid and Hotch.

Emily realized that JJ _wasn’t_ ignoring her, instead she was scheming something to make Emily happy. And what had she done? Cried in the bathroom and made a scene. Instead of JJ realizing that Emily was a broken shell of a girl and running far from her, JJ had held her tight and told her everything was going to be ok.

Emily didn’t tell her everything that day, not about all the awful things she did to fit in as a teen, about her mistakes, her abortion, about Matthew… Not yet. Emily had tucked all of that into a box that need not be opened up any time soon.

So now, Emily had the thoughts of JJ’s lips dancing around her brain, but also of her hand in hers, her arms around her and the way she promised she’d always be there.

This got in the way when Emily was trying to focus on other things like school or carrying on a conversation with the blonde. 

JJ sneezed, startling Emily out of her thoughts. She turned back around and looked at JJ, who’s hair was slightly less wet and was now wearing her hoodie and looking a little bit warmer. 

“À tes souhaits,” Emily said, saying bless you in French.

“I hope I’m not getting sick,” JJ grumbled, dumping some pens out of her backpack in search of the elusive keys. “Kennedy’s gotten half the team out with the flu.”

She sneezed again.

“Gesundheit,” Emily said, having fun with her languages. 

“She got it from her boyfriend,” JJ continued, “You remember Anderson? On the water polo team?” 

Emily nodded, taking a seat on the edge of her desk, watching JJ sitting on her bed in her clothes, imagining a completely different situation where she would do that. (Emily’s thoughts were full of comments like these, her imagination going wild at the prospect of JJ maybe liking her back.)

“I’m going to kill Garcia,” JJ said, “She told me she’d be in our room after our game.”

“Aha!” JJ said, pulling her lanyard out of a pencil case. “Got them. Thanks Em for the towel. You’re the best neighbour I could ever ask for.”

JJ handed it back, and Emily took the slightly damp towel and hung it up on the back of her closet.

“Anytime,” Emily said, “Though I think this may be an elaborate plot to steal all of my clothes.”

JJ looked down at herself.

“I think it suits me!”

Emily had to agree.

* * *

Two days later, JJ was at Emily’s door again, but looking a lot worse for wear. 

A pink fuzzy blanket was wrapped around her shoulders, she was wearing oversized sweatpants and a sports bra, and her hair was messy and tucked behind her ears. Her nose was red and her skin looked pale.

“Hey Em,” JJ rasped.

“You’re sick,” Emily pointed out, unhelpfully.

“Nice work, Sherlock,” she said, coughing into her blanketed arm. 

“What’s up?” Emily asked, leaning on the door frame.

“I’m out of cold pills and can’t sleep,” JJ said.

“It’s like nine pm?” Emily said, the statement coming out as a question. 

“I have practice at six in the morning,” JJ said, adjusting the blanket around her shoulders, sniffling a little. The girl was swaying as she stood. 

“You cannot actually be going to practice in that state,” Emily said.

“What state?” JJ barely managed to get out between sneezes.

“ _Bless you_ ,” Emily said, knowing the girl definitely needed it. 

Emily went to her desk, rummaging through a drawer. She found the very end of a cold and flu medicine pack, the kind with day and nighttime pills and handed them to JJ. 

“Those good?” Emily asked. 

JJ nodded and thanked her, before trudging back across the hall. 

Before her door closed Emily said: “ _Please_ take a break JJ!”

“I’m fine,” came the nasal voice of her friend, followed by the sound of her blowing her nose. 

* * *

On Wednesday, JJ showed up to their weekly French study date somehow looking even more sick. There were bags under her eyes, and a wracking cough made her entire body shutter with its force. 

JJ continued to insist that she was fine, despite the fact that she spent more time coughing than speaking French.

Emily was worried about her, but knew at this point, nothing she would say would make the very determined girl slow down. 

* * *

On Thursday, Emily walked into the girls’ bathroom, toothbrush in hand before bed, and found JJ curled up on the floor next to the toilet, looking pale as a sheet.

“JJ, oh my god,” Emily said, pushing open the semi ajar door and kneeling down next to her friend. 

“Mmm fine,” JJ made out, her face in her arms, not lifting her head to talk to Emily.

“This is the exact opposite of fine, JJ,” Emily said.

She had absolutely no idea how to help her. 

Emily thought back to all the times she had been sick, and it had usually been whatever staff her mother had had at the time who took care of her. Nannies, cooks, assistants would bring her food, take her temperature and put buckets next to her bed. Ambassador Prentiss wasn’t the kind of mom that Emily would see on TV worried about her child when they were sick. 

“Do you want water?” Emily asked, feeling helpless.

JJ shook her head, not raising it from the edge of the toilet.

“The floor is nice and cold,” JJ said, “I like it here.”

Emily almost laughed, and would have if she wasn’t so worried about the other girl.

“What do you need, JJ?” Emily asked.

“Nothing,” JJ said, “I can handle this.”

JJ’s hair hung limp around her face, and Emily leaned forward, taking the elastic from around her wrist and helped JJ pull her hair back. Emily couldn’t help, but she could at least keep JJ’s hair from getting puke on it.

Clearly hitting another wave of nausea, JJ moved, emptying the rest of her stomach into the toilet and then flushing. Emily rubbed her arm up and down her back, hoping that the motions would be comforting. 

While the toilet did its thing, JJ sat back, leaning against the grey stall door, her shoulder resting against Emily’s. Her head was tilted back and her eyes closed tightly against the fluorescent lights. 

“I really don’t feel good, Em,” JJ whimpered. 

“I know,” Emily said, “What do you want?”

“Water,” JJ croaked. 

“I’ll get some,” Emily said, patting JJ on the shoulder. JJ nodded, returning to her hunched over position on the toilet.

Emily basically sprinted down the hall, and spotting JJ’s slightly ajar door, she pushed it open to find Penelope sitting at her computer.

“Hello my beautiful goth friend,” Penelope said, “How may I be of service to you?”

“JJ’s currently puking her guts out,” Emily explained, slightly breathless, “She’s asking for water.”

“Oh my poor dear,” she said, pushing back from her desk and hurrying over to JJ’s night-side table to retrieve her water. “She told me she was going to shower, I didn’t think she was that bad.”

“She kept telling me she was fine,” Emily said, “Even while she puked.”

“Typical,” Penelope huffed, following Emily down the hall, “Can’t show any weakness. Both of you! I’m sick of it.”

Emily didn’t say anything, not sure if she could argue that accusation. She followed Penelope into the bathroom, hovering by the sink as Penelope took over her caregiving responsibilities. 

She gently felt JJ’s forehead, and held up her water bottle for JJ to rinse her mouth. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Penelope said after a few minutes without any puke. “Em? Help us?

JJ stook shakily, and when Emily took her arm, JJ leaned into her, putting most of her weight on the taller girl. Penelope carried JJ’s water and shower things back for her, letting Emily take care of the dizzy JJ.

Penelope held the door open, and Emily guided JJ into bed, hovering awkwardly as JJ nestled into her bed and Penelope grabbed their trash bin and placed it next to her. 

“I’ve got it from here, Em,” Penelope said, patting her on the shoulder. 

“Feel better JJ,” she said, backing away, unable to take her eyes off the girl, who looked paler than she’d ever seen her. 

“I miss you already,” JJ rasped out, her eyes still closed, curling up on her side and pulling the blankets up over her shoulder. 

Emily smiled before leaving the room. She was worried about her but knew Penelope would take better care of JJ than Emily could ever. 

* * *

She and Hotch spent almost five days straight crammed inside a tiny study room in the arts library working on a criminal psych presentation. It was worth almost half their grade.

They had commandeered the tiny room, booking it for the entire block of time each day, and only really leaving it to eat and sleep. At first, their friends would join them, popping in to provide moral support, but as the deadline neared, and Hotch and Emily grew more frantic, their friends mostly left them alone besides for the occasional reminder to take a break.

According to Penelope who periodically texted Emily with updates, JJ spent most of the time sleeping, and having been given time off from soccer and extensions on her school work, Penelope had finally convinced her to focus on recovery. 

It was in the library when Emily began to sniffle. It was an annoying nasal drip that tickled her nose and made her feel like she constantly needed to blow her nose. 

Unfortunately, she was not the kind of girl who had tissues on her. Emily wasn’t particularly well prepared in that respect. She dug through her backpack only to find a pair of tangled headphones, chapstick and two tampons. She briefly considered sticking those in her nose and calling it a day but thought Hotch would probably pass out at the sight of that.

An hour in, Hotch got so fed up with her constant sniffling that he stole a roll of paper towel from the boys washroom and threw it at her when he returned. 

The scratchy paper made her nose sensitive and red. She learned about the redness when Hotch called her “Rudolph” to get her attention. 

As the day ticked on, Emily began to feel either too hot, or too cold. She chalked this up to the library’s dodgy heating system and the colder November weather. 

After lunch, the sneezing started. 

“You’re sick, Prentiss,” Hotch told her.

“No of course not,” Emily said. “I don’t get sick. It’s just allergies.”

“What are you allergic to?” 

“Uhh,” Emily looked around, “Dust?”

“Sure.”

Emily was not sick. She couldn’t afford to get sick. Sure, she had spent a lot of time in close proximity to JJ, who was still spending her most time with her face in a bin, but Emily didn’t need this now. 

She was certainly aware she had had the exact conversation with JJ, encouraging the other girl to take a break to recover. Emily could talk the talk but couldn’t walk the walk on self care.

When she woke up the next morning. She felt even worse. Her throat was sore, she had a headache and she couldn’t breathe through her nose. Having given JJ all of her cold medicine, she powered through, drinking an endless barrage of hot tea, hoping it would heal her. 

She had too much to do. 

Days passed with Emily pushing herself to exhaustion, working all day, making it to her extra curricular meetings and only falling asleep during a few of her lectures. 

The day of her presentation, Emily’s entire body hurt. She had barely slept the night before, as her sneezing kept her up. She managed to wear a pair of leggings and a sweater, but tied her hair back in a ponytail, too exhausted to do much else. 

“You look like shit,” Hotch told her when she showed up to their class, shaking his head. 

“Thanks, I feel like it too,” Emily quipped. “I haven’t thrown up yet though, so I count that as a victory.”

In a feat of sheer willpower, Emily made it through her presentation before collapsing into the fold out lecture hall seat, her head laid back, immediately falling asleep and sleeping through the other four group presentations. 

After class, Hotch felt her forehead with his hand and announced that she had a fever. He then frog marched her straight to the clinic, pointing out that her hands shook and that she couldn’t do anything without coughing up a storm. 

Emily was sure if it was not for his American Law seminar with mandatory attendance, he would be right next to her, ensuring she actually saw a doctor.

“The doctor will call you when it’s your turn dear,” the receptionist told her as she handed Emily’s student card back to her. 

Emily nodded and grabbed some hand sanitizer, rubbing the cold liquid over her hands. 

She sighed, which turned into a cough that tore through her lungs. She found a spot in the waiting room, under a gigantic poster about STDs. To her left was a small table covered with pamphlets about mental health resources and a big bowl of condoms. 

The door to the clinic opened again and Emily shivered. The early November breeze was starting to chill her to the bone. She lifted the hood to her black sweater over her head, hoping to conserve some more heat that way. 

Emily glanced at the new patient and was not entirely surprised to see JJ walking towards her.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Emily said as JJ walked into the waiting room.

“I hear I gave you my plague?” JJ asked, shrugging her backpack off her shoulders. 

Emily nodded and coughed. 

“Sorry,” JJ sat down next to her.

“What are you doing here?” Emily asked, “You look a lot better than you did.”

“Hotch told me you needed an escort,” JJ said, “And I was in the neighbourhood. He said something about not trusting you to actually go to the doctor’s.”

Emily laughed at that. 

“You’re my babysitter?” Emily asked. 

“I’m whatever you want me to be,” JJ said with a wink. “I think half of my team is out of commission with this. I’ve never been so sick, I’m glad I’m on the mend.”

Emily nodded, counting the days in her head and realizing that JJ had been out for over a week. 

“You look better than you did,” Emily commented.

“Thanks,” JJ said, sarcastically, “At least I’m not puking anymore.”

“I _never_ get sick,” Emily coughed, “I just want something for the cough and I’ll be fine.”

Emily coughed into her elbow, as if reminded.

“How did your presentation go?” JJ asked. 

Emily’s heart swelled at the thought that JJ paid attention to her.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Emily said. “I feel really out of it. Hotch marched me straight here after so probably not great.” 

“Emily Prentiss?” A nurse called out.

Emily gathered up her things, shot JJ a wave and went into the exam room. 

Her doctor, a surly elderly white woman, with greying hair tied back in a low bun, barely looked at her, asking Emily a series of questions.

“What are your symptoms?” she finally asked. 

Emily explained how her head cold transformed into something a touch more debilitating, making sure to avoid downplaying her symptoms, because she knew they would take any opportunity to send her home telling her to drink water and rest. Emily did not have time to rest. 

The doctor took her vitals, listened to her lungs, grimacing at the sound of them, then took her oxygen, noting them in her chart.

Emily wasn’t a doctor but the face she made at her oxygen levels meant that they were definitely _not_ good. 

The sudden onset of chills left her shivering on the examination table as the doctor took notes on her chart.

She checked her phone, smiling as she noticed that she had a notification from the one and only cheetobreath98.

It was a selfie, taken surreptitiously from below in the waiting room, captioned, “plague lookz!”

Emily found herself smiling. A small flame with the number 27 was next to JJ’s name. They had a streak. It was childish, but the visible marker of the fact that they had talked every day for a month, sometimes for hours at a time, sending silly photos back and forth. 

“You have a chest cold. Bronchitis. We want to nip it in the bud before it becomes pneumonia,” the doctor said, spinning in her chair to face her. “We see it a lot with students, you all work too hard.”

Emily nodded, not really agreeing with the sentiment, but understanding the feeling behind it. Emily _had_ to work hard. 

“Take this inhaler three times daily, at least,” he said, “And any time you’re having difficulty breathing. You can take some acetaminophen for the fever.”

He explained how to use it. 

“You cannot drink, smoke or take any recreational drugs on this medication,” he warned. 

Emily, who had vowed to not smoke for the duration of her illness anyways, hoping to preserve her fragile lugs, nodded.

“Try honey for the sore throat. Lots of liquids.”

She nodded.

“Come back if you’re not better in a week,” he concluded. “Your prescription will be there for pick up at the pharmacy.”

“Thanks doc,” Emily smiled, taking her leave, placing her mask back on for the hallway.

In the hall she pulled out her phone, opened Snapchat and took a selfie with the waiting room in the background. 

“Ya girl’s got bronchitis!!” Emily captioned it, sending it to JJ, as well as Derek and Hotch. They would enjoy her misery. 

Immediately Derek texted her. 

Derek 🕺: suuuuucks bro. need some soup?

Emily: i’ll be fine but thanks 

Emily: i feel like shit. the doctor gave me a puffer lol

Derek🕺: must be bad, I hear they usually just prescribe rest. Your lungs must suck 

Emily: typical, id assume they’d be in pristine condition 

Derek🕺: 🙄

Derek🕺: you literally smoke cigarettes 

Emily laughed at her phone and walked up to the receptionist to fill out the paperwork. The nice woman smiled at her and told her to get well soon. 

As JJ met her in the foyer, phone vibrated with another text. 

Derek🕺: you coming back to res?

Emily: ya, hotch sent jj to baby sit me

Derek🕺: wasn’t she the one who got you sick? now shes taking care of u

Derek🕺: did u make out or something??

Emily: shut up that was before she was sick

“Get any good drugs?” JJ whispered to her conspiratorially as they walked out together. 

Emily laughed louder than she expected, which manifested in wracking coughs between the two girls. 

“Actually yeah,” Emily held up the prescription. “Only because _you_ got me sick.”

“Everyone is sick, how can you be sure it was me? Anyways I had the flu, not bronchitis.”

“You’ve been cooped up with Hotch all weekend. Maybe he got you sick.”

“I don’t think Hotch _can_ get sick,” Emily muttered. 

They went to the pharmacy together, picking up Emily’s drugs. Emily also added some acetaminophen to her haul, cough drops and a pack of tissues, the kind with moisturizer per JJ’s suggestion. 

As Emily waited in line to cash out, swaying a little with the exertion of standing up, JJ left for a second and then returned with a box of tea. 

“I’ll make us some,” JJ said, “It’ll heal you.”

Emily felt warm, despite the chill of the store. She wasn’t sure if it was her fever or her growing love for Jennifer Jareau.

Together, they walked to their residence. Once inside, Emily wondered if JJ actually meant it when she offered the tea. 

Emily opened her door, tossing her things on her desk. She took her puffer out of the bag, read the instructions before taking a dose, trying to keep the medicine in her lungs as she breathed deep, holding back the coughing. 

The sun had started setting earlier and earlier as winter neared, and outside of Emily’s windows, the street lamps turned on. 

Emily desperately wanted it to work. She felt like a zombie, exhausted and either too hot or two cold all at once. 

She changed into a pair of pyjama pants, a black crewneck sweater with a band logo on the chest, and a pair of fuzzy socks, and pulled a blanket around her shoulders, wondering if she should just crawl into bed or if JJ’s offer still stood. 

“Em!” JJ called out as she knocked on her door, “Kettle’s boiling.”

Emily’s heart soared. The sentence felt so… domestic. She hurried across the hall, inhaler in hand (just in case), standing hesitantly in the doorway. JJ had changed into grey sweatpants and a soft green hoodie with her gold-rimmed glasses perched on her nose, looking much comfier than she had.

“Sit down!” JJ encouraged, “If you feel as gross as I do, you’ll need it.”

Emily did, relaxing on JJ’s bed, leaning into the mountain of comfortable pillows and breathing a sigh of relief in not standing any longer. A deep exhaustion had settled into bones, not helped by the long lecture that morning and the clinic visit. 

JJ walked over, handing her a mug and sitting on the bed next to her, taking a sip of her own mug. 

It was the same tea as before, sleepy time, with the warm combination of chamomile, mint, and other fruity tastes greeting her like a hug. She clutched it with two hands, enjoying how the mug radiated heat and warmed her chilly fingers. 

“Thank you,” Emily managed, her voice sounding a bit less scratchy to her ears than before.

“Any time,” JJ replied, “It’s nice to have company.”

Emily looked away, suddenly feeling shy. Should she stay? Was she welcome to hang out? Emily wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay, she didn’t want JJ to see how _gross_ she was with her messy hair, stuffy nose and endless sneezing. 

JJ clearly looked better than she did earlier that week, Emily taking her place as token invalid in residence.

“I was going to watch tv,” JJ said, “I don’t think I could handle doing homework right now.”

“Oh I’ll go,” Emily said, taking the hint and moving to climb off the bed. JJ’s arm stuck out, grabbing her shoulder and stopping her. 

“No, Em,” JJ said, “I was wondering if you wanted to _join me._ ”

 _Oh._ Emily felt her face break into a smile. She relaxed into the bed as JJ grabbed her laptop and set it between them, she pulled a fluffy sky-blue blanket, and draped it over her legs, then over Emily’s. 

There was the noise of keys in the door, Emily felt herself pull away from JJ, leaning away from her friend as if they had been caught doing something wrong.

Penelope Garcia opened the door, followed shortly after by Derek Morgan who was carrying two large take out bowls of soup. 

“I knew I’d find you here,” Derek said, handing each of them a bowl. 

“How are my two sick dears?” Penelope cooed, as she collected a textbook from her desk. 

Emily tried to speak, coughing instead, and JJ reached out to steady her bowl, knowing that she would spill if she wasn’t careful. 

She decided not to acknowledge Derek's comment because even Emily didn’t know she would be in JJ’s room, how could he? 

“Just about as bad as you would expect,” JJ said. 

Emily nodded, recovering from her fit. 

“We won’t keep you!” Penelope replied, “we have a study date! Enjoy your movie night. Don’t forget to text me if either of you need anything tonight. I’ll be back late.”

Penelope looked at them and frowned. 

“I may quarantine away from you, I do not want to catch _that.”_

“Get some sleep, guys” Derek said. “You look like shit.” 

“Thanks,” Emily said, thick with sarcasm. 

“Toodles!” Penelope said as they left.

The door shut, and the two girls began to sip the soup. It was chicken noodle and had cooled to the perfect temperature. 

“What do you wanna watch?” JJ asked between spoonfuls. 

Emily thought about her comfort tv and movies: The X Files. Or Star Trek: The Voyage Home (the one with the whales, exclusively, because she finds it silly and always makes her feel better). They were _so_ nerdy. She couldn’t look JJ in the eye and reveal how much of a nerd she was. 

“I’m not sure,” she said instead, “Did you have something in mind?”

“I usually watch cooking shows,” JJ said, “To be honest. Or _Gilmore Girls, Parks and Rec,_ or-”

JJ stopped herself. 

“Or what?” Emily prodded.

“ _Twilight_ ,” JJ admitted. 

Emily laughed.

“I haven’t seen it,” Emily commented, “I missed that phase I guess.”

“Oh you _have to,”_ JJ said, getting excited, “It’s fantastic. And bad. It’s both at once. I was team Edward.”

Emily knew that was the vampire; she didn’t live under a rock, she just hadn’t actually seen the films. 

JJ began to babble, between coughs, about how as a kid she read each book as they came out, and even had a poster of the cast on her wall. Emily simply basked in her company and the excitement of watching something she cared about. 

Emily found herself cuddled up next to JJ, eating their soup and watching _Twilight_.

Between the warmth of JJ’s bed, the soothing soup and finally relaxing, Emily suddenly felt slightly better. Maybe taking a break to recover was actually a good thing. 

Emily almost laughed at the thought that it only took a case of bronchitis to get her in JJ’s bed. 

As the movie wore on, Emily’s exhaustion, and full stomach overtook her. The two girls wrapped in a blanket made it quickly warm and comforting, and as Bella discovered that Edward was a vampire, Emily felt her eyelids drooping. 

She tried to fight the feeling, but soon, Emily was fast asleep next to JJ. 

* * *

Emily woke up, hours later, in the dark with another blanket wrapped around her, JJ’s laptop nowhere in sight and no memory of anything she had just watched.

JJ was curled up into her side and was snoring quietly. 

Emily stiffened, at the reality of her current situation. She needed to relax or she would wake JJ up. Her back was to the wall, and JJ’s prone body blocked her exit. 

Her mind moved a mile a minute. JJ must’ve put away the laptop and given her another blanket, chosen not to wake Emily up. She _wanted_ to sleep in the same bed.

What did this mean? Did JJ want to sleep next to her? Did JJ like her?

She thought hard about this, but she knew there was no way this was _romantic_. This must just be how close, female friendships went. Emily’s feelings for JJ were clouding her judgment. 

Emily was never invited to sleepovers, or had any close girl friends before, this is probably just what she was missing out on. 

_God,_ she thought, _maybe it’s good that nobody liked me. I would have caught feelings and made it weird. Just like I’m doing right now._

Emily examined JJ’s face, which was only inches from her own. Gazing at each freckle, her long light brown eyelashes, her perfect eyebrows. Her pink lips were slightly parted, brealths coming out softly.

JJ shifted closer, as she, in her sleep, was probably moving toward Emily’s warmth unconsciously. 

Emily closed her eyes and basked in that moment. 

Before she knew it, JJ rolled around onto her other side, and Emily was left staring at the back of her blonde head. 

Missing the warmth, Emily tugged the blanket further around her shoulders. 

Emily looked around JJ’s darkened room, at the empty bed across the room. Penelope, true to her word, was elsewhere. For a second, Emily wondered whose bed she was sleeping in, but the strong urge to cough overtook her, distracting her from that train of thought. 

She rolled onto her back, coughing into her elbow, trying to stifle them so that she did not wake JJ. Unfortunately, the coughs kept coming, and Emily found herself struggling to breathe. She sat up, and before she knew what was happening, JJ was awake and sitting next to her with a comforting hand on her back, and Emily’s inhaler in hand.

“Hey you’re ok,” JJ whispered, running her hand up and down her back, “It’s ok baby.”

Emily tried to catch her breath, taking her medicine and trying to hold it into her lungs, before coughing again. Her entire body shook with them, and it brought forth the aching that permeated her entire entire body.

The coughs slowed, and she fell back into JJ, whose arms wrapped around her as she made soothing noises.

“You ok?” JJ asked, her own voice still sounding a bit hoarse.

Emily nodded, whimpering, and JJ handed her a water bottle. Emily thought for a second before taking it, knowing that she had already caught JJ’s sickness anyways. 

JJ’s strong arms wrapped around her, supporting her limp frame as she drank water and calmed back down, before moving away to let Emily lay back down.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” JJ said, “You were out halfway through the first movie and I knew you definitely needed the rest.”

Emily nodded, bracing for JJ to ask her to leave, but that didn’t come. 

“How are you feeling?” JJ asked. 

“Better,” Emily croaked. “My lungs still hurt.” 

“Do you still have a fever?” JJ asked, moving her hand to feel Emily’s forehead.

Emily closed her eyes at the gentle touch. 

“You’re hot,” JJ said, tutting at ther.

“Don’t you know it, babe,” Emily said, without thinking. 

Her eyes shot open, and she began to stutter, trying to backtrack what she said. JJ began to laugh.

“Miss Prentiss is cocky when she’s feverish,” JJ said, grinning at her.

Emily felt herself blush, but hoped JJ would take that as her fever and not her embarrassment. 

“It’s late, Em,” JJ said, “Go back to sleep.”

There it was. An invitation to continue sharing her bed. Emily relaxed, closing her eyes. 

This time, she didn’t quickly fall asleep, finding herself feeling tense in JJ’s bed, not wanting to do anything that would be seen as suspicious. 

Was she lying too close? Was she moving too much? Was she allowed to cuddle up to JJ? Did girls cuddle with each other?

Over Thanksgiving weekend last year, when she visited the Morgans with Derek, she and he shared his childhood bed. It was _not_ like this, with the two of them fighting for blankets, kicking each other, and grumbling like siblings. Then, Emily didn’t feel this fluttering in her stomach or the desire to sniff the other persons hair. Well, Derek barely had any hair to sniff.

Emily forced herself to relax, to take as deep breaths as her lungs could manage and to try to fall back asleep. 

Some time passed, with Emily breathing slightly congested breaths in and out, as JJ tossed and turned a bit, moving around to get comfortable. 

Emily faded in and out of consciousness, right on the verge of sleep when movement on the bed told her that JJ had rolled again, and was now facing her. She could sense that JJ was looking at her, but didn’t open her eyes to confirm, still verging on sleep. 

She must have assumed that Emily was fast asleep, because the other girl turned to face Emily, and did something that Emily didn’t expect, nor knew exactly what to do with. 

JJ had kissed Emily’s forehead, softly, and Emily’s sleep deprived, feverish brain was not sure if it had actually happened, or if she had hallucinated. 

It took everything in Emily to not react, forcing her eyes closed and her body still, keeping her breathing steady. then rolled onto her side as if nothing had happened. 

Emily didn’t have the capacity to process the kiss, or the rush of emotions it conjured, so she decided that it was simply a figment of her imagination. 

Both girls fell asleep shortly after.

* * *

The second time Emily woke in JJ’s bed, the sun was up and the room was bathed in golden light. Emily felt warm and safe, and compared to the previous day, her body wasn’t aching as much. Emily opened her eyes and found that she was not only laying face to face with a sleeping JJ, but their limbs were tangled, as both of them had apparently decided to cuddle the other in their sleep.

Emily’s legs were wrapped up in JJ’s, her right leg between JJ’s, and the blonde’s arm was thrown casually around Emily’s shoulder, holding her close. 

This time, Emily didn’t panic, and relished the embrace of JJ. She knew that she wasn’t likely to get a chance to be this close to her again, without the excuse of a fever, so she wasn’t going to ruin it. 

Despite her best efforts, JJ’s eyes blinked open, as if sensing that Emily was awake. 

Emily pulled away, yawning, attempting to untangle their limbs.

“Why hello there,” JJ whispered, giggling at her. 

“Hi,” Emily whispered, smiling back at JJ.

“You look a lot better,” JJ commented, reaching out and fixing Emily’s bangs for her. 

“I feel better,” she said, “Less like I’m on the verge of death.”

“We can’t have you dying, Em,” she replied, “Who else would I cuddle with?”

Emily smiled at her.

JJ sat up, stretching, revealing a slip of her lower back as the hem of her sweater rose above her waist. Emily did the same, sitting crossed legged in her bed, still wrapped in blankets despite the warmth of the room. JJ was lucky and her bed was near the radiator, keeping them toasty warm despite the chilled fall air. 

Emily peeked outside, watching fall leaves fly through the sky, patterning the courtyard with a blanket of leaves. JJ stood, put on her slippers, and took a drink of water, before offering it to Emily. 

Taking the water bottle, Emily sipped it awkwardly, completely unsure what to do with herself. All her experiences being in someone else’s bed had usually also involved her leaving quickly after, or at least in the morning before the other woke up. Now, Emily was watching JJ fuss with her hair in the mirror in the golden light of day.

“I’m starving,” JJ said, “What time is it?”

Emily grabbed JJ’s phone, seeing the time. It was 6:30am, long before she ever normally woke up. She must have fallen asleep earlier than she thought. 

“Cafs aren’t open yet,” Emily said, “It’s only 6:30.” 

“Do you like omelettes?” JJ asked.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Emily was seated in the tiny dorm kitchen at the end of their floor, wrapped in a blanket, with another steaming cup of tea in her hands, watching JJ flip an omelette in a pan.

Apparently JJ is one of the few people to use the kitchen—besides Emily and her cookies—to use the kitchen for more than instant noodles and pizza pockets. 

She had eggs in the fridge, and diced frozen vegetables in the freezer, and quickly whipped up a delicious breakfast for the two of them in minutes, chatting the entire time. 

“Oooh,” JJ said as she pulled out her carton of eggs, “I should get some apple cider. Someone’s got a massive jug in here and I’m dying for some.”

“I’ve never liked apple cider,” Emily said, taking a gulp of her tea. 

The hot tea—and her doctor prescribed medicine—was clearing her sinuses and Emily felt like she was breathing fully for the first time in days. 

“That’s impossible,” JJ said, matter-of-factly, as she cracked an egg into a bowl. “It’s the best thing ever.”

Emily shrugged, “I’ve only had it once and it wasn’t that good.”

“If I wasn’t a good person, I would steal this person’s cider and make you try it,” JJ said, gesturing with a spatula. 

JJ turned and busied herself with adding the veggies to the pan, sautéing them in butter and some seasoning. 

“We should go to the fair, together,” JJ blurted, “I mean. All of us.”

“I’ve also never been to a fair,” Emily said with another shrug. “I have to remind you that I’ve barely lived in the US, and when I did, I was trapped in stuffy private schools.”

JJ gave her a look that, if it was from anyone else, would look pitying. 

“It’s decided,” JJ said, plopping the omelette onto Emily’s plate. “When you feel better, we’re going to the fair.”

“It’s a date.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi @gravelyhumerus on tumblr. also send my lovely beta @beeche241 (@bees-teas-and-cheese on tumblr) all of your love. el catches all of my typos and explains American college to me


	10. Fall Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily tries apple cider, things get corny, Spencer wins a prize, and the night ends with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise ending! this changed my plans for the next chapter, but I think it was worth it

“See, I told you it was good,” JJ grinned up at Emily, adjusting the blue scarf that was wrapped tightly around her own neck against the cool air. 

Emily licked her lips as she held a paper cup filled to the brim with apple cider tightly in her hands. 

“Ok fine,” Emily admitted, “You were right, cider is good.”

JJ watched as she took another sip, as a smile spread across her face at the taste. JJ knew she was right, that apple cider at a fall fair always tasted better than anything from the grocery store. 

The two of them walked across the leaf-strewn grass, trailing behind their friends to talk. When JJ had told Penelope about her conversation with Emily about how the girl had never been to a fall fair, her roommate insisted that they rally the troops to make it happen. 

Both JJ and Emily still had a lingering cough, but other than that, they had just about made a full recovery. Somehow, the others had escaped coming down with the same thing, and so all of them were able to make the trek to the other side of their college town to attend the fair. JJ had the day off from soccer, a rare thing these days with playoffs imminent, and during essay season, and she intended to make the most of it. 

JJ kept catching Emily looking at her. It was the same way that a wild animal would look at her if she was offering food, nervous, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She could tell something was bothering her. But knew the more she probed, the more Emily would shut down. 

She wondered if Emily felt awkward after sleeping in her bed, and worried that she had pushed things too far. JJ had been forward, and felt slightly guilty about that, but in her own feverish state, her sole focus had been to make sure Emily was alright. JJ reminded herself that Emily was  _ here,  _ and hadn’t run from her despite all that had happened. She could take a slightly closed-down Emily over none at all, any day. 

The fair itself was located on a farm on the outskirts of the city. Their school had arranged for a shuttle bus to facilitate this wholesome entertainment for their undergrads. It deposited them on a muddy grass field filled with carnival games, a midway, vendors and miscellaneous fall themed activities.

Golden leaves shone in the sunlight, and JJ raised her face to feel its warmth. It was a nice day, the first after weeks of rain. Her wool sweater was more for the fall festivities than for warmth, as it was pleasant outside, but she knew once the sun set she would be grateful for it. 

Emily was looking as beautiful as ever, wearing a maroon turtleneck underneath a black corduroy jacket that looked soft to the touch. Her lips matched, painted with a dark purple-red hue that made her look elegant and mysterious.

She hoped that today would be fun for Emily, knowing that the girl missed out on a lot of the childhood staples of the average American, and JJ wanted to rectify it. Hopefully it would also ease some of the tension between them as well. 

JJ gasped when she saw the petting zoo near the entrance, which was a spacious zone filled with chickens, goats, two llamas, some sheep, cows, and most importantly, the most beautiful horse she’d seen in ages. It was, in fact, the only horse she’d seen up close since that summer, and it was quite scruffy up close.

In her excitement, she found herself reaching out her hand, grasping Emily’s and pointing as she exclaimed: “Horse!” 

She internally cringed at her own behaviour, but Emily looked excitedly where she pointed and followed at her side as she veered towards the animals. 

The horse was a brown gelding, with a black mane and a stripe down his nose. As JJ approached he leaned his head over the fence in anticipation of some treats. Slowing down, JJ approached, still hand in hand with Emily, quietly and calmly so that she didn’t startle him. 

His brown eyes watched her, his ears forward and relaxed, and leaned into her outstretched hand as she reached to pet his nose. JJ’s cold bare hand met warm horse face and her mind flashed back to all the times she rode her grandmother’s horse as a kid.

“He looks like Socks,” JJ giggled, as the horse tried to nibble gently at her sweater, “You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”

“Socks?” Emily asked, with a quizzical look on her face, keeping distance between her and the horse. 

The others caught up with them, milling about the petting zoo and interacting with the various animals. Derek and Penelope bought some feed with a quarter from the dispenser and used the flat of their hands to feed some sheep.

“One of my grandma’s horses,” JJ explained, “His name was Socks. He was her favourite and when she got too old to ride, I would.”

“You ride horses?” Emily asked. 

“Not that well,” JJ admitted, “But Socks was patient with me.”

Noticing Emily’s hesitance, JJ smiled at her, trying to reassure her friend. 

“Do you want to pet him?” 

Emily nodded. JJ guided her hand onto his neck, leading her as she stroked it gently. A look of awe crossed Emily’s face and JJ couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. 

JJ removed her hand and let Emily take over, watching as the horse nuzzled Emily, taking great interest in her hair. JJ reached her hand out—and just in time—moved his mouth away just as he attempted to take a mouthful.

“Don’t be rude,” JJ exclaimed, guiding his face away from her friends hair, “That’s not for you.”

Emily’s jaw had dropped, holding onto her hair in horror. 

“They do that sometimes,” JJ explained. 

Emily nodded sagely before nervously returning to give him another pat, her reservations clear on her face.

“Why Socks?” Emily asked, after a moment. 

“He had white marks on his legs,” she explained, “They looked like socks.”

“Seems reasonable,” she said. 

The crew left the petting zoo and walked towards the carnival games area. A wave of nostalgia hit JJ like a truck. Every fall when she was a kid, she and her sister would always beg her for their parents to take them to the fair, insisting that they play all of the games and go on the rides multiple times. In retrospect, it probably cost a ton of money which they definitely could  _ not  _ afford, but her parents would hand them a stack of tickets and let themselves be dragged around the fair by the two girls. 

JJ closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of popcorn, funnel cake and corn dogs—not altogether an entirely pleasant smell—but one that brought her back to being six years old and walking hand-in-hand with her sister.

Emily knocked their shoulders lightly, the motion bringing JJ back into the present, locking eyes with Emily. 

She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that this was Emily’s first fall fair. The other girl looked onto the attractions with apprehension, gawking at the sheer mass of fried food and the loud rides and hordes of people swarming the games. 

“These games are all rigged,” JJ explained. “They’re next to impossible to win.” 

“But you can win,” Emily said, a challenge in her voice. 

JJ nodded.

“I’ve seen some folks walking around with that bear at least,” JJ gestured at a fuzzy brown teddy bear that sat on the top shelf of the dart game’s prize shelf. Other prizes included dangling stuffed snakes and some other plastic toys. 

“It’s cute,” Emily commented, smiling up at the bear. 

JJ smiled as her whole group went head to head on the water gun game, lined up in a row and shooting at the targets as if they were at a shooting range. Each played the game with the focus and determination as if it were a life or death situation, and not a carnival game. 

After, they all spread out around the stalls of games, competing with each other or going it alone as they played games that interested them. 

Emily’s smile kept crossing JJ’s mind as the games wore on, and the thought of that bear stuck in her mind.  _ It’s cute,  _ Emily had said. JJ could get it for her. She was great at darts. 

JJ circled back to the dart game, slamming a five dollar bill on the table and getting a handful of darts. She tossed one. The balloon popped. Another. Pop. Another. Pop. She hit every single one she threw. 

This was harder than it looked, as the balloons were barely filled, it needed a lot of force, and a wicked aim to pop them. JJ, luckily, had both. 

“Pick something from the first shelf,” the employee told her. 

JJ frowned, looking at the fluorescent stuffed animals on the first row. They looked cheap, and none were as cute as the bear, which sat between a monkey and a rabbit on the top shelf. 

“How do I get the bear?” she asked. 

“Win again,” he said, with an apathetic shrug. He was just a teenager, probably only getting paid minimum wage. JJ couldn’t help but glower at him.

JJ sighed, paying him for another round. She knew that the toy itself was worthless, but it wasn’t about that. It was about winning it for Emily. 

“What are you doing?” A voice asked her from behind as she lined up her next shot. 

Spencer. He was standing to her right, clutching a plastic bag in his hands. He wore a pair of sunglasses and smiled awkwardly in greeting. 

“Darts,” JJ answered, “What does it look like?”

She looked at the bag. It was clear and filled with water, with a small goldfish swimming around inside. 

“You won a fish?” JJ asked.

“Yup,” Spencer said, gesturing over at a game that was essentially beer pong, but instead of cups full of alcohol, it was a series of fish tanks. 

He explained that he had won on his first try, and now was a proud owner of a goldfish. JJ was certain it would die before they got back to residence, but decided not to burst his bubble. The kid was smiling at his fish, looking proud of himself. 

JJ turned back to the game and focused on an orange balloon that waved in the wind. She threw. Hit. The balloon popped. 

“I just want that damned bear,” JJ hissed, gripping the dart tight in her hand. 

“Why?” Spencer asked, his forehead furrowed. 

“Why” was a great question!  _ For my not-girlfriend because I’m just such a good friend,  _ was the answer, but she wasn’t going to say  _ that _ .  _ Because I want her to like me, and I want her to date me, but I can’t work up the courage to ask her. Because she might be gay, but might not, and I haven’t even asked her that. Because all I want is for her to smile.  _

JJ sighed. 

“I want to win it for Emily, ok?” JJ said.

“You could buy her a nicer bear if you wanted with this money,” he pointed out. 

“I know,” JJ said, aiming her dart. Another hit. “I just have to hit three more and then I win.”

JJ was being pointedly obtuse, she knew if she began to explain, it would all come rushing out. She could handle Penelope’s teasing, but that was her limit. 

Spencer began to speak, but she shushed him. She threw another. Hit. The balloon popped with a satisfying pop. Two more. 

Reid held his fish up to his face, examining it close up. Just as she was about to throw her last shot, she felt a hand clap her on the back in the unmistakable gesture of Derek Morgan greeting her. 

“What’re we playing, kids?” he asked. 

“JJ wants the bear,” Spencer informed him. “For Emily.”

Derek grinned at her. JJ ignored both of them, squinting at a bright red balloon and taking her aim.

Pop. She did it. Both Derek and Spencer cheered for her, despite their earlier misgivings. JJ slapped the metal barrier between her and the employee in glee as he nodded approvingly at her achievement. 

The employee used a telescopic grabber to lift the bear off a tall shelf and handed it to her with a smile. 

She hugged the bear to her chest, elated with her accomplishment despite Derek’s probing looks. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with Emily’s best friend these days. He seemed to know something that she didn’t, and she caught him smiling at her and Emily when they spoke. 

JJ was relieved when he shifted his attention to discussing the logistics of goldfish ownership with Reid.

The three of them wandered through the stalls, taking a break for Reid and Morgan to pick up candy apples, then ran back into the rest of the group. Penelope, Hotch, Rossi and Emily were still at the water gun booth, cheering Emily on as she played against a boy that looked like he was about their age. 

A bell rang, and a light flashed over Emily’s head. She had won. 

JJ walked up behind her, watching as Emily got to point out her prize. She pointed to the exact same bear as JJ had tucked behind her back. 

“JJ will love it,” Penelope said to Emily, neither girl knowing that JJ was right behind them. 

“Love what?” JJ said, confused. 

Emily turned around looking at JJ, clutching the bear to her chest. 

“Uh, you said you saw these bears around,” Emily said, “I thought you might want one.”

Derek and Spencer both burst into laughter, as JJ felt blush creep over her face. Emily held the bear out to her, with a shy look on her face. To her left, Penelope’s jaw had dropped and both Hotch and Rossi’s usually serious expressions were filled with bemusement. 

JJ pulled out the bear from behind her back and presented it to Emily. Both girls were holding identical bears out to each other, each having independently decided to win it for the other. 

“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Penelope squealed. 

JJ and Emily exchanged identical bears, both feeling quite silly. JJ was speechless, simply grinning at Emily, who smiled down at her. 

Hotch broke the silence after a minute, pointing to what was in Spencer’s hand. “Is that a fish?” 

* * *

“We should do the corn maze next!” Penelope squealed, pointing at the painted wooden sign leading towards a field with what looked like an endless maze. 

“Mazes are actually quite simple,” Reid said, “You have to hug the right side wall for the duration of the maze and you will eventually reach the exit. It beats getting hopelessly lost in the hopes of entertainment.” 

“That’s one way to do it,” Hotch commented, looking over to a smirking Rossi.

“Come on Reid,” Derek chastised, throwing an arm around his shoulder, “You couldn’t possibly think that’s the best way of doing it.

“How do you suggest we should approach it?” Spencer asked as he shrugged Derek’s arm off of him.

“You gotta get a feel for it,” Derek replied. “Remember where you came from.”

Spencer made a non committal noise.

“Getting lost comes with the territory,” Derek added, “It’s part of the fun.”

Emily gave him a look, but didn’t contribute to the debate. 

“You won’t be saying that when you’re lost, cold and surrounded by corn,” Spencer retorted.

“He’s got a point about the corn,” Hotch quipped. 

“I’ve never seen this much corn in my life,” Emily admits, “I haven’t spent much time around farms.”

Emily touched her hair absentmindedly,reminded of the horse trying to eat it from earlier in the afternoon.   
  
“Aren’t you a farmgirl, JJ?” Derek teased.

“No!” she said, “I lived in the suburbs near Pittsburgh. She lived an hour away so we’d visit on the weekends and on holidays.”

“They had cows!” Penelope blurted, “She showed me pictures once. They’re so cute as babies.”

JJ nodded, she loved visiting her grandma when she was little. She and Ros would be allowed to collect the eggs in the morning, and JJ always loved grabbing hay for the horses. 

“What’s your take on mazes?” Derek asked her, “Oh farm girl?”

JJ punched his shoulder in retaliation.

“I say that you two should put your money where your mouth is,” JJ said, “See whose method works in the end.”

“You talking about a race?” Derek asked. 

“That seems only fair,” Emily said, “Since both of you have such strong opinions on how to go about tackling this maze. Let’s see who’s right.”

“Shall we split up?” Hotch asked.

“Very Scooby-Doo of you, sir,” Penelope cooed, “I like it.”

Hotch did not acknowledge this beyond a glare. 

As they approached the maze entrance, a teenage girl, a bit younger than them and wearing a green shirt branded with the name of the farm handed them a map and began to explain the rules of the maze. No smoking, drinking, cheating by ducking under the red ribbon that marked the paths, she told them.

She then offered them a map, a black and white printout that marked out the route. 

“No thanks,” Derek said in a haughty tone, “We’ll figure it out ourselves.”

“I legally have to give it to you,” the girl said, her braces giving her a slight lisp. “It’s a safety issue.”

Derek and Spencer looked at each other, each taking a map, but folding it up and placing it in their pockets. Hotch also took a map, as did Emily. 

“I call dibs on Der-bear,” Penelope said, wrapping her arms around his bicep. “And JJ will go with Emily of course.”

“I’ll follow the wall,” Hotch says, “Reid, you better be right about this wall thing.”

Rossi looked around and seemed to decide to see whether the boy-genius was onto something or not. 

JJ felt a little shy at the assumption that she and Emily would naturally be together. Penelope was getting more and more bold with her attitude towards the two girls. 

The teams set out into the maze, splitting up at the first fork in the road, the boys staying right, Derek and Penelope heading straight ahead, and JJ and Emily veering left.

“What do you think of your first fair?” JJ asked, fiddling with the stuffed bear in her hands. 

They trudged through the muddy maze, with the sound of the fair in the distance, a pleasant hum of music and the clamour of the rides. 

“It’s not what I expected,” Emily said, “I only really saw this stuff in movies.”

“Better or worse than you imagined?” she asked. 

“Better,” Emily said, “but that’s probably just the company.”

“Good friends make a difference,” JJ said. 

“Yeah,” she agreed, “friends.”

JJ hummed, smiling as she felt the breeze in her hair. She loved the outdoors. She spent way too much time cooped up in the library these days. Emily, on the other hand, was picking her way through, careful not to step in any puddles or trip on fallen corn stalks. 

“Left or right?” Emily asked as they neared an intersection.

“Right,” JJ said. 

They headed deeper into the maze, turning left, then right, then hitting a dead end and back tracking. The corn rose above their heads, limiting their vision to a few feet in front of, and behind, them at all times. 

A few times, they bickered over directions, as JJ was certain that they were walking in circles. 

“How long was this supposed to take us?” Emily said, after twenty minutes passed. 

“Not this long,” JJ admitted. 

“Where are we?”

“I have no idea.”

She stopped, and paused waiting for Emily to do the same. JJ listened hard, straining her ears to listen for the direction of the music. 

“I can’t hear the carnival anymore,” JJ said, “We must be on the far end of the maze.” 

“Are we lost?” Emily asked. 

“I think that’s the whole point of it,” JJ said with a laugh. “Let’s head this way.”

“Should we check the map?” Emily asked. 

“Sure.”

Emily looked at JJ expectantly. 

“ _ You  _ took the map, Em,” JJ said with a laugh. 

“No I didn’t,” Emily replied. She rifled through her pockets, then held up her hands in a gesture of:  _ see? Nothing! _

She checked her own pockets, and inside the small purse hanging over her shoulder. No map. 

“You sure you don’t have it?” JJ asked, hearing the stress in her voice. 

Emily’s eyes widened, checking her own pockets more frantically. 

Neither had it. JJ began to laugh. Of course she’d get lost in a corn maze with Emily. Of course. 

JJ’s phone pinged. Penelope had texted her.

Penny G: where are you? are you making out in the corn? 

JJ: no, we’re lost. are you all done already?

Penny G: yup. Spencer was a few minutes behind us 

“They’re already out,” JJ explained to Emily. 

“Figures,” Emily huffed. 

Penny G: we can wait for you? we’re going to try the rides 

JJ: i’ll text you when we get out, go ahead

JJ slipped her phone back into her pocket, noticing Emily poking at the edge of the corn with her hands, trying to peer through. 

“More corn,” Emily said, sounding defeated. 

JJ thought for a second, trying to weigh their options. 

“Get on my shoulders,” JJ blurted. 

“What?” 

“So you can see,” JJ said, “I’ll lift you up.” 

Emily looked flustered for a moment, opening and closing her mouth at the thought, but eventually nodded. 

JJ knelt down slightly, letting Emily put her legs on either side of her head. JJ knew she was strong. She could lift more than double her own weight at the gym. Once Emily was settled, she lifted her with ease, standing straight up and holding onto her thighs with her hands to steady Emily. 

“I see, uh, a highway behind us, more fields,” Emily said, then JJ turned a bit to give her another angle, “We’re almost there. We’re on the far right side, but the path is fairly clear. We go left, then it doubles back. But I think I can get us out of here.”

JJ stumbled under Emily’s shifting weight as she turned, finding herself tilting forward before she could adjust, tipping forward and sending both girls tumbling into the corn. 

Emily landed on top of JJ, their limbs tangled, with a loud “fuck!” as they made contact with the mud. 

JJ sat up, rubbing the back of her head where Emily had accidentally kicked her. 

“Sorry,” JJ said, “are you ok?”

Emily sat up, rubbing her wrist which caught most of her weight. Both girls had come out of the fall mostly unscathed. 

“The corn broke my fall,” Emily said with a laugh. 

They burst into laughter, and JJ reached out her hands to help Emily up. 

The girls retrieved their bears, both unsure whose was whose, and began to make their escape from the corn. 

Emily navigated them out of the maze, which, despite their tumble, made JJ’s idea worthwhile. 

“I don’t think I ever want to see corn again,” Emily said as they left the maze. 

“I guess you won’t have roasted corn for dinner?” 

“God no.”

They laughed. 

For the next hour or so, they visited the midway, braving an assortment of spinning rides that bore names like  _ The Annihilator,  _ and  _ The Brain Blender,  _ that were next to carousels and other rides clearly meant for children. 

JJ had a blast, she was definitely an adrenaline junky and the rides gave her the same endorphin high as sports. 

Emily was clearly nervous, but was a good sport. She took a couple rides off, claiming to need to babysit Spencer’s new fish (he decided it was too cold out for the goldfish, so he had been wrapping it in his coat to keep it warm. Emily did the same during her time as babysitter as Spencer rode the ride.)

The sun began to set, and as the sky filled with colours, the carnival lights dazzled them, glowing in a rainbow of incandescent light. 

“One more ride?” Hotch asked them, as he noticed their energy fading and their stomachs growling. 

“The Ferris wheel!” Penelope announced, “we have to.”

“The last Ferris wheel I was on was the London eye,” Emily commented. 

“We’ll miss jet setter,” Derek replied, “this will probably be a bit less glamorous.” 

They waited in line for it, laughing and goofing around. JJ smiled at her friends, while her nerves grew in her stomach. She tugged on her sister’s necklace, pulling it tight against the back of her neck to calm her. 

“Hey,” Emily whispered, “what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” JJ said back, quietly. “Just a little nervous with heights.”

Emily smiled down at her, with no trace of judgment on her face, and JJ softened. 

“Didn’t you just ride  _ The Bonebreaker _ earlier?” Emily asked, talking about a ride that locked them in a cage, and flipped them in punishing rotations. 

“Those are different,” JJ said as tucked her hair behind her ears, trying to find the words to explain. “You’re strapped in, and there’s a cage. Ferris wheels have just the bar. You’re exposed.”

“Are you good to do it?” Emily asked, concern etched into her features.

“Yeah, of course,” JJ said, setting her shoulders back and gritting her jaw. “I’m not actually  _ scared.” _

JJ forced herself to relax, making good on her promise, leaning onto the chilly metal barricade. She was so happy that her little troupe of Penelope and Spencer had expanded to include all of these new people. Their dynamic was fun, and warm, and felt… right. 

“This would be a beautiful photo,” Penelope exclaimed, pulling out her phone and gesturing at the whole group to get in close. 

JJ turned to face the camera, smiling wide and meaning it. Reid and Emily wrapped their arms around her shoulders, and she was squished into the big group of friends. She felt the happiest she had felt in years, despite the creeping fear building up inside her. 

The line moved quickly and they were shuffled into their seats, two by two. Emily and JJ were together, like before, and soon they were slowly lifted into the sky, side by side. 

“It’s beautiful,” Emily gasped.

She looked down onto the fair, leaning forward as she gazed into the quickly shrinking fairgrounds. 

_ Emily’sbeautiful, _ JJ thought, looking at her friend as she looked out into the night. 

“Yeah,” JJ agreed, feeling a touch of vertigo, breathing deep to keep calm. 

“Thanks for bringing me,” Emily said. 

JJ clutched the bear tightly, as though someone was going to take it away from her. 

“I told you that you’d like it,” JJ said, focusing on Emily’s face instead of the height. 

“I admit it,” Emily said. “I like apple cider. Fairs are fun. I’m a country girl now.” 

“Not yet,” JJ said, “we’ll work on that.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Emily said with a smile. 

The Ferris wheel slowly turned as new passengers boarded, raising them higher into the air until they were at the very top, when they stopped. 

Emily leaned forward, then back, making the chair swing slightly. JJ gasped as her stomach clenched, the fear of her plummeting to her death high on her mind. 

JJ realized that her hand had shot out and now rested upon Emily’s. The other girl did not pull away. 

“Sorry,” Emily giggled. “I had to.”

JJ glowered at her, but knew she was kidding and wouldn’t actually put her in danger. They rested at the top of the Ferris wheel, their chair swaying slightly, hand in hand for a few minutes. 

JJ shifted closer to Emily, mentally telling herself that she was doing it to get closer to the warmth. Emily leaned towards her, allowing their shoulders to meet softly. 

“We’ve been at the top for awhile,” JJ said, a little nervously. “Do you think it’s stuck?”

“I can’t imagine these things get stuck,” Emily assured her, “it’s probably someone getting off or on.”

This did nothing to quell the bundle of nerves in JJ’s stomach. She clutched the bar even tighter. 

“JJ look at me,” Emily said, her voice soft, but stern. 

JJ complied, tearing her eyes away from the ground far below her feet and focusing on Emily, sitting right next to her, feeling her warmth radiate out from her hand. 

“You’re ok,” Emily said, calmly. “Don’t worry.”

JJ believed her, knowing that whenever they were together, nothing ever seemed to go wrong. 

Their eyes locked, and for a moment, the world faded away. JJ got lost in her warm brown eyes that looked at her with concern. Emily had done a perfect wing of eyeliner, sharp on the corner, and covered her lid with a neutral brown eyeshadow. Emily was so beautiful. Her brows framed her eyes so perfectly, forming a graceful arch. Her cheekbones were sharp and her smile warm, but rare on the serious girl’s face. JJ took her in, relishing the moment to look unheeded. 

JJ felt Emily’s grip on her hand tighten, and there was something about her eyes that beckoned her closer. JJ felt herself, acting almost on autopilot, leaning towards Emily as if she’d done it before.

Emily’s arm, which was thrown casually over the back of the chair, wrapped around JJ’s shoulders, pulling her oh so slightly closer. An invitation.

Without thinking, JJ found herself just inches from Emily, their breaths mixing as their foreheads touched. 

Jennifer Jareau couldn’t believe this was happening, that Emily Prentiss, the girl across the hall, who she had been pining over for months, was probably about to kiss her. 

She did not think of the billion ways this complicated their friendship, or the fact that she didn’t know if she could even handle jumping back into a relationship, or how she was thirty feet in the air on a rusty ferris wheel, all she could think about was the idea of Emily’s lips on hers. 

Their lips met. Before this moment, JJ thought the phrase “sparks flying” was an exaggeration, but the electricity that she felt when Emily kissed her set JJ’s body on fire. 

Her lips were soft, velvety, perfect. At first, it was chaste, with their hands nervously still holding onto the railing. Then, it deepened, lips moving slowly against the other. Emily’s hand moved from on top of hers up to her face, pulling her closer than before. JJ did the same, tangling her fingers into Emily’s black hair. Their matching stuffed bears were squished between them. 

JJ’s mouth opened, and Emily’s tongue gained entrance, rubbing against JJ’s. It felt heavenly, and in that moment JJ decided that she didn’t want to do anything else in life but kiss Emily. 

Their kiss was gentle, yet needy, with a passion that made JJ’s head spin. Emily’s hands rested delicately on her face, stroking her cheek, and wrapped almost protectively around her back. 

The two girls only came up for breath, kissing like their life depended on it. 

JJ felt her heart race, but a wave of calm washed over her. It felt like a kiss she had had a thousand times, and one she would have a thousand more. As familiar as something that she had experienced in her past lives, and something she knew she wanted to do for the rest of this one. 

Suddenly, the chair rocked, and the Ferris wheel roared back to life.

They pulled apart, looking away from each other and catching their breath. JJ could feel a blush rise up her face as Emily tugged her arm out from behind JJ’s back.

Neither made eye contact as the Ferris wheel spun around, the carnival blurring out as they picked up speed. 

They turned once, twice, a third time, before it slowed to a stop and people began to exit. 

JJ no longer felt the acute fear of heights tug at her stomach, on the contrary, now it was the knowledge that she had just made out with her floormate weighing on her mind. 

Her head was spinning and her lips tingled with the memory of the kiss. Her blood roared in her ears, as anxiety took over as her brain flashed with all of the million ways this could go terribly wrong. 

Wordlessly, they dismounted and waited quietly for the rest of their group, who all babbled about how pretty the wheel was and how Derek wouldn’t stop swaying the chair. JJ scanned their faces, wondering if anyone could tell what had happened.

JJ drifted alongside the group, lost in her thoughts, unable to meet Emily’s eye, clutching her bear tightly to her chest all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi on tumblr @gravelyhumerus. lmk what you think of their first real kiss!!!! psa: in a few chapters the rating of this fic will change, be warned 😏


	11. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's thanksgiving weekend! Emily is thankful for her friends, her friend's families, and her maybe-girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Emily Prentiss’ shitty childhood. Includes mention to food issues and some abuse in addition to canon events. 

Emily hauled her suitcase into the back of the taxi, and hopped in behind it, scooching over so that Derek could sit down next to her. Her back was still sore from the airplane, and she was feeling antsy after being seated for so long only to get into another vehicle. Derek told the driver their destination and shut the door. Soon, the two of them were speeding through the streets of Chicago on their way to Derek’s family home. 

“You never did tell me what happened that's got you all awkward and nervous around JJ all of a sudden,” Derek said, with his all knowing look in his eyes.

Emily rolled her eyes, trying to push off suspicion. 

“That’s none of your business,” Emily replied, fussing with her bangs, hoping that she would seem as if she was worrying about looking nice for Mrs. Morgan, and not about her friend probing into her personal life. 

“Come on, Em,” Derek said, “JJ was practically beet-red and wouldn’t make eye contact with any of us for the rest of the night on Saturday.”

Emily ignored him, staring out the window as the rain came down around them, and skyscrapers passed behind them. 

It was Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving weekend, and, for the second year in a row, Emily was invited over to the Morgans’. 

Last year, it was unexpected. When Emily had casually told Derek that she was planning on staying on campus for the holiday, he had shared this fact with his mother. Fran Morgan had none of that, and within minutes, Emily found herself booking a flight to Chicago at her invitation. 

Prentiss family Thanksgivings typically were formal affairs, held at an embassy with dignitaries from various countries, where Emily needed to make sure she was using the right fork and saying the right thing because the fate of world peace was on the line. At least, that’s what Elizabeth Prentiss implied when chastising Emily for her bad behaviour. 

Last year, Emily had packed her formal clothes: a nice dress and even heels for the dinner, only to find Derek dressing up in only what he called his ‘good jeans’ and for the party to be filled with laughter and family rather than diplomacy and tense small talk. 

This year, Emily had packed nice, but much more comfortable clothes, and pre-ordered a bouquet of flowers as a hostess gift for Mrs. Morgan. She was excited to see Derek’s sisters—Sarah and Desiree—again and even more excited to sightsee around Chicago with Derek. 

Emily was feeling good. She was comfortable in her friendships, her home on campus, and feeling nervous and excited about her burgeoning relationship with Jennifer Jareau. Emily hid her grin by watching the buildings speed past as the taxi drove through downtown.

“Come on Prentiss, you know you can tell me anything,” he insisted, “I won’t judge.”

This was true. But Emily felt like if she told him, she had a chance of jinxing the whole situation. It already felt too good to be true, she didn’t want anyone else to watch her when it inevitably blew up in her face. 

“Did you guys finally kiss?” Derek said, a realization dawning on him as he asked. 

“Shut up,” Emily gritted out, pointedly staring out the window. 

“That’s not a no,” he said, “You totally kissed!”

Emily’s face split into a smile, despite herself. 

“Oh my god, Princess,” he smiled at her, “You’ve got _game.”_

“She was scared of heights,” Emily began, not quite sure how to explain what had happened. “On the Ferris wheel. I held her and and then-”

“And you comforted her,” he finished for her, “What a player!”

Emily blushed, thinking back to that moment at the very top of the Ferris wheel. She had taken JJ in her arms and kissed her, it was like an impulse, she couldn't explain it. She had surprised herself. It had also been absolutely perfect. 

So much could have gone wrong: JJ could have pushed her away, JJ could have laughed at her and told Emily that they were just friends, Emily could have misread JJ’s friendship for romance, as a voice in the back of her mind had warned her, but it didn’t go wrong. JJ had kissed her back.

Their kiss had been soft and delicate, with a roar of passion just underneath the surface. She had tasted like apples and sweetness and her lips were as soft as silk. JJ’s hands had been tangled in Emily’s hair in a way that sent her blood racing south. 

“It was awesome,” Emily said with a giggle, knowing she was blushing. 

“Did you guys talk about it?” Derek asked. “Are you guys _dating_ now?”

Emily shook her head. Now that was the catch. JJ had tried to talk about it, texting her the first thing the next morning, knocking at Emily’s door and trying to catch her alone, to go over what had happened. Emily had to run, she was late for a meeting that she had forgotten about. Apologetic, Emily promised that later that day, they would have time to talk. Later that day, JJ had practice, so that day was a write off.

In anticipation of Thanksgiving weekend—where she was certain that she wouldn’t have any time for school—Emily had too much work to get done and not enough hours in the day. Whenever Emily was free, JJ was at soccer, whenever JJ was free, Emily had a meeting.

Their schedules had reverted to what they were at the beginning of the semester when they were both lucky to race past each other in the student centre. 

Sure, they went to lunch together twice, and even had dinner together last night. But the others were always there and it was hard to unpack what their kiss meant to their relationship with Aaron Hotchner sitting right there. 

They had texted, sure, but their relationship was not to be decided over text. Their texts back and forth were flirty, more so than they had been before. The kiss opened the dam and the innuendo came flooding out. Emily was coming to the realization that JJ _liked_ her, that the kiss might actually not be a one time thing. 

Two highly motivated young women who were over committed and under rested made for major difficulty in scheduling deep conversations about new relationships. Factor in Thanksgiving weekend, they really had no chance to discuss. 

“I don’t know,” Emily admitted, “we didn’t get that far.”

The taxi driver interrupted as he asked for clarification on the driving instructions, and Emily hoped the conversation would die there, because she knew she didn’t have the answers that Derek was looking for. 

She didn’t even have the answers to the questions she was asking herself.

* * *

The next evening, Emily picked at her plate, moving the peas around with her fork. Their thanksgiving dinner was delicious, with a gigantic turkey, delicious stuffing, an an assortment of perfectly cooked vegetables and side dishes. 

The attitude towards food was radically different here than with her mother as she was growing up. Heaping portions were loaded onto her plate, questions about seconds, and the absence of comments about her weight always threw Emily for a loop.

Everything was different than it was with Elizabeth. Fran looked at her with love and warmth, while her own mother looked at her with her nose turned up half the time. Well, not everything was different. With Derek’s late fathers photo on the mantle, and a prayer for him before the dinner, there was a somber tone that entwined itself with the warmth and the joy that extended out from the entire family. 

The sadness was familiar, so was the absent father, but the warmth caught Emily off guard each time. While she had no idea where on earth her father was, her mother was awful, not dead. She didn’t have the monopoly on family issues. 

She tried to think of herself as a guest and not a pity case, but she did feel at times that some of them talked about her like an orphan left on their doorstep. Emily took a bite of her peas, reminding herself that she was allowed to eat, and moreover, it would be rude if she didn’t. 

She had zoned out, so hearing her name spoken startled her into looking up.

“Emily, you Derek’s girlfriend?” Anna Morgan, one of Derek’s cousins, asked her. She looked to be about seven and had her hair styled in two matching poofs on the top of her head, tied in pink scrunchies that matched her shirt. 

“No baby girl,” Derek replied, “Emily’s my best friend.”

“Do you have a boyfriend, then?” she asked, as she shoveled mashed potatoes into her mouth. 

She and the other children, namely a circle of Derek’s sisters and cousins, were sitting at the one end of a large wooden dining room table, while at the other side, were the adults and the youngest of cousins who needed high chairs. She wasn’t the only guest, but the only one who wasn’t dating or married to a Morgan.

“I do not,” Emily said. 

“She has a _giiiirrrlllfriend,_ ” Derek teased in a sing-song tone. 

Emily tensed up, her already formal posture dialed up to the extreme. While Derek hadn’t blinked when she had come out to him over a year ago, (he had actually gotten excited that he could talk about girls with her), she had no idea how his family felt about queer folks. 

Her mind threatened to flash back to the last time her sexuality had been discussed at thanksgiving, and that time her mother had been less than enthused. 

“Oh who are you dating? Have we heard of her?” Sarah asked her, a cheeky expression on her face, one that looked just like a corresponding one on Derek. Sarah was Derek’s older sister, and had familiar golden-brown eyes that glinted in the warm light from the lamp that hung over the table. 

“We’re not actually dating,” Emily said, taking a sip of her water and her eyes flickering across those in earshot and judging their facial expressions, fearing the worst. 

Instead of shock, horror or thinly veiled contempt was excitement and curiosity, no different than if she _had_ had a boyfriend. 

“Yet. She had a _romantic_ kiss on a Ferris wheel last week,” Derek said. 

Emily found herself smiling. 

Sarah nudged Desiree, the two sisters giving each other knowing looks. Emily looked down at her plate, grinning at the memory of finally kissing. 

“Are you gonna tell them about Jennifer or should I?” Derek probed, a twinkle in his eye. 

Emily should have known. Derek wouldn’t have said anything if he was worried his family would react negatively. There was a reason he was her best friend, after all. 

“Her name is Jennifer. Or JJ,” Emily found herself saying with a giggle, picturing the blonde with her big, blue eyes and big smile. 

“Can we see?” Desiree asked, leaning in eagerly. 

“I gotchu,” Derek replied, pulling out his phone, clicking on the group chat and scrolling back to the photos taken at the fall fair. 

He held his phone up sideways, the photo zoomed into a smiling Emily and JJ, arm in arm and clutching their matching stuffed bears. 

A chorus of awwws broke out from the two sisters, some cousins and even Derek’s aunt who had tuned into the conversation. 

“She’s pretty!” Anna exclaimed, grinning up at Emily. The little girl giggling as Derek ruffled her hair. 

That was how Emily ended up telling Derek’s entire extended family about JJ. 

As a particularly private person, with an don’t ask don’t tell policy with her own mother, Emily was having trouble wrapping her head around her situation. 

She did relax slightly when the conversation shifted to Derek’s lack of love life, but the warm support she got from the Morgans made her feel an unfamiliar sense of comfort. 

She finished her peas and even tried the pie for dessert. 

* * *

Later that evening, Emily sat on Derek’s bed, staring at the photo of her and JJ at the fair. In awe at their closeness and JJs never ending beauty, and at the memory of the blonde’s lips on hers. 

Her imagination had JJ in front of her, holding her hand and looking into her eyes. She pictured the way JJ leaned in, closing her eyes and pressed their foreheads together. Her heart beat harder at the way JJ had kissed her like their lives depended on it. 

Emily kicked herself for prioritizing her education over kissing a pretty girl last week, because now she’d take a C on her Applied Psychology essay to just be in JJ’s arms again. 

“Thinking ‘bout your girlfriend, princess?” 

Derek poked her with his foot to get her attention. He had looked up from his book, and was wearing his pyjamas and leaning against his headboard. 

They were sleeping in his childhood bedroom. With most of his family sleeping in guest rooms, on air mattresses and on couches, there wasn’t really a spare bed for Emily to crash in. Besides, they’ve shared a bed before and the only thing that had happened was the time Emily punched him in the face in her sleep. She has since apologized. 

His room had football trophies on the shelf, and an impressive library of books, some posters from movies and clothes spilling out of the half opened closet. A soft orange light glowed out from the lamp on his night side table. 

“Shut up,” Emily said, slapping his foot away from her. 

Emily’s pillow was set up for the base of the bed, and she had her own blanket draped over her. They would sleep opposite, which meant that there was a big chance of getting kicked in the face if she wasn’t careful. 

Derek smirked at her, tucking a bookmark into his book and placing it on his night side table. He looked at her quizzically. 

“She hasn’t texted me back,” Emily said with a frown. 

“That’s not like her,” Derek said. “Maybe things are busy at home?”

Emily texted JJ when she had arrived at Derek’s family home, telling her friend that they had arrived safely. No response.

“Maybe,” Emily agreed reluctantly, trying to imagine what would stop her from sending a text. 

“I wouldn’t worry about it Em, that girl has it bad for you, I saw it ages ago. She’s smitten.”

Emily broke into a goofy grin. 

“You think so?” 

“Have I ever lied to you?”

* * *

On Saturday, Emily sent another text. She double texted, despite not hearing from JJ for almost twenty four hours. 

As soon as she sent it, Emily stared at the conversation, praying that she would see JJ’s typing indicator, and would get a response right away, alongside an apology for not replying earlier. It did not appear. The message sat with a small _delivered_ resting underneath the blue bubble, mocking her. 

Emily sighed, swaying her legs. She and Derek were in his living room, lounging about, basking in having a day off and relaxing. Though, Emily didn’t feel very relaxed. 

JJ had also lost their streak on snapchat. After almost forty days. Emily had snapped the group a photo of Derek sleeping on the plane that had been opened by all, and sent a photo out of the plane window to JJ for good measure. Emily didn’t consider herself a snapchat person, only having made one because Derek whined that he wanted to send her snaps in class, but JJ letting their streak die somehow still hurt. 

Emily felt silly being sad about something as arbitrary as a streak, reminding herself that the numbers were meaningless, and only high school students _really_ cared about that. But in combination with being left on read, JJ’s message was loud and clear. 

She tried to remember what Derek had said, his assurance that JJ liked her, that she wouldn’t blow Emily off, but as the time crept on, it was getting harder and harder to believe.

Her screen filled with a different notification: a phone call from her mother. She was tempted to ignore the call, but something compelled her to pick up. Maybe it was the desire for a distraction from waiting for a text, or all of the family activity that surrounded her, but she pressed accept and stood up, holding the phone up to her ear. She made her way to the foyer, sitting down on the third to the bottom step of the staircase.

“Hello, mother,” she said.

“She’s alive,” Elizabeth Prentiss said sardonically. There was an ambient noise in the background like she was in a public space, maybe a coffee shop or some other restaurant. 

“Is something wrong?” Emily asked. 

“Why does something need to be wrong for me to call my daughter?” 

She hadn’t spoken to her mother since mid-September when she got her customary, “Are you settled in yet?” call. 

Since, radio silence. 

That year, Elizabeth Prentiss had not even called her daughter on her birthday. She sent a gift, obviously, a nice gold bracelet with dangling charms and glittery gemstones. Expensive. Flashy. Girly. Everything that Emily did not want. She had placed it back in the box, tossing it into the back of her closet and forgetting about it until now. 

Elizabeth also deposited a suspiciously high amount of money in Emily’s student account, meaning that she could only spend it on food, and not the alcohol (or weed) that Emily really wanted to spend it on.

Phone calls with her mother were always a lose-lose situation and Emily knew it. If her mother didn’t call, Emily felt the crushing blow of her mother being too busy for her, as always. If her mother did call, she was subject to an interrogation of all of her choices and a dissection of her mistakes. 

_Sorry I missed your birthday,_ Emily imagined her mother saying, _I love you and am so sorry. Do you forgive me?_

“How is school coming along?” Elizabeth said instead, “I haven’t received your customary midterm grade update? Do I have to remind you that _allowing_ you to go to school in the US meant that you are to at least inform me of your academic progress.”

Emily grit her teeth, biting back a sarcastic response she knew would get her nowhere. 

“I will send them over,” Emily said, “My _apologies_ for the delay.”

“Have you kept your GPA up?”

“Of course,” she said and this was true. Emily didn’t like to brag but she maintained top scores across the board, without stooping to taking any bird courses to boost her average. 

“Good,” she said. “Well I’m in Germany this week, so I cannot chat for too long. Have you emailed Dr. Palmer back about that opportunity I told you about?”

Emily sighed. She had been putting this off. Her mother wanted to get her interning in the state governor’s office, which would easily kickstart Emily’s career in politics. If Emily _wanted_ a career in politics, that is. Emily would rather eat her shoe than do that. 

“Oh thank you for the reminder, Mother,” she forced out, “I will have to decline the opportunity, I don’t think I will be able to fit it in my schedule this year.”

“What on earth occupies your _busy_ schedule, Emily?” Elizabeth demanded, in the tone that made Emily’s stomach flop.

Emily’s hand formed a fist. She took a deep breath. 

“Well, for starters, maintaining those very high grades for my full course load,” Emily said, “I’m still part of the Criminology Academic Society, as you know. That keeps me busy.”

Her mom made an unconvinced noise. 

Which was actually fair, because it really did not keep her busy, but Elizabeth didn’t have to know that. She had council meetings once a week, faculty meetings twice monthly, and society meetings once a month. It was definitely manageable. It was also the closest thing to politics that Emily would ever get to. It was more like advocacy than politics, she reasoned. 

It had started to pick up in the last few weeks as they were prepping for some long-term strat plans. All-in-all, a second-year was only tasked with so much, but she knew she was primed to rise the ranks and hopefully effect change later on in her undergrad.

She did not cover the fact that she had now committed to spending every Monday at trivia, a new member of Foreign Film Club with Spencer, tutoring JJ in French and spending most weekends completely intoxicated with Derek Morgan and their friends, those don’t really translate well for her mother. More importantly, she didn’t talk about her long conversations in the hallway with JJ, the way JJ’s hair looked in a bun when she brushed her teeth in the morning, or the way Emily felt herself light up when she ran into JJ around campus. 

“If you say so,” Elizabeth said shortly, “I really think you are a fool to reject this opportunity, Emily. They are not handed to you often.”

“I’m sure you will hand me more in the future, mother,” Emily said. 

“Not with that attitude,” she tisked. “I wanted to ask: why on earth have you gone to Chicago this weekend? I noticed a charge on your card.”

Emily grit her teeth. She wanted to tell her about Derek’s family. How they, despite so many losses, and so much left unsaid, still took her in and filled her with so much love. She wanted to talk about her amazing friends that were feeling more like her family than her mother ever had. She wanted to talk about the girl she liked and have her mother _care._

She said none of this. 

“You remember my friend Derek?”

“The football player.”

“Yes. I’m at his family’s house for thanksgiving. They invited me.” 

Elizabeth didn’t respond as someone had interrupted their conversation, Emily could hear the muffled voice over the ambient noise of the crowd. Her mother must have put her hand on the microphone, because her response was muffled. Emily waited, rolling her eyes, because this was just typical. 

While Emily waited, she gnawed on her nails, a nervous habit, as she experienced the familiar ordeal of being second choice to her mothers job. 

“I have to go, Emily. Please consider what I have said.”

Before Emily could react, the phone call had ended. Elizabeth had not wished Emily a happy thanksgiving, let alone a happy belated birthday.

Emily thought about her surprise party, about the cake they had gotten for them, the laughter at the shots filled with whipped cream, and the book that sat on her shelf in a place of honour. Emily thought of how she held the unwrapped present in her hands, shaking as the weight of the book sent her back to Rome on her sixteenth birthday. 

Matthew Benton had also given her a book four years prior. Emily remembered it with a half smile, the night air was warm and their legs dangled over the canal. Her mother, like always, had taken Emily’s birthday and turned it into a spectacle, inviting an assortment of dignitaries instead of Emily’s actual friends over to a cocktail party of all things. 

Emily shuddered at the memory of her mother screaming at her, telling her to wash her makeup off her face. She always hated when Emily did her own make up, telling her that the goth make up was embarrassing for Elizabeth. This only made Emily want to do it more, drawing it on thickly, coming out in a sharp point on the corner of her eye. That night, Elizabeth had scrubbed it off herself when she saw Emily. She could remember the grip that her mother had on her arm, and the rough scrub of the washcloth. 

Halfway through the night, Emily had gotten a text from Matthew, telling her to sneak out.

He was waiting outside with a bottle of wine and a book wrapped up neatly in plain brown wrapping paper. Inside was a brand-new hardcover of _Breakfast of Champions,_ which was one of Emily’s favourite novels. 

“I thought you should read it in English,” Matthew said with a smile.

Emily hugged him and thanked him. She hadn’t even realized that he had heard her complain about how the library only had a copy in italian. 

Before this year, it was the only time Emily had fun on her birthday, drinking and chatting together by the water. It was also one of the last times she saw him happy. He was going through a lot at that point, and being around Emily only seemed to make it worse. 

A month later, the Ambassador had accepted a new posting, which meant that again, Emily had to pack up her entire life, just in time for senior year. 

Emily leaned her weight onto the wall, with her head tucked right underneath the railing, and was absentmindedly chewing her thumbnail. 

“Em?” Derek said, standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. 

Emily didn’t know how long she had sat there, staring, unseeing into the distance. She was thinking about her mother, home, and all the things she didn’t speak about. 

She blinked out of it, trying to root herself back into the present. Her issues didn’t matter right now, she didn’t need to dwell on that. 

Emily felt a little guilty for the concerned look on Derek’s face. This weekend shouldn’t be all about her. Derek had enough on his plate with all the feelings that coming home must bring up for him. _He_ was the one whose father had died, he was the one who barely managed to get out of town on a football scholarship, he was the one with trauma that he wouldn’t speak about. 

She could see the mixed emotions that being here drew out from him, how he glanced at his father’s things with such _pain,_ and the secretive veil he put over his childhood. 

“I’m sorry, Derek,” Emily said, brushing invisible dust off her pants and standing up. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Derek pointed out, astutely, “What’s bothering you. Your mom?”

“Elizabeth? She always bothers me. Nothing I can’t handle,” Emily tried to joke, but a break in her voice betrayed her.

“Emily.”

She smiled at him half heartedly. 

“Didn’t you promise me that you’d show me the sights? The Windy City from a local’s perspective?” She tried to change the subject. 

Derek sighed, and seemed to resign himself to allowing her to change the subject, acquiesced. 

“This time, I’m going to make you finally try the pizza.”

Emily grinned at him. Getting out of the house would be good for the both of them. 

She checked her phone before they left. No new messages. 

* * *

On Sunday, Emily just felt stupid. She had told Derek’s entire family about a girlfriend she didn’t even have, and couldn’t even get a text back from for the entire weekend. 

Derek had stopped mentioning her by mid afternoon Saturday, but it was hard to explain to Fran Morgan that “Emily’s little girlfriend” might actually be ghosting her. 

Derek had found out from Penelope that JJ was alive, which meant that she was actually ignoring Emily. This was further evidenced by the fact that the small blonde had her read receipts turned on. She had read Emily’s messages, and chosen not to respond.

Emily guts twisted up onto a knot, feeling like she would be sick any moment. 

She felt embarrassed. Embarrassed for kissing JJ when she clearly wasn’t interested. Embarrassed for misreading her signals. Embarrassed for double texting her. Embarrassed for bragging about her to Derek’s family before she even had talked about what they were. 

Obviously they weren’t _anything._ And JJ wanted her to just get the hint. 

Emily spent more time biting her nails than she had in the past year, at one point she had reached the quick and accidentally drew blood. The tips of her fingers were sensitive and ragged, feeling as torn up as her insides. 

Emily shouldn’t have been so naive. For the first time in her life, she had tried to be authentic, to share herself with a group of people, let some of her guard down. Of course JJ wouldn’t actually like _Emily Prentiss_. 

That afternoon, Fran, Sarah, and Desiree hugged Emily good bye and told her that next time she visited, they expected her to bring her girlfriend along. Emily smiled stiffly, nodding, knowing that she was lying when she said that she would. 

Derek tried to make small talk on the flight back to school, but with each topic that he stuttered through, Emily realized that every component of her life had been tangled up with Jennifer Jareau. Anything he brought up just reminded Emily of her.

Emily’s mind flashed back to her first day at college. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the common room in her first-year residence—the one wall was covered floor to ceiling with large glass windows, overlooking the park—and earth toned modern furniture was covered by nervous-looking freshmen. Emily and Derek sat side-by-side, only having met minutes prior.

Some of the kids were blinking back tears at having said goodbye to their families, others looked around nervously, and some even looked bored. Their new RA gave her introductory speech welcoming them to residence life and to their new college. Carol, the short and bubbly RA with black hair and thick glasses, sat in one corner and enthusiastically explained the basic rules, both written and unwritten to living in a dorm. 

“And everyone,” Carol had said, in an almost conspiratorial tone, “I know you’re probably looking around and thinking that there’s some cute people, that you might want to hook up with, but I would _strongly_ discourage this.”

Emily had not been thinking about that, she had barely registered that she would be neighbours with these people, let alone whether they were attractive or not. 

“This is called, informally, floorcest, and it’s when you hook up with someone on your floor. I can assure you that it’s not worth it! It makes things awkward and _my_ job way harder when I have to deal with relationship problems alongside roommate issues.”   
  


Carol laughed, the students did not. At the time, Emily had not considered hooking up with anyone on their floor. Now, having kissed JJ, who lived right across the hall not once, but twice now, she was starting to understand their RA’s logic.

Emily stared out her window, gazing at the wing of the airplane, imagining what she would say to JJ when they would inevitably run into each other. 

She imagined yelling at her, telling her off for not texting her back. She imagined JJ apologizing and explaining herself. She imagined giving JJ the cold shoulder, ignoring her right back to show her how it felt. Each scenario made her stomach hurt more and more until she felt like it was a bundle of snakes and not her vital organs any longer. 

Emily fell asleep on the plane, frowning.

* * *

She did not have to wait long to find out how the encounter would go, because while Emily was fighting with her keys, begging her door to let her in so that she could just crash in her own bed and get a good night’s sleep, she heard the familiar footsteps of Jennifer Jareau hesitantly walk up behind her. 

Emily didn’t react, digging her key into the lock forcefully, not looking up to face her. Waves of anger radiated out from her, as the more the time passed, the more the words “read at 2:23 pm” mocked her and filled her with bitterness. 

“Emily-” JJ started, but her voice caught in her throat. 

She turned, finding a disheveled JJ with tears in her eyes, looking like the shell of the women she knew. 

Emily’s anger still broiled below the surface, but was replaced by a concern for her friend. 

“What’s wrong?” Emily reached out her hands but JJ backed away, shaking her head. 

She looked down at the keys in her hand, fiddling with them, the clack of the metal the only sound besides the hum of the fluorescent lights above. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you back,” JJ said, her voice steady, sounding almost practised. “I shouldn’t have ignored you.”

Emily stared at her, her stomach clenching as she realized what was happening. 

“But I can’t do this _.”_

Emily gulped. She opened her mouth to ask: why not? What did I do? What went wrong?

She wracked her mind for something she said, something that would have convinced JJ wasn’t the girl for her. Maybe it was the girl part after all. Maybe Emily was wrong, and JJ was straight after all. 

JJ blinked back tears, running her hands through her hair. 

Emily wanted to go to her, wrap her in a hug and tell her that everything was going to be ok. But she couldn’t, JJ’s words were slapping her across the face telling her that Emily shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up. 

“I can’t do this,” JJ repeated. “Us.”

Emily closed her eyes, her lips parting as the force of JJ’s words hit her like a brick. 

“W-why?” Emily found herself stuttering, leaning back onto her door for the support. 

She saw this coming. She knew she would never be enough for her. Emily Prentiss was too dorky for someone like JJ. Too damaged. The other girl was running away from Emily when she still had the chance. 

Emily steeled her expression, looking JJ in the eye, ready to face whatever she was going to say.

“I’m just going to fuck it up, Emily. I already have. That’s what I do, I make things worse and people get hurt.”

JJ gulped and she curled into herself, with her hands crossed in front of her. 

“I ruined things with Will, I couldn’t keep my parents together after Ros-“

JJ stopped. 

“I can’t lose you too Em,” JJ said, not looking at her. 

“You won’t,” Emily tried to say but JJ shook her head. 

“You don’t know that. I hurt people, it’s what I do. And if I fuck this up— fuck _us_ up, then I lose everything. Our friends? Em I couldn’t do that to Pen and Spence and Derek and-“

“I don’t care if you hurt me,” Emily pleaded, “I just want this.”

Emily wanted JJ so badly that it hurt, and seeing the girl five feet in front of her, hurt. She didn’t know what to say. 

JJ shook her head. 

“I can’t hurt you.”

“You’re hurting me now.”

Something broke in JJ, it was clear on her face, but Emily knew she had said the wrong thing because JJ turned to her door and put the key in the lock. 

Emily watched helplessly as JJ closed the door behind her, leaving Emily alone in the small hallway that separates their rooms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof this one was a lot. Yell at me on tumblr @gravelyhumerus if you want. Or in the comments! Up to you I know many of you might want to yell.


	12. Beer (reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ faces consequence for her actions and gets a hickey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! school's kicking my ass. this is a longer one, so i hope it makes up for the delay
> 
> ontent warning: mentions and some description Roslyn’s death by suicide, descriptions of typical college student level of alcohol abuse and also some vomit. also please note that the rating of this fic has changed to explicit 😏

JJ threw herself down onto the bench, hoisting her cleat onto the table and yanking the laces loose. She bit her cheek to keep from crying as her breaths came in heaves. 

She had run from it all, again. That’s all she was good for anyways, running away. It’s what Jareaus did best. 

She closed her eyes, focusing on the present, pushing away all of the thoughts of home that were flashing across her vision. 

_Home, in her quiet, empty childhood home, JJ had gotten a text from Emily Prentiss. JJ read the message, standing stock-still in the bathroom that sent shivers down her spine._

_The sight of the girl’s name made her smile, brought a shiver of excitement down her spine and the ghost of a kiss to her lips._

_But, when she closed her eyes, Rosalyn’s blood pooled on the tile floor underneath her feet. JJ couldn’t respond to Emily’s text. Instead, she curled up on the floor next to where her sister died._

JJ shook her head, returning to the present. _This wasn’t the time,_ she thought. 

She moved to her other shoe, untying the laces and prying the cleat off of her sore foot. She rolled her knee-high socks off of her calves, focusing on the familiar motions and not the swirling thoughts and emotions that tugged at her brain. 

But today, soccer wasn’t helping. The sport had always been her solace, the pitch a place where she could forget who she was, what she was, for a couple hours. But today, the mess that was her life had broken through the barrier, and gotten her sent home from practice early. 

JJ cursed as she stripped off her uniform, working her tight shirt and sports bra over her head, then removing her baggy navy blue shorts. Wrapping a towel around her, JJ grit her teeth as she took her toiletries into the shower. 

With a protesting squeak, the tap spun under JJ’s hands. She turned it just past midway, then further into the red, hoping the hot water would wash away the fog that clogged JJ’s brain.

_JJ’s father was gone. Her mother hadn’t had the heart to tell her. Leaving it for JJ to arrive in her childhood home, finding out in person that the dining room now had two empty chairs instead of just one._

She stepped into the shower and let the scalding water run over her body. 

_“I’m sorry Jenny,” her mother said, her voice breaking with the words. “I didn’t know how to say it over the phone, and after your break up-”_

_He had left without so much of a goodbye. She should have seen it coming. The fighting that had been bad when she was a teen, had only gotten worse after JJ wasn’t there to try and hold the pieces of her broken family together._

_She had frozen in the foyer, her duffel bag still in hand, as her mother stood before her, begging her to say something._

JJ didn’t know what to say, still didn’t. All she knew was that she wasn’t enough. Not enough of a sister, of a daughter, of a girlfriend. She wasn’t enough for anyone, and she knew it. She couldn’t keep her family together. She couldn’t keep her sister alive. And she was certainly not good enough for someone like Emily Prentiss to love. 

Hot tears melded with the water raining down from above as JJ let out a quiet sob that echoed through the change room. 

“Jareau?” Kennedy’s confused voice called out as the door to the locker room slammed shut behind her. 

JJ stifled her cry with her hand over her mouth and tried to settle herself down. Breathing in and out, JJ closed her eyes and focused on the rush of the hot water over her body. 

JJ had run around the track, harder, faster, pushing herself further than she should have. She ran the drills sloppily, her aggression showing though in bursts of frustration when she couldn’t master her footwork. Her coach sent her to the locker room early; apparently he had enough of JJ’s bad mood.

JJ shook her head; she turned off the water and grabbed the towel, wrapping it around her before peeking her head out of the stall. 

“Yeah?” she croaked. 

“Seriously, like, what is going on with you?” Kennedy asked. 

JJ frowned, walking over and sitting on the bench, busying herself with towelling off her hair with her extra towel rather than answering the question. She shivered in the cool air.

“You’ve been all over the place this semester,” Kennedy continued, unheeded. “First you’re all weird, then you’re all smiley, now your brain is somewhere else.”

JJ didn’t look at her. 

“And frankly,” Kennedy continued, her wide blue eyes boring into the side of JJ’s face, “we can’t handle someone whose head isn’t in the game with playoffs coming up.”

JJ gulped. She was right. This had come at the worst possible time. _All of this._ And it was getting to her, affecting her game, making her sloppy.  
  
“Is this still about your break-up?” Kennedy asked. “Did something happen over Thanksgiving?”

“Honestly,” JJ sighed, “yes and no.”

“I don’t understand,” she said. 

She didn’t really understand either. How could she tell Kennedy about how her mother had _cried_ when she had told her that she and Will had broken up? How could she explain that the tense silence between her and her mother was the last straw? How it was somehow worse than her parents' constant fighting? How could she explain that when she stared at the closed door of her dead sister's room, all of the heartbreak came flooding back?

Kennedy watched her, her earnest face blank as JJ wrestled with her inner turmoil. 

JJ’s mind flashed back to the hurt and pain on Emily’s face. The way Emily’s face collapsed into blankness as JJ pulled back, how JJ felt like she had betrayed her friend. 

JJ tried to explain. She went over her break up, in significantly more detail than she planned to, how she had felt bogged down by him, how she didn’t want him to visit, how he seemed to sense that and broke up with her. 

“But wasn’t all that a while ago?” Kennedy asked. 

JJ sighed. This was the catch. 

“There’s someone else on your mind, isn’t there?” Kennedy guessed. Sometimes the girl was actually perceptive. “Why haven’t you said anything? You’ve got to share. Is he hot?”

Well, not _that_ perceptive. 

JJ found herself laughing at the question. She thought for a second. She hadn’t really… come out to anyone before. Penelope Garcia didn’t count, she practically guessed. Same with Spencer. And JJ hadn’t even _thought_ about telling her mom. 

Kennedy was different. She thought JJ was straight and loved talking about boys with her. As the semester progressed, JJ’s interest in these conversations faded alongside her attraction to men.

“She is,” JJ said, to Kennedy’s surprise. 

JJ then proceeded to explain her friendship with Emily, her crush on the girl, and her absolute panic when faced with a potential romance with the other girl. 

“So you’re lesbian?” Kennedy asked.

“Yes. No. Maybe,” JJ floundered. 

“You don’t like me, do you?!” she asked, horror on her face. JJ’s stomach sank at the question. “Because I’m not… not…”

“Kennedy, I don’t,” JJ assured her, feeling a touch icky about the conversation. “I don’t see you that way.”

“Should I stop changing in front of you?” she asked.

JJ sighed in frustration. 

“Hey, you know how you don’t find all boys attractive?” JJ said, trying to dumb it down for her friend. “And some are just friends?”

“I guess,” Kennedy said, “So you don’t want to stare at girls in the change room?”

“No,” JJ said, “I’ve literally seen all of you guys naked. You’re like my siblings.”

“Oh thank god,” Kennedy said. JJ cringed at the relief in her voice, but decided not to call her out on it. “So this girl, Emily, you like her?”

“Yeah,” JJ said. 

“Then why don’t you date her?” Kennedy asked. “Didn’t you guys kiss?”

JJ ran her hands through her hair—a nervous habit she knew messed up her hair and left it poofy—as she tried to formulate her response. She couldn’t even explain it to Emily, or herself, she wasn’t sure how to make Kennedy understand. 

JJ hurt people. She messed everything up. She ruined her last relationship because she got bored of him. Would she do the same to Emily? That would ruin everything. She couldn’t lose Emily. It was better to be friends and have her close than have something more and ruin it. 

Explaining that was a challenge, but eventually Kennedy got it. Mostly.

“I think I’ve just made it worse,” JJ said. “I did exactly what I was trying to avoid, I hurt her.”

“What happened?”

JJ didn’t know what happened. She was still trying to claw her way out of the fog that clogged up her brain. 

“Emily texted me. And I just left her on read,” JJ said, her anger at herself coming through in her tone. “I didn’t mean to. She texted me when her flight landed but I was just so out of it.”

JJ gulped, rifling through her bag for some clothes as the chill of the room was creeping into her bones. 

“I put off responding to Emily until I had a handle on my feelings,” JJ explained, she was too afraid baggage on this girl that she liked so much, desperately avoiding scaring her off. 

_Left alone in her childhood bedroom, the walls still painted pink and the band posters still hanging onto her wall with scotch tape, JJ’s thoughts swirled around. She worked herself up to a panic, pacing back and forth across the creaky wooden floor, until she laced up her sneakers and thundered downstairs._

_She ran. First, around the block, passing the familiar neighbours and parks that populated her suburban neighbourhood. She pushed on, heading deeper into suburbia._

_Tears stung at her eyes as the route took her back to high school, her feeling of desperation to escape, to get out of this shitty town and all the weight that made her feel like she was slowly sinking._

_That weight had returned. Now, it doubled down on her, making her second guess it all._

“I could have just pretended like nothing was wrong,” JJ said, “But that felt like a lie.”

_Before she realized it, she found herself jogging past Will’s house._

_She remembered the year when he moved to Pennsylvania: it was tenth grade and he was the new kid. He hadn’t known Ros. He was safe, free of the expectations of JJ being the poor little Jareau girl._

_Now, seeing his place sent a pit of anxiety into her stomach._

“But the more I put it off, the more I started questioning what I had started,” JJ said.

“Like, kissing her, you mean?” Kennedy asked, “Did you regret it or something?”

“No,” she replied, “I would never regret that.”

_She ruined things. She hurt people. And if she let things continue with Emily, it would just blow up in her face._

_JJ ran harder, slowly coming to a conclusion._

“I needed to break it off,” JJ said. “I knew I would hurt her. I just have so much going on. I’ll just hurt her.”

_She gritted her teeth as she mentally prepared herself to tell Emily. She knew she had to get it over with. Nip it in the bud before it was real. She couldn’t lose her friend. If she did, she would lose them all._

_It would be all her fault, if things ended badly. All their friends would know that JJ was to blame, Derek would hate her, Hotch too, Spencer would look at her differently, and Penelope would know she made the mistake of being JJ’s friend._

_It would be better if they didn’t start. They didn’t kiss again. No one would get hurt. They could just be friends. Just friends._

“So you decided to stay friends? Why didn’t you just text her back?”

“I tried. I drafted text after text after text and nothing worked. I just kept deleting it.”

_When JJ returned to her parents house—well, her mom’s house now—she picked up her phone, trying to draft a message to Emily. Try as she might, she couldn’t form a coherent sentence._

“I fucked it up,” JJ admitted to Kennedy. “I thought breaking things off before it started would be better, but I think I made things worse.”

“So you’re _not_ dating her?” 

“No.”

“Look Jen, I’m sorry about your family stuff. That’s hard. My parents split when I was twelve and it seriously fucked me up. I get it. But you gotta get over yourself.”

JJ frowned, feeling offended by the comment, but knew that Kennedy didn’t mean anything by it. She was just like that. 

“You’re not going to make it better by wallowing and lashing out. It’s not healthy, and you’re going to cost us the playoffs. You need to get out of your head.”

Kennedy thought for a minute, seeming to size JJ up on the spot. 

“You know what you need?” Kennedy said. “To get out. See new people. Drink. Have fun.”

This was Kennedy’s solution for everything, but for the first time, JJ didn’t turn the offer down, surprising even herself. 

* * *

JJ gulped her beer, downing it quickly despite the warm foam that swirled in her mouth. She needed to be drunk, like right now. Kennedy seemed to agree, holding the bottle upright to allow the beer flow into JJ’s mouth until she finished the drink.

They were in a dingy frat house, surrounded by miscellaneous athletes. There was a lull before playoffs, for most teams, which meant that the weekend was jam packed with parties. This one was occupied by the soccer teams, men’s basketball, and assorted other players that JJ couldn’t place in her drunken state. 

She wiped her mouth, depositing her bottle on the nearby table, and found herself stumbling somewhat. She was only getting more drunk at this point _._ After quite a few rounds of shots before they left Kenendy’s dorm room, JJ was well on her way to being blackout.

JJ was already regretting her decision. With finals and playoffs coming up, she should have been spending this time studying or training. 

But, after days of side looks from Penelope and the sad look in Spencer’s eyes, JJ needed to get out of her residence, away from all the people who knew how much she had fucked it up. Ever since JJ and Emily returned to residence on Sunday, and JJ broke it off, tension between JJ and all of her friends had been palpable.

She had no idea how to fix things, and drinking away her problems seemed like it might actually work. She also knew that after a week of little to no appetite, the alcohol was hitting her harder than it would’ve on a full stomach. 

“Easy girl,” Kennedy laughed, likely even drunker than the blonde. Her bright red hair was straightened, almost unrecognisable to JJ, who was used to the wild frizzy curls she usually sported, and fell halfway down her back. Her blue eyes glinted mischievously as she spotted some people going out for a smoke. 

JJ sighed as Kennedy looked at her pleadingly, knowing the girl wanted to bum a cigarette. She was a notorious drunk smoker. 

“Those will kill you,” JJ warned, as her mind wandered to how she sometimes spotted Emily sitting on the bleachers, smoking alone, lost in thought. She couldn’t explain how something so bad for you could look so _hot_ in the right hands.

“Not if I have just one,” Kennedy said. “I’ll be fine. You need to talk to someone besides me and Jordan. Find a guy. It’ll be good for you.”

JJ sighed. Kennedy and her got along well during practices and were an unstoppable force on the field, but outside of that, they were very different people. Jordan Todd, their mutual friend on the team who played defence, was too busy talking to a group of volleyball players to notice JJ looking at her. 

She ran her eyes around the cramped party, watching masses of bodies writhe to the pounding music. She opened her next beer and took a long swig, swaying slightly to the music, trying to get out of her head and enjoy the party. 

Maybe Kennedy was right. Maybe if JJ could get her mind off Emily, she could focus on just being friends with her. Maybe without all of her romantic feelings clouding her thoughts, JJ could make amends and they could just be friends. 

When Kennedy returned to the party, she had her boyfriend Grant Anderson in tow. He was stocky and had a round face, wearing a polo shirt, khakis and boat shoes like most of the guys at the party. 

JJ greeted him pleasantly, though she was still a little cheesed that he had single-handedly gotten most of the team sick a few weeks ago. 

“We’re getting her laid,” Kennedy announced. 

JJ grimaced as Grant began to list off the eligible bachelors on the water polo team. JJ floundered with her response, deciding instead to gulp down her beer, hoping the alcohol would make this easier.

Before he finished his list, he spotted someone who he clearly decided would be perfect for her. He was tall, muscular, with kind eyes, a perfect man in any other circumstance. 

Kennedy elbowed her in the side as he walked up to him, greeting him with exaggerated excitement and a pointed look to JJ. Despite their previous conversation about JJ’s ambiguous sexuality, Kennedy seemed to have defaulted to setting her up with men. 

He told her his name was Luke, showed her pictures of his dog, and talked to her about how challenging it was to balance being a varsity lacrosse player with academics. He was perfect. The kind of boy that any girl would be thrilled to bring back home to her parents. 

Except JJ couldn’t bring herself to feel any attraction to him. Instead of lust, she pictured herself watching the game with him and eating cheetos.

JJ nodded passively as Kennedy and Grant left her with Luke, trying to focus on the facts about his life. She kicked herself internally, knowing that he seemed smart and kind, and that she shouldn’t be rude, but she couldn’t get Emily out of her mind. Anyways, JJ wasn’t even sure if she even liked men at all. 

As Luke explained his major and minor combo, and how that was going to get him into the FBI some day, JJ’s mind wandered to the thought of running her hands through Emily’s silky black hair.

JJ zoned out, her eyes drifting across the party, wondering where Kennedy, Grant and Jordan had all wandered off to.

As if called, Kennedy walked up with a bottle of jägermeister and some plastic shot glasses. She greeted Luke with a friendly greeting, obviously familiar with the tall lacrosse player.

“Shots?” She asked with a grin. JJ rolled her eyes but couldn’t say no, she was already drunk and the idea of more alcohol sounded like a good idea at the time. 

They downed two shots before Kennedy heard a song that she liked playing over the speakers and she headed back onto the dance floor to find her boyfriend, leaving JJ alone with Luke. 

A girl caught her eye from across the party, leaning casually on the kitchen counter, sipping something amber coloured out of a glass. JJ recognized her from the bar that they went to on trivia nights, her auburn hair cut in a bob and mischievous eyes were unmistakable. She was the bartender, who JJ had, at one point, caught flirting with Emily. 

Now, the girl was making eyes at _her._

JJ looked back to Luke, who was asking her about her major, and her plans for the future. She had to admit that she didn’t really know, and that she was keeping her options open. 

Distracted by the other girl’s presence, JJ’s eyes kept flicking towards the brunette, tracking her as she walked across the room and right up to JJ. 

“Hey there,” the mystery girl said, smiling at JJ and giving Luke a quick wave. 

“Hello,” Luke said with a friendly nod. 

“I think your friend’s looking for a partner,” the girl said, pointing towards one of Luke’s friends who was waving over at him. He was tall and had an oversized navy and yellow varsity jacket. He, like Luke, seemed familiar from other varsity events that JJ had attended, Simon… or Simmons or something like that. 

Before she knew it, Luke was pulled into a beer pong game, giving JJ an apologetic smile and a wave, before leaving her with the brunette. 

The taller girl looked her up and down, blatantly checking her out. 

“What are you drinking?” she asked, gesturing to JJ’s beer. “An IPA?”

“You got it,” JJ said. “You?”

“Tequila sunrise,” she responded. “I like things sweet.”

JJ found herself blushing, as the girl leaned in to say that. The girl's hair was curled, resting just below her ears on her neck in a playful style. She had impressive liquid eyeliner swooping across her lids and a soft nude lipstick on her lips. JJ’s eyes moved south, taking in her low cut blouse and skin tight jeans. 

Her head spun at the sight of her. And at the sheer amount of beer that she had consumed. 

The brunette’s face was soft, tanned. Her eyes large, looking down at her with an impish grin. She was lithe and sultry, and smelled like licorice. 

“Like what you see?” the stranger said, smirking at JJ’s reddening face. “The name’s Elle, I think I’ve seen you around.” 

“Jennifer, but my friends call me JJ,” she said. 

“Well. Jennifer, let's see if we can work up to calling you JJ then, shall we?”

Elle drained the last of her drink, placing the glass on a nearby table. 

“Want to get out of this dump?” Elle asked. 

JJ nodded dumbly, acting without thinking, and followed the girl out of the party, sending Kennedy a quick text as she grabbed her coat. 

JJ: took ur advice! see yuo later

Kennedy didn’t respond, as she was too busy chugging beer from a funnel at the time. 

The two girls walked outside, and within seconds JJ’s face was between Elle’s hands, pulled into a deep, passionate and incredibly sexy kiss. 

JJ acted on autopilot, responding in kind to the other girl’s advances as she pressed JJ up against the brick wall, grinding into her as Elle swiped her tongue against JJ’s. 

Despite feeling unsteady, with the two shots of alcohol hitting her hard, JJ’s stomach flopped at the thought of kissing someone who wasn’t Emily. Half of her wanted to race home, knock on Emily’s door, and beg her forgiveness, but the other half was melting into this stranger’s arms. 

JJ’s blood raced through her veins, and she could feel the need flash across her mind. She _wanted_ this girl, knowing nothing about her. She was there, and she was touching JJ, and it was all she wanted in that moment. 

JJ was also very drunk. Drunker than she had been in a long time. The world spun slightly, and she felt warm despite the frosty air. 

When Elle pulled back, JJ’s lips were swollen and she was desperate for more. 

“Your place or mine?” Elle asked. 

* * *

They tumbled into Elle’s room, hands tugging at clothing and lips connected the entire time. JJ kicked off her shoes and fiddled with her belt, trying to remove obstacles early on in the process. 

Soon Elle was standing in front of her wearing only a pair of jeans and a lacy black bra, the sight of which made JJ acutely aware of the wetness that was pooling between her legs. 

“Take this off,” Elle commanded, tugging on the v-neck blue shirt that JJ had worn, not knowing when she was picking out her outfit that she would actually be going home with someone. 

JJ obeyed, pulling it over her head, revealing a grey sports bra with a white stretchy band that wrapped around her ribcage. Elle pulled her in for another kiss, her mouth demanding and insistent. 

As they kissed, Elle’s deft hands undid the button on her jeans, and pulled down the zipper on her fly. JJ then shimmied her jeans off, leaving her in her underwear as she watched Elle do the same. 

Somehow the other girls movements were elegant and intentional, making the awkward motion of stripping look hot. 

“Bed,” Elle said, guiding JJ onto the edge of her own bed and straddling her. 

Elle lived off campus, in a fairly average apartment. Her room was neat, with only scattered books and a bit of laundry on the ground in the corner. Her bed was soft, but squeaked with their motion. JJ hoped Elle didn’t have any roommates. 

JJ held onto her thighs as Elle kissed down her jaw, before moving her lips to JJ’s pulse point and down her neck. Elle sucked on the soft skin above her collar bone, evoking a surprised moan from JJ. 

Her breathing grew heavy as Elle sucked on her neck and buried her hands in her hair. JJ gripped the brunette's thighs even tighter, before running her arms up and down her spine, tracing the feeling of a woman’s body, almost naked against hers. 

It was a different feeling, having a girl's breast pressed up against hers. The softness of Elle’s face was so different from the roughness of any man's. 

As JJ was lost in thought, an almost tentative hand fiddled with the back of her sports bra. No, not tentative, there was nothing about Elle that was tentative. It was a question, asking for consent to strip JJ’s final layer off. JJ nodded and before she knew it, Elle was pulling the garment smoothly off of her head. 

Elle’s lips went lower, her tongue dragging across the small swell of JJ’s breast and swirled around her nipple. JJ gasped and clenched her thighs at the sensation, squeezing her eyes shut in pleasure. 

“You’re such a pretty thing,” Elle whispered at her. 

JJ opened her eyes as Elle sucked on her nipple, eliciting a quiet, _oh_ , in surprise. She could feel Elle smiling, a devilish grin of a girl who knew exactly what she was doing. 

Then, she stopped and grinned at her. JJ stared, slack jaw, back at her as her head spun with alcohol and lust. 

Elle patted her thigh, an instruction to get further on the bed, JJ did so, moving up onto it. Elle carefully placed herself on top of JJ, propping herself up by her elbows as she resumed their kiss. 

JJ reached around to Elle’s back, deciding to undo her bra and level the playing field, but she fumbled with the clasp. A blush went to her cheeks as she struggled with the fastener, tugging at it frantically. 

“First time?” Elle asked her, grinning wolfishly down at her. 

JJ couldn't lie, so she just nodded before adding: “With a girl at least.”

“Don’t worry,” Elle whispered. “I’ll show you the ropes.”

She sat on her haunches and one handedly took off her own bra, flinging it somewhere off the bed and staring down at JJ. 

JJ panted as she took all of Elle in, her big eyes, parted lips. Her long neck and graceful swoop of her collar bones. Her round breasts and tanned skin before her. 

A pair of black panties hid the last of Elle from JJ, hugging her hips and teasing her of what lay beneath. 

Elle pulled JJ onto herself, guiding her down with confident hands on JJ’s thighs. They resumed their kiss, now breathy and frantic, their lips crashed together in open mouthed kisses, both girls desperate to get closer.

Elle’s hand grazed her hip, trailing along her thigh and coming to rest between JJ’s legs. JJ’s hips bucked into the touch, grinding down onto Elle’s hand. 

“Someone’s excited,” Elle noted between kisses. 

Elle flipped both of them over, carefully holding JJ’s hip in one hand and head with the other and JJ crashed into the mattress with a gasp. Elle’s thigh fell between hers, making contact with JJ’s sensitive core. 

The brunette kissed her deeply, pushing their bodies together and moving her hips, allowing her thigh to grind against JJ.

The friction sent JJ’s mind buzzing, as she was desperate for more contact. 

“What do you say Jennifer,” Elle whispered in her ear, “Can I take these off of you?”

JJ nodded desperately, as the sound of Elle’s breath right into her ear sent tingles down her spine. 

Elle kissed along JJ’s neck, placing a trail of open-mouth kisses down her chest and stomach, before coming to rest between JJ’s legs. 

JJ felt herself tensing up, nervous about what she knew would come next. 

As if sensing JJ’s hesitation, Elle placed her hand on JJ’s stomach, looking in her eyes with a look that said: _relax._

JJ acquiesced, forcing her muscles to relax. Elle wrapped her arms around and under JJ’s legs, spreading them apart and holding them lightly. She then pressed her face into JJ’s left thigh, kissing it in a way that was incredibly arousing. 

JJ gasped, jerking her leg away at the ticklish sensation, only to be held in place by Elle’s calm arm around her thigh. Elle kissed up JJ’s thigh, sucking onto her pale flesh hard enough to leave marks. 

JJ felt herself clenching, as the combinations of sensations and the visual of Elle between her legs was almost too much. She gasped and panted, breathing heavy as all of her nerves were on fire. 

The blonde gripped the sheets, on the verge of begging Elle to just fuck her already _,_ but she couldn’t, she didn’t want that. All of this, all that was leading up to it, was on the cusp of sending her over the edge and she hadn’t even been touched where she needed to yet. 

Elle hovered over JJ’s black panties, her breath coming in pants as she looked up at JJ, her brown eyes almost black in the dim light. Her hot breath made JJ strain forward, but Elle’s hands held her hips flat to the bed. 

“Pl– please,” JJ whimpered. 

At her word, Elle tugged on JJ’s panties, allowing the blonde to lift her hips up as Elle tugged them down and off. 

Now, there was nothing between Elle and JJ. 

The distance was soon closed and Elle greeted her with a long swipe up the centre, then a swirl over JJ’s clit. She almost yelled at the contact, as JJ’s head spun at the sensation of Elle’s mouth on her. 

“You’re so wet for me,” Elle cooed. JJ nodded desperate for her to stop talking and start eating her out. 

And Elle did. And she did it well. 

Elle’s tongue danced across JJ, masterfully seeking out the places that made JJ gasp and moan. She was responsive to each noise that JJ made, and showed her clean talent at bringing another woman pleasure. JJ let go, focusing only on the feelings that Elle was evoking and the way she looked up at her as if checking in. 

After a moment, JJ reached down. She entwined her one hand in Elle’s hair, guiding her up to her clit, desperate for more contact. 

Before this, JJ always thought of oral as a step that she had to get through. It was always sloppy, unsatisfying, nowhere near the feelings she could get with her own hands or with a vibrator. 

But now, as Elle sucked on her clit and moved her tongue across her, JJ didn’t want it to end. Unlike with herself, each moment was unexpected yet still welcome, as Elle moved around, constantly finding new ways to make JJ writhe on the bed. 

Then, when JJ thought she wouldn’t ever feel better than she had, Elle’s right hand moved, and her fingers teased at JJ’s entrance. Elle looked up, checking that it was alright, JJ nodded desperately in response. 

Elle entered her easily with two fingers. They glided into her with no resistance and JJ thought she might come just at the feeling of fullness in combination with Elle’s tongue flicking at her. 

Starting a steady motion that complemented her tongue moving up and down, Elle’s fingers moved in and out of JJ, slowly, almost too slowly. 

As JJ’s breath came heavier, Elle picked up speed, sucking at JJ’s clit and thrusting at an impressive speed. JJ’s hand held onto Elle’s hair for dear life. 

As JJ babbled incoherently, begging Elle to keep going, keep going, keep going, suddenly she could picture Emily on top of her, Emily between her legs and Emily making her see stars. 

JJ came saying Emily’s name. The sensation rolled through her, making her toes curl as she shut her eyes against the feeling. JJ’s lips parted and her body shivered as the orgasm took her. 

She could hear Elle chuckle, but the noise was not enough to break the waves of pleasure that wracked through her body. The brunette didn’t stop her movements, rubbing her fingers down inside JJ as she rode out her orgasm. Nor did she stop sucking on JJ’s clit, as she had her lips wrapped around it, with her tongue rubbing against the centre. 

Without a moment to breathe, JJ suddenly felt a second orgasm coming, building up in her gut and coming as a second wave that washed over her before she even knew it. 

It hit her with less force than the first, but still powerful enough to send her twitching and shuddering. Elle pulled back, allowing JJ to ride her fingers at her own pace.

After a few moments of gasping and panting, JJ opened her eyes to find Elle wiping her hand on a towel and grinning down at her. 

“Wow,” JJ managed, dazed at the feeling of elation that made her skin buzz. 

Elle flopped beside her, reaching over JJ’s prone form towards a plastic reusable water bottle. She unscrewed the cap before offering some to JJ. She took it eagerly, spent and dehydrated from all of the beer. 

“Good?” Elle asked, taking the water then having a sip for herself. 

JJ nodded dumbly, feeling doubly out of it from the alcohol and the sex. 

Elle placed the bottle back down on the desk, then laid down on the bed, facing JJ.

“Who’s Emily?” she asked, way more casually than the question should entail. 

JJ’s face lit up in an even deeper blush than she was already sporting, mortified at the question and the memory of her calling out another girl's name while she was in bed with Elle. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Elle said, “But I don’t do cheating, if that’s what this is.”

“We’re not-” JJ said, stuttering. _We’re not what? We’re not anything, yet,_ she thought. _I broke it off before we could be anything._ “I’m single, don’t worry.”

“Is she someone you want?” Elle asked. 

JJ nodded, unsure of where this line of questioning would lead. 

“Well, you have a lot to learn then,” Elle mused, “if you’re going to ever please this girl.”

JJ stared at her. 

“From where I’m sitting,” Elle said, “you’ve gone home with some girl—me—to forget about this Emily girl, am I right?”

JJ nodded. 

“But this is also your first time with a girl. So I’m sensing there’s some sort of combination of a _will-they-won't-they_ situation and a sexuality crisis at play. Hence you have something to learn from me.”

“That’s not-”

“Yes it is,” Elle interrupted. “I don’t mind, don’t worry. I’ll show you some of the tricks up my sleeve and this Emily girl will have me to thank.”

JJ stuttered at Elle’s bold words, but didn’t have a single coherent thought to counter the brunette’s argument. She did want Emily. That was all she thought about. It was all so complicated, but here, with Elle, it was so simple. There were no feelings, no friendships, no bridges to burn, just _sex._

“So, are you ready to learn?” Elle said, a daring look in her eye as her finger trailed along JJ’s stomach. 

JJ nodded. 

“Come on then.”

She obeyed, climbing onto Elle and kissing her deeply before moving lower, her hand creeping down to graze the brunette’s thigh. 

“Don’t worry,” Elle said, “I’ll guide you through it.”

* * *

JJ woke up that morning to a splitting headache and a stomach that gave her the feeling that her bed was a ship lost at sea, tilting under the force of the ocean, making her nothing but seasick. But, she wasn’t in a boat, she was in a bed, and she was not in her own.

She squinted against the daylight, cracking open her eyes and blinking hard. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, holding her head steady as the headache throbbed and left her disoriented. 

The large bay window was not hers, and the sleeping girl next to her was unfamiliar. But, the first thought in JJ’s mind was not either of these facts, it was the question of where the bathroom was, because she was about to yak. 

JJ tried to stand, but the room was spinning so she braced herself with the desk that was right next to the bed, and she stumbled across the room, into the hall, where she saw the bathroom. 

Not bothering to close the door behind her, JJ knelt and puked into the toilet. Some of the drinks from the night before came up, the bile feeling like fire in her throat and mouth. She heaved into the toilet, her eyes stinging with tears as she was forced to reckon with the sheer amount of alcohol that she had consumed at the party. 

When her stomach had finally settled, JJ curled up on the floor, as the tears spilled down her cheeks. 

She could barely remember the majority of the night before, but from what she could remember, it didn’t paint her in a very good light.

She had fucked someone else, and whoever this girl was, JJ could remember snippets of the evening and knew she had royally messed up. 

Elle stood in the doorway with a glass of water, knocking lightly on the doorframe to announce her presence. JJ blinked up at her, mortified by her current predicament. 

“Don’t tell me I got you pregnant,” Elle quipped, squatting and holding out the glass to JJ, who laughed half-heartedly and took it. JJ was relieved that at least she remembered the brunette’s name, that was a good sign.

Sipping the water, she swished it around in her mouth before spitting it out in the toilet. She then took another sip, swallowing it and relishing the cool feeling in her throat, mentally begging her body not to throw it up. 

“You ok?” Elle asked, standing up. 

JJ shrugged. 

“Probably should have said no to that last beer,” JJ said hoarsely. “I should go.”

JJ stood, her legs feeling shaky and the world still feeling like it was spinning slightly. She was still mostly naked, only wearing her underwear and an unfamiliar t-shirt, which was presumably Elle’s. 

Bright red blotches were visible above the fabric, gracing her collarbones and the right side of her neck with an array of hickies. JJ gasped and prodded at them, shocked at the angry red that was bright against her pale skin. 

Her hair was a mess; the once-perfect blonde waves were mussed and tangled. There were large bags under her eyes and a wild look in her eyes. 

The realization of what she had done sent another urgent feeling of nausea through her. She hurriedly rejected Elle’s offers of coffee, or breakfast, and raced out of her apartment building. 

* * *

After a chilly walk through the student village, under the bright grey November light, JJ stumbled back to residence. She was wearing only the outfit she had worn out which didn’t do much against the cool fall breeze than it had last night with the warm buzz of alcohol in her system. 

JJ stared at the ground her entire walk home, mortified with her leather jacket, high heeled boots, and low cut shirt. She was clearly on a walk of shame that Sunday morning. 

Her outfit also did absolutely nothing to hide the bright red marks that crept up her neck. She had been too drunk to think about the consequences of letting Elle suck on her skin, and now had to face the consequences. 

_You’re ok,_ she said to herself. _All you have to do is make it to your room. You have some concealer there, and turtlenecks. If you make it there you’re safe, no one will know._

She hurried up the stairs, unlocking the door to the second floor and speeding down the hall. She thanked god that her hair was long enough, so when she passed some people in the hall, she just lowered her head and looked away, hoping that no one looked at her too closely. 

JJ was lucky that even though she had made a lot of mistakes that night, she still had her keys and her phone. She had her lanyard around her neck, ready to unlock her door, and there she would be home free. 

Just as she reached her room, having to stop herself from sprinting down the hall, the door across the hall opened. JJ tensed up, key still in the lock, knowing exactly who was there.

She turned, forgetting about the marks on her neck, and looked at a steel-faced Emily Prentiss, looking at her with a blank expression in her eyes.

She was dressed for the day, wearing dark jeans, a baggy hoodie, and cordless headphones in her ears. 

“Hello,” she said cooly, the simple word sending hurt into JJ’s gut. 

“Hey,” JJ said, it sounded more like a croak than a word. 

Emily’s eyes flicked down to her neck, widening at the sight. JJ gulped, realizing that Emily knew exactly what JJ had done the night before, the evidence clear all over her. 

“I gotta go,” Emily said tersely, “I’m going to be late.”

And with that, Emily marched down the hall, without another word to JJ. 

JJ unlocked her door, pushed it open, then her legs gave way and she fell in a puddle of her own tears, sobs wracking her whole body. 

“JJ, what’s wrong?!” Penelope gasped, leaping up from her office chair and kneeling down in front of JJ. 

She couldn’t make a sound, her embarrassment and anger at herself manifesting in angry sobs. Penelope wrapped her arms around JJ and allowed her to cry, patting her hair and holding her close.

“I’m so sorry,” JJ managed, knowing the person she was really apologizing to couldn’t hear her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on tumblr @gravelyhumerus. also thank u to my lovely friends who let me yell my ideas at them all the time ily


	13. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foxes, lattes, churches and resolutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve! Here's my present for you all. Hope everyone has a safe and healthy holiday 🎄⭐️ 
> 
> Content warning: abortion mention, religious trauma, smoking, and gratuitous French. Probably helpful if you understand the premise of the children's book "The Little Prince" but that's not required.

_ The first thing she noticed was the snow. It was falling down on her, hitting her skin with pinpricks of ice cold. She wandered through the bookshelves, searching for something. She wasn’t sure what for. _

_ It didn’t normally snow inside the library, but that didn’t seem to matter to her.  _

_ The snow crunched beneath her feet as she turned down another row of books, past the history section and stepping over a stack of books on the floor that was left there by some other student. To her left was a row of empty desks. It was just Emily and the books.  _

_ But, Emily didn’t feel peaceful. Something inside of her told her that she couldn’t wait around, she needed to  _ do _ something,  _ find  _ something.  _

_ Emily trudged through the snow. Was she searching for a spot to sit and study? Was she searching for a book? When she found it, she would know. _

_ She turned down a corridor, looking up and down the tall bookcases, her eyes skimming along the spines. They were old leather bound tomes, in rich oranges, blues and reds. They looked as if they hadn’t been read in decades. She searched for something she recognized, but nothing made sense to her as she couldn’t make out the titles or authors. _

_ Out of frustration, she turned away to stomp back down the row, but something stopped her in her tracks.  _

_ Emily blinked at the image in front of her. It was a fox standing in the middle of the fiction section, looking at her expectantly. It was as if he had climbed out of one of the books and materialized before her eyes.  _

_ “Bonjour,” Emily said, kneeling down before the animal. _

_ “Bonjour,” said the fox.  _

_ Emily looked around, confused at the appearance of the animal. What was a fox doing in a library? When she looked back, he was gone.  _

_ She looked around.  _

_ “Je suis là,” came the voice, from between two books, announcing his presence on the adjacent shelf. _

_ “Qui es-tu?” Emily asked, wondering who he was—or what he was—and what on earth he was doing here in her college’s library.  _

_ “Je suis un renard,” said the fox. He was a fox.  _ No shit.

_ She blinked at him, trying to figure out what she was remembering. The fox was familiar. She had seen him before… or read about him before.  _

_ It was just like out of  _ Le Petit Prince _ —the book that JJ had given her for her birthday. The book was a classic children’s novel, one that Emily had read many times. It was as if the character had simply stepped out of the book.  _

_ The book was about a little boy who lived on an asteroid and was in love with a rose. He went on an adventure through space before landing on Earth. There, he befriended a fox. Emily could picture the simple watercolour illustration of the small boy prince speaking to the fox. She could almost feel the pages of the book between her fingers. She smiled as she thought of JJ’s excited face as Emily unwrapped the present a few weeks back.  _

_ This fox, like in the book, was speaking to her. She racked her brain for what she was supposed to say.  _

_ “What am I doing here?” Emily asked, this time in English.  _

_ “Je ne puis pas jouer avec toi,” said the fox, which was not the answer to her question, since he had told her that he couldn’t play with her. “Je ne suis pas apprivoisé." _

I am not tamed,  _ he said. He has not yet been tamed. Emily remembered now what she must say. _

_ “What does tamed mean?” she asked, in French.  _

_ The fox jumped down from the bookshelf and walked through the library, his small paws leaving prints in the white snow. He was bright red against the ground and easy to follow through the familiar stacks. Emily noticed that she wasn’t cold, despite the weather, even as her breath came out in puffs that lingered in the air.  _

_ “It’s something that’s been too often neglected. It means ‘to create ties’... but you know this.” _

_ Emily remembered this part, he was right. In the book, the boy doesn’t know what taming means, how to create ties with the wild animal. He does not yet know the meaning of friendship.  _

_ The novel was filled with layers of metaphor. It spoke to childhood, love, loss and the power of the imagination. Emily’s copy sat next to her bed, and she had been looking through it before she fell asleep that night.  _

_ The fox crept through the seemingly endless bookshelves, his tail swishing back and forth as he walked. Emily tried to keep up, but he seemed to weave through the library with a practised ease.  _

_ The fox stopped. He hopped onto a desk and curled his tail in front of him. He cocked his head and looked at her expectantly.  _

_ “Your person has run from you, correct?” _

_ Emily stared at him. This part was not in the book. She nodded after a moment.  _

_ “I ran from my boy at first, too.” _

_ She remembered this part: in the novel, the young boy wanted to befriend the fox. But he was impatient. The fox explained that it would take time, that the boy would have to return over multiple days to build his trust. The boy would begin sitting far from the fox, not even making eye contact. Over time, he could move closer and closer until they finally could play together. Their friendship could only be forged over time.  _

_ “Were you scared?” Emily asked.  _

_ “At first,” he replied. “But he was patient. And persistent.” _

_ The fox swished his tail, then continued: “At times, my heart was not yet ready to greet him.” _

_ “How did the little prince finally tame you?”  _

_ He did not answer the question, as she already knew the answer, instead he said: “Words are the source of misunderstandings.” _

_ “Was it all worth it? Even though he left you in the end?” Emily asked, her voice barely above a whisper.  _

_ He nodded, then looked off into the distance, almost wistfully.  _

_ “Here is my secret,” he said. “It’s a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." _

_ “On ne voit qu'avec le cœur," Emily repeated. She knew this line by heart. It was better in French.  _

_ The fox disappeared into the books and Emily was left alone in the empty library. His words filled her mind. _

_ Words are the source of misunderstandings. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.  _

Emily woke up to the sound of her alarm blaring in her ear. She was curled up on her bed, on her side. Her blankets had fallen onto the floor, and she was close to shivering in the chill air. She slammed her hand onto her phone and fumbled until she turned off her alarm. 

It was a dream. A vivid dream. She didn’t normally get those. 

She stretched, her neck sore after sleeping at a weird angle. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the convoluted dream that was still clear in her mind. Somehow, even after all she had done to distract herself, JJ still was a key figure in her unconscious brain. 

Emily needed to move on from that, focus on school. She couldn’t dwell on what she couldn’t control. She was an expert at pretending everything was okay; she had held herself together through worse.

She stared out the window. Instead of the white snow that had been so crisp and bright in her dream, outside was grey and dreary. She couldn’t see any hint of precipitation, frozen or otherwise, just dead grass and wet asphalt. The trees were bare as the leaves had fallen and been raked up last month, and there was salt on the roads in anticipation of the freezing temperatures.

Emily methodically dressed, donning a pair of jeans and a dark green button up shirt, pulling a sweater on top to combat the chill. She then played some music on her laptop. She focused on the lyrics, allowing her mind to go blank. 

She sat in front of the mirror on her desk, carefully applying her makeup. There was something about a swoop of liquid eyeliner that made everything feel okay. At least, more okay than they used to be. If she looked put together, maybe she would feel like it, too. 

Emily rarely remembered her dreams and she really wasn’t used to having to think too hard about her subconscious. All that was very Freudian, anyways. She wrote the dream off as her sleep-deprived brain mixed with reading before bed. 

She donned her warmest leather jacket, the one with sherpa lining on the collar and tugged a mustard yellow beanie onto her head. Then, she lifted her tote bag onto her shoulders, and put her headphones into her ears, turning the volume up high, hoping that she could drown it all out. 

During her lecture, Emily didn’t retain a single word her professor said. She mindlessly typed her notes, completely zoned out the entire time. She wondered if the words on her screen made any sense, but decided that it must be an issue for a future version of herself. This was probably a bad idea, as it was just about finals season and her exams were fast approaching. 

Her mind was elsewhere: thinking about the blonde who lived across the hall. At times, Emily thought about their kiss, or imagined holding her hand, or holding her body. Then, as her daydreaming gave way to reality, she remembered the anxiety as JJ ignored her texts. She remembered JJ ending it one day, then coming back from a hookup mere days later.

Every day that week, as Emily walked down the hall, a part of her wanted to knock on JJ’s door, like she used to, just to say hi. Beyond everything else, Emily missed JJ. She missed laughing over dinner, studying French, or even lounging in one of their dorm rooms, doing nothing and talking for hours. She missed the way she smelled and her soft touch and her big blue eyes. She missed JJ’s kindness, how she would remember little details about Emily, and how she would knock her shoulder against Emily’s to get her attention. Emily missed her friend.

But the hurt was still there, and it overpowered her longing. The hallway reminded her of JJ’s words, her breaking it off, the tears in her eyes.

Emily hadn’t seen her since, with JJ doing an amazing job at avoiding her. 

As soon as her class was over, she walked off of campus, heading straight to her favourite cafe downtown. It was usually busy this time of day, but she hoped the crowd would keep her from wallowing and make her focus on her work. Campus was inextricably tied to JJ. The field reminded her of JJ’s soccer games, the library of their study dates, the cafeteria of their group dinners and even the quad made her think of the time she almost ran JJ over with her skateboard when she was distracted. 

Emily sat at the long sandy wood table and sipped her latte as she opened her laptop. 

Members of the Prentiss family were extremely talented at pretending things were normal, that everything was fine, and Emily was no exception. She had tucked all the hurt, all the confusion, into a neat little box in the back of her mind. Storing it away until she could deal with it. 

She typed away at one of her essays, only taking pauses to sip her coffee. She was busy finding sources and working on integrating quotes to develop her argument. She enjoyed the sound of her keyboard clacking, adding to the din of the cafe. 

Her phone was tucked neatly away in her pocket. While there was a noticeable silence in their group chat—the one with both Emily and JJ in it—Emily’s phone seemed to be constantly pinging with messages. Derek was checking in on her, Penelope seemed to be trying to distract her, even Hotch had sent her a message to make sure she was ok. If Reid had a cellphone, she knew he’d be doing the same. Sometimes she got messages from Penelope’s number that was signed by the younger boy. Somehow, the whole world seemed to have known exactly what had happened between her and JJ. 

The sun was setting faster and faster these days, and by five, it was creeping below the horizon. At this point, she had most of her essay drafted, so it felt like a good enough time to call it quits. Anyways, her back was starting to get sore from the minimalist chair and all she really wanted to do was curl up in her bed again. 

Emily packed up her bag, depositing her empty mug on the counter, nodding at the barista before leaving. 

She took the long way home, walking along the river and listening to her music, trying to clear her mind. She pulled her hood up against the cool air. 

She walked for five minutes before slowing as she came upon a church that she had passed before. Instead of continuing along her way back to her dorm, something made her pause. 

Lights lit up the facade: a red brick building that stretched up into the sky with a pointed bell tower in the centre. Columns graced the front, standing strong on either side of the large, wooden doorway. 

Emily stared at it. It was simultaneously familiar and foreign. Emily had spent almost every Sunday in church, be it Sunday school or mass with her mother. No matter where they were in the world, there was always at least one church in the city that they could attend. 

In Rome, their visits had only gotten more frequent, as after school, she and Matthew would wander the Renaissance churches around the city, admiring the architecture and discussing theology and morality and free will. 

Something came over her in that moment, and she found herself wandering up the steps, trying the door to see if it was unlocked. The door swung open easily, and for a moment Emily thought about walking in. She thought about kneeling before the cross and going through the familiar motions of prayer. 

She thought about asking God about JJ, about what was going on, praying for guidance on what to do. She could picture the way the light would dance through the stained glass window, she could feel wooden pew under her knees, she could almost mouth the words of her prayer. 

She thought of St. Georgia, her confirmation saint. She thought of her life of solitude, and how that almost sounded nice. Young Emily had thought the same thing. 

She thought about the mass that she sat in her pew, with tears in her eyes, as the priest talked about how being gay was a sin. She thought about how her mother repeated those words when she came out at sixteen.

She let the door close without entering, before walking away, longing for the feeling of the wind on her face instead of the dusty smell of incense. 

It had been years since she had set foot in church. The last time had been in Rome, the day she walked in with Matthew, before… well there was no before. It just was. Her pregnancy had triggered something in both of them, questions about the church that could not be prayed away. 

Emily clenched her fists, her short nails digging into her palms. She remembered the way Matthew had held her hand at the doctor’s, and held her as she fought back tears, and walked arm in arm into the church in defiance of the priest. 

After, their questions hadn’t subsided. Matthew read and read and read and the more he learned, the more the church transformed the place of safety and solace to something neither teen could stand behind.

Still, she missed her childhood certainty. She missed the feeling of a power greater than herself watching over her. She missed the singing—though she would never admit it—she had really enjoyed being in the choir. She missed how her mother would sit next to her, how it was often the longest time she got to spend with her busy mom. 

Emily shook her head, fighting back the memories, and turned up her music and continued her walk home. She dug around in her backpack for a lighter and her pack of cigarettes. Fumbling for a moment, she lit one and breathed in the dark smoke. 

The wind was biting and her leather jacket did little to keep the cold from creeping into her bones. As the sun was setting, Emily began to shiver. 

After dragging her walk out as long as she could, she finally went back to her dorm. Her hands were iced cold and she was shivering. She dropped her backpack on the floor before collapsing onto her bed. She checked her phone to find a missed call from Derek.

She called him back, knowing that he was likely to pick up from only down the hall.

“Hey,” she said. She felt suddenly tired, and wondered whether he would pick up on that.

“Hey Prentiss,” Derek said. “How’s it going?”   
  


“I’m fine,” Emily lied. 

“No you’re not,” his voice came through the phone, and from the hallway, and he knocked once before opening her door.

Emily sat up, looking over to him in surprise. As if he owned the place, Derek walked over and sat down on her desk chair, letting it spin with the motion of his body. 

“We’re ordering take out,” Derek said, “You can’t survive on coffee.”

“I can try,” Emily muttered. 

“Pizza?” Derek proposed.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit,” he said. “You’ve been avoiding the cafeteria.”

Emily crossed her arms. Derek was good at making her feel better, pushing her to take care of herself without forcing her to talk about her feelings. He was a private person, and so he never went too far, knowing that there were lines that neither of them crossed. 

“Thai?” he said with a sly look in his eye, he knew she couldn’t refuse. 

“Ok fine,” she gave up, “You know what I like.”

“That I do,” he said, dialing his phone and calling the local family-run Thai restaurant for delivery. 

Forty minutes later the two of them were eating curry and watching  _ The X-Files _ on Emily’s laptop. They were sprawled out on the floor, both scooping rice into their mouths as they discussed the plot of the episode—aliens—and whether or not they actually believed in them. 

Emily didn’t realize how hungry she had been and struggled to remember the last full meal she had eaten.

After she had finished, she felt slightly more human, slightly less out of it. Still sad, but being sad on a full stomach, sitting next to her best friend and watching her favourite tv show was a bit more bearable. 

“I just don't get it,” Emily blurted, surprising herself as the words fell out of her mouth. 

“Yeah,” Derek replied, “What’s the point of probing? Don’t they have good enough technology that they could just scan someone and know what’s up?”

“I mean, yeah,” Emily said with a laugh, “But I was talking about JJ.”

She paused. 

“Did I push too hard?” Emily mused, “Was it my fault?”

Emily didn’t plan to vent to Derek. She hadn’t really told him the details yet, as she was still embarrassed after Thanksgiving weekend. Telling Derek’s entire family about how she had a girlfriend and then immediately getting dumped was not great for the ego. 

She learned early that it was safer keeping things to herself. 

Emily had done just about anything to fit in when she was younger. She was desperate to be normal. To be someone that wasn’t the weird queer girl that moved around a lot. She learned languages, learned cultures. She learned how to wear the right clothes, say the right thing. She tried so, so hard to be normal, and yet she never seemed to do it right. 

In her senior year, Emily finally gave up. She dyed her hair, did her make up in a way she knew enraged her mother, and dressed the exact opposite of what the other kids did. 

Since then, Emily was trying to focus on being herself. Derek was her first friend to really accept her for her, and over the past year and a half, she felt herself beginning to relax around him. In her second year at college, she was no longer the new kid. 

She had started to feel comfortable with him, and all of their new friends, so she was kicking herself for letting things with JJ blow up in her face. She should have known this was all too good to be true. 

“Em,” Derek said, “You can’t blame yourself. There’s definitely more going on with her that we don’t know.”

“Did Pen say something?” Emily said hopefully.

“I don’t know,” Derek said, rubbing the back of his neck, “She hasn’t said anything outright, ‘cause, y’know it’s all so complicated. We’re friends with both of you. But she made it seem like it wasn’t just  _ you.” _

Emily gulped at the guilt she felt when she thought of how all of this with JJ must be hurting her friends. They had all gotten so close this semester, and she hated the thought of ruining it for everyone. 

“It’s not you, it’s me,” Emily said with a sardonic laugh.

“Essentially,” he said. 

“Look Prentiss,” Derek said, “I think this is just a hiccup. You’ll figure it out. You two just need to talk and stop running from each other.”

“How do I get her to stop running from me?” Emily asked, her dream vivid in her mind once again. 

“Wait it out,” he said, “She’ll come back to you eventually. For now, eat some mango.”

He offered her the dessert, some mango and sticky rice that they had gotten to share. Emily took some with a grin.

She could wait. JJ was worth waiting for.

* * *

Emily was almost ready for bed when she heard a knock at her door. Derek had stayed for most of the evening, watching tv and talking for hours to keep her mind off of things. He had wandered out around nine, as he had an early practise the next morning.

She was just about to get undressed after brushing her teeth and washing her face. She stood in the centre of her room with her fly half undone as she heard the sound. She zipped her pants back up and walked to her door, unlocking it, expecting to see Derek returning for something that he had forgotten. Instead, she was face to face with Jennifer Jareau.

“Hi,” JJ said. “Can we talk?”

In JJ’s hands was a large tin filled with homemade chocolate chip cookies. They were piled high in the tin, perfectly baked with picturesque chocolate chips still warm from the oven. On JJ’s face was a nervous expression as she held out the gift for Emily to take.

Emily stood and stared at JJ, wondering if she was real or if she had finally snapped and was hallucinating.

A moment passed. JJ smiled nervously at her, big blue eyes boring into Emily’s own.

Emily took the cookies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HMU on tumblr @gravelyhumerus to chat!


	14. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ and Emily go out for a walk in the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise update! Merry Christmas!

As Emily and JJ walked through the quad, the light filtered down through the branches from the golden lamps, casting a dim yellow light onto them. JJ’s hands were tucked into her jacket partially for the warmth her pockets offered, but also to keep herself from nervously wringing them as she glanced over at Emily. 

Instead of running away from JJ, slamming the door and avoiding the confrontation, Emily asked JJ to go for a walk. Both girls wordlessly grabbed their coats and walked out into the night with tension buzzing between them. 

JJ knew she fucked up. She was terrified that this was the end, that she had broken what was between them forever. 

In a panic that afternoon, JJ had walked all the way to the grocery store and picked up all the ingredients for homemade cookies. She hadn’t baked in ages, and hoped she could trust herself not to screw them up. 

Cookies were important, JJ decided. They were the topic of their first conversation, all those weeks ago. Perhaps they could serve as a peace offering. 

It took JJ almost an hour to work up the courage to knock on Emily’s door. She knew that she was home, as she heard Derek leave her room earlier that evening. Not that she was eavesdropping, the walls were just thin. 

JJ had sat on the floor in front of the door with her cookies in her lap talking herself up for the conversation. 

It wasn’t just talking to the girl she liked, it was apologizing profusely for her behaviour. Not just ignoring her texts, not just for ending things before they got a chance to start, but for doing that and then going out and hooking up with someone else. 

JJ’s regret was painted bright red on her neck, in bold hickies that lingered for days after her drunken hookup with Elle. The next morning, Penelope calmly helped JJ cover them up, but no matter how much foundation she smeared onto her pale skin, the welts remained visible.

The anger on Emily’s face was enough to send JJ into a spiral that was only somewhat halted by the comforting presence of Penelope Garcia, though her kind demeanour could only go so far to assuage JJ’s immense guilt. 

She remembered that night, almost two months ago, when JJ had burst into their dorm’s kitchen with a mug in her hands, feeling absolutely devastated. She remembered telling Emily about her boyfriend. She remembered Emily's words: “What really matters is if you enjoy spending time with him.”

When she had said that, JJ had been forced to realize that her answer was no. But, with Emily, it was a resounding yes. JJ enjoyed spending time with Emily. So much that it hurt to be apart. 

JJ missed Emily with every fibre of her being. She missed her laugh, the way Emily looked at JJ through her lashes, and the way their hands fit together perfectly. JJ missed the comfortable silence between them and the times they talked for hours, conversations blending together so much that she couldn’t tell where one ended and the next began. 

She walked awkwardly, staring at the ground, unsure of what she was supposed to say. She wanted Emily to scream, and yell, and beg JJ to explain what the fuck was going on. She wanted to beg for her forgiveness. She wanted to be cussed out. She wanted anything but this awkward silence between them. 

“I’m sorry,” JJ said, making the first move. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

Emily remained silent. 

“It’s no excuse but when I got home, on Thanksgiving, I found out my dad had left us,” JJ began to explain. “He just up and _left.”_

JJ began to seethe as her heartbreak over his decision had turned to anger. 

“And I was left in this empty house with my mom. I just felt so unbearably alone.”

“And you didn’t even talk to me?” Emily said, looking at the ground with her hands tucked into her pockets. 

“I didn’t want to bother you,” JJ admitted. “I guess I just want everyone to think of me as the put together one. The mom friend. The athlete with everything sorted out instead of the disaster that I actually am.”

JJ gulped. 

“I didn’t want to lie to you and say everything was fine when it wasn’t,” JJ said, “And I made it worse by saying nothing at all.”

“Yeah.” 

“I hurt people, Emily,” JJ said as she stopped walking and turned to Emily. “No matter what I do. I wasn’t enough to keep my sister alive. I wasn’t enough to keep my dad around. I even pushed Will away because I got _bored_ of him. I’m not good enough for you. I thought pushing you away would be better for you in the end, before I got a chance to hurt you.”

“Shut up,” Emily whispered. JJ’s jaw dropped.

“Wha–”

“Shut up!” Emily repeated, louder this time. “Jennifer Jareau, you _do not_ have the right to make that decision for me.” 

Emily looked up from the ground, and rage flared in her eyes. 

“ _I_ get to decide whether I’m willing to take the risk on you!” Emily almost yelled. “JJ, you didn’t even give me the chance.”

Emily’s hands were balled in fists on either side of her, her breaths came out in clouds in the cold air. By the end of her sentence, her voice cracked. 

“ I thought _I_ did something wrong,” Emily said, softly this time. “I thought it was me who fucked this up. I spent all this time trying to figure out what I had done to you that made you run from me.”

“Emily, you didn’t do anything wrong,” JJ said. 

“And anyways, all of that other stuff isn’t your fault,” Emily said. “And I think you know that. I’m so sorry about your sister, but it was _not_ your fault. And the same with your dad. It’s _never_ the child’s fault. You can’t control what he does when you’re going to college four hundred miles away.”

Emily’s hand moved to her mouth and she began to gnaw at a thumb nail. JJ was stunned silent. She hadn’t thought about it that way. 

“You are not required to be the only thing keeping your family together, or even a relationship. If you put all of that responsibility onto yourself, you’re going to collapse under the weight.”

JJ gulped.

“I learned early on that I couldn’t be the only one keeping the peace between my mother and I,” Emily said, “It was too hard. I mean, I went the completely opposite way and probably made our relationship worse. But JJ, not everything is your responsibility. You were just a kid when your sister died. Hell, you’re still just a kid. Give yourself a break.”

By the end of her speech, Emily just looked tired, her eyes softening and looking into JJ’s. The blonde didn’t know what to say. She stood for a moment, processing Emily’s words. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Emily demanded after a pause. 

JJ shook her head. 

“I’m good at running from my problems,” JJ admitted. She looked down at her shoes and kicked a pebble, not meeting Emily’s eyes. “I’m not really used to letting anyone help me with them.”

“Stop running from me, JJ.” 

JJ gulped. 

“I don’t know how.”

JJ’s big blue eyes met Emily’s deep brown. A moment passed. It began to snow, at first it was one or two white specks floating through the air, then all at once large, thick flakes fell from the heavens. 

“Just… talk to me,” Emily said, her face softening. 

JJ nodded, almost desperately. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said again, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears. 

“I… I get nervous when people ignore me,” Emily admitted. “I really thought this was all my fault.”

“You? No!” JJ exclaimed. “It was never you. You’re perfect-”

She said it before she thought about her words. She stuttered for an instant. She had just looked Emily in the eyes and called her perfect. _Well,_ JJ thought, _there’s no going back now!_

“I like you, Emily,” JJ admitted. “I like you _so_ much that I don’t know what to do with myself. And I’m so sorry for what I did. I should have told you what was going on.”

They had come to a stop next to a fountain in the park, the rush of water breaking the calm silence of the campus at night. 

“I want to do this right,” JJ managed. “I’ve already almost fucked this up. I just don’t know how.”

“I don’t know either. We’ll figure it out together.”

“Okay,” JJ whispered, turning to face Emily, looking deep into her eyes. “Together.”

Relief spread through JJ’s chest as she watched a small smile creep onto Emily’s face. 

Emily sat down on the edge of the fountain, tucking her long coat under her. JJ sat down next to her. Together they looked out into the dim park, lit intermittently by lamps. Around the fountain were some new saplings, all wrapped in an array of Christmas lights in anticipation of the holiday. 

JJ watched the large snowflakes dance through the sky. The snowfall was overdue, as it was late in November and it usually had snowed here by now. 

She took a moment to process what Emily had said to her. Maybe JJ had held that weight on her shoulders for too long. 

JJ glanced over at Emily, admiring the stunning woman in profile. She knew if she moved her thigh slightly she would be able to touch it to Emily’s. Warmth radiated off of Emily, and JJ longed to lean into her, but was still a bit nervous around her. 

“I missed you,” Emily said, still not looking at JJ. 

“I missed you, too,” JJ replied. Emily leaned over, bumping their shoulders together lightly. “I’ll never push you away, again.” 

With that, Emily’s bare hand emerged from her pocket and moved to rest on JJ’s thigh, palm-up in a gesture that asked JJ to hold her hand. JJ placed her hand in Emily’s and squeezed. A wave of relief passed through her body. 

“I do need a few more cookies to fully heal,” Emily joked, “Were those homemade?”

JJ laughed, nodding eagerly at Emily. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

A pause.

“Can I kiss you?” JJ asked. 

“I thought you would never ask,” Emily said with a shy smile. 

JJ lifted her chin up as Emily leaned in to close the distance. Their cold lips touched chastely at first, before their passion overtook them and the kiss deepened. 

Gasping for breath, the two girls crashed together over and over in a frenzied kiss as snow swirled around them. JJ’s strong arms wrapped around Emily’s waist, while Emily’s hands ran through JJ’s long hair.

They kissed until both girls were shivering from the cold. JJ pulled back and gazed upon Emily’s raven black hair that was covered in snow and her pale skin flushed from the cold. She was beautiful. JJ kissed her again, this time it was tender and soft, as a rush of affection for Emily was filling her heart to the brim. JJ’s hands were caressing Emily’s cheeks, pulling the other girl ever closer.

They pulled apart, staring at each other in stunned silence. 

“As much as I love this,” Emily said, “I think I might have hypothermia.”

“I can warm you up,” JJ said with a smirk. “Let’s go home.” 

Hand in hand they returned to their dorm, chatting and filling the silence of the calm winter night. They had much to catch up on: JJ’s story of Derek and Spencer’s short-lived prank war and Emily having to talk Hotch down after he accidentally dyed all of his bright white sheets red because of a stray sock, at least to start with. 

As they walked back into their residence, JJ let out a sigh of relief. Emily glanced back at her nervously as JJ ran her thumb across the back of her hand. JJ smiled back at her, trying to act reassuring, 

“I won't run from you again,” JJ said. “Pinky swear.”

Emily blinked at her, still looking hesitant. JJ reached out and grabbed Emily’s other hand, looping her pinky into hers and holding on tight. 

They looked into each other's eyes for one second, then two, before letting their arms drop to their sides. Emily smiled at JJ. 

After a third, very handsy kiss, they lingered in the hall for longer than they should have, whispering back and forth as their conversation moved from one topic to the next. They went on undisturbed until a door down the hall opened and closed, and someone emerged out of their RA, Erin Strauss’ room. As the person turned to face them, JJ immediately recognized him.

“Rossi?” JJ stage whispered in shock at the implications of his presence in their RA’s room. 

He stopped in his tracks, widening his eyes as he took in the two flushed girls standing in the hall: Emily in her pyjamas with her hair wet from the snow, and JJ suddenly feeling slightly blushy at the unexpected familiar face. 

“You saw nothing,” he said in a firm tone, pointing at them for emphasis. 

They nodded, and after he left through the side door, both went to their own separate beds. 

JJ grinned as she quietly closed the door to her room, hoping that she wouldn’t wake Penelope, who was already asleep in her bed. 

She stood for a second, revelling in what had happened. She hadn’t expected Emily to even give her the time of day after what she had done, let alone forgive her. 

JJ closed her eyes, picturing Emily standing in the snow, her eyes trained on JJ looking at her with something unexpected… something JJ hadn’t seen before. The blonde bit her lip and tiptoed across her room, feeling absolutely elated. 

She then collapsed into her bed and clutched her necklace as she looked up to a photo of Ros. She was still nervous that Emily hadn’t fully forgiven her yet; perhaps JJ didn’t deserve her forgiveness. All she could do was try to earn it. 

“I’ll do better,” JJ whispered to herself, or to Ros, or to the universe—she wasn’t quite sure. “I won’t run away anymore.” 


	15. Hockey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🎶 Oh! The good ol' Hockey game, is the best game you can name.  
> And the best game you can name, is the good ol' Hockey game! 🎶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! happy new year! hope your holidays were pleasant and that you're all staying safe!
> 
> so, I haven't really established where this fic takes place because: 1) I am canadian and don't know enough about american colleges to confidently write one 2) I feel like its nice that we all can just imagine our own schools for the setting. so I still haven't named the school, but it's located somewhere in the north east and its mascot is now officially a sun bear. 
> 
> content warning: alcohol, cannabis and gratuitous descriptions of a hockey game.

Emily tugged her scarf loose from around her neck as the smell of popcorn filled her senses. The arena was colder than she expected, but still warmer than the bitter cold of their long trudge there. 

They flashed their student cards, and the cheery attendant told them where they could find their seats and the snack bar. 

The group had gone all the way across the river to their college’s athletics complex, which seemed to be a series of buildings housing their gym, various arenas and offices surrounded by orderly green spaces. This was actually Emily’s first time over on this part of their college’s grounds, as she never attended that part of the campus tour when she was deciding on colleges. 

Today, Emily was here to cheer Hotch on for his final game of the fall semester. And while she knew very little about hockey, she was excited for an excuse to take a break from studying for the evening. 

Emily felt a gloved hand take hers and she almost gasped in surprise. She looked down and caught JJ grinning up at her. The blonde’s nose was red from the cold, a pair of cream earmuffs on her head and her navy coat buttoned up tightly under her neck. Emily felt her heart race at JJ’s touch. 

In front of them were Spencer, Derek, Penelope and Rossi. They were currently bickering about whether they should get snacks before or after the first period. While Derek was worried that they might miss puck drop, his desire for stadium eats surpassed his concerns.

Rossi, who turned out to be suspiciously wealthy (Emily didn’t know how, his only explanation was that he was Italian, which didn’t reveal where his money came from), brought a heaping armful of miscellaneous snacks for himself and promised to share. It was his idea to come to support Hotch, as the stoic boy wouldn’t have asked for the support. 

JJ and Emily lagged behind, enjoying the moment of surreptitiously holding hands in public. 

Earlier that week, JJ’s team had lost their quarterfinals match during an away game. While Emily regretted not being able to attend, the group of them huddled around a laptop in the common room and cheered her on from the livestream. JJ had pulled her weight with the team, finally emerging from her “slump” as she called it, but through a combination of having a surprising amount of her teammates stuck on the bench due to injuries and refs making questionable calls, their team had lost. 

While JJ was disappointed that they wouldn’t go to finals this year, she had told Emily earlier that week that she was secretly thrilled to spend the days before exams focusing on school for once. Emily agreed with her, excited to have a chance to actually spend some time with JJ after so much time apart. 

Most of that was spent alternating between the library, the cafe or the common room as both girls were prepping for their upcoming finals season. Unfortunately for the two of them, they didn't have the free time to really explore their relationship. 

Though this was their first hockey game together, the group was well prepared. As they sat down onto the plastic fold out seats, all of them unpacked their bags. JJ seemed to have had more forethought than Emily, who had only stuffed her bag with a thermos of spiked hot chocolate and a bag of cheetos, as JJ was unrolling a blanket and laying it over their laps. 

“Oh, I’m ok,” Emily said, brushing off JJ’s blanket offer, “I don’t need a blanket.”

Immediately after she said this, she realized it was a mistake, but Emily was a touch too proud to admit it. It was still cold inside the arena, but Emily couldn’t ask for the blanket right after rejecting JJ’s offer. 

To her left, Derek and Penelope were unrolling one of their very large poster boards that they had bought at the dollar store. Taped haphazardly onto it was a stretched, grainy photo of Aaron Hotchner. He wasn’t smiling, simply staring at the camera with a serious expression on his face. His hair was neatly in place, looking much more put together than the floppy haired boy that they were familiar with. It was his official athletics headshot, complete with his navy hockey jersey. 

They had three posters: one with his face, one with the phrase “Twenty-two’s gonna get you!” and the third with “Go Hotch go!” in messy scrawl. Turns out, hockey games also included arts and crafts in preparation, who would have thought!

Emily wasn’t really a sports girl. Which was weird because she had accidentally befriended three jocks: her maybe-girlfriend JJ played varsity soccer, her best friend Derek was the star quarterback on a full scholarship and Hotch was the hockey team’s top defence-man. She was suddenly pushed into the deep end of the world of varsity sports. 

Emily took a sip of the spiked hot chocolate and grimaced. Derek clearly spiked them because they were definitely more alcohol than cocoa. She settled back in her chair, feeling a bit nervous. JJ’s leg was pressed against hers and although they had dropped each other's hands when they sat down, the absence of a shared blanket hiding this gesture from their friends made her feel very… seen. 

Derek knew what happened, and she assumed JJ told Penelope and probably even Spencer. But there was a difference between that and being public with their relationship. Their group was so new, and a relationship amongst them could disrupt the whole dynamic. 

As November neared its end, the polar vortex hit their campus hard and it was already a very cold, white winter. JJ was fussing with her coat, unzipping the front to reveal her flannel shirt underneath and tucking her earmuffs and scarf away in her backpack. 

Emily kept her coat on, only taking off her black beanie once she sat down. She always seemed to be a bit too cold and she had not fully adapted to winters here. 

“Can I have a sip?” JJ asked, reaching over to the thermos. 

Emily handed it to JJ, allowing her fingers to linger on it as JJ’s hands wrapped around hers. Despite the fact that they had been slightly more than friends for a few days now, the electricity between them had not dampened. 

JJ took a sip and made a face at the taste. 

“Morgan,” JJ said scornfully, “Is this hot chocolate or rubbing alcohol?”

“Can’t handle your drink, blondie?” He quipped back.

JJ huffed at him. 

Emily looked over to her friend—or maybe her girlfriend, they hadn’t really ironed out their labels—and glanced down at the plaid shirt JJ was wearing. It looked familiar. It was hers! Emily had to bite her tongue from laughing. Weeks ago, Emily had lent JJ her shirt at a bar after she had spilled a drink on JJ. 

“Is that my shirt?” Emily whispered in JJ’s ear.

JJ nodded.

“I didn’t think you’d notice,” JJ whispered back, batting her eyelashes at Emily, who blushed in response. “Does it still look better on me?”

Emily nodded dumbly, too busy looking at JJ’s lips to speak. She had sparkly lip gloss on, and looked absolutely kissable. JJ’s lips always somehow tasted like strawberries and she knew that if she kissed her now, the hot chocolate would only taste sweeter. 

“Just kiss already!” Derek called out, tossing popcorn at them playfully. 

Emily jumped back to find all of their friends staring at them, and her earlier flush turned her face beet red. She turned away, looking out into the rink instead of at the snickering faces of Penelope, Derek, and Spencer. Rossi had already disappeared, and Emily had an inkling that he had either stepped outside to smoke or to meet up with one of his endless friends he always seemed to encounter whenever they were out. 

The arena itself was huge. The metal roof stretched up high above them, with a large LCD screen coming down in the centre of the court, where the score would eventually appear. There was a good turn out. Obviously, it was nowhere near the stands at a professional hockey game, yet the stands were filling up and there was an excited buzz that filled the area. 

A zamboni was driving over the ice, and Emily watched as it turned the white scraped up ice into a perfectly smooth surface, ready for the game. Their school's logo: a bear surrounded by a rising sun was emblazoned in the centre of the rink. They were the Sun Bears and the logo made that clear in a cartoony ice-covered design. 

The clock ticked down. Two minutes until puck drop. 

Her friends had stopped giggling at them, but Emily still felt awkward, sitting stock still next to JJ who was similarly tense. The warmth of JJ’s leg was gone. 

Emily looked at JJ out of the corner of her eye. She did look better in the plaid. The colour complemented her warm complexion. She was nervously sipping the hot cocoa, and Emily knew that she should probably tell JJ to slow down, but the awkward situation kept her quiet. 

“Who are they playing?” Emily asked instead. 

“How do you not know?” Derek scolded, “It's the playoffs.”

“I don’t know anything about hockey, Derek.”

“I probably should have seen that coming,” he said with a chuckle, probably remembering all the times he had tried to explain the premise of football to her. It wasn’t like she didn’t care, because she did, since it was her best friend’s sport. But it didn’t mean that football made any sense to her. There were so many rules and positions, and nothing seemed simple. Soccer she could wrap her head around. She remembered playing it in elementary school. Hockey, from her understanding, had a similar premise, except there were blades strapped to your feet and sticks involved. 

Derek handed her the guide to the game: a glossy pamphlet with a movie-poster-esque image of hockey players laid out in an adversarial pose. On the left were some players dressed in yellow and white, and to the right was the home team in the familiar navy that Emily recognized from her friends' uniforms. The away team, she read, was from Princeton. The Tigers. The two schools shared a friendly rivalry spanning decades. 

The buzzer sounded as both teams emerged from their change rooms, and the players huddled up on the bench. The coach said something to them, then they chanted something—perhaps their school’s cheer—then slammed their hockey sticks twice onto the ice and boards. A loud boom was heard throughout the arena, the sound even louder than the music that was playing generic pop-rock songs from ten years ago. 

“It’s starting,” JJ told her with a nudge. Emily nodded, gathering as much from the context clues. 

Emily looked at JJ out of the corner of her eye, admiring how her blonde hair was slightly messy from the wind and snow. 

For a moment, Emily’s chest filled with a strange feeling. Affection mixed with trepidation. Emily felt as if she was still dancing around JJ. She knew her feelings were reciprocated, but her own walls were fully still up, and she didn’t know how to begin dismantling them to be here and present for JJ.

They hadn’t done much more than make out. While neither girl was complaining about kissing, Emily knew it was her keeping them from moving forward. It was silly, but something inside her was still terrified that JJ would turn on her heel and leave Emily alone in the hallway again. 

JJ seemed to know that the hallway made Emily nervous. It reminded her of JJ breaking it off, of JJ ignoring her for all that time. It brought back feelings of the rejection and ostracization that was all too consistent growing up. Since getting back together, whenever they stood in the space between their rooms, JJ seemed to hold her hand extra tight, hug her even harder and even kiss her with more feeling. 

Ever since their walk, JJ had been trying  _ really _ hard to make up for everything. Emily hadn’t sent a single text that had gone without response. It’d gotten so bad that late at night, she’d caught JJ sleep typing and sending gibberish in response. 

It did make Emily feel better. She felt good. Nervous. But good. 

“Hey, where’s your brain at?” JJ leaned over to say. 

“Oh just thinking about getting some popcorn,” Emily lied. Well, half lied. The popcorn  _ did _ smell good, but that just wasn’t what she was thinking about. 

“Deep thoughts on snack foods today, huh?”

Emily smiled at JJ. Although she had only known Emily for three months, JJ could already read her like a book. 

“I have deep thoughts about everything,” Emily said, “I’m a deep thinker.”

“Uh-huh,” JJ said. “Sure you are.”

Emily swatted JJ playfully in protest of the slander. 

The players were on the ice, skating into their positions before the national anthem began to sound out over the stereo system that had been previously playing some  _ Imagine Dragons _ song. Emily stood and the people around her did the same, removing their hats and some singing along. 

Hotch was standing near the net, with his helmet and stick on the ice next to him. Emily could only see his back, as he was standing away from her, facing the American flag. ‘Hotchner’ was printed in big white block text across his back. 

After the anthem, another song began to play. It was some sort of generic hype up music, something Emily had grown accustomed to from Derek’s work-out playlists and from looking through JJ’s public Spotify playlists. As the music reached its crescendo, the arena began to whoop as the players slammed their hockey sticks into the ice and against the boards in a rhythmic thud. 

The referee, a shorter woman whom the players towered over, held the puck in her hands. She whistled. The music stopped.

She tossed the puck between the two players at the centre, and the game began. It all moved very fast, with the players skating here and there, passing the puck back and forth. Emily lost sight of Hotch almost immediately, as he didn’t look much different than any of his teammates with all the padding and the helmet obscuring his features. 

Emily leaned back in the chair, trying to follow the game, but only really clued into what was happening based on JJ and Derek’s collective reactions. Whenever the home team did something Emily assumed was good, JJ and Derek cheered alongside the crowd, and when the other team got the puck or won a face off, Emily could hear JJ swear under her breath and Derek grumble. 

She zoned out slightly as she watched, unable to truly get into the proceedings. Something had been bothering her ever since she and JJ got together, and Emily’s mind wandered to it every time it had a quiet moment. After JJ ended it with Emily, she caught JJ walking home from what could only be interpreted as a one night stand. Emily was conflicted: things were so nice between them now, but that fact lingered on her brain. Who was the person? Why? Was Emily enough for JJ?

Emily shivered slightly at the chill, which got her back out of her thoughts. She was hunched over and rubbed her hands up and down her arms to warm up slightly. 

“Emily, please,” JJ said. “Just take some of the blanket.”

She looked over to the blonde who was clutching the blanket tightly. JJ was looking at her with a pleading look in her eyes. 

Emily took the blanket. It was warm from JJ’s body heat, and Emily’s shivering ceased as soon as the cloth was settled on her lap. 

“See? Don’t have to be so macho,” JJ said softly. “It’s ok to ask for what you need.”

Emily smiled. Maybe she wasn’t giving herself fully to JJ yet, but she was still reeling from the emotional rollercoaster that these past weeks had been. JJ’s words were laced with double meanings, and Emily knew they still had a lot more talking to do before things could fully get back on track. 

She took a gulp of the spiked hot chocolate. 

“Did you guys know that the first  _ indoor  _ hockey game was played on March 3rd, 1875 in Montreal, Canada?” Spencer stated. His obsession with facts was consistent and comforting to Emily. 

“I guess we got to hand it to the Canadians for slapping blades onto their feet and calling it a sport,” Penelope joked. 

Just as she said that, Hotch was slammed into the boards right in front of them. They watched the anger on his face as the other boy refused to let up. He was being ground into the plexiglass and the whole ordeal looked  _ painful _ despite his protective gear. All the while, his teammate was trying to force the puck away from under Hotch’s skates. It didn’t look right but no referee blew their whistle, so it continued. 

“It’s so violent,” Penelope muttered. “I don’t like it.”

“It’s a sport,” Derek said, “that’s the whole point.”

“You don’t see JJ grinding her opponent’s face into the turf,” she argued. 

“It’s  _ hockey,”  _ Derek countered. 

“Actually,” Spencer said, “Women’s hockey doesn’t allow the same amount of contact as men’s, and statistically speaking, their games focus more on the gameplay rather than combat.”

“Look who’s a sports guy now,” Derek goaded the younger boy.

“I thought it would be smart to read up on it before I came,” Spencer said. “Anyways, sports are just physics and statistics. I’m good with numbers.”

Emily assumed it was true because so far, it seemed like the boys spent more time on fighting than on skating and shooting. 

She looked away from her friends and back to the rink just when the buzzer went off. 

“Period’s over,” JJ explained after reading Emily’s confused expression. “We have twenty minutes before the next one starts. Let’s get popcorn.”

The two of them raced ahead of the crowd and wandered over to the snack bar. 

“Emily,” JJ said, to get her attention.

Emily looked over to her. 

“Are we… ok?” JJ asked, an uncertain look on her face. 

“I don’t-” Emily began, but was interrupted by Penelope appearing to her side.

“Hello girlies!” She said with a smile. “Derek sent me to get some more popcorn, someone ate it all.”

“Weren’t you  _ sharing _ ?” JJ asked, seemingly unfazed by the interruption. 

“Details, details,” Penelope waived her off.

Emily was secretly relieved at the interruption.  _ Were they ok? _ She didn’t have the answer to that. She  _ should  _ be thankful that JJ apologized, excited to start their relationship. But, after the relief of finally getting back to being on speaking–and kissing–terms with her floormate, Emily’s normal nerves had kicked in. She felt like what they had was fleeting, like the other shoe would drop any minute now. While she knew they wouldn’t be perfect just because they decided to get together and JJ had promised to stop running from her, Emily was still surprised to find herself hesitant around JJ.

When it was their turn, Emily bought two large popcorns, one for JJ and her to share and the other for Penelope to share with the boys. JJ protested, like always, to Emily spending money on her. While Emily hated when her mother sent her guilt money, she hated it less when she spent it on JJ.

When they returned to the stands, Rossi was nowhere to be found. Emily shot Derek a questioning look, to which he replied: “He ran into one of his  _ students.” _

JJ laughed in response.

“We all know what  _ that  _ means,” Emily said. 

“I don’t!” Spencer protested. 

JJ, always the kind one, proceeded to explain that Rossi was probably in the process of selling someone some weed. 

Emily found herself getting more and more drunk as the game wore on. So did the others. She was certain that Rossi was high as a kite by the time the third period started. Maybe that’s how he got through grad school, Emily mused. 

Despite not being that invested in sports—and despite her level of intoxication on her festive drink—she could tell that something wasn’t adding up. Even though the home team—the Sun Bears—were playing harder, skating faster, and spending more time with the puck, their team seemed to be getting the short end of the stick, referee-wise. 

At first, Emily didn’t notice. The first time they got a penalty, Emily hadn’t actually seen what had happened. She heard JJ and Derek grumbling to her left about how the refs were blind. 

Then, when  _ Hotch _ had gotten his first penalty, Emily did see what had happened, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. As Hotch tried to talk back to the ref, the man just turned his back on him and skated away, leaving Hotch in the box. 

“What’d he do?” Emily asked JJ.

“They said he was slashing, which is bullshit,” JJ said, “He was just trying to get the puck. It was perfectly legal.”

JJ reached for the hot chocolate, and drank some more. It was a massive thermos, and Emily was fairly certain that both girls were at least a few shots of vodka deep into this Thursday evening. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, but when JJ’s hand rested on her thigh under the blankets, Emily took her hand in hers. She could feel JJ’s eyes on hers, but kept her own on the rink. 

Before Hotch’s penalty was up, one of his teammates was  _ also  _ given a penalty. 

“Are you guys taking bribes or are you just  _ blind?”  _ JJ yelled alongside many others in the audience, as an indignant roar came over the crowd. 

Apparently, this was another in a long line of bad calls by the refs, as Emily gathered. 

The Tigers had scored two goals within the second period, so it wasn’t looking good for Hotch and his teammates leading into the third. 

Even worse: JJ and Emily were just about out of hot chocolate and the only other thing that was up for grabs was a “water” bottle in Derek’s bag that Emily knew was straight vodka . 

“At least that ref is hot,” Penelope muttered.

“The old man?” Spencer said, with a horrified gasp.

“No the DILF up front,” Penelope said, pointing at one of the refs. “Tall, dark and handsome.”

Emily hummed noncommittally. She was starting to wonder if she was really bi after all because the more time passed, the less she related when her friends talked about boys. It could also be the overwhelming desire for Jennifer Jareau occupying all of her brain.

JJ squeezed Emily’s hand and gave her a look. They shared a silent laugh between them. 

As Hotch’s time in the penalty box expired, the group whooped and hollered as he took his spot back near the net. 

“Princeton is still in a powerplay,” JJ explained. “But we have a better chance now that it’s not six on four.”

Emily nodded. That made sense to her. 

JJ was right, with Hotch back on the rink, the team seemed to move from the defensive to the offensive. Hotch skated back and forth near the centre line as his teammates were swarming the goal. There was a lot of activity by the net then suddenly the buzzer went off. Goal!

They stood and cheered, waiving their signs in the air. 

But, after that, things went downhill. More penalties, more time in the box, and at one point, the home team even pulled their goalie out of the net for a chance at scoring. Nothing seemed to work and with ten minutes left of the game, the score was a dismal three to one. 

What happened next was a terrible convergence of these questionable calls by the refs and their groups increasing alcohol-induced belligerence. Because their grumbling had transformed into spirited yelling and heckling.

“Go back to Foot Locker!” yelled Rossi. 

"Hey ref you might want to check your voicemail YOU'VE MISSED A FEW CALLS!" Penelope yelled, then began to giggle afterwards, unable to take herself that seriously. 

Even JJ yelled: “It’s not Christmas yet, quit giving em' presents!” 

Then, after a particularly bad call on something that Emily learned was called ‘boarding’ the group of them got the entire area of the stands to yell: “Bullshit” as a chant. 

Emily decided at that moment that hockey could actually be fun. 

After a few minutes of giving the referees a hard time, Emily could tell that they might be going a touch overboard, but couldn’t quite get herself to stop. What started as a half-joking anger at the game, transformed into being absolutely indignant on behalf of Aaron Hotchner.

His team was playing hard and well, while the other team was playing dirty, and the only team that was getting punished seemed to be theirs. This didn’t quite make sense to her, as they  _ should  _ be impartial, but that night the refs really seemed to have it out for them. 

Emily had never really felt any sort of loyalty to her school. She liked it well enough. In fact, it was her first taste of freedom, and she bought a hoodie with the logo on the chest to celebrate that. In that moment, she felt a polarizing feeling of absolute devotion to  _ her  _ school, and was enraged at the situation. 

The last straw was when Hotch got tripped by an opposing player. Their stick was clearly stuck out, and he was sent flying, face planting onto the ice. They roared with anger as they watched it happen, standing up as they realized he wasn’t getting up. He had clearly been knocked down hard, and he kneeled on the ice clutching his arm tenderly.

His teammate led him off the ice, but it was clear he was hurt. 

The game resumed without him, and not a single player from the other team was given any penalty. With five minutes left in the game, their team was still losing. 

“Come on!” Rossi yelled, “You got eyes? Use them!”

They all yelled similar sentiments. 

Even Penelope, who didn’t normally have a mean bone in her body called out: “Hey! This doesn’t seem completely fair!” 

“Can you guys  _ calm down?!” _ A stranger yelled over at them. Apparently Penelope’s words were the line in the sand for this spectator. “We’re trying to watch the game.”

“This isn’t a game, it’s a travesty,” Rossi snarked back to the stranger. 

The ref called a time out, and skated up to the edge of the rink, where the announcers and rink staff were seated. They spoke for a second, and Emily could see them pointing up at them. Perhaps they should have cooled it a bit, because they were definitely being spoken about. 

“Shit,” Derek muttered to them. “That isn’t good.”

“Should we make a break for it?” Penelope asked. 

“Sit still,” Rossi replied, “Maybe if we smile they won’t kick us out. 

Emily bit her nails, suddenly regretting her heckling. Well, only kind of. She was still worried about Hotch as he hadn’t reemerged with the trainer who walked him off the ice. 

They seemed to come to a conclusion, sending a volunteer up to speak to them. 

“You need to leave,” a scrawny-looking volunteer told them, standing in front of Emily. He looked nervous and when Emily stood in defiance, she towered over him.

“Em,” JJ’s warning touch accompanied her words. “It’s not worth it.”

“I am supposed to escort you out of the arena.”

“We’re getting kicked out?” Penelope complained. “But we barely did anything.”

“The ref says you’re being a nuisance,” the boy said. 

“A nuisance?!” JJ asked.

“But there’s only like five minutes left of the game!” Penelope whined, “We’ll be quiet, we promise.”

The boy looked back nervously at his coworkers. The game resumed behind him, leaving him to deal with the group. He stood his ground and pointed towards the exit sign. 

Emily threw up her arms in a gesture of surrender.

“Fine! Fine,” she said, “We’ll go.” 

The boy made sure that they were all outside, and slammed the arena doors, leaving them out in the cold and giving them a warning look. 

“Well shit,” Emily said with a laugh. “Derek, do you still have that vodka?”

He pulled the water bottle out of his backpacks side pocket and handed it to her. She took a swig. As soon as she was done, she passed it around and the whole group took sips of the straight vodka. 

In a moment of boldness, Emily grabbed JJ’s gloved hand and pulled her close, grinning down at the shorter girl. They had already gotten themselves kicked out of a sports game, holding JJ’s hands was nowhere near as risky. 

* * *

They hung around outside until the game was over. They watched the audience trickle out as they waited outside, taking up residence on a wooden picnic bench. 

The snowstorm had stopped, leaving a pleasant winter night. With the alcohol and adrenaline in their system, the cold didn’t seem that bad. Even Emily, who was always cold, didn’t feel like complaining, because JJ had wrapped her blanket around the two of them, and together they kept fairly warm.

Hotch was one of the first to leave, with a tension bandage wrapped around his wrist and a large duffel bag slung over his shoulder. 

“You guys got  _ kicked out?” _ Hotch asked them, with a slight hint of a smile tugging at his cheeks.

“We were a bit too spirited for them to handle,” Rossi corrected. “Did you win?”

“Of course not,” Hotch said with a rare laugh. “It’s ok, we still have next semester to work on our standing.”

“Need a drink?” Derek offered the water bottle. Hotch took a swig then grimaced.

“God, that’s awful.” 

“I have beer at my place,” Rossi said, “Drinks on me?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Hotch said. He hiked his duffel bag onto his shoulder and they embarked on the next phase of their evening. 

* * *

It was late when JJ and Emily stumbled into the latter’s dorm room. They collapsed onto her bed, both frozen and drunk. Emily peeled off her hat, scarf and coat, kicking off her snow-covered boots onto the mat by her door. The two girls tossed their coats onto Emily’s desk chair, which had become the go-to coat holder, despite the hooks on her wall meant for that purpose. 

Emily hopped onto her bed and pulled her throw blanket around her shoulders. JJ laid down next to her. 

“Warm me up, JJ,” Emily said, putting her cold hands on the blonde's sides, causing her to squeal. 

“Emily!” JJ gasped, “Stop!”

Emily giggled, rolling away and putting her hands under her own armpits instead. Burying deeper into her blankets. 

“But you’re  _ warm,” _ she complained. 

“I know something that would warm us up,” JJ said with a mischievous smile on her face. 

“Oh yeah?” 

JJ rolled onto her stomach with her head in her hands, waggling her eyebrows up and down. Both girls fell into a fit of laughter. 

“Come here,” Emily said, patting by her side. JJ obeyed, curling up next to Emily. 

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ, holding her waist and pulling her close. JJ’s cold hands reached up, cupping her cheeks and guiding Emily towards her. Their lips met. The kiss was messy, with slightly too much teeth and with their lips moving frantically against each other. 

When they pulled apart, there was a goofy look on JJ’s face.

“I’m  _ drunk,” _ JJ said. “We shouldn’t.”

JJ looked down, suddenly nervous, despite being the one to initiate. 

“Me too,” Emily admits. “You can still stay, if you want. We don’t have to…”

JJ looked back up at her, nodding. Emily smiled. She got up, opening her chest of drawers. Rummaging around in her pj drawer. “Penguins or snowmen?” Emily asked. 

“Penguins, hands down,” JJ replied. Emily tossed her a pair of pyjama pants and a soft cotton shirt. “Go Pittsburgh and all that.”

Within minutes of laying down, Emily began to drift off, with her arms wrapped around JJ. She smiled as JJ’s breathing evened out. 

They hadn’t figured it all out yet, but what they had was pretty damned good. 


	16. Studying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ and Emily cram in some studying before exams start. They get a little distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is the reason this fic is rated explicit. enjoy

“It’s open!” 

JJ pushed open the door, entering Emily’s room without a hint of trepidation. That was new, and JJ was still getting used to the feeling of comfort in this space that was so distinctly  _ Emily. _

She had once gazed into the room from a distance, never daring to let her eyes linger too long. Always wondering what the posters said, hoping to one day look at all the little objects taped to the walls. It smelled like the candles JJ knew were against the rules—or cookies from her baking—and was somehow always warmer than JJ and Penelope’s room across the hall. 

“Hey Em,” JJ greeted her with a touch on the arm before she sat down onto the bed. 

“Hey,” Emily replied, her voice noticeably distracted. She was gnawing on the cap of her pen as she squinted at her laptop, hunched over her chair in a way that was  _ definitely  _ bad for her back. Clearly, she hadn’t moved much all day. 

On her desk was her black mug that Penelope had gifted her, half filled with coffee, with tiny cat-ears, and stacks of textbooks, papers and old take out cups. Finals season was clearly hitting her hard. Her normally organized room was in disarray, looking more like JJ’s space than Emily’s.

“I brought you dinner,” JJ said with a smile, pulling the box out of her bag. Emily’s face lit up and she spun around in her chair to face JJ.

“You did?” she asked, surprised.

“Your favourite,” JJ said, handing her both a small paper-wrapped package and a stout soup container. The latter had kept JJ’s bare hands warm as she trudged across campus. 

“From the Sun Café?” Emily gasped. 

This was the independent cafe on the edge of campus, overlooking the fields where students liked to lay about or play frisbee. It was a bustling favourite, always populated with hoards of students waiting in line for their signature sandwiches, slightly too hot coffee and music that played at the perfect volume for studying or quiet conversation. JJ couldn’t work there because any time she set foot into the building, she somehow ran into every single person she’d ever met at their college and would be forced into polite small talk. Yet, she was happy to pop in to pick up Emily’s favourite meal for her. 

“Yup,” JJ said, popping the “p” at the end for emphasis. “I know you’re not exactly committed to self-care when you have things on your mind.” 

“You’re the  _ best,” _ Emily said, opening up the wrapping to reveal a simple grilled cheese.

JJ had assumed that Emily hadn’t eaten, as she was known to get so engrossed in her work that she let hours pass by unheeded. JJ had caught her doing this multiple times this semester, by asking her if she was hungry only after hearing the other girl’s stomach rumble. 

One might assume that a girl like Emily, who grew up with wealth and in countries all around the world, would have some sort of special favourite food. Before getting to know the poised brunette, JJ would have assumed that the Ambassador's daughter would be used to caviar and champagne, but in reality, Emily lit up at the sight of the grilled cheese dipped in tomato soup.

JJ flopped back onto the bed, smiling at the sounds of Emily practically inhaling her dinner mixing with the ambient classical music playing off the laptop propped up onto a textbook on her desk. JJ had eaten her own sandwich on her walk over, starving after a long day of working on her study notes. 

“How was your day?” JJ probed, taking her own school work out of her backpack that she had tossed next to Emily’s bed. 

“My day?” Emily looked up and over her as she dipped the crust into the soup. “Essay, flash cards, studying. Nothing exciting. Were you at the library?”

JJ nodded. 

“I can never get work done in my room,” JJ admitted. “I always end up chatting with Penelope or getting distracted by other things.”

“I couldn’t get work in  _ your  _ room either,” Emily said. “It’s a mess.”

“Hey!” JJ protested, grabbing the nearest object to throw at her. This turned out to be the bear that she had won for Emily at the fall fair, which she had named ‘Clyde’ to match JJ’s ‘Bonnie.’ It bounced off of Emily’s head and tumbled onto the floor, messing up her black bangs and leaving her frowning dramatically at JJ between bites of her grilled cheese. 

“I said what I said,” Emily said, picking the bear up and clutching him to her chest, “but why take it out on poor dear Clyde?!”

JJ huffed and flipped to the proper page of her textbook, leaning back onto Emily’s pillows. She pulled the lid off her sparkly blue gel pen in preparation for taking notes. 

Emily’s room was probably JJ’s new favourite place to be on campus. Somehow Emily’s sheets were the softest thing she had ever felt, and her mattress topper made JJ feel like she was lying on a cloud. 

Most importantly: Emily had started buying Cheetos for JJ to snack on when she visited. JJ wasn’t sure if the other girl had classically conditioned JJ into a relationship by rewarding her with snacks every time they hung out, but she definitely wasn’t complaining. 

Emily finished her dinner in a shorter time than JJ expected, making the communications major wonder if Emily had eaten at all that day. She excused herself for a moment to throw out the wrapper and soup container in the common room—lest her room smell like tomato for the rest of times—leaving JJ alone 

JJ laid back in the bed, staring out Emily’s window for a moment, basking in the last of the winter sunlight. The semester was almost over. It hadn’t been easy, but JJ was happier than she had ever felt, so she guessed it was worth it. Outside, snow fell softly onto the turf soccer field that was visible from her window. JJ wondered, briefly, if Emily ever watched JJ play from the comfort of her bedroom before they got together. 

When Emily returned, JJ sat up and rubbed the back of her neck. She was pretty sure she had given herself a tension headache when she sat in the library’s god-awful wooden chairs all afternoon. They didn’t even spin. What a waste of furniture. 

“You ok?” Emily said, sitting down next to JJ. 

JJ hummed in response, trying to stretch out her neck.

“Can I?” Emily asked, she sat down next to JJ on the bed. The mattress sank slightly under her weight, causing JJ to lean into the other girl. Emily’s hands were suddenly on JJ’s shoulders, squeezing gently.

JJ moaned. Outright moaned. As soon as she did she slapped a hand over her mouth and flushed with embarrassment. 

Emily continued, despite JJ’s mortification, and slowly worked the tension out of her shoulders. JJ had gotten massages before. Typically they were brutal, meant to fix some issue with her soccer form. They were nothing like Emily’s gentle hands gently running across her traps. 

“Better?” Emily asked. JJ nodded enthusiastically. “Good. Now get back to work. I need to finish this essay. You have your first exam in a few days, right?”

Emily gave JJ’s shoulders a final squeeze and then grabbed her laptop. Emily sat down on the opposite side of the bed, leaning against the wall under the ‘I want to believe,’ poster that was tacked to her wall. 

JJ glanced around, her eyes travelling across Emily’s wall. Every facet of her personality was displayed across the walls. 

“Yeah, Media Theory 202,” JJ answered. “It's a long answer exam so it’s probably going to kill me. It’s basically a half dozen mini essays crammed into three hours.”

“At least soccer’s over,” Emily said. “You can focus on it.”

_ Not really,  _ JJ thought, but didn’t say that out loud. JJ was stir crazy when all she had to do was school. She liked to be on the move: running from practice to class to work outs to volunteering. Focusing on  _ one _ thing, her exams, wasn’t her strong suit. Even in that moment, JJ’s eyes were technically reading the words, but her mind was lost thinking about other things. 

“You should come for a run with us sometime,” JJ blurted. “It’ll be fun.”

She and Derek had started jogging together in the mornings, at the crack of dawn, on the trail that ran down the river that stretched from the campus all the way downtown. They circled city hall, passing by the adorable square that hosted a farmers market every Wednesday, before coming back.

Emily gave her a funny look that said  _ no _ more clearly than if she had said it out loud. 

“Seriously, Em,” JJ pleaded. “We don’t have to do the full four miles.” 

“ _Four_ _miles?!”_ Emily exclaimed. “I don’t think I’ve ever run that much in my life. You’re talking to the girl who forged her mother’s signature on a fake medical exemption from gym class for _five_ years at four different private schools until she got caught.”

“You got away with it for five years?” JJ laughed. 

“Yup,” Emily said, “I told everyone I had a heart condition. I’m weirdly pale anyways, I think that’s why they bought it.”

“Makes sense,” JJ managed through her giggles. 

“You should probably stop letting me distract you and get back to studying, missy,” Emily said. 

“What if I don’t wanna?” JJ half-whined, jokingly. 

“How about,” Emily said, “I’ll give you one kiss for every page you read. Actually read. No cheating.”

“Deal.” 

_ Ok. You can do this JJ,  _ she thought to herself.  _ Marshall McLuhan, what’d he do? Take notes. Focus.  _ She managed to read the entire page of her textbook, highlighting the important info and taking point form notes in her notebook. She looked up occasionally to take in Emily in a messy bun, chewing on the pen cap as she focused on her laptop. 

“Done!” JJ announced. Emily leaned across the bed and gave her a light peck on the lips. 

“There!” Emily said.

“That  _ barely _ counts,” JJ argued. 

“If we kiss any longer, it’ll distract you more.” 

Emily was right. Still, JJ pouted as she returned to deciphering how on earth her professor expected them to understand Gestalt philosophy in the context of broadcast media, as the textbook seemed to be getting at. 

JJ flopped onto her stomach, stretching out slightly. She half did this to move positions, allowing her feet to swing in the air, but also as an excuse to be within kissing distance of Emily. 

Another page, another kiss. 

Before she knew it she finished the chapter. 

“Does this call for a bit more than a kiss?” JJ said, waggling her eyebrows up and down. 

Emily who was seated cross-legged, leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to her lips. Lingering, Emily deepened the kiss. JJ accidentally moaned into Emily’s mouth, surprising even herself. 

Then, Emily pulled away. Leaving JJ splayed out on the bed feeling wholly unsatisfied. She returned to her reading, only looking up when Emily put away her laptop and opened a book of her own. 

JJ squirmed, adjusting her position so that her head was resting on top of Emily’s legs. She rolled onto her side and propped her book up so she could read while reclining. Emily rested her book on top of JJ’s head. 

A few minutes passed as JJ read more about media theory, soft music played in the background. Then, Emily began to fiddle absentmindedly with JJ’s hair. At first, she stroked it hesitantly. JJ leaned into the feeling. It reminded her of all the times that some girl in her class would ask to braid her hair and JJ would get a fluttery feeling in her stomach at the attention. 

The motion stopped, but JJ had already become used to the comforting sensation. She looked up and caught Emily looking down at her with a furrowed brow. 

“Can I, uh, ask you something?” Emily said haltingly, a forced casualness in her tone. 

JJ put her book down, startled at the question. 

“What is it, Emily?”

Emily’s hands moved through JJ’s hair, fiddling with it and making small braids before undoing them, only to make them again. JJ tensed up in anticipation.

“That morning, after Thanksgiving, when I saw you coming back from being somewhere else. It was a few weeks ago. Back when we weren’t really speaking. Were you…?”

Emily hadn’t asked the question, but JJ knew what she meant.  _ Did you have sex with someone else? Was that a walk of shame? Because it looked like a walk of shame. Were those hickeys? I saw your neck.  _ Emily had trailed off, but JJ knew exactly what she wanted to know. 

JJ looked up at Emily, who was technically upside down in JJ’s eyes. She had stopped playing nervously with her blonde hair and had instead begun nervously biting at her nails.

“Why do you ask?” JJ said. This wasn’t an answer but she was panicking. Why now? What made Emily want to know? Did she say something? Did JJ do something to make her question her?

“I just… I just don’t know what we are,” Emily said. “Because it’s fine if you want to see other people. It’s fine if we’re just friends. I just want to know. I don’t know what to call you.”

“Friends? No–no Emily,” JJ stuttered. “This isn’t... “

She gulped. 

“I got drunk. I went out with my teammates, and got blackout, and woke up in some girl’s bed. It meant  _ nothing _ to me. I was mad at myself. Mad at my situation. Mad at my  _ parents.  _ I was hurt and running and instead of dealing with anything, I just wanted to forget.”

JJ shook her head at the memories of running out of Elle’s house and freezing on her way back to their dorm. She had never felt more embarrassed, and probably never felt more hungover in her life. 

“But Emily, you have to understand,” JJ continued, “I haven’t seen her or spoken to her since. That’s _over._ I want _you._ And I don’t want to be casual. I don’t want to be your friend. Well, I do want to be your friend because I like being your friend. I like you a lot and being your friend has been _amazing._ But I want to be your friend and date you. I want you to be my girlfriend, Emily. I like you so much.”

JJ stopped and blinked up at Emily, realizing that she had rambled. 

“Girlfriend?” Emily said, with a goofy smile on her face.

“Of course,” JJ said. “I’m sorry that I was so dumb before. Feelings are a lot. But yeah. I want to be your girlfriend.” 

Emily leaned down and kissed JJ in what could be only described as an awkward variant of the spiderman kiss. It didn’t matter because JJ’s heart was thumping at the word ‘girlfriend’ and the feeling of Emily’s lips on hers. 

“You’re the one I want,” JJ said between kisses. “No one else.”

“I want to date you, Jennifer Jareau,” Emily said with a grin. 

JJ rolled onto her stomach, then sat up. Taking Emily’s face in her hands, she pulled her close, until their bodies were pressed together and she had better access to her girlfriends lips. Despite them having kissed dozens of times since their first kiss on Halloween, this one felt so much better, like fireworks were going off in her chest. 

“I never thought this would happen,” JJ admitted, only pulling apart from Emily to say so. 

“Never say never.”

They crashed together, and JJ’s blood raced south at the feeling of Emily’s hands grabbing at her waist, pulling them closer and closer until there was no space between their bodies. JJ sucked on Emily’s lower lip, relishing her soft, kissable lips.

Thoughts of their prior difficulties—and exam season—were immediately overpowered by the feeling of Emily’s tongue swiping between her lips. They were making out with a frenzy that JJ hadn’t felt before, desperately seeking each other as if their lives depended on it. 

Pressing kisses along JJ’s jaw, Emily sucked on JJ’s pulse point almost posessively. Her breath came out in short pants, filling JJ’s senses with the sound of the other girl’s breathing and making her wet at the sound. 

“You’re  _ so  _ hot, Em,” was all JJ managed to say. 

Emily sucked harder in response, and JJ busied herself with playing at the seam of Emily’s dark turtleneck, her hands feeling Emily’s soft ivory skin under the fabric. JJ was practically in Emily’s lap, half-straddling the taller girl. 

“When I first realized I had a crush on you,” JJ found herself saying, practically babbling at the feeling of Emily’s lips kissing down her neck and moving the hood of her sweater aside to have better access to her skin. “I thought you were  _ so  _ cool. You’d never be interested in  _ me.” _

“I’m not cool,” Emily said with a soft laugh. “I’m a nerd, you know that.”

“Yeah, you do quote a lot of Kurt Vonnegut,” JJ giggled. “But you’ve got this cool girl persona with your leather jackets and vinyl records and make up.”

“Shut up, you’re this cool soccer player that’s all nice and pretty,” Emily said. “You would have  _ never _ even looked at me in high school.”

JJ shut her up by kissing her on the lips; the only thing that mattered was here and now. They had met exactly when they were supposed to. JJ couldn’t even imagine a world where they had missed each other, a world where she wasn’t free to make out with Emily whenever she wanted. 

“ I'm sorry I keep looking at you,” JJ said as she pulled apart just to look at Emily’s flushed face once again. “But you're really the hottest thing I've ever seen in my entire life, and I don't know what to do about it."

“You know exactly what to do about it,” Emily replied, innuendo clear in her voice. 

“Can I…?” JJ said, tugging on the hem of Emily’s sweater, asking if she could remove the garment. 

Emily nodded enthusiastically. 

JJ lifted up the turtleneck, gently guiding it up and off of Emily, revealing what lay under. JJ’s eyes widened as she was confronted with an elegant dark red bra, the colour of an expensive merlot (JJ guessed, she hadn’t actually ever drank any), that cupped what JJ was sure was going to be the most amazing thing she’d ever see in her life. 

JJ stuttered, unable to form any coherent phrase beyond the word “boob” that repeated in her mind like a CD that wouldn’t stop skipping. 

Her hands moved to Emily’s waist, smoothing her hands all over the bare skin. JJ took in the expanse of her torso. She had a few freckles on her stomach and JJ wanted to kiss and every single one of them. 

Bodies crashing together, JJ kissed along Emily’s collarbones and down her sternum before coming face to face with the breasts that JJ had caught herself looking longingly at, ages before she even realized she was gay. JJ was straddling Emily, strong legs holding her above the prone brunette who was cradled by her pillows.

Then, JJ remembered something: the library, on their first (of many) study dates where JJ was first learning French from Emily. This led to weekly tutoring sessions. During the first one, JJ said something that was coming to mind now. 

“Je suis excitée,” JJ said with a cheeky grin, now knowing  _ exactly _ what the phrase meant. The mistranslation of the part of her earlier self was now entirely accurate to describe her current state.

“Évidemment,” Emily replied. 

Yes, now JJ could honestly say that she was horny. 

Hesitantly at first, then with more confidence, JJ cupped Emily in her hand, her thumb brushing over Emily’s nipple and watching it harden under her finger at the motion. Only then did JJ remember that underneath the lacy bra was Emily’s nipple piercings. Over a month ago, through a  _ very _ transparent pyjama shirt, JJ had accidentally caught a glimpse of these and hadn’t really stopped thinking about them. 

JJ looked up into Emily’s eyes, noticing how flushed she was. Her lips were red from kissing and her eyes tracked each and every movement JJ made. 

“Can I?” JJ asked, her left hand playing with the clasp of her bra. 

Hair bouncing as she nodded, Emily hummed as JJ’s right hand grazed over her nipple.  _ It was now or never _ , JJ said,  _ you can do it. _ She was hyping herself up to unhook Emily’s bra one-handed. This, she had failed to do with Elle, and wanted desperately to do smoothly to impress her new girlfriend. 

She grabbed the clasp with one hand and pulled back and out, and like magic, the bra fell forward off of Emily’s chest. Through her nipples ran dainty curved golden barbells. JJ’s jaw dropped at the sight. 

“Like what you see?” Emily said with a smirk.

“I’m sure there’s a story there,” JJ murmured.

“Oh it’s just your typical teenage rebellion,” Emily said, “I got them done the day I turned eighteen.”

“So,” JJ said, taking off her own shirt. “Just over a year ago?”

“Yeah, Derek tried to talk me out of it.”

“Oh my god,” JJ giggled. “I would pay good money to watch that conversation happen.”

They stared at each other for a moment, then suddenly Emily became aware of the fact that JJ was now shirtless, revealing her own, decidedly less sexy sports bra. JJ keened at Emily’s hands trailing up and down her sides, her fingertips caressing her muscular stomach before tugging delicately at JJ’s fly. 

“Can I?” Emily asked. 

“Yes.”

JJ then awkwardly shuffled her pants off, the motion feeling decidedly unsexy. But, Emily was doing the same thing, undoing her belt and kicking off her black jeans onto the floor. 

The air was warm, so JJ did not shiver despite the only thing between her and the air being her boxer shorts and socks. JJ leaned forward, planting a series of kisses onto Emily’s lips before travelling lower and sucking on her pink nipple. 

It was different than JJ expected, but she welcomed it. She flicked the metal with her tongue and felt immense satisfaction as she heard Emily moan and smiled as Emily’s hands pulled at her hair. Then, Emily’s arms grabbed her waist firmly, and JJ was suddenly flipped onto her back before she even knew what was happening. 

With JJ pushed forcefully onto the mattress, Emily smirked down at her, clearly aware that the blonde was completely and utterly at her mercy.

“What do you want, Jareau?” Emily whispered into JJ’s ear, making her buck. JJ could barely speak, her thoughts coming out in a whimper. “Use your words.”

“P- please,” JJ managed. 

This was more than enough for Emily, who tugged at the waistline of JJ’s underwear and pressed an open-mouthed kiss on her hip bone. 

“We don’t have to,” Emily said, still somehow coherent even after all of that. “We can stop any time.”   
  


“If you stop, I think I might actually die,” JJ said between breaths. 

“Can’t have you dying on me,” Emily whispered into her skin, “That wouldn’t work with what I have planned for you.”

Emily looked up at JJ with a feral look in her eye, and JJ knew that if Emily felt the crotch of her boxers, she would know exactly how ready JJ was for her. 

All of JJ’s anxieties washed away as Emily’s talented fingers traced complex patterns on JJ’s skin, teasing beneath her waist band and caressing her in a gentle, yet confident manner. JJ was quivering under the sensation, her brain only managing to tangle her hands in Emily’s hair, tugging at the black locks as she squirmed. 

Without even touching JJ where she desperately wanted her to, Emily had her begging for it. Then, as soon as JJ began to seek contact with the leg that Emily had pressed between JJ’s two open ones, grinding against her thigh, Emily’s hand finally went lower. 

Fingers trailed down from JJ’s belly button, first gracing her hip bones, before hovering over JJ’s core. But, in a cruel twist of fate, she pulled her hand out entirely.

JJ’s eyes opened, looking up at Emily with confusion plain on her face. Emily grinned down at her.

“Take these off,” Emily said, tugging on JJ’s waistband lightly. “I want to see all of you.”

JJ obeyed instantly, pulling them down before kicking them off. Emily’s hands were on her instantly, her fingers lightly feeling JJ’s wetness. The blonde gasped at the contact, but her exclamation was caught in Emily’s mouth as she pressed a desperate open-mouthed kiss onto JJ. 

Emily’s fingers moved slowly at first, running her fingers through the folds, as she kissed JJ tenderly. JJ kissed back, desperately trying to convey her feelings, but Emily’s talented combination of tongue in her mouth and fingers on her clit was sending fireworks through JJ’s neurons. 

Worried that she might come embarrassingly early, JJ tried to centre herself, focusing more on the feelings of Emily’s hair between her fingers and the smell of her perfume that filled her senses. 

Then, Emily dipped one finger into JJ, causing her to gasp out at the sensation. Before JJ got used to the feeling, she pulled out, adding a second finger with ease. Moving them in and out, Emily started a slow, but satisfying rhythm.

“You’re so wet,” Emily's breathy voice whispered into JJ’s ear. “Is this for me?”

JJ nodded desperately, unable to speak. 

“Good.”

Emily’s thumb pressed down confidently on JJ’s clit, a firm touch that made JJ buck. She was sensitive, farther along than she expected to be. 

With one hand braced behind JJ’s head, Emily was half propped up above her. Her other hand was speeding up, pumping in and out of JJ as her thumb caressed the bundle of nerves.

After a minute, she slowed, letting JJ catch her breath a little. At least, that’s what JJ’s lust addled brain thought, but instead, her fingers focused right onto JJ’s clit, rubbing in circles, using JJ’s own wetness to make the motion effortless and pleasurable. 

“Oh god,” JJ whimpered.

“God? That’s so formal. You can just call me Emily.”

JJ would have laughed, if her girlfriend didn’t choose that exact moment to change her movements. She rubbed back and forth, then up and down, and the pressure made JJ tense up and gasp. 

“There!” JJ cried out, “Like that.”

As she grew wetter, Emily’s slick fingertips that were rubbing in a rhythmic motion felt better and better. JJ began to thrust against the feeling, dizzy as the sensations intensified, her brain thinking little more than of the all-encompassing motions. 

“I’m gonna-” JJ gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Emily’s breathing came heavier and heavier, loud in JJ’s ears. 

“You’re so pretty like this, Jennifer,” Emily panted. “All riled up. Begging for me to touch you.”

JJ’s hips jerked helplessly against Emily’s hands, her hands tugging at Emily’s hair, pulling her closer, demanding more.

Then, the dam broke and JJ was coming with an intensity she had never thought was possible. It started in her toes, a tingling that rushed up her body, pulsing as she desperately thrusted. She choked on her breaths, her chest heaving. 

“Emily, Emily, Emily,” JJ repeated like a mantra, the name the only thing on her mind as ecstasy flowed through her veins.

Emily caught her pink lips with hers, kissing her deeply as JJ twitched and saw stars. Fingers slowed, but didn’t stop, and smaller peaks followed as JJ came down from her high. They rubbed through her folds slowly, drawing the pleasure out for as long as possible.

When she was finished, JJ had to wipe at her watering eyes and gulp in the air. She realized she had held her breath right before her orgasm hit her, that or Emily made her actually dizzy. 

“Wow,” JJ gasped. 

“Wow is right,” Emily agreed. She rolled off of JJ, laying on her side next to the blonde. She propped her head up in her left arm and was looking at JJ with a soft expression. 

Emily licked JJ’s wetness off her fingers, maintaining eye contact the entire time, almost making JJ come a second time at the sight of it

With the smell of sex in the air, JJ felt completely spent. She was basking in the floaty feeling that had overtaken her limbs, but knew she needed to fight it to pay Emily back. 

Their eyes locked, and the understanding of a greater intimacy passed over them. There was a distinct difference between their long make out sessions and Emily being fully inside her, and instead of feeling shy about it, JJ felt closer to her girlfriend. She wasn’t embarrassed at letting go, at revealing all of herself, because she felt safe in Emily’s arms. 

JJ rolled on top of Emily, her turn to pin the other girl down on the soft bed sheets. 

She was dying to see Emily Prentiss lose her composure at her hand. Emily, who always unconsciously sat up straight, who JJ knew was expected to stay put together, was already flushed and biting her lip, excited at the prospect of JJ’s ministrations. 

Starting with Emily’s breasts, which JJ decided she was absolutely obsessed with, she licked down from Emily’s collar bones before planting kisses on the curve of her cleavage. Swirling her tongue around the nipples, she sucked the pink peaks into her mouth. 

Hands stroking up and down Emily’s sides, JJ tried to focus on the quiet gasps and moans that escaped her mouth. Experimenting, she grazed her teeth lightly along Emily’s skin, nibbling at the tender flesh as she went lower. 

Her muscles strained slightly as she hovered on top of Emily, straddling the taller girl. She steadied herself by gripping Emily’s thighs, relishing their softness. Instead of being slim with muscle, Emily’s body was softer and JJ wanted to kiss every inch of it. 

She dragged her tongue over her stomach before coming to a stop over Emily’s centre. JJ looked up, making eye contact with Emily as she spread her legs, guiding them open with a tender grip on her girlfriend's thighs. JJ quickly removed Emily’s black panties. 

Emily opened up willingly, bending her knees slightly and her right hand coming to grip JJs hair, tugging it lightly in a way that said: “come on already.”

JJ licked tentatively up Emily’s centre, tasting the other girl and getting situated. Emily gasped out at the content, which made JJ feel less nervous. Emily was clearly already worked up and was  _ wet.  _

With her face buried between her legs, and her hands  _ definitely _ leaving marks on her thighs as she kept them still despite the other girl’s squirming, her senses were filled with nothing but Emily. 

She pulled back after a minute to look up and lock eyes with Emily. Her mouth was open and she was breathing heavily. Her normally tamed hair was wild and her forehead had the visible sheen of sweat. Her lips were swollen from kissing. She had never looked more beautiful. 

Enjoying the way the girl reacted to each of her touches, JJ watched as Emily arched when she sucked at her clit, but sighed when she licked up and down. Most interestingly, she whined when JJ moved away to focus on kissing her inner thighs. 

She couldn’t help but think about how much it boosted her ego that she had gotten Emily so excited. 

When JJ added her hands into the mix, Emily whimpered. JJ inserted one, then two fingers easily as Emily was more than ready for her. As JJ combined a steady pace with her right hand, and a circular motion with her tongue, Emily let out a drawn out moan.

She worked at Emily for a few minutes, varying her efforts and trying to respond to Emily’s reactions. The velvety feeling of Emily’s core was incredibly soft, and she opened up readily to accept JJ’s third finger. 

Despite this, Emily’s hand pulled on JJ’s hair, telling her to stop. JJ looked up at her in confusion.

“You need to relax,” Emily chided. “This isn’t a race.”

JJ relaxed. She had worried, for a moment, that she had hurt her girlfriend by mistake. Emily pulled JJ’s hair more, guiding her up and down until their lips collided. With their naked bodies pressed together, JJ stuck her leg between Emily’s so that the girl could grind on her leg, continuing her pleasure. 

Knowing that Emily could taste herself on JJ’s lips, the blonde slid her tongue in Emily’s, deepening the kiss. 

Then, Emily guided JJ’s hand between her legs, encouraging JJ to continue. Slightly awkwardly, because of the angle, she went back to rubbing at Emily’s clit. Instead of hearing her reactions from a distance, Emily’s gasps and grunts were right in her ears. 

Their kissing was tender and gentle as JJ settled into a steady up and down motion, her fingers purposeful. Emily’s hips bucked and moved at each movement, and she made sure JJ knew exactly what was working for her.

“You look so hot, Emily,” JJ whispered.

Emily gasped out, squeezing her eyes shut.

“You look so good like this,” JJ continued, her own breath coming out in gasps. “So perfect.”

“ _ God, JJ!”  _ Emily gasped out. 

A wave rocked her body, and JJ watched in excitement as the typically composed woman came apart in her arms. Her eyes shut and her mouth opened in a perfect O. Her muscles clenched and released as the orgasm rocked through her body. 

JJ guided her through it, her fingers continuing to move as Emily shuddered. Then, as she relaxed, with her head thrown back onto the pillows, JJ lifted her hand up. 

In an exaggerated motion, JJ licked her fingers, knowing Emily was watching her with bleary eyes. She tasted  _ amazing.  _ Slightly salty, sweet smelling. Emily’s half-lidded eyes gazed at JJ as she did so, and a part of JJ preened with her achievement. 

JJ gathered Emily’s yellow ochre fuzzy blanket from the base of the bed and wrapped it around both of them, trying to trap the heat of their bodies before the adrenaline wore off and the chill of the room got to them. 

Then, JJ pressed kisses to every visible part of Emily’s face: on her forehead, cheeks, nose, then right on her lips, in absolute ecstasy at the ability to do so. 

“That was fun,” Emily murmured, “We should do that again sometime.”

Over the course of their activities, the sun had long since set. Street lamps were on and the only people out on the street were bundled up students on their way to or from the library. 

“So much for focusing on studying,” JJ joked, rolling over so she could retrieve her water bottle. She gulped some down before offering it to her girlfriend. 

“Sleeping’s good for the brain, anyway,” Emily retorted, “and I know I’ll get a good sleep tonight.”

As JJ placed the water bottle onto the side table next to Emily’s bed, she felt the taller girl’s arms wrap around her, pulling her close. JJ relaxed fully into Emily’s embrace, feeling totally at peace. 

* * *

An alarm blared. Not only did it startle JJ awake, it made her leap up into a crouch, ready to defend herself from whatever attacker had burst into Emily’s room. Luckily, it was not, in fact, an intruder. Rather it was the fire alarm screeching bloody murder.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Emily took a second longer to wake up, but did not look any less confused. Her hair was messy from sleep and her face was pale in the darkness.

“What the fuck?” Emily muttered. 

JJ craned her neck up and looked to the source of the sound: the built-in fire alarm that was simultaneously broadcasting the alarm in every room in their residence, the sound echoing across the campus. 

Both girls scrambled onto their feet, Emily struggling with unwrapping herself from the blankets. After their activities earlier in the night, both girls had fallen asleep naked, so each were blindly grabbing clothes off the floor. 

JJ found a pair of sweatpants and what looked to be a black sweater that she thought was her own, before putting her shoes on without socks. She then grabbed her coat and tugged that on top. 

Emily must have done the same, but in a stroke of genius, she also grabbed her fuzzy blanket off the top of her bed and wrapped it around her shoulders like a cape. 

They both joined the other students who were leaving the dorm en masse, quickly filing out of the building in relatively orderly lines. 

“Do you smell smoke?” JJ whispered to Emily, who’s eyes widened. She nodded. 

JJ was dazed by the unexpected early-morning wake up call, and didn’t really think too much about emerging from Emily’s room at four am until later. 

They all congregated in a mass of bodies across the street. They were standing on the lawn of a nearby residence—a newer one with large plate glass windows and funky architecture. JJ shivered against the cold night air. She was exhausted, her legs feeling like noodles, so she decided to lean her head on top of Emily’s shoulder. 

JJ and Emily seemed to be one of the last to leave and were closer to the road. Close to two hundred students, JJ guessed, were milling about, murmuring in confusion as the late night fire alarm forced them out of their rooms. 

JJ looked back across the street to her building, peering into the dark sky, wondering if her home was  _ actually  _ on fire. The brick building was covered in ivy and had large windows facing the street. Many lights were on, sending a warm orange glow that contrasted against the bluish nightscape. 

They had already had their fire drill, which had taken place at about five am on a balmy September evening, so the consensus seemed to indicate that it wasn’t another one of those. If JJ was any more awake, she would have pointed out that she did actually smell smoke, but leaning on Emily’s shoulder was much more appealing than talking to the strangers that surrounded her. 

Emily wrapped her blanket around JJ slightly, and her arm came to rest around JJ’s waist in a comforting motion. JJ was starting to worry about the possibility of a fire. She really hoped that it would be another false alarm, like the ones that plagued the large residence by the field, which had a problem with all of the annoying students pulling the alarm to cause mayhem. 

Just about all of JJ’s worldly goods were in her room that she shared with Penelope, so she begged the universe for it to be simply a prank. 

“Em! JJ!” Penelope called out as she elbowed her way through the crowd. JJ’s head shot up and she stepped back from Emily. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” JJ snarked, rubbing her eyes.

“Nice sweater, Emily,” the computer science student said, cheerily, as if it was not the middle of the night. Knowing her sleep schedule, JJ wondered if she had actually been awake the whole time, tapping away at her computer working on some code. That was probably their biggest issue as roommates: dealing with their completely opposite sleep schedules. 

This comment made JJ glance at her girlfriend’s— _ wow! she could say that now _ —sweater and her eyes bulged as JJ realized it was her high school soccer sweater and ‘East Allegheny High’ was emblazoned across her chest. Emily looked down, then pulled her blanket onto her chest to hide the evidence.

“Thanks,” Emily muttered. JJ knew that if it wasn’t dark, they would probably have caught her blushing at the comment. 

“Jennifer,” Penelope said cheekily, “you didn’t come back to our room. Have something to say?”

“Why wouldn’t you go back to your room?” Spencer said as he appeared out from the crowd, with Derek following in his footsteps. He was wearing an adorable matching pyjama set under his coat. He looked confused at Penelope’s comment. “Were you studying in the common room or something?”

Next to him stood Derek, who was clearly  _ very _ amused at JJ and Emily’s predicament. 

“I-” JJ began but was cut off by the sound of sirens as a fire truck turned and tore down the street before parking in front of their residence. 

The crowd turned and watched as police cars joined them. JJ tensed. The police made her nervous. They brought back memories. There were a lot of flashing lights that evening when she was eleven. 

She could feel Emily’s eyes on her, as the rest of the crowd watched the firefighters jump off of their truck. 

Erin Strauss—one of the RAs in their dorm—jogged across the street, flanked by two other RAs that JJ didn’t know the names of, and spoke with the firefighters for a moment, handing them the keys to the residence building. 

“I hope this isn’t a prank,” Derek said, “I have a study group first thing in the morning, and I  _ need  _ my eight hours.”

“You barely need any beauty sleep, my hunk,” Penelope said, “you’re already delicious.”

“Oh, baby girl, you know exactly how to sweet talk someone,” Derek replied. 

Emily rolled her eyes at their flirting, but JJ had to wonder how much was put on and how much was real. 

The firefighters were inside, but JJ guessed that if there was a fire, it wasn’t particularly dramatic. The crowd, which had fallen silent at the arrival of the authorities, buzzed once again with nervous conversation and chattering teeth.

“What are the odds there’s a tornado warning and a fire in one semester,” Penelope said, “We just need an ice storm and an earthquake, and we’ll have the full set.”

“Well actually household fires are extremely common,” Reid said, “One in every three thousand households experience a fire. The National Fire Protection Association said that fire departments responded to a fire every 24 seconds in 2017. Tornados, on the other hand, have a one in four million five hundred and thirteen thousand chance of actually  _ hitting  _ a person. It really depends on where you are-”

“Yeah, pretty boy,” Derek said, cutting him off to interject. “We’re not in Tornado Alley right now.” 

“Very true,” Reid said, ignoring the interruption. “In states like Nebraska, Oklahoma and most famously Kansas, encountering tornados are drastically more likely. Around a thousand tornados hit the U.S. each year, but what we encountered was actually just high winds, as there was never an actual tornado.”

“Well this might be an actual fire,” Derek said, “which sucks.”

“I’ll show you suckin–”

“ _ Penelope!”  _ JJ scolded, shocked at the boldness of her roommate. Derek didn’t seem particularly fazed by her words, grinning over at her with a smitten look on his face. 

“Okay everyone!” A voice called out— the grating tone of the one and only Strauss—from the sidewalk facing them. “The firefighters have found the source of the fire. It has been put out, and it should be safe to go back inside.”

The firefighter standing next to her seemed a touch bored; he was reading something off of his phone in full gear, as his colleagues were climbing back onto the truck or speaking with the police officers. 

“Apparently there must have been an… accident in the kitchen, the damage was localized there. We will be investigating further in case of foul play.”

“Foul play?” Emily said, under her breath, “What is this, a prime-time cop show on CBS? Get over yourself — someone probably left a burner on.”

JJ couldn’t help but laugh, and stifled it with a hand over her mouth. 

“I like you in my clothes,” Emily whispered, her lips tickling JJ’s ears as she spoke. “It reminds me that you’re mine.”

JJ almost jumped back at the comment. Her face flushed and her heartbeat sped up. Memories of the last night flashed across her mind, which made a heat pool between her legs. 

She looked away to avoid further blushing and caught a familiar poof of red curly hair. 

Standing next to Grant Anderson, who was on the Water Polo team, was JJ’s teammate Kennedy Miller. She looked  _ very  _ on edge, anxiously looking around. JJ, for a second, thought about going over to her and asking what’s wrong, but the thought of walking and pushing through the crowd was not sounding good to her exhausted brain. 

She knew that Grant lived on the fourth floor, but it hadn’t occurred to her that Kennedy would be hanging out in her residence. Her soccer friends: Jordan, Kennedy and even Ashley Seaver all existed  _ separately  _ from the rest of her life. 

JJ didn’t have the energy to interact with Kennedy at that hour, so she buried her face in Emily’s shoulder for safety. She smelled the taller girl’s hair, relishing the earthy coffee and floral scent that had become so familiar to her. 

“Can we go to bed?” Someone yelled out from across the crowd. 

Strauss spoke to the crowd for another minute or so, but didn’t say anything substantial. She was stalling until they allowed the shivering crowd of exhausted college students back in at the very beginning of exam season. 

“My hands are cold,” Emily whispered to JJ. “Will you hold them?

“Come here,” JJ whispered back, knowing that Emily always seemed to be cold, no matter how hot it was inside, she needed a blanket or an extra sweater.

JJ took Emily’s hands in hers and leaned in close, no longer worrying about what her friends saw. It was too late to be shy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on tumblr @gravelyhumerus!!!! i love getting anons and talking about this fic please say hi


	17. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exams, pizza, board games... what more could a girl ask for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your patience as I took awhile to update this. hope you love this

“That was  _ a lot  _ of chess,” Emily complained, nearly chugging her latte as she and Spencer left the coffee shop. 

She pulled her beanie onto her head and braced herself for the snow as the taller boy held the door open for her. Emily almost slipped on the slushy tile floor on her way out but managed to keep her balance. 

“Fifteen of the multiple-choice questions to be precise,” Spencer replied. The salted sidewalk crunched under their feet as they made their way across campus. 

“I’m so glad it’s finally over,” she admitted. “I think I’ve had enough philosophy to last me a lifetime.” 

“I’m enrolled in ‘Minds and Machines’ next semester,” he said. “I think I might try and get a double minor this time around.”

“What’s the goal? Three PhDs by the time you’re 24?” Emily quipped. 

He was well on his way, having completed his engineering degree before she managed to graduate high school. He was 17, only two years younger than her, but somehow seemed like a  _ kid.  _ A kid with more education crammed into his brain than she could ever master in her life.

“Something like that,” he replied with a smile. His hair was getting long and he had tied it back during the exam. With last names starting with P and R, they were seated near each other in the large exam hall, and she glanced over at him as he fussed with his hair. 

They stopped at the red light, watching as the cars and busses wooshed past them, sending the slush flying into the snowbanks. It had been a fairly sunny day, but bitterly cold. Now, the sun was setting and the campus was bathed in a warm golden glow. The snow had fallen the night before, leaving fluffy white snow covering their campus. 

Emily had spent most of the day holed up in the library with Spencer, with him quizzing her on fallacies and philosophers. With his eidetic memory, he only really needed to read the material once. Earlier in the semester, she did feel useful when it came to editing each other’s essays. He always got bogged down with detail, word vomiting everything he knew, and she helped him with his structure and argumentation. 

More studying awaited her back in her room. She rubbed at the back of her neck as she thought about the upcoming evening spent hunched over her desk studying criminal justice, a subject that left her questioning her degree half the time as she was forced to learn about the muddled ethics of justice. 

That week, she had survived on minimal sleep, eating mostly bagels and coffee to sustain her. Her body was protesting with each step, and she had suffered from a constant tension headache for as long as she remembered. At least her college had that golden retriever walk around at the library yesterday, she thought to herself, sarcastically. Animal therapy definitely relieved all her stress. As if petting a dog for five minutes would fix the anxiety of finals season. 

_ Two more exams _ , she reminded herself. Y _ ou’ll make it. _

Despite this mantra, Emily was conflicted. While finals were killing her, the end of the semester also meant winter break. Emily would be forced to go “home” for the holidays. For  _ most _ college students, that meant going back to their respective towns and being surrounded by their loved ones. Emily, on the other hand, didn’t have anywhere she called home. Last winter break, her mom had at least been in DC, and Emily was able to catch up with some of her international school friends who were in the city. This time, her mom was stationed in London, and Emily knew she’d be roped back into her old life. She didn’t know anyone there and knew most of her break would be spent alone. 

The last place she had called home was Rome, and now that was tarnished by her complicated past with that city. 

Emily was good at being alone. Being an only child of a workaholic single mom meant she learned to keep her own company. She read a lot. She got good at running away, escaping her nannies, and skirting security in order to roam free. She’d be fine. 

The problem was that Emily had gotten used to  _ this. _ She rarely spent a moment alone these days. Whether it was walking to class with Spencer, or Hotch, or Derek, getting lunch with the team, surprise coffee dates with Penelope and spending almost every evening with her girlfriend, she hadn’t been left alone in ages. She didn’t miss it. 

Their residence building had a warm yellow light shining out of the windows and a soft red brick facade. In the summer, ivy grew up the south facing side but in the winter, the ledges were covered in snow and the stone steps were slippery. She trudged forward, excited for the warm embrace of the dorm. 

Spencer had other plans. He reached into the garish yellow plastic newspaper box that was stationed next to their doorway and retrieved this week’s newspaper. 

“Come on Reid,” Emily said. “Just subscribe to the newsletter or something like the rest of us.”

He held up the cover to her in surprise. Usually it reported the news of a recent sports victory, or a change of policy announced by the administrators, or even a fun event held on campus. Sometimes there was even a dramatic protest or an important speaker coming to campus. But this week, the headline surprised her. In large font printed across the page read: “Multiple student politicians fired amid financial scandal.” 

“That sounds bad,” Emily said. It  _ did  _ seem way more dramatic on newsprint than on a website, so maybe Spencer was onto something with his affinity for the printed word. 

Grabbing a copy for herself, she then walked inside to escape the cold. Warm air greeted them as they entered their residence hall, and both students kicked the snow off their boots before trudging up the stairs. They read as they walked, but the route to their rooms was already muscle memory, so neither worried about stumbling on their way. 

Normally, Emily wouldn’t  _ willingly _ touch this sort of student politics with a ten foot pole. Sure, she was involved with the Criminology council, but there was a difference between the kind of person interested in petitioning for better accessibility to faculty events or running a bake sale, and the kind of students to embezzle thousands of student dollars like what the current student government executive seemed to be accused of doing. 

She quickly ran her eyes down the page, the contents jogging a memory from Halloween, of Hotch and JJ discussing the early stirrings of said scandal. 

“You know,” Spencer said, “I’m surprised they got a lot of this information, it’s notoriously difficult to file FOIAs for student governments, as they’re technically private corporations. So the fact that they got these files means that this is a  _ much _ bigger scandal than one might assume.”

_ Corruption, bribery, embezzlement, nepotism.  _ All words that jogged memories of hiding in the corner of political fundraisers, overhearing the worst of politics from too-drunk elites sipping on their wine and munching on charcuterie. 

“I hate politics,” Emily said, stuffing her copy of the paper into her bag. 

“I find it interesting. It’s basically a microcosm of our current political climate. In fact, I have subscribed to the print edition of fifteen student papers in the region,” Spencer said, “I like to keep informed on the coverage of student issues, and compare them to our own.”

“ _ Why?!”  _ Emily said with a laugh. “You know you can just look them up online.”

Spencer gave her a withering look, and she should have known better than asking about his aversion to tech. He loathed having to use his computer, as the LCD screens apparently gave him a headache. Penelope even gave him a pair of blue light glasses to attempt to alleviate the issue.

Then, he began to speak, at length, about the dying printed news industry and why print copies were better for understanding than screens et cetera. She made sure to nod and hum at appropriate points, but her mind kept wandering. 

She wondered if her girlfriend was in her room. Emily missed her any time they were apart and she yearned to hold her in her arms once again. But she shouldn’t. She needed to work. She had too much to do. Her grades had slipped, slightly, this semester. Everyone warned her about how college would be harder than high school, but no one ever warned her how much the expectations were raised in second year. 

_ Two more exams. _ She clutched her coffee tighter. She’d rather do  _ anything _ else besides study at this point. Her body was exhausted, her mind frazzled. She wondered if she could even manage to get through a chapter of revision before conking out on her desk. 

As she said goodbye to Spencer and struggled with her keys that were tangled up in their corresponding university-branded lanyard, JJ’s door opened. 

“Hey girlfriend,” JJ greeted her, sounding way too much like a straight girl greeting her platonic friend for Emily’s taste. She gave her a pass because it sounded cute in her voice. 

“JJ!” Emily said, somehow surprised to see her despite the fact that she lived right across the hall. Her girlfriend was dressed in sweatpants and an oversized sweater, with her straight hair tucked behind her ears and her face bare of make up. Her face was lit up with a smile, and Emily rushed towards her, planting a soft kiss on her lips.

“Hi JJ,” Spencer said as Emily and JJ kissed. 

When they pulled apart, JJ gave Spencer a smile as a greeting and asked them how their exam went. 

Spencer babbled about their Logic exams for a minute or two, as Emily basked in JJ’s presence. She grabbed onto her hand and found that it was so much hotter than her own and wasn’t sure if she held on tight because she was cold, or if she had missed her girlfriend. 

“I’m just glad it’s over,” Emily said. “I never want to hear about fallacies again.”

Spencer seemed to want to say something, but fell silent at Emily’s tired expression. 

“Wanna come in for a bit?” JJ whispered in Emily’s ear. Apparently she said so a touch too loud because Spencer replied instead. 

“Sure!” he said, and then walked into JJ and Penelope’s room. 

“I should really study,” Emily tried to argue, but a single glance into JJ’s deep, blue eyes had Emily melting. 

JJ’s room was much messier than Emily had last seen it. Both desks showed clear markers of the ongoing exams, with papers and books piled high. In addition to this was an assortment of pillows strewn all over the floor.

“You guys are back early!” JJ said, after checking her watch, “I thought it was a two hour exam?”

“I finished in an hour,” Spencer said, “and Emily only needed an extra half hour on top of my time.”

_ Damn straight,  _ Emily thought, feeling somewhat competitive with the boy-genius despite herself. 

She really should study, but the prospect of seeing her girlfriend outweighed the desire to sit hunched over a textbook for another evening. 

Emily and Spencer kicked off their boots, placing them neatly on the mat by the door before peeling their jackets off and hanging them on the back of her door. Emily wasn’t sure if she liked winter. Whenever her mother was stationed in the Middle East she yearned for snow, but now that she was experiencing the Nor’easter for the first time, the desert sounded like a good time. 

“Well there goes my plan,” JJ said, blowing her hair out of her face with a puff of air.

Spencer flopped onto Penelope’s neatly-made bed, collapsing into the assortment of pink pillows while carefully keeping his take-away cup upright. Emily sat down next to JJ on her bed.

“Your plan?” Emily asked. 

“Yeah,” JJ said, sounding a bit shy. “I had this whole plan to make up a blanket fort here for you, and I would surprise you with it when you walked in.’”

JJ gestured with her hands at the mess. Blankets and pillows were strewn about, and a bundle of fairy lights were laying in the middle of the floor. 

“Then you came back early,” JJ concluded. “Spence, I thought you’d keep her occupied longer!”

“You didn’t tell  _ me  _ that,” he replied. Spencer looked quizzically at her, shrugged, then took another sip of his coffee.

“I just wanted us to have a cute date night,” JJ admitted. “I know you’re so stressed, and you deserve a break.” 

Emily grabbed her girlfriend’s moving hands and held them in her own. She felt overwhelmed. JJ was so… thoughtful. Caring. Attentive. So many things that were absolutely foreign to Emily. No one had ever tried to impress her like this. 

“It’s okay,” Emily said. “We don’t need anything special to have a cute date night.  _ You’re  _ cute enough.”

JJ gave Emily a goofy smile in response. 

“Okay,” JJ said. “If you say so.”

“You’re building a blanket fort?” Spencer asked. “I actually have some experience with blanket fort architecture.”

“You do?” JJ asked, raising her eyebrows skeptically.

“Of course,” he replied, seeming almost offended that she questioned him. “It sparked my interest in engineering. I wanted to overcome the problem of chair-tippage when it came to building the structure, so I devised a system of counter-weights that I found increased the structural integrity by 53%. My mom always told me that I could be an architect, but I thought the sciences better suited my intellect.”

“Oh?” Emily asked, genuinely interested. How would someone measure the structural integrity of a  _ blanket fort?  _

“Actually, I have some blueprints. Let me grab them,” he said, standing up and making a move for the door. 

“Of course you have blueprints,” JJ laughed. 

“I should probably go feed Gideon, anyway. I’ll be right back!” Spencer said. Before closing the door behind him.

“Gideon?” Emily asked. 

“His fish,” JJ said, “the one he won at the fair. It’s named after his professor, I think.”

She shrugged. The kid was weird, they tended to just accept that. 

“I guess Spencer’s joining us on date night,” JJ said. “Sorry. I know you’re stressed and probably want to be studying, but I thought we’d order pizza and just have one night off. Just us. And Spencer.”

JJ planted a firm kiss on Emily’s lips, leaving her dazed and blushing. 

“Relaxing sounds perfect,” Emily said, pulling her girlfriend closer to her. “I can’t believe it’s already exams. This semester has flown by. Soon it’ll be winter break, and I won’t get to see you.”

“I can’t imagine you  _ not _ being right across the hall,” JJ said. “Who will give me kisses when I want them?”

JJ kissed Emily, sucking on Emily’s bottom lip slightly before pulling apart to look at her. 

“I know you’re joking, but I hope you’re not kissing anybody else, no matter the circumstances.”

With that established, Emily pounced on her girlfriend, pushing her onto her bed and kissing her deeply. She intertwined her fingers in the blonde locks that were splayed out in a golden halo and breathed in deep, taking in the warm scent of the lilac candle that burnt on her night side table. 

All her worries melted away at JJ’s touch. Emily’s brain was filled with the feeling of JJ’s lips on hers, with her lithe form beneath her. Exams, student politics and thoughts of home were wiped away, and her stress faded into background noise. 

JJ’s pliant form writhed under Emily’s, her hands sneaking below Emily’s sweater and dancing over her back. They deepened the kiss until they were making out like teenagers in JJ’s dorm with the door still open a crack. 

This was how Spencer, accompanied by Derek, found them when they pushed open the door with blanket fort blueprints and bags of potato chips in hand. 

Spencer made a surprised noise, which made Emily aware of his return. She jumped up and pulled apart from JJ with a dark red blush gracing her cheeks. 

“Woah there ladies,” Derek said with a laugh. “Keep it in your pants!”

“ _ Guys!  _ I was gone for five minutes!” Spencer whined. 

Emily stood up awkwardly, stuffing her hands in her pockets as she watched JJ sit up and pat her hair down in a huff.

“Sorry,” Emily grumbled, not really meaning it. She would never be sorry for kissing JJ, but she was sorry for the awkwardness

“Pretty boy dragged me down the hall,” Derek said in explanation. He had Spencer’s rolled-up fort plans in his hand, and lightly smacked Emily’s head with it, making a comedic  _ thwap  _ noise as it made contact. “Hope you weren’t in the middle of something?”

“Only JJ’s legs,” Emily quipped to everyone’s surprise, even her own. JJ hit her jokingly and blushed. 

“Hey!” Derek laughed, “Let’s keep this PG!”

“ _ You called? _ ” The voice of Penelope Garcia—PG if you will—rang out from the hallway, and within seconds JJ’s room was filled with just about all their friends standing around in a slightly awkward silence: JJ, Emily, Spencer and Derek were joined by Penelope with Hotch in tow. 

The latter two of them had grown closer recently and walked into the room with white shopping bags with the walrus logo printed on the side, looking like they had just returned from out in the cold.  _ Penelope and Hotch going thrifting together, that’s new!  _ Emily thought to herself and decided to file the observation for later. The image of Hotch watching Penelope’s customary fashion show was enough to make her laugh under her breath. 

“We’re building a blanket fort,” Spencer announced, changing the subject to the task at hand. “Are you guys helping?”

“Oh you  _ know  _ I will, boy genius,” Penelope said with an excited smile. 

Emily looked over to her girlfriend. So much for date night.

* * *

Without much questioning about  _ why _ they were building a blanket fort, the team got to work. In college, sometimes things just happened. Impromptu blanket forts were par the course. In their defense, any excuse to not spend the evening burying their heads in textbooks was a welcome reprieve. 

It started with just a few blankets draped in the space between JJ and Penelope’s beds, but with Spencer’s instruction, a verifiable architectural marvel began to take shape. 

While Emily knew that Penelope would be all gung ho for this sort of project, it was certainly amusing to see Hotch in his khakis and dress shirt crawling around on the floor like a child with the rest of them, tying off blankets and very seriously maneuvering the different parts of the structure. 

Sheets were draped here and there, tied together to form ceilings and walls. Two chairs stolen from the common room, loaded with backpacks on the seat for support acted as the entrance to the fort. 

While it was crawling space only, Emily had to note that there was a sense of awe when you emerged into the open space of the main fort-area. It was surprisingly big, fitting all six of them with ease. The key to the whole design was a curtain rod Hotch had stolen from the boys shower that lifted the roof up. 

The design was strangely reminiscent of Baroque architecture, which she was sure was due to Spencer’s designs. This was a fact that Emily kept to herself. She always tried to rein in the ‘I lived abroad’ conversation points so her childhood could remain under minimal scrutiny.

Emily’s exhaustion transformed into excitement as she relished the time hanging out with her friends. Music played from Penelope’s computer as they worked, they began to work as a cohesive group, each member doing their share. It was nice to  _ do _ something besides sit at her desk and obsess over memorizing facts and statistics, or figuring out the proper argumentation for an essay on a subject. Making sure that a bunch of blankets didn’t crash onto them was treated with the utmost seriousness, and the whole group was focused with intense concentration at their own tasks. 

Spencer did, in fact, have  _ literal _ sketches of blanket forts in his notebooks, but the details of which were fairly incomprehensible to her. While she believed that he did the math, his chicken scratch was just about indecipherable, and his drawing was little more than a few shapes on a page. Despite this, it was laid out on the centre of the dorm-room floor for them to reference. 

At one point, as Emily stood on JJ’s wheely chair, she feared that the fort had all come crashing down as she lost her balance and grabbed at the blankets to stop her fall before tumbling onto Derek with a yelp. 

“Sorry,” she muttered as she climbed back onto her feet and fought off the blanket that had wrapped her in a shroud. 

She flinched as she realized she had ruined it all, a pit forming in her stomach. She looked at her friends in concern, but instead of yelling at her for her mistake, or shunning her for ruining it for the rest of them, they smiled at her and helped her up.

“It’s okay!” Spencer said cheerfully. “I know exactly how to reinforce that wall.”

“You okay, Emily?” Hotch asked, righting the wheely chair as JJ fretted over her. 

“I’m good,” she answered, still confused as to why they weren’t  _ mad _ at her. 

Instead of making a big deal over the set back, they went back to work. Soon, the fort filled out and it returned to its former glory. Arguably, better than it was because they had draped fairy lights throughout the inside, making the space glow with a warm orange light. 

Inside was filled with pillows and big enough for all of them to sit comfortably so it was a comfy lounge space. It was cozy and warm, the antithesis of the bitterly cold night air outside. 

“You know what?” Hotch said. “This is a damned good fort, Reid.” 

The group muttered in consensus. They all had piled into the space, and as the excitement wore off, Emily was wondering what happened next. What does one  _ do  _ in a blanket fort? She had vague memories of building one in her room, but she had just sat inside and read a book. 

“I hear the RA’s storage room has a  _ ton _ of board games,” Penelope said. “They pull them out for socials and stuff.”

“That’s all well and good, but we’re not asking Strauss to let us in,” Derek argued. “I still think she thinks we were responsible for that fire alarm last week. She’s been giving me the evil eye ever since.”

“Who said we had to tell her?” Emily said. “We could just… borrow… them…”

“I mean, they are for us to use, anyway.” JJ’s eyes had a mischievous look in them as she looked at Emily.

“That is true,” Hotch said, the scowl that was usually a fixture on his face turning to a smirk. 

“That’s stealing, guys,” Spencer warned, as if they didn’t already know that. 

“We’ll give them back,” Emily said with a shrug. “Come on!”

Penelope led the way to a dark wooden door on the main floor, it was labelled simply “Storage,” but the computer science student assured them that it was where the RA’s stored all of their supplies.

“It’s locked,” Penelope huffed.

“Do you have a bobby pin?” Emily asked her in a hushed voice. She wouldn’t have gotten this far if she hadn’t learned how to pick simple door locks. She had trouble with deadbolts but a simple latch she could probably do within a couple of minutes.

The blonde pulled a hot pink bobby pin out of her perfectly curled hair. Emily snapped it into two, bending one end into a longer L-shape. Sticking that into the bottom of the lock and holding it in place, she used the other side to feel for the pins that held the lock in place. 

Emily could feel all eyes on her as she confidently knelt in front of the doorknob, the group keeping watch for her as she worked. No one questioned how or why Emily knew how to do this. She had her reasons. 

This definitely broke all sorts of residence rules and if they got caught, they knew they’d get into shit, but no one seemed to care  _ that _ much. They just wouldn’t get caught. 

After a couple minutes, Emily’s hands began to sweat. What if she couldn’t do this anymore? She tried to centre herself. She had made it through infinitely more stressful situations in the past. It was the eyes of her friends on her that made her nervous. She was finally accepted by a group, and she desperately didn’t want to let them down. 

Then, it clicked, and she was able to turn the brass knob easily. Emily made a noise of excitement, got to her feet and yanked the door open. 

Instead of an empty storage closet, on the other side of the door was Erin Strauss, their RA, in a passionate embrace with David Rossi. Her shirt was unbuttoned and he was in the middle of sucking on her neck. 

“Dave?!” Hotch called out, startling the couple. 

Both groups stood stock-still, neither knowing what to say. While Emily had hid the bobby pins, she wasn’t sure who was in more trouble, them for breaking into the room or their RA for using the space for unofficial purposes. 

The room was small and cramped, with a pile of poster board mostly obscuring the one small window that lit the space. Strauss had been hoisted onto the desk, her legs straddling the other student. Emily could see a shelf filled with the board games stacked on the left side of the room, but they seemed unimportant at the moment. While Emily had  _ known  _ about their illicit love affair, she had never expected to  _ see  _ it in action. 

“Hey guys,” Rossi said after a moment, his unwavering confidence carrying on to this moment as he pulled apart from Strauss, who was furiously buttoning up her shirt and trying to sort herself out. 

“ _ What _ are you all doing in here?” she demanded, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. “This room’s meant for RA’s  _ only.” _

“Well,” Emily said, startled by her own audacity, “Dave isn’t an RA so…”

“We just came for some board games,” JJ said in her most diplomatic voice, despite clearly wanting to laugh at the situation, “then we’ll be off.”

“Take them and go,” the RA said in a strangled voice, her face beet-red and as she avoided eye contact like it was the plague. 

Clearly not as embarrassed as Strauss, Rossi simply smirked, collected a few board games into his arms off of the shelf, then deposited them into Emily’s arms. 

Realizing that given the circumstances, they couldn’t be picky with their choices, the stunned group thanked him then scurried away, back upstairs with their loot. The silence remained until they made it back to their floor, where they all burst into laughter.

“What on earth was  _ that?!”  _ Derek exclaimed. 

“Rossi and  _ Strauss,”  _ Spencer muttered. 

Emily and JJ made eye contact, remembering all those weeks ago when they had caught their friend emerging from the RA’s room down the hall in the middle of the night. They had known that Rossi and Strauss had hooked up that night, but had no idea that it was a whole  _ relationship. _

“I see it,” Hotch commented. “I mean, I don’t know your RA too well, but Rossi likes a woman with authority.”

Derek and Emily fake-gagged in an exaggerated manner at the comment. 

“I think I need to bleach my eyeballs after that display,” Emily muttered. 

“Ooo-kay!” JJ said, pointedly changing the subject. “It seems like we have most of the pieces to Clue… I think we could manage a game of that. We also have Scrabble, Yahtzee and Snakes and Ladders. Uh… also a pack of cards.”

“At least it’s not chess,” Emily said, thinking about her seemingly endless exam that afternoon. 

“Agreed,” Spencer said. 

“We do not have chess, no,” JJ said with a quizzical laugh. 

* * *

After ordering a couple of pizzas to the dorm, they all settled in to play a board game. After a few minutes of debate, they decided to play Clue (or Cluedo as Emily continuously referred to it as). The board was laid out: it was vintage, with a teal and yellow colour scheme and some scuffs and rips showing its age. In their blanket fort, they were seated in a circle, all secretly looking at their Clue cards.

“Can I be Professor Plum?” Spencer asked before they had even gotten the pieces out of the box. 

“Of course pretty boy,” Derek said, “I’ll take Mr. Green.”

“My sculpted god of thunder looks  _ excellent  _ in green,” Penelope flirted, choosing the white piece for herself. 

“Did you know that in the original version of Clue, Mr Green was a Reverend, but they changed his name for American audience because they believed that the American public would object to a parson as a murder suspect?”

“Good thing you’re on  _ our _ trivia team, Reid,” Hotch replied. 

Emily was Miss Scarlet, of course, and was seated right next to JJ, who had chosen to portray Mrs. Peacock. Hotch claimed the remaining piece: Colonel Mustard.

Emily  _ loved  _ board games. Her nanny in France, who was a kindly elderly woman that Emily only knew as “Madame,” would play with her each Sunday after church. She has hazy memories from that time, but the warm glow of sunlight streaming into their Parisian apartment as she learned how to play Cluedo. Emily would always try to cheat, but knew better than to try to do so with her immensely observant girlfriend seated to her left, JJ’s hand resting casually on Emily’s thigh.

She looked at her cards and grinned. She had been dealt her own character, she noted, as Miss Scarlet’s name was printed in bold on the top of her first card. It felt weirdly validating to know that she herself was innocent. Also in her hands were the cards for the candlestick and pistol, as well as the observatory. She marked these off of her card and tried to gauge her opponents' reactions. 

JJ was checking her phone with her cards face down, tracking the pizza’s arrival. Spencer was sprawled back, his long legs taking up way more room than was necessary, jotting down notes on some scrap paper. Presumably some statistics and probability for the possibilities of the cards that were sealed in the envelope in the centre of the board. Penelope smiled over at Derek and flirtatiously tried to sneak a peek at his hand. 

After the initial rounds being dedicated to moving around the board, Emily finally made it into her first room: the lounge. There, she decided on her first suggestion.

“I suggest,” Emily said, in her most dramatic, formal voice, which was particularly suited to the role of Miss Scarlet, “that Mrs. Peacock committed this  _ heinous  _ crime in the Lounge with-” she hurriedly grabbed the candlestick, “the candlestick!”

She knew that it wasn’t the correct weapon, but using it would narrow it down to someone ruling out either JJ’s character or the lounge as the scene of the crime. 

“Moi?!” JJ said, sounding almost offended at the accusation. “Your  _ own  _ girlfriend?!”

Emily grinned evilly at her, but internally she felt giddy. It was the first time she heard JJ use that word in front of their friends. JJ moved her piece into the Lounge. The others chuckled lightly at their antics.

“You have no alibi for the crime, Mrs. Peacock,” Emily said, “and I am merely making a suggestion.”

JJ glared at her, but said nothing. Emily turned to Derek, who was seated at her left. 

“What do I do?” Derek asked, looking around the room, slightly confused. 

“Do you have any of those cards?” Hotch asked. 

“Yeah-” Derek said, moving to show his hand. 

“No!” Penelope stopped him. “Just show one of your cards to Emily if you can prove her suggestion was wrong.”

He made an “o” with his mouth and sneakily showed Emily the Lounge card. Emily noted that, and that it was Derek’s card. Mrs. Peacock had yet to be proven innocent, and Emily gave JJ a suspicious glance. 

She loved this game. 

As the game progressed, Emily noted a few things about her opponents. A part of Emily was profiling her friends subconsciously, reading each of their strategies like a book. 

Penelope always seemed to luck out on her dice rolls, covering a lot of terrain and gathering information like it was a cup of tea. But, she seemed to take it personally when someone accused Mrs. White of having killed Mr. Boddy and gasped every time someone made that suggestion. 

Hotch seemed to take the game very seriously, and was at it like he was an actual police officer solving crime. But, it didn’t seem that he completely understood all of the rules, and definitely hadn’t played before, so he spent most of his turn grumbling as he skimmed the rule pamphlet. 

Spencer, on the other hand, had memorized the rules, common strategies and probabilities of the different outcomes, so Hotch often looked over to him nervously as the boy wrote longhand equations in the notebook that he pulled out of his bag for the very occasion. 

Derek also had never played before, and regularly made ‘accusations’ rather than ‘suggestions’ when he entered a room, frustrating Spencer to no end. But, Derek was smart and seemed to be picking it up as he went along. That was until he made the same suggestion twice in a row, both times making Hotch show him the exact same card. He asked Reid endless questions about specific rules, and more than once he made the boy double check in the rule book when Derek tried to make a rather unorthodox move. 

JJ seemed to be the only one genuinely trying to have fun. She munched on the Cheetos that she stored in the bottom drawer of her night stand, and made conversation. Her strategy seemed to be exclusively focused on playing the game like it was the 1985 feature film  _ Clue,  _ playing the role of Mrs. Peacock with a fake accent and treating it like an actual murder-filled dinner party.

After a solid twenty minutes of gameplay, the pizza arrived. With minimal grumbling from Hotch, who was apparently on a roll, they took a break to eat. 

“Did you see this?” Spencer said with his mouth full, lifting up the copy of the newspaper that he had grabbed earlier.

“Don’t get me started,” JJ grumbled and took a sip of her pop. 

“What happened?” Hotch asked, the conversation piquing his interest. 

Spencer explained—with the assistance of JJ who apparently knew one of the people involved through soccer—the entire scandal. Apparently, last year there had been very little interest in the leadership roles, so the President of the student government had simply waltzed into his role. He then hired all of his friends, his girlfriend, his roommate, and together they embezzled thousands of dollars of student funds. 

“I can’t believe they’re getting away with this,” JJ muttered. “Is there no oversight?”

“It’s always the same,” Emily replied. “Who’s going to oversee them? The college? They’re corrupt too.”

“This sucks,” Derek said. “Wish someone  _ good _ would run for government, for once.”

Emily shook her head in frustration. It all just reminded her of her childhood. Embezzlement, corruption and nepotism all were casual topics discussed over family dinner in her home. She had higher hopes for students her own age, would they not break the cycle? Or was it just a microcosm of the outside world? 

“You should run Mr. Lawyer Man,” Penelope teased Hotch. “You could take any of these clowns.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow at her and went back to his pizza, brushing her off. Emily smiled at him. Penelope was right, he might actually do a good job if he set his mind to it. 

The people that surrounded her now were nothing like her mother’s friends—or the kids she had been forced to hang out with when she was younger—they were genuinely kind, supportive, and seemed to like Emily for Emily. When she told them she was an ambassador’s daughter, they had been more concerned with the cool places that she had been able to travel to than whatever power she had. At college, Emily finally exhaled fully, slowly relaxing more and more into herself. 

But, the topic of politics always set her on edge, especially since the semester was ending soon. Her mother had already begun to leave her voicemails about the galas, fundraisers and events that she was required to attend over Christmas break. She pushed thoughts of the future aside and focused on the warmth that surrounded her. With some music playing softly (a song that JJ liked by Vampire Weekend), the softness of blankets under her, and JJ leaning on her slightly as she ate her dinner, Emily felt at peace. She knew she could handle winter break, because she knew that these friends would be here when she came back. 

After years of leaving a school midway through the year only to show up to some new boarding school or international school each time her mom was reassigned, Emily never had a chance to put down roots. But, with each bite of pizza, Emily felt herself becoming even more firmly rooted. Not to this place, but to these people as their lives became more entwined. 

Once dinner was over, the game continued, and thoughts of politics left their minds. By then, Emily narrowed it down to the weapon (the candlestick), two rooms (the kitchen and the billiard room) and she was pretty sure that it was Colonel Mustard that had committed the crime. 

She had a decision to make: walk all the way from the study to the billiard room, or risk being wrong by making an accusation. She was pretty sure both Hotch and Reid were on the right track, as the younger boy’s scribbling in his notebook had gotten even more intense and the older boy was beginning to look around suspiciously, as if the others were trying to read his notes. 

She had pretty much ruled out Penelope, JJ and Derek as competitors, as the trio spent most of the time talking, and genuinely trying to have fun. Emily, Reid and Hotch were all  _ way  _ too into it, but Emily was competitive and this was her  _ game.  _ She wasn’t going to lose to Hotch, no way. Reid winning she could blame on his boy-genius nature, but Emily decided that Hotch was going down. 

The two boys seemed to have come to the same conclusion, all eyeing each other across the board, the tension palatable between them as their competition became heated. 

She nervously tried to move to the billiards room, deciding to play it safe. Better safe than disqualified. But, as soon as she made that decision, she regretted it as Spencer straightened up on his turn and said: “I’d like to make my accusation.”

“Write it down,” JJ prompted, as per the rules. He jotted it down in his paper. 

Then, with bated breath, they watched as he grabbed the envelope out of the centre of the board, and read the cards. His face fell when he saw one of the cards, so he must have been wrong. He placed them back into their envelope and back onto the board. 

“No dice?” Emily asked. 

He shook his head. 

“Statistically speaking that should have been right,” he grumbled. “My math was wrong.”

“Boy genius isn’t a good detective, huh?” Penelope mused. 

A few turns went by, with Derek, Penelope, and JJ moving around the board or making suggestions. 

Emily rolled the dice, making one square from a room. She sighed. She’d make a suggestion next round. 

On Hotch’s next turn, he made an accusation, which he wrote down on a pink sticky note that Penelope had handed out when the game started. He checked the envelope. 

Emily held her breath. She was sure he had it and that the game was over. She should just call it quits now. She went to bite her nails out of stress, but stopped herself, they were starting to get long and she wanted them to look nice. 

A moment passed as Hotch compared his cards. After he saw the third card in the envelope, his expression revealed that was also wrong. 

_ Boys, _ Emily thought.  _ Always so overconfident.  _

She made a suggestion instead of risking it: “Miss Scarlet—er myself I guess— in the Billiards Room with the pistol.” 

It was a gamble. If she was right, and the people who knew she had her own card and the pistol caught on, they would also know that it was the Billiard Room, because no one would be able to disprove her theory. If she was wrong, someone would have the card for that room, and she would know that the crime occured in the Kitchen. 

The second seemed to be true, as Derek showed her his card with a small illustrated image of the Billiard Room on it. She was right. She knew what it was. But, she would have to wait until her next turn. She was going to win. 

But, it was she who was overconfident, because as she was too busy preemptively celebrating her win, Derek casually made his accusation. 

“Hey I’m right!” he exclaimed, holding up the cards and his own hot pink sticky note. 

In his semi-cursive scrawl read: “Colonel Mustard, Candlestick, Kitchen.” These guesses matched the cards hidden in the envelope, and Emily’s own deduction that she planned to make on her own turn. 

“You guys really thought I hadn’t played this game before?” Derek laughed. “I’ve got two sisters, board games were  _ everything.” _

“Were you hustling us, Morgan?” Spencer demanded. 

He smirked. 

“Should’ve put money on the outcome,” Derek said with a laugh. “I’d be rich.” 

Emily threw her cards onto the table in defeat. JJ shot her an empathetic look, and Emily tried to stuff her frustration down to pat her friend on the back for the surprising win. He deserved it.

* * *

After the game concluded and the pizza had been completely eaten, the group parted ways, heading to bed, or for  _ more  _ midnight snacks or to finish up some studying, leaving JJ and Emily alone and to start? a game of Scrabble. 

The board was ancient, and quite a few letters were missing, but with music droning on JJ’s laptop, and the soft fairy lights overhead, neither girl minded too much. 

Emily looked at her letters: O, B, S, O, T, B, W and thought hard, rearranging the wooden pieces to try and formulate a word. After a long day of academia, and investing so heavily into the game of Clue, she probably had only one or two working brain cells and both were telling her to play the word ‘boobs.’ 

Her eyes flicked to her girlfriend, who looked absolutely gorgeous in the warm light. Her blonde hair almost glowed, and she had an adorable expression on her face. Emily couldn’t help but glance lower, thinking about the real world examples of her Scrabble word. 

She played the word with a cheeky grin. 

“‘Boobs,’ Emily?” JJ scolded. “Really?”

She sounded angry, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at her cheeks and Emily could tell the girl found it funny. 

“I can’t help it,” Emily said. “I haven’t thought of much else since last weekend.”

She raised and lowered her eyebrows in an exaggerated manner, making JJ laugh and kick her lightly in protest. 

JJ then played the word ‘throw,’ using the ‘o’ from ‘boobs’ to form her word, earning her thirteen points. 

“I don’t think you can throw boobs, babe,” Emily said. “They’re usually attached.”

JJ rolled her eyes. 

Emily made it her mission to find the funniest words possible, working extra hard (and missing out on some good points) in an effort to make JJ laugh. ‘Armpit,’ ‘meaty,’ ‘hoagie,’ ‘urine,’ ‘joint’ and her piece de resistance: ‘boner.’ All while JJ was playing incredibly normal, and often strategic words like ‘axis,’ ‘snow,’ ‘vain,’ ‘snag’ and ‘writings,’ hitting multiple double- and triple word scores on the way. 

“This is fun,” Emily said, sneaking a handful of JJ’s Cheetos out of the family-sized bag next to the blonde, while she was distracted by playing her turn. 

“I don’t understand how you’re winning,” JJ muttered. 

Emily shrugged, “Guess I’m just a genius.”

“Reid? Is that you?” JJ joked. “Why are you disguised as my girlfriend?” 

“Would Reid do this?” Emily said, leaning over toward her girlfriend and pressing kisses all over her face until she fell back. Then Emily straddled her, their lips meeting in a passionate embrace that left both girls panting. 

“I would  _ hope not!”  _ JJ exclaimed with a laugh, making a face at the thought. 

They laughed and went back to making out, with Emily careful not to disturb the game pieces. JJ sucked onto Emily’s bottom lip, making her weak in the knees and she struggled to support herself over JJ’s shorter frame at the motion. 

“We should-” Emily tried to say between kisses, “finish the game.”

JJ kept deepening the kiss, going so far as to grab onto Emily’s butt to hold her in place on top of her.

“You’re trying to distract me,” Emily chided, “because I’m  _ winning!  _ I see right through your plot.” 

She sat up and went back to her tiles before playing another funny word: ‘suck’ for twenty points. JJ grumbled,fiddling with her own tiles, as Emily collected a few out of the bag. 

Emily was preening as she rearranged her own tiles and didn’t notice as JJ put down her word. When she went to play her next word (‘zap’) and only then did she see what word JJ played. 

‘Love.’ 

It was there. Clear as day. Written vertically and connected to the word ‘snow,’ it was unmistakable. Emily looked at it for a long moment, trying to figure out what it could possibly mean that her girlfriend very intentionally played such a loaded word. Was it the only word that fit? Did she only mean that she loved the snow? Was she also reading into it? 

Emily looked up, making eye contact with JJ. The blonde blushed and looked away, nervously fiddling with the necklace around her neck. Emily smiled faintly at the warmth that flooded through her, but alongside that, was the sharp pang of anxiety. Was she supposed to acknowledge that? Would that make it weird? 

‘Zap’ didn’t feel appropriate when her girlfriend may or may not have confessed her love for her. 

She played it anyway, deciding that making a big deal of it would just complicate matters. Besides, did she love JJ? She didn’t know. It was all so  _ new.  _ She liked JJ a lot. She definitely  _ like-liked _ her in the traditional sense of the world. But Emily had never been in love before. She’d loved people before, Matthew for one, and her mother in a way, and she loved Derek like a brother. But being in love was a whole ‘nother ball game. 

JJ won the game after playing ‘equinox’ for twenty two points near the end, beating any lead Emily had gained from her silly words. JJ deserved it in the end, as the blonde would sit and stare at her letters until they formed the most complex words that Emily had never even heard of. Emily’s eyes drooped and she was barely able to create three letter words by the end, while JJ was still surprising her with her vocabulary. 

Emily shook JJ’s hand to congratulate her for the win. JJ grinned and kissed her. 

Then, they looked around and realized two things: it was past one in the morning and Penelope hadn’t come back to the room yet and that all of the blankets that JJ owned were currently being used in the blanket fort. 

“Can we sleep in my bed, tonight?” Emily asked. “I’ll help you clean up in the morning.” 

JJ nodded but was in the middle of texting Penelope, wondering where on earth her roommate had wandered off to. Within a minute she got back to JJ saying: with derek! will explain tmrw!! 😘 🧚♀️ 😳

JJ showed Emily the message and both girls giggled. Emily saw that coming, but didn’t realize it would be a game of Clue that finally sealed the deal.

Exhausted but happy and relaxed after the game night, Emily and JJ tumbled into Emily’s bed and cuddled up together. Between JJ and Emily, the word ‘love’ was left unsaid that night, but Emily fell asleep that night feeling a new warmth in her chest.


End file.
